The Name on the Marquee: WWF Prime Time Wrestling (5.2.1988)

-Originally aired May 2, 1988.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan. Gorilla makes Bobby apologize for getting drunk during last week’s episode. Bobby accuses Gorilla of drugging him.

GEORGE “The Animal” STEELE vs. GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE (with Jimmy Hart)
-I dedicate my recap of this match to those of you who paid money to see it on pay-per-view 11 years later at Heroes of Wrestling.

-Valentine hesitates getting into the ring. Steele turns his back to eat a turnbuckle, and when Valentine charges, Steele spins around and rams him into the corner, revealing that he might be a little smarter than he lets on. Valentine goes to the floor to rethink things. Steele yanks him back inside and bulldogs him right into a turnbuckle. George likes this invented move so much that he does it again, but Valentine invents the counter and rams him into the post.

-Valentine pounds the Animal with clubbing blows. Snapmare and a stomp by Valentine; he goes to the top and goes for an axehandle, but Steele meets him on the way down with a gut shot and rams him into the turnbuckle. Jimmy Hart hops up to the apron to complain and George heads out of the ring and goes after him. Valentine attacks from behind and Steele chases him back into the ring, then begins throwing chairs into the ring at Valentine from the floor. Meanwhile, George gets himself counted out. Dammit Gorilla, you said this match would be a classic.

-Gorilla and Bobby mention that the new set is being loaded in piece by piece from a delivery truck later tonight.

KEN PATERA vs. PHIL SARANTINI
-A handful of fans chant “Jailbird” and visibly surprise Patera with it as the match starts. Patera knocks Sarantini and declares “He looks like Dino Bravo!” Aww, snap. Patera goes to the mat and ties up Sarantini with a series of holds like this is some damn NWA squash or something. Sarantini takes the weirdest-looking bumps when Patera actually does stuff to him, spreading out his entire body and turning sideways when he gets clotheslined, and balling up like an armadillo when he gets bodyslammed. Full nelson ends it for Patera.

-Gorilla Monsoon says that if Dino Bravo and Frenchy Martin like badmouthing the USA so much, maybe they should go back to where they came from and see if they have the freedom to say those things there. Pretty sure Quebec permits citizens to say America sucks, Gorilla.

SPECIAL REPORT
-We have a statement from the President of the WWF, Jack “Disco Stud” Tunney, who mandates that going forward, Bobby Heenan is permitted to wear only regulation wrestling gear when he signs contracts to get in the ring as a wrestler. Bobby Heenan says that Jack Tunney apparently doesn’t care about a rabid dog who might puncture his flesh during a match.

-In the studio, Gorilla mocks Bobby for never getting in the ring for singles matches, so what does he care what he’s allowed to wear in the ring?

SPECIAL INTERVIEW
-Craig DeGeorge is at the interview platform with Andre the Giant and Bobby Heenan. Heenan downplays Andre being knocked unconscious, saying Andre’s never been knocked out by one man, only a raving lunatic with a board.

-Gorilla announces a mailing address for WWF Fund Raisers: a great way for non-profit organizations to make money by hosting WWF live events! This was a noble cause with an ulterior motive, as Vince was smelling blood at this point (hence their TV tapings in North Carolina the previous month) and there were already rumblings that Jim Crockett wasn’t going to be able to make the balloon payments to his guys when June rolled around. So WWF TV was promoting their fund raisers heavily at this point because Vince was anticipating having such a bloated roster that he’d be able to accommodate four house shows a day.

SCOTT CASEY vs. IRON MIKE SHARPE
-From Toronto. A fan has made an Iron Mike Sharpe sign and Iron Mike ecstatically grabs it and shows it off as he’s being introduced.

-Iron Mike repeatedly shoves Casey on his ass, then demands the referee to ask Casey if he submits. Casey fights back with a slam and an armdrag and Iron Mike goes for a walk. Back in, Sharpe overpowers Casey with a test of strength. Casey survives him by turning it around and Iron Mike goes for another walk, drawing a “Wimp” chant. Sharpe gets fired up from that, so he whaps Casey with the forearm brace and chokes him over the rope. Casey fights back and piledrives Iron Mike, but takes too long celebrating getting an offensive move and Iron Mike gets a foot on the ropes at two.

-Iron Mike smacks him with the forearm brace again, then walks around to celebrate, and Gorilla and Bobby are aghast at both guys for not having the good sense to go for a win. Casey punches Iron Mike into the ropes. Awkward spot where Sharpe whacks Casey one more time, and the referee stops counting at two instead of waiting for Casey to kick out, and the entire arena notices and boos the referee for not finishing the count.

-Casey applies a sleeper. Iron Mike backs him into the corner and breaks the hold. Iron Mike misses an elbow, and Scott Casey goes home with the bulldog. I’m still an Iron Mark.

ULTIMATE WARRIOR vs. JOE MILANO
-Milano goes for shoulderblocks, but the shoulderblocker becomes the shoulderblocked. Then he becomes the bodyslammed. Warrior rams him upside-down into the corner and stomps him. Clothesline by Warrior, followed by a press slam. Splash gets the win.

