The Name on the Marquee: WWF Prime Time Wrestling (3.16.1987)

We’ll get to “Prime Time” in a moment, but first, two piece of business to tend to.

#1. At the moment I’m uploading this, this is the last episode of “Prime Time” available on the Network. I was trying to decide what to do about that when the opportunity for a big project came up in my life outside this site, and if it does, I’m not going to have as much time to devote to these reviews. (Which is KIND of a shame, because honestly, the huge wave of free time that I had for the past few months to dump content here was kind of nice.) So here’s how I’m handling this…If the big project falls through and I still have free time, I’ll start adding NWA World Championship Wrestling from the Network to my rotation. If the project DOES happen, I’ll just stick with SMW and nothing else.

#2. Last night, a relative of mine who asked that I identify him only as Cousin Brutus took his daughter to her very first live wrestling event, a house show in Charleston, WV. Cousin Brutus was a fan for years and years but kinda lapsed around the time he got married in 2001. (I know, he got laid and suddenly he stopped watching wrestling. Shocking.) After the event, he sent me a PM on Facebook with his recap/review of the show. So here’s what you missed in Charleston, WV last night, courtesy of a guy who hasn’t really watched in 15 years.

It began with them offering refunds for the next 20 minutes because Roman Reigns was not there.

The first match was a table match, the living Dudleys & Tommy Dreamer vs Duck Dynasty. Not a bad match. Ended with Tommy Dreamer going through a table, making a nice ECW retro feel. I did like the Duck Dynasty gang. Strowman, Harper, and Baldy, but man the Dudleys are looking slow and old. That match was very Fakey-looking. Not a lot of realistic hits.

I was really impressed with a guy named Neville, very fast and athletic, he beat the Miz. Neville is great but lose the purple tights and cape. It’s just cartoonish and reminds me of some stupid ECW undercard gimmick except ECW meant it to be funny.

There was a eight man tag with a a local guy, Heath Slater, Mike Rotundo and Mr. Perfect’s sons, and some guy with girl legs. Anyway, they fought Matadors and this tag team that looks like the Powers of Pain banged Kurrgan’s mom.

Then some rapper came out and fought Goldust Jr. That’s where I went to the bathroom and bought a souvenir for Sherri (daughter)…

Then the US title match with Albert Del Rios and a “Lucha dragon” whatever the hell that is… Anyway the match was mostly the Dragon flying around (I had already gave Sherri the spoiler alert, titles don’t change at house shows). The biggest moment was when Del Rios totally fucked up some top rope thing he was gonna do, and I held back. There were kids. No “You fucked up” chant but hey, the champ won and escaped, leaving the defeated Lucha dragon to meander to the back stopping to rub the head of every kid wearing one of his masks….intermission.

I’m thinking there was another match but I don’t remember so that tells you how good it was.

Then a divas match, some old lady fighting Becky Ireland. I don’t know her name, I just yelled “Let’s go Irish girl!” Not bad. Irish won. The two other girls, I wanna say Sasha Banks and Tamina? (the old one) start kicking her ass and Lady Bret Hart comes out and saves.

Now the best. Shameus comes out and tells everyone from West Virginia strives to work on a coal mine and suck dirt, and then talks about how the USA sucks to a lot of Booooos. And who comes out to represent us? Jack S. Wagoner. And this guy is terrible. He tries to spring off the second turnbuckle, and, well long story short, he runs like he has quarters in his pockets for the slot machine and doesn’t want to spill them. Then with this “We the people” thing that is just The Garvin Stomp of catchphrases. I started yelling for Jim Duggan to save our reputation but he never comes. Anyway I end up wanting Shameus to win to put me out of my misery and he does.

The main event is Kevin Owens who was a good heel and Dean Ambrose for the IC. Again, it’s a house show, so spoiler alert. Not a bad match. Mostly Ambrose getting his ass kicked and winning by pin following the ref taking a chair out of Owens’ hands. Ambrose as the main draw spent a lot of time high fiving, taking selfies. Plus Sheri’s souvenir was an autographed photo of Ambrose. She definitely wanted to go back.

