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The Chrononaut Chronicles: Clash of the Champions VII

October 13, 2011 | Posted by Joel Thomas
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The Chrononaut Chronicles: Clash of the Champions VII  


Thanks to the infinitely talented Kyle Morton for the logo. Check out his Etsy account, where he does custom artwork and commissions… you’ll be glad you did!

The Chrononaut Chronicles
NWA Clash of the Champions VII: Guts and Glory – June 14, 1989

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– LIVE from Fort Bragg, North Carolina! Jim Ross and Bob Caudle are on commentary. Because of the location, there is a military theme to the show as Clash VII opens with a statement from an Army General and “The Star Spangled Banner” sung by a military choir. Video is also shown of the Steiner Brothers, Missy Hyatt, and Ranger Ross doing some army stuff with the troops earlier in the day.

– NWA World Tag Team Championship Tournament – Semi-Final: The Dynamic Dudes (Johnny & Shane) vs. The Fabulous Freebirds (Michael “PS” Hayes & Jimmy Garvin w/Terry Gordy)

The Varsity Club were stripped of the World Tag Team Championship after a controversial title defense against the Road Warriors at WrestleWar ’89 in May, so a tournament was assembled. Michael Hayes & Terry Gordy defeated the Legion of Doom in the first round, while the Dynamic Dudes toppled Jack Victory & Rip Morgan. At a total combined weight of 420 pounds, Shane Douglas & Johnny Ace (apparently they don’t have last names yet) come out to the surf-rock strains of “Wipe Out”, surrounded by a bunch of kids, and throw frisbees to the audience. Mixed messages — are they supposed to be Bill & Ted, or a couple of namby-pamby skateboarders? Although Jimmy Garvin had long been a close associate of the Fabulous Freebirds, this is his first appearance as an official Freebird, and they enter to the classic “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. That’s worth at least ** right there. Garvin & Hayes jump the Dudes to start, but the blond youngsters quickly turn things around and the ‘Birds bail out. Once the match starts proper, Johnny & Shane double-team Garvin as the Dudes maintain the advantage. Ace misses a crossbody and Garvin dumps him to the floor, where he stays for a while because every time Johnny tries to climb back in, the Freebirds knock him down. When Johnny finally gets back inside, he makes the hot tag to Shane as the action is chaotic with all four men in the ring. Douglas catches Garvin in a rolling cradle, but Hayes plants him with the DDT and Garvin pins him at 7:14. **½ Fast-paced match, as the Dynamic Dudes were actually a pretty good team and the Freebirds could hang when they wanted to. I might be in the minority, but I liked this version of the Freebirds. Jimmy Garvin was a better worker than Buddy Roberts any day.

– The Terrorist vs. Ranger Ross

I hope there was an investigation into the lax security in Fort Bragg. How did an admitted Terrorist get on the base, much less in the ring?! It’s actually Jack Victory under the hood, drawing upon his experience portraying Russian Assassin #2 and The Blackmailer at past Clashes. Generic Masked Heel seems to be the man’s specialty. The Terrorist roughs the Ranger up, but Ross finishes him off with the Combat Kick in 1:25. Short and…well, it was short. ¼*

– A “world premiere” music video airs, featuring various clips of The Road Warriors in action while their “Iron Man” knockoff theme plays.

– In preparation for a series of matches with Eddie Gilbert, The Great Muta comes out to perform a “Dragon Shi” (or is it Dragon Chi? Dragon Chai?) demonstration against jobbers Trent Knight & Mike Justice, but manager Gary Hart informs Jim Ross that Muta refuses to participate because Justice & Knight are pathetic competition. Eddie Gilbert runs out and throws a fireball, but Knight eats the fire when Muta uses him as a shield and runs away. JR is invaluable in his role as the interviewer here, explaining that Gilbert was looking for revenge after Muta spewed mist in Missy Hyatt’s face. I’m sure that wasn’t the worst substance she’s had blown in her face. Ross also notes that Muta is “deathly afraid” of fire because his father’s face was badly burned, which is why they wear facepaint. Interesting backstory and a hot angle, no pun intended.