“The Rock” DON MURACO vs. RAVISHING RICK RUDE (with Bobby Heenan)
-From Toronto. Muraco is wearing Strike Force-style tights in a weird visual. They bounce off the ropes for a bit until Muraco gives him a shot between the eyes, and Rude retreats to the floor to protect his face. Muraco steps on Heenan’s hand while he’s at it, and I love Heenan for making a point of having his hair fly everywhere to sell having his hand stepped on.

-Back from commercial with Rude trapped in a bearhug. Rude breaks and goes to the eyes to take over. Fistdrop from the top by Rude, but he wastes too much time celebrating, an epidemic plaguing Toronto on this evening, and Muraco steamrolls Rude with a clothesline and snapmares him. Rude retreats to the corner, but grabs Muraco’s ankles and pins him with both feet on the ropes to win it. Nothing special but it was fine.

UPDATE
-The Jake the Snake/Rick Rude angle is so bad ass we need to take five minutes and watch the whole thing all over again.

SPECIAL INTERVIEW
-Craig DeGeorge taunts The Million Dollar Man for not being able to buy the WWF Title OR win the damn thing, and Ted DiBiase just goes off on everybody who’s getting in his way. Ted DiBiase says that he realizes Elizabeth is what makes Savage tick…but that’s not enough. Just now realizing what an awesome angle it would have been if DiBiase tried to buy Elizabeth and pushed Savage completely over the edge.

JOSE LUIS RIVERA vs. BARRY HOROWITZ
-Lock-ups go nowhere. Horowitz throws a forearm and they go off the ropes. Rivera backdrops Horowitz and Horowitz calls for a time-out. Rivera Irish whips him and armdrags him a couple of times. He goes to work on the arm and the fans lose their patience with these guys surprisingly quickly.

-Horowitz takes the hint and sends Rivera into the ropes. Rivera armdrags him a few times and squeezes in a dropkick for good measure. Armbar by Rivera and for some reason the crowd is more tolerant of this one. Horowitz backs Rivera into the corner and slaps him, then makes Rivera chase him. Once inside, Horowitz puts the boots to him and gives him an uppercut. Horowitz tries a pin using the ropes for leverage, but he’s so obvious about it that the referee just looks at him with disappointment until Barry lets go.

-Front facelock by Horowitz, but that’s not evil enough, so he goes after the eyes. Headscissors by Horowitz; Rivera makes it to the ropes. Horowitz tries a slam but Rivera cradles him for two. Kneelift by Horowitz blocks the comeback and Barry gets a two-count. Rivera tries a bodypress but Horowitz catches him and makes it a backbreaker. Horowitz heads to the top rope and Rivera slams him right off.

-Backdrop by Rivera, followed by a suplex. Dropkick sends Horowitz to the floor. Irish whip by Rivera; he charges and Horowitz takes a knee and elbows him in the gut. Rivera recovers and slingshots him into the middle turnbuckle. Another dropkick by Rivera. He goes for another one and this time Horowitz anticipates and backs away from him. Russian legsweep by Horowitz gets the three-count. Not bad, just dull.

-Gorilla and Bobby entertain themselves by mentioning all the wrestlers who graduated from Terry Garvin’s school.

DINO BRAVO (with Frenchy Martin) vs. NELSON VEILLEUX
-More Frenchness from Mr. Martin before the bell. Bravo goes to work with punches and a clothesline. Jesse suspects that he didn’t get that physique from eating WWF Ice Cream Bars. I agree, but I think we need to ask ourselves which is the lesser of two evils in this case. We get prerecorded words, who says he hates chanting for “USA.” He doesn’t need the USA or Canada to support him because he can count on himself to succeed.

-Veilleux gets a bit of a comeback rolling, but it’s all for naught. Side suplex gets the win for Dino.

BRUTUS “The Barber” BEEFCAKE vs. “The Million Dollar Man” TED DIBIASE
-Virgil offers Beefcake a wad of money to throw the match and DiBiase sneaks up and attacks. This show is full of missed opportunities. Beefcake should have responded to the offer by cutting up the money with his scissors. Hell, that would have made their Wrestlemania V match worth a damn.

-Beefcake bounces back quickly and kicks DiBiase’s ass all over the place until he retreats to the floor. Back in, DiBiase gets punched around and rammed into the turnbuckle. DiBiase goes to the floor for another retreat and gets dragged back into the ring by his hair. Big boot by Beefcake, and he signals for the sleeper. DiBiase begs for mercy and suckers Beefcake toward him until getting a handful of his tights and throwing him out to the floor.

-Back in, DiBiase is in control with fistdrops as we pause for a break. DiBiase comes off the second rope with an elbow. Double axehandle follows, and another elbow from DiBiase gets two. Beefcake gets his second wind and lights into DiBiase with forearms. Virgil trips Beefcake from the floor, and DiBiase rolls him up with a handful of tights for three. Virgil rescues Ted from an attempted haircut after the match. This was okay, but another one where it’s not mandatory viewing.

6.2

The final score: review Average

The 411

More good than bad, but I was fairly indifferent to this week to be honest.