The Name on the Marquee: WWF Prime Time Wrestling (4.27.1987)

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-Originally aired April 27, 1987.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan.

TUXEDO MATCH: HILLBILLY JIM vs MR. FUJI
-I’m sure there was some sort of angle at the house show that would explain this, but with no context, it’s such a bizarre match, especially to open the show. Hillbilly stomps on Fuji’s hat, which gets Fuji all riled up and they began tearing each other’s shirts off. Fuji yanks off Jim’s jacket and whips him with it, and Jim sells it like a chairshot. This is bizarre for the added reason that they aren’t playing it as a comedy match, even. Gorilla is talking about the amount of skill it takes to remove a shirt from a moving body.

-Hillbilly dazes Fuji with a headbutt, then rips his pants off to get the victory. I was perplexed during absolutely every moment of this.

-Insight from the Brain:
GORILLA: What does Lelani Kai have to do to win the title in this next match?
BOBBY: She has to beat Moolah.

LADIES TITLE: FABULOUS MOOLAH (Champion) vs LELANI KAI
-Vladimir sighting! Do a shot. This match is weird because they’re just throwing it out there as a random title match when they could easily take an extra minute and build a story by mentioning that Moolah is Kai’s former manager. Moolah would turn face later in the year out of nowhere, but we’re not there yet and the pre-match antics with the referee drive home that this is going to be heel vs heel.

-Moolah whips Kai around by her hair and tosses her out to the floor. Kai brings her out there and they slug it out. Kai takes a telephone to the face at the commentary table.

-Back from commercial, they’re brawling in the ring. Boo to the stomach by Kai, and a big elbow gets two. Kai uses her leg to apply a chokehold and Moolah breaks it by biting her knee. Commentators are bored out of their minds, with Heenan saying that Moolah’s opponents in general should shave their heads because it would take away most of her offense, and Gorilla pointing out that Kai is blown up.

-Double forearm off the ropes by Kai for a two-count. She misses a bodypress. Moolah chokes her out, and the referee forces Moolah off, which horrifies both commentators. Kai mounts a comeback with a dropkick. She chokes out Moolah. Moolah dropkicks Kai, sending her “crashing” into the referee (with the referee visibly terrified of taking the bump and just kinda slumping over from it) and Moolah gets the three-count. Garbage.

-Bobby Heenan offers another rebuttal to Patera: Patera wasn’t exactly the ONLY guy Heenan managed, and while Patera was demanding a babysitter to get him out of trouble, Bobby just plain had other shit to do.

UPDATE
-Danny Davis dares every wrestler in the WWF to sign the open contract for a match with him.

THE KEN PATERA STORY
-The final installment of the series sees Patera taking his first steps as a free man and going straight to a gym. He looks FANTASTIC here, but he cuts a psychotic promo against Heenan while lifting weights, vowing to get revenge…for something.

-Bobby Heenan lays out his talking points once more, and again, he’s 100% right. Patera is a grown-ass man.

HONKY TONK MAN (with Jimmy Hart) vs TOMMY SHARP
-Jimmy Hart is marching around with his “Ban the DDT” sign, with Vince encouraging fans to write in with their opinion about whether or not the move should be banned. Merchandise catalog mailing list must need beefing up.

-Honky drives elbows into Sharp’s skull and choking him out while Jesse mentions all of the outside investments Jimmy Hart is putting together for his men, including a fast food chain called “Honky Burger.” I’m pretty sure Lester Maddox already owned a chain called that.

-Honky chokes away at Sharp while we get a head-in-the-box promo from Honky, promising the fans that he really does love them, and we all just need to write in and help him ban that DDT. Shake, Rattle, and Roll finishes.

FUJI VICE
-The widely-accepted peak of this running gag from “TNT.” Now, if you read that and you’ve never seen this, I don’t want to build it up TOO much. It’s not that great, but what makes it stand out from the pack his how involved this one gets. It’s an on-location shoot instead of a cheap set in a tiny studio, and the thing is, for a bullshit comedy sketch, they’ve actually put together an intriguing plot: a dead body is found on the beach, and her brother sends Vice cops Fuji & Muraco to track a renowned drug lord who was probably involved. As a bonus, Fuji is wearing a thematically appropriate pastel suit but leaves on his black derby. Also of note is that there are moments where it really DOES seem like Muraco is trying but his best is still comically bad.

GEORGE “The Animal” STEELE vs TIGER CHUNG LEE
-From Boston Garden. Steele charges into the ring and chases Chunger out. Lee forgets to take his Kendo stick with him, so Steele picks it up and just chucks it right in his face. Steele won’t back off and let him in the ring, so Lee whacks him in the face with it, which gets a nice “Oooooo” from Boston.