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Lookin’ for some Hot Stuff, baby, this evenin’…

– George South & Cougar Jay vs. The Ding Dongs

And now we enter Wrestlecrap territory with the debut of The Ding Dongs. Hailing from Bellville, USA, the Ding Dongs are a masked tag team wearing bells on their wrists and ankles, with a bell in the corner that the Ding Dong on the apron rings repeatedly. This god-awful gimmick was the brainchild of TBS’s Executive Vice President of WCW, the infamous Jim Herd, whose earlier idea of a tag team of wrestling Hunchbacks had been rejected by the booking committee. The ringing bell is beyond irritating and actually interferes with the microphone, while the small bells fall off their wrists and ankles and litter the ring. The Ding Dongs are solid if unspectacular workers and they put George South away in 3:39 with a flying elbowdrop followed by a flying kneedrop. The silly theme music is the capper on this whole surreal scene. JR barely conceals his contempt while Caudle does his best to put the Ding Dongs over. Hard to believe this ever made television and the whole debacle should have been proof that Herd knew jackshit about wrestling.

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Ring that bell all you want. Your gimmick still sucks.

– NWA World Tag Team Championship Tournament – Semi-Final: The Midnight Express (“Beautiful” Bobby Eaton & “Sweet” Stan Lane w/Jim Cornette) vs. The Samoan Swat Team (Samu & Fatu w/Paul E. Dangerously)

This rematch from Clash VI came as a result of first-round bouts that saw the Midnight Express outclass Butch Reed & Bob Orton and the Samoan Swat Team thrash Ron Simmons & Ranger Ross. The SST use the famous theme from John Carpenter’s Halloween for their entrance, which is cool. Jim Cornette and Paul E. Dangerously perform the introductions for their respective teams and almost get into it when Cornette swings his tennis racket, but Paul E. ducks and bails out. All four wrestlers brawl to start until the Midnights use their tag team expertise to isolate Fatu and work him over with double-teams. Bobby Eaton gets nailed by a thrust kick from Samu and the Samoans take control, as Fatu suplexes Beautiful Bobby on the floor and they double-up on him in their corner. Eaton avoids a charge and makes the hot tag as Stan Lane is all over Fatu, but Fatu decks him with a kick and goes to the top turnbuckle. Meanwhile, the camera missed referee Nick Patrick getting bumped and he rolls out to the floor. The Road Warriors take this opportunity to storm the ring and slam Fatu off the top before mowing him down with a double clothesline. After the Legion of Doom walk out, Sweet Stan covers Fatu for the pin at 6:00 to advance to the tournament final later tonight against the Fabulous Freebirds. The SST cost the LOD their first-round match, so this was poetic justice. Disappointing finish because it was developing into a hot match, with more energy than their bout at the last Clash. ***

– Battle of the Bulls: Terry “Bam Bam” Gordy vs. “Dr. Death” Steve Williams

Terry Gordy had recently returned from Japan to reform the Fabulous Freebirds, while Steve Williams had left the Varsity Club and turned face shortly after WrestleWar. Taking place a year before Williams and Gordy would form their legendary Miracle Violence Connection tag team in All Japan Pro Wrestling, this is a tooth-and-nail slobberknocker from the opening bell. Dr. Death steamrolls Bam Bam with football tackles until Gordy fires back with a clothesline and they slug it out. Ross mentions that Kevin Sullivan paid Gordy to ambush Williams with a 2×4 in Japan, and even brings up their history in Mid-South/UWF. Williams pounds away and hits a stiff headbutt, but Gordy dumps Doc on his head with a belly-to-back suplex and grabs a chinlock. Doc comes back with bodyslams and hits a high crossbody off the ropes for a two-count. An impressive dropkick knocks Gordy out of the ring and he climbs back in, but Williams ejects him again and follows him out for the lazy double count-out in 6:26. The wrestlers give up the charade immediately as Gordy keeps walking nonchalantly up the aisle with Williams strolling along several feet behind him. That just killed the whole illusion of Doc wanting revenge. Doc goes back to the ring while the “Bullshit” chant from the fans makes its Clash debut. ***

– Mike Justice vs. Norman the Lunatic (w/Theodore R. Long)

