The Name on the Marquee: Smoky Mountain Wrestling (12.17.1994)

-Originally aired December 17, 1994.

-Your hosts are Jim Ross & Les Thatcher. California sports agent Robert Q. Harmon is here this week to sign a deal for his client’s SMW Title match.

“Wild Eyed Southern Boy” TRACY SMOTHERS vs THE NIGHTMARE
-Smothers’ arm is so badly injured that he’s forced to wave his Confederate flag with his right hand. Bryant Anderson sits in on commentary, at which point commentary goes totally silent because Bryant’s mic isn’t working, and we’re spending the whole match listening to Jim Ross trying to fix it, which is the kind of thing that could have EASILY been fixed in post production.

-Dropkick by Smothers gets two as Bryant’s mic is finally working, and he sounds so much like his dad it’s scary. They slug it out until Smothers gets the upper hand. Corner charge misses, which Smothers hurting his already injured shoulder. Nightmare tries to capitalize by going to the top rope, but again, SMW rule #1 is that this never ends well for jobbers, and sure enough Nightmare gets slammed off the top, and Tracy whips out an STF to get the submission and send a message to Bryant.

-Bryant heads to the ring to tease a post-match brawl, but then he just walks away without incident.

-Robert Q. Harmon is here to get his contract signed for an SMW Title match signed. Harmon refuses to identify his client, saying there’s no need to if DWB insists he’ll fight anybody. DWB signs the contract and the match is set in stone for Christmas Chaos. And then Buddy Landel shows up for a sneak attack, assaulting DWB with the title belt and then tying a plastic bag around DWB’s head to suffocate him (with JR helpfully acknowledging that they’re ripping off the Ric Flair/Terry Funk feud).

-Tammy is still threatening to murder the cat if Boo Bradley screws up. Boots has two chances to get rid of Cactus Jack, either this week or at Christmas Chaos, or the cat gets it.

“Prime Time” BRIAN LEE vs BRIMSTONE THE INFERNO
-Why, it’s a veritable Cavalcade of Masked Jobbers this week. Inferno throws punches, but Brian Lee shrugs them and unleashes the shittiest backdrop ever to take control. Brian misses a corner charge and Inferno takes control, but Brian no-sells everything again. Brian fights back until Inferno takes control and goes to the top rope, and GUESS WHAT HAPPENS. Jobber gets slammed off the top. Top rope knee gets three for Lee.

CONFRONTATION WITH JIM ROSS
-Jim Ross tells the Rock & Roll Express that being managed by Jim Cornette is a huge career mistake. Express shakes it off, insisting that desperate times call for desperate measures. JR pulls out some notes and recaps the history of Jim Cornette vs. The Rock & Roll Express, going all the way back to a Mid-South TV taping in 1984, and by the time he’s done reading his notes, the Rock & Roll Express is regretting their upcoming match.

-Jim Cornette storms out, calling Jim Ross “a Rush Limbaugh-looking Mr. Wizard” and recaps all the times that the Rock & Roll Express spanked him, shoved his face into a cake, made him wear a dress, etc. Basically, his point is they’re dead even as of now, so they might as well work together.

DA GANGSTAS (SMW Tag Team Champions) vs STEVE SKYFIRE & BRIAN LOGAN
-Logan works the arm. Skyfire breaks the jobber curse by connecting with a top rope to the shoulder, but it was as part of an illegal double-team move, so it’s sort of a tainted accomplishment. Mustafa comes back, press slamming Logan and stomping away. Gangstas with multiple diving headbutts on Logan. Rocket launcher ends things.

-Da Gangstas think Rock & Roll Express are running scared and being managed by Corny just smells like desperation.

-Buddy Landel explains that he disappeared for two years because he’s saved his money so well that he could just sit back and wait for an opportunity that was worth his time. Buddy says that the reason he tied the plastic bag around DWB’s head is because he heard from Dirty White Girl that her husband is into that. Buddy says he’s proud to give the name “Nature Boy” meaning again now that Ric Flair has sullied the name by getting his ass handed to him by a bald old man in WCW. Holy shit, go find this promo, this was amazing.

CACTUS JACK vs. BOO BRADLEY (with Tammy Fytch (with a bag (with Boots the Cat in it)))
-Cactus slaps Boo around like he just wants to knock some sense into him. Boot to the head sends Bradley to the floor, and Cactus waits inside for…ha, just kidding, he somersaults onto Boo and drags him back in. Cactus rips and tears at his face, but Tammy uses the power of threatened animal abuse to bring Boo to life and he begins biting Cactus to take control.

-Slam by Boo, but Cactus fights back, and again, his offense is completely focused on Boo’s head. Referee gets caught in the middle of an over-the-top clothesline. Cactus finally pursues Ocham’s Razor as a solution, just going over to Tammy and stealing the bag with the cat to give it back to Boo. Boo misinterprets the action and attacks Cactus for trying to hurt the cat, and they brawl to a double count-out.

7.0

The final score: review Good

The 411

Another satisfying payoff to a "mystery wrestler" angle, as Mr. "Everyone Deserves a 93rd Chance" comes out and cuts a five-star promo and immediately positions himself as a main event player with one week to go before the big show. Cactus and Boo are having decent matches with a silly story (we don't need the damn cat, Cactus just wanting to rescue a guy who's getting bullied works just fine) and I kind of want to see them drag out the uneasy alliance of Cornette and the Express because it's really intriguing. Good week!