The Name on the Marquee: WWF Prime Time Wrestling (5.25.1987)

-Originally aired May 25, 1987.

-Your hosts are Gorilla and the Brain, Gorilla and the Brain, one likes bananas, and the other’s in pain.

-They have a set of the LJN action figures on the desk and Gorilla is taunting Heenan by using tape to make a neckbrace for the Bobby Heenan figure. Bobby is promising a surprise this week…or next week.

COWBOY BOB ORTON & MAGNIFICENT MURACO vs. PAUL ROMA & JIM POWERS
-From MSG. You can tell there’s a push coming because Lord Alfred says with a straight face that Powers and Muraco are equally matched. Muraco and Orton double-team the equally strong Jim Powers. Orton shows off by pressing Powers before giving him a backbreaker. Powers reverses an Irish whip and Orton does a beautiful sell, getting stuck on the top turnbuckle and then tumbling backward and crotching himself.

-Axehandle from the top by Roma as the Job-Ber Connection is in firm control. Side headlock by Roma is broken by some punches to the gut. Roma ends up on the floor and Muraco attacks. Delayed vertical suplex as Orton is doing a ton of strongman stuff this week and even taking time to pose.

-Muraco finally tags in and misses a diving headbutt. Dropkick sends Muraco staggering into Powers, and he gets pinballed. Orton and Muraco bungle an attempted double-team and Roma nearly gets a sudden three from that. Powers tags in and applies the worst side headlock ever. This has to be seen to be believed. His arms literally aren’t even touching Muraco’s head, and Muraco visibly grabs Powers’ forearm and presses it against his own neck so it’ll actually look like it’s doing something.

-Muraco has tape on his thigh, so we get an anatomy lesson from Gorilla, with Heenan riffing on it by echoing everything Gorilla says like he’s explaining it himself. Back from commercial, Orton gives Powers a knee from the apron, then tags in and adds a belly-to-belly for two. Bearhug is applied and even Gorilla is pointing out that this is really different offense for Orton. Powers tries to break the hold by clapping his hands, but Orton manages to hang on with the power of All He Did Was Clap His Damn Hands.

-Sweet atomic drop/clothesline combo by the heels, and then Muraco applies his own bearhug. Powers punches his way out, but before he can mount a comeback, Orton cuts him off with a dropkick. Attempted Vader bomb by Orton is countered with raised knees, and it’s hot tag to Roma. All four men wind up in the ring, but the heels Irish whip Powers and Roma into each other. Funny finish sees Orton cradle Roma, but Muraco slips in to cheat because he’s confused about who’s actually on top. He reverses the cradle so that Roma pins Orton, and Roma & Powers get the victory by accident. Thinking more about it, that’s kind of a weird finish considering that Muraco is the one who’s about to turn face.

-Gorilla’s analysis of what we just watched: Orton and Muraco half-assed their effort because they dismissed Roma and Powers as a couple of jobbers, and Roma and Powers took full advantage.

SPECIAL REPORT
-Craig DeGeorge brings us up to speed on Superstar Billy Graham, whose hip is completely fucked. We get word from a surgeon about the impending hip surgery that will end the Superstar’s career, although he may be able to walk again some day.

-Bobby recommends an oil change and a new fan belt for the Superstar. Gorilla is aghast that somebody whining so much about an injured neck can joke about this.

OUTBACK JACK vs FRENCHY MARTIN
-From Maple Leaf Gardens. Outback is bald now, as a result of a Dynamite Kid rib allegedly.

-Frenchy gets shoved down as some VERY vocal lone fan is all over Outback, screaming “WE HATE YOU! WE HATE YOUR GUTS!” and then trying to get a “Boring” chant going. Shoulderblock by Outback sends Frenchy to the floor. Winking commentary from Gorilla and The Brain notes that Outback probably got his haircut for free.

-Back in, Frenchy rakes the eyes and throws some nice chops to take advantage. Series of elbows and more chops by Frenchy. Outback gets fired up, with a very gradual hiptoss, and the boomerang, the worst-non-Garvin-stomp finisher on Earth, gets the win.

-Gorilla puts title belts on the Killer Bees figures because it’s bound to happen at some point.

-Bobby makes a joke about how nothing interesting or dangerous ever happens in Waco, Texas. That would change within five years or so.

SAM HOUSTON vs TERRY GIBBS
-From MSG, it’s Sam Houston’s debut after he already had one hell of a year. Central States Champion, then decided he didn’t want to be the flagbearer for a swirling drain, so he gives his notice and jumps ship to the UWF…which is promptly purchased by Jim Crockett.

-Right hand by Houston, and he starts doing his little dance to celebrate. He works the arm over and connects with a bodypress for two. Houston goes back to the arm and stays on it with an extended hammerlock sequence. Gibbs elbows free but runs into a hiptoss, and we slow down the frantic pace with an armbar. Gibbs dodges a corner charge and Houston crashes into the post and out to the floor.