Another debut of a new original WCW gimmick, Norman the Lunatic is portrayed by 350-pound Mike Shaw, who had achieved some fame in Calgary’s Stampede Wrestling as Makhan Singh and would go on to infamy as the WWF’s Bastion Booger. Clad in hospital-issue pajamas, Norman is a massive manchild who has somehow been released from “The State Hospital” into the custody of referee-turned-manager Teddy Long, who carries around the keys to Norman’s freedom and threatens to lock Norman back up if he disobeys. Norman also has an adverse reaction to the word “Lunatic” so it’s an interesting choice to make that part of his name. This is a total squash to get the new character over as Norman flattens Mike Justice with an avalanche followed by a sitdown splash in 47 seconds. Afterward, a crew of medical attendants bring a stretcher out and strap the reluctant Lunatic down. The crowd chants “Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye” as they cart Norman away. The gimmick wasn’t half-bad and Mike Shaw made it work. It was really a variation on the Kamala gimmick, as a tragic monster heel who can’t help what he is, exploited by a greedy manager. *

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“Am I crazy, or is there A FUCKING SEATBELT WRAPPED AROUND MY HEAD?!”

– Jim Ross interviews the three Fabulous Freebirds at ringside. Jimmy Garvin cuts a promo to establish his new, tougher Freebird attitude and Terry Gordy holllllllllerrrrrrs sllllllowwwwllllllllyyyyy about Steve Williams. Gordy seems messed-up and they run out of time before Michael Hayes can say anything.

– Set to “Oh Yeah” by Yello, it’s a promo video to hype the forthcoming debut of Flyin’ Brian (Pillman) featuring clips of Brian wrestling and working out. There is a thick layer of homoeroticism as the combination of the music, with its distorted vocals of “Ohhh yeah” and “Beautifullll”, and the voyeuristic closeups of Brian’s oiled-up thighs and body don’t have the intended effect.

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Unless they intended to make me gay for Brian Pillman. Damn you, WCW!

– “Gamesmaster” Kevin Sullivan & “Captain” Mike Rotunda vs. The Steiner Brothers (Rick Steiner & Scott Steiner w/Missy Hyatt)

This match provides an interesting juxtaposition, as the Varsity Club were being phased out (the name had already been dropped) and the Steiner Brothers would go on to be, arguably, the tag team of the ’90s. Scott Steiner had made his first NWA/WCW appearance at Starrcade ’88 cheering on his brother Rick when he won the World Television Championship from Mike Rotunda, and the Steiners joined forces as a tag team after Rick lost the TV Title. The Steiners are members of Eddie Gilbert’s First Family, which is why they are accompanied by the Kelly Bundy of pro wrestling, Missy Hyatt. Ross and Caudle put over the surefire superstar potential of Scotty as he overpowers Kevin Sullivan with a clothesline and a powerslam. The Gamesmaster tags out and so does Scott as the crowd pops for a revival of the rivalry between Rick and Rotunda. Rick slows things down with a headlock, but now he’s playing Rotunda’s game and the Captain escapes with a belly-to-back suplex. After some back-and-forth between the two teams, Scott hits a crossbody for a two-count and hooks up Rotunda for a suplex, but Rotunda reverses it as Sullivan comes in and helps him dump Scott over the top rope behind the referee’s back. Scotty actually takes a nasty bump on the announcers table on the way down and scrapes his back as Ross squawks about wrestlers coming near the broadcast area. Sullivan hurls the ring steps at Scott and the Varsity Club work the younger Steiner over in their corner. Scotty finally makes the hot tag after dodging a dropkick and the Dogfaced Gremlin cleans house. The Steiners double-clothesline Rotunda and Rick goes out after Sullivan, who yanks Bob Caudle’s chair away and throws it in the ring. While the ref is busy with Sullivan and Rick, Rotunda suplexes Scott on the chair and discards it before pinning him at 8:36. *** Good match, although the Steiner Brothers hadn’t gelled as a team. They didn’t even have matching tights yet, as Rick wore his Michigan singlet and Scotty was in yellow trunks and boots. The finish set up a Texas Tornado rematch at the 1989 Great American Bash to give the blowoff win to the Steiners.

– Jim Ross interviews Jim Cornette about the tournament final. Cornette insults the Freebirds’ women and puts over both the Midnight Express and the Fabulous Freebirds as the driving forces behind tag team wrestling in the ’80s.

– Governor Jim Martin of North Carolina thanks TBS for choosing to celebrate Flag Day in Fort Bragg.