-Match gets started proper, but Steele gets riled up and chases Lee back out to the floor. Back in, Steele gnaws at his face. Lee tries to coax Steele into chasing him. Steele acts like he won’t do it for a bit, and then when Lee has kind of forgotten about the tactic, Steele just starts chasing him out of nowhere, which is a funny twist on a tired spot.

-Lee rams Steele into the corner hard enough that Steele drops his hidden weapon. Lee uses it himself and sends George out to the floor, ramming him into a ringside table. Steele gets riled up and launches the table into the ring to a huge pop. Steele eats a turnbuckle, pulls out the stuffing, and uses a handful of it to suffocate Lee while forcing him down to the mat and pinning him. Way to think outside the box, George. That was actually pretty fun to watch.

-Gorilla goads Bobby some more about Ken Patera.

ISLANDERS vs THE GLADIATOR & MOONDOG SPOT
-Really funny bit in Howard Finkel’s introduction. He announces the jobbers with “Both men claim to be from Parts Unknown.” Jesse Ventura, on commentary, deadpans, “Are they neighbors?”

-Spot hammers at Tama to start the match. Tama catches him coming off the rope with a chop. Jobbers try to double-team Haku, but Haku fights off both of them and dropkicks Spot. Islanders work the Gladiator’s arm. Islanders decapitate Spot, but the match keeps going. Haku pounds down the Gladiator with forearms and drops a leg, and this squash is going preposterously long for how little offense the jobbers are being given.

-Islanders double-team Gladiator and the crowd is DONE with this match, with horns and “boring” chants erupting throughout the building. Haku clamps on a Boston crab…but Gladiator refuses to submit, and it KEEPS GOING. Top rope splash from Tama finally ends it.

DYNAMITE KID vs. BRET “Hit Man” HART
-Shoulderblock by Dynamite. Hart attempts a dropkick, but Dynamite catches his legs and slingshots him, then sends him to the floor. Hart returns and backs into the corner before going to a lock-up. Hart throws punches, but Dynamite catches him in mid-attempted kick and turns it into an atomic drop. Snap suplex gets two. Headlock by Dynamite and they trade hammerlocks from that, until Dynamite sends Hart to the floor again. Hart gets back in the ring and turns a test of strength into a wristlock, but Dynamite backdrops out. Hart slams Dynamite down and starts wrestling angry, with hard punches and knees. Hart slams him by the hair and follows with an elbow from the second rope. Legdrop and headbutt by Hart, and now it’s his turn to send his opponent to the floor. Hart follows him out and slams him on the concrete. Dynamite makes it back in the ring but gets caught in a backbreaker for two. Hart goes for a backdrop but gets countered with a sunset flip for two. Headbutt and uppercuts by Hart as Gorilla tells us that the fans are “literally hanging from the rafters.” Not a very good way to ensure repeat business, when you think about it.

-Another backbreaker is reversed by Dynamite. Hart gets to his feet and chokes Dynamite while tying him into the ropes. He attempts a flying bodypress, but Dynamite unties himself and Bret hits the “steel cables” crotch-first. Really? We’re going to start telling the fans that the ROPES are made of steel too? We have steel steps, steel ring posts, a steel apron (according to Vince on commentary once), a steel table (also Vince), and steel microphones (Michael Cole)…You think maybe the injuries and premature deaths might have some correlation with the sheer amount of shit in the company made of steel? You think maybe instead of releasing mid-carders from their $50,000-a-year contracts to help the bottom line, we could cut costs by selling the current ring and building one made of, say, rope-based rope?

-Dynamite gets to his feet and clotheslines Hart. He grabs Bret by the hair and slams him on his ass, and I wish I knew a short name for that move. Kneedrop gets two. Back suplex gets two. Kneedrop from the second rope gets two. Criss-cross, and I can’t tell if what happens next is a blown spot, but Dynamite trips over Bret’s body, but Bret takes advantage and shoves him out to the floor. We cut to an instant replay of the move, and we come back just in time to see Dynamite suddenly rolling up Bret for the three-count. Jim Neidhart sprints to the ring and the Foundation double-teams Dynamite until Davey Boy arrives. Great match, like you were probably expecting.

5.5

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

Good feature match, and a couple of the squashes were unexpectedly fun, but this company feels strangely aimless coming off their biggest show ever. The main angle is a guy demanding revenge for another guy not helping him avoid prison. I mean...blah.