-Gibbs smells blood and we get a weird spot (with Heenan even pointing out how weird this is) where Gibbs goes out to the floor, walks Houston over to the opposite side of the ring, and slams him on the concrete over there. Back inside, a neckbreaker by Gibbs gets two. Houston gets his second wind and fires a series of punches on Gibbs. Cradle gets two. Backslide gets two. Bulldog gets three. Pretty underwhelming debut.

-Bobby Heenan gets a gift delivered to the studio. It’s a stuffed weasel wearing a neckbrace.

-Gene Okerlund interviews Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake. Okerlund wins respect points with me for referring to Beefcake’s babyface turn as “doing a 180.”

ROUGEAU BROTHERS vs TIGER CHUNG LEE & JIMMY JACK FUNK
-Jacques locks up with the Chunger and gets a victory roll right away for two. Bodyslam prompts Tiger to go to the floor for a retreat. Jacques slingshots him back in and Tiger has had enough, tagging JJ into the ring. Rougeaus work the arm and Raymond monkeyflips him off of a criss-cross. Savate kick and a NASTY-sounding one by Raymond.

-Ray gets caught in the bad part of town and the jobbers gang up on him. Shoulderbreaker by JJ gets two. Ray is still caught in the heel corner and gets choked with the tag rope. All four men wind up in the ring after Jacques blocks some cheating. Jobbers are dropkicked into each other, and Jacques’ somersault from the top gets the win. Pretty decent extended squash.

-Bobby announces that his attorney, Lance Wilshire, is here, and we’ll be meeting him shortly.

CORPORAL KIRCHNER vs NIKOLAI VOLKOFF
-Okay, this HAS to be Kirchner’s last appearance, right? Heenan calls out Kirchner for getting a cheap pop by carrying a Canadian flag instead of an American one. Nikolai breaks his Soviet flag pole over Kirchner’s back and just beats away on him. Kirchner comes to life with a series of fistdrops. Spinning kick by Volkoff and he launches Kirchner out to the floor. Volkoff stomps away on Kirchner and leaves him for dead.

-Kirchner comes back again, working the legs over and dropping an elbow for two. Corner charge misses and we pause for a break. We return with a double underhook by Volkoff getting a two-count. Bearhug is locked on and Kirchner’s sell of it could not possibly look more erotic. Kirchner unleashes the power of the clap after a ridiculous build to it. Volkoff stops him in his tracks before Kirchner can build any momentum, applying a bow and arrow but being forced to break because he pulls the hair. Cradle by the Corporal gets two. Backslide gets another two.

-Kirchner removes his shirt and uses it to clothesline Volkoff and heads to the top rope to finish, but Volkoff raises the knees to knock the wind out of him, and a backbreaker gets the win.

-Heenan’s lawyer Lance Wilshire is here. Heenan complains that Monsoon is aggravating his injury, so Lance will be here next week to take detailed notes on the way a typical episode is produced to see how this hostile work environment is slowing Heenan’s recovery.

-Leaping Lanny reads a poem in honor of MDA.

TITO SANTANA vs “The Natural” BUTCH REED (with Slick)
-So, if you ever wondered the way I did, yes, they actually DID follow through after the angle at Wrestlemania III.

-Tito tries to work the arm but Reed’s a smart heel so he just rakes the eyes before it’s even fully locked in. Tito fights back with right hands until Reed goes to the floor for a retreat. Question I have about watching these shows from the 1980s…what was the logistical thinking behind sometimes having the front row be right up against ringside and sometimes having the front row be fifteen feet away from the ring?

-Back in, Tito throws dropkicks to send Reed back out. Back in, Tito is still throwing right hands and Jesse’s throwing a shitfit on commentary. Reed begins teasing having a foreign object and the match comes to a standstill while they play up the referee trying to find it. Tito works the arm over to get us back to the match. They get backed into the corner and Reed finally makes contact with the weapon and Tito’s dazed badly.

-Reed chokes out Tito and drops a fist. Elbow gets two and the crowd is ECSTATIC that Tito is still alive. Tito fights back with right hands, and now Jesse is making accusations about Tito having his own foreign object Reed takes the fight to the floor and rams Tito into the barricade (scaring the shit out of a security guard). Reed suplexes him back in. Chinlock is clamped on and Tito fights it, but we stick with this chinlock for a long while.

-Tito finally gets free and connects with a series of shoulderblocks. Reed fends him off and tries a piledriver, but Tito counters it by ramming Reed into the corner. Reed tries going to the second rope and meets a fist to the gut on the way down to a crazy pop. This crowd is like an NWA Flair vs. Handsome Babyface crowd. Tito locks in the figure four but Reed miraculously makes it to the ropes and forces the break. They trade punches as the bell sounds for the time limit drawwwwwwwwww, damn it. Good match until the cop-out.

5.0

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

I remember thinking years ago when I was reviewing Wrestling Challenge that it felt like this company went into a slump after Wrestlemania III and they really did. It's just the doldrums this week with no feuds and no memorable angles, nothing special about the matches. Bleh.