– NWA World Television Championship: Wild Bill Irwin vs. Sting ©

Wild Bill Irwin was a Wild West character who would lace up the skates and strap on the hockey equipment to portray The Goon in the WWF in the mid ’90s. Sting is accompanied by a posse of facepainted Little Stingers, defying several UN resolutions by assembling his own army of child soldiers. Wild Bill threatens Sting by snapping his bullwhip until referee Tommy Young confiscates it and Sting, feeling safer now, attacks Irwin. Ross notes that he had asked Lex Luger to provide some comments, but the Total Package refused because he is unhappy with the Top 10 rankings. What a concept! Irwin is in control for most of the match and goes for his bullwhip in the corner, but Sting hits a Stinger Splash from behind and rolls him up to retain the NWA World Television Championship in 3:14. *¼

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That kid in the front means BUSINESS!

– To hype the arrival of Scott “Gator” Hall, we are treated to a video montage (paired with Billy Ocean’s “When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going”) of clips of Hall wrestling, mixed with clips of Hall poking alligators with a stick. Funny thing is, years later nobody would be surprised to find Scott Hall drunkenly wandering through a swamp and poking alligators with a stick.

– In a pretaped segment, Jim Ross goes to Ric Flair’s house for an exclusive interview with the World Heavyweight Champion. At WrestleWar ’89, the Nature Boy had regained the title from Ricky Steamboat, only to be attacked and piledriven on a table by Terry Funk, who had been serving as a judge for the match. Wearing a neck brace, Slick Ric is in low-key babyface mode as he admits that he is considering life after wrestling due to the injury, but he assures JR that he has more money than he could spend in two lifetimes. The jokes just write themselves. Flair has been unable to defend the belt for five weeks and his future is still uncertain, but Ross explains that the NWA has extended the 30-day rule because it was one of their judges that caused the injury. On July 1, Flair promises to announce his decision whether to retire or return to the ring, but warns Terry Funk that either way, he he will show up at his door one day for revenge. This is a great serious interview that shows the range of Ric Flair as a character and as a performer, especially if you contrast it with the Flair/Steamboat angle at Clash V.

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How much do you think he got for that Lakers jacket on eBay?

– NWA World Tag Team Championship Tournament – Final: The Fabulous Freebirds (Michael “PS” Hayes & Jimmy Garvin w/Terry Gordy) vs. The Midnight Express (“Beautiful” Bobby Eaton & “Sweet” Stan Lane w/Jim Cornette)

As the Midnight Express and Jim Cornette get to ringside, Paul E. Dangerously pops up out of nowhere and lays out Cornette with a tennis racket of his own across the back of the head. After Paul E. runs away, the Dynamic Dudes come out to help Cornette as Bobby Eaton picks up the tennis racket and discovers there’s a horseshoe and a bicycle chain taped to it. The Dudes carry Cornette’s unconscious body up the aisle as the match gets underway and the Midnights seem unaffected by the absence of their manager. The Freebirds stall and draw some insane heel heat as the soldiers and other enlisted men and women in attendance provide a hot crowd on a hot night. Beautiful Bobby becomes face-in-peril as Jimmy Garvin & Michael Hayes punish him on the floor, hurling him full-force against the guardrail a couple of times. Eaton makes the hot tag and the Freebirds quickly regain control, but Lane comes back with a DDT and tags Eaton back in. The Express unload on the Freebirds and even knock Terry Gordy down when he climbs up on the apron. Flapjack on Garvin gets a near-fall as all four men are in the ring until referee Tommy Young decides to usher Lane and Hayes out. Meanwhile, Gordy comes in and powerbombs Eaton, allowing Garvin to hook the tights for the pin at 10:03 to capture the vacant World Tag Team Championship. **¾ Love or hate the ‘new’ Freebirds, winning the World tag belts on their first night as an official unit was a good way to put them over strong.

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Courtesy of the Acme Corporation.

– Terry Funk vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat

This main event is billed as a Top 10 Rankings bout between the #10 contender, Terry Funk, and the #1 contender, Ricky Steamboat. The Dragon blows kisses to his wife and son in the audience while Ross and Caudle plug Death Wish 2 airing on TBS after the Clash. They’ve plugged that movie a hundred times tonight; was it really that big of a deal? Tight lock-up to start and they trade some loud chops, but Steamboat knocks Funk out of the ring with a dropkick. Funk comes back in and tosses Steamboat to the floor, but the Dragon whips the Funker into the railing. Back inside, Funk uses his roughhousing tactics to control Steamboat as Ross mentions how nice it would have been to have Lex Luger provide color commentary (I disagree) but he is protesting his Top 10 ranking. Steamboat fires back with chops and Funk takes a Flair-like bump over the turnbuckles when Steamboat whips him to the corner. Can someone explain the physics behind that spot? Steamboat goes to the top turnbuckle and stands up there with perfect balance while Funk circles around ringside. When Funk gets near again, Steamboat dives down to the floor with a chop to the head. The Dragon scoops Funk up and carries him all the way around the ring before bodyslamming him on the floor. They go back inside and Steamboat continues to show a vicious streak as he scoops up the Funker and bodyslams him over the top rope. Referee Nick Patrick and the commentators ignore the over-the-top-rope disqualification rule, and the crowd actually boos the Steamer a bit when he poses. A Dragon heel turn could have been pretty awesome.

The momentum shifts as Funk slugs away and drills Steamboat with a piledriver for a near-fall. They reverse each other’s Irish whips and the ref gets squashed in the corner as the crowd reacts negatively. You know it’s an NWA crowd because they know a screwjob as soon as they see it. Funk plants Steamboat with a piledriver on the floor and suplexes him back in, but Patrick is dazed so he can only register a two-count. The Funker dives off the top turnbuckle with a splash, but Steamboat gets his knees up and works over Funk’s midsection briefly. The Dragon lands the flying chop to the head and knocks Funk through the ropes with an enzuigiri, but Funk brings the microphone in and cracks Steamboat with it to draw a disqualification at 14:00. Funk brutalizes Steamboat until Lex Luger charges out with a chair and chases him off. The crowd pops huge with chants of “Luger, Luger” but their enthusiasm is soon crushed as the Total Package blasts Steamboat with a clothesline to turn heel. Doing the opposite of what any self-respecting babyface should do, Steamboat begs for his life and tries to escape, but Luger pastes him across the back with a chairshot. Luger lays him out with the Torture Rack and leaves after making a comment about Steamboat being the #1 contender, feeling that he deserves that spot by virtue of being United States Champion. Sting comes out to assist Steamboat as we go to commercial. ****¾ combined for the match and the angle that followed. Tremendous stuff.

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Pussy.

– After the break, a cake is wheeled out to celebrate the 214th birthday of the United States Army. General Stiner presents Jim Ross with some sort of trophy for the Turner company and the military choir sings “Happy Birthday” and “God Bless The USA”. Ross and Caudle wrap up the show and close by replaying the end of the Funk/Steamboat match and Lex Luger’s heel turn.

The 411: Guts and Glory was one of the better Clash of the Champions specials, enhanced by a hot crowd inside an even hotter building – the temperature was estimated at 120 degrees due to the TV lights, since it was 100 degrees outside and there was no air-conditioning inside. Although the debut of The Ding Dongs was one of the dumbest and most embarrassing concepts in the history of professional wrestling, the rest of the show was quite entertaining and felt important because of the big angles and the Ric Flair interview. Eddie Gilbert throwing a fireball in response to The Great Muta misting Missy Hyatt was a surprising, edgy angle. After their interaction during the Midnight Express/Samoan Swat Team match, Paul E. attacking Jim Cornette with the gimmicked tennis racket lead to a Tuxedo Match between the two managers at the Great American Bash '89. The main event was a pretty great match that got Terry Funk over as a tough, crazy son of a bitch and Ricky Steamboat over as the sympathetic babyface. The post-match heel turn by Lex Luger had been brewing since he lost the US Heavyweight Title to Michael Hayes at WrestleWar '89 and regained it a couple of weeks later. Luger was mega-over as a babyface, but he was a more natural heel and this turn was huge. It also made sense since Ric Flair had turned face, as evidenced by his low-key interview on the Clash. The Top 10 rankings provided some focus while the World Champion was on the injured list, but the Nature Boy would return for an emotional comeback match against Terry Funk at the Bash and continue to feud with him throughout the summer.
411 Elite Award
Final Score:  9.0   [  Amazing ]  legend

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Joel Thomas

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