-Originally aired March 16, 1987.

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan. They have the massive, unused Andre the Giant title belt on the desk. You people can have your Big Gold Belt; I want a replica of THIS belt; absolutely gorgeous.

HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN vs MOONDOG SPOT

-Duggan’s debut in the Boston Garden. He doesn’t have the 2×4 yet. He DOES have the “Hoooo” and it gets nothing, and in fact, Duggan and Spot look like they could be a tag team.

-Atomic drop by Duggan to start. He lights into Spot with right hands and gets a smattering of boos for his “Hooooo,” which is REALLY surprising. Duggan got a white-hot crowd reaction for his TV debut, but Boston is really slow to warm up to this guy.

-Clothesline by Duggan. Spot comes to life with a knee and a slam. Fist drop right between the eyes, and Spot clamps on a chinlock. Duggan won’t stay down, so Spot gives him an inverted atomic drop for two. Duggan comes with a spinning slam and a new-ish glory kneedrop for two, and we pause for commercial.

-Back from the break, football tackle and the three-point stance finish.

-Gorilla taunts The Brain by showing an invitation to the post-Wrestlemania III party that Hulk Hogan is planning. Heenan demands more credit for being single-handedly responsible for causing the biggest main event in wrestling history.

WRESTLEMANIA III REPORT
-Jimmy Hart talks to Bob Uecker about the hair vs. hair match. Andre chastises Mary Hart for talking too much. The Dream Team hypes their match against the Rougeau Brothers, but Brutus Beefcake doesn’t seem all that excited about having Dino Bravo join them at ringside. The Hart Foundation and Danny Davis can understand why the Bulldogs are upset, but why does “The Burrito Brother” want to get involved?

KILLER BEES vs IRON MIKE SHARPE & TIGER CHUNG LEE

-From “Superstars of Wrestling.” Jesse very correctly says that the Bees’ new look resembles ballet dancers.

-Bees work the iron arm of Canada’s greatest athlete. Sharpe slams out of that and tags in the Chunger. Brunzell seamlessly switches to working Lee’s arm. Jobbers gang up on Brunzell in the corner, with Sharpe giving him a hard chop. Brunzell continues getting the snot knocked out of him while Jesse complains that Bob Uecker doesn’t deserve to be called “Mister Baseball” and Vince surprisingly takes Jesse to task for his own “lackluster” wrestling career.

-Iron Mike loads the forearm brace for a double team move, but accidentally knocks out Lee. Blair tags in and bee stings Sharpe out to the floor. Brunzell dropkick on Lee finishes things.

-Gene Okerlund talks to the Honky Tonk Man. He’s not sorry for what he did to Jake “The Snake” Roberts. His mama gave him the name Honky Tonk Man, his mama gave him his guitar, so Jake insulted his mama, and no man gets away with that.

OUTLAW RON BASS vs SPECIAL DELIVERY JONES

-Joined in progress thank you God from Boston.

-Elbows by Bass. SD winds up on the floor, and Bass is all over him, posting and choking him. He slams Jones back inside for two. Abdominal stretch by Bass and SD hiptosses out. Bass grinds away at his face to keep him from coming back. Bass with a neckbreaker for two. SD tries mounting another comeback but goes shoulder-first into the post.

-Bass targets the shoulder with knees and a hammerlock slam. SD fights back with fists, but since his shoulder is hurt, they’re weak blows and Bass easily fights him off, connecting with the Mulligan-style elbow for the abrupt three. Okay, I take back my previous snark. This was good.

DANNY SPIVEY & JERRY ALLEN vs COWBOY BOB ORTON & MAGNIFICENT MURACO (with Mr. Fuji)

-So that’s it for Rotundo. Heels are super-cocky and start the match by discussing whether they’ll finish with the superplex or the piledriver.

-Orton takes a beating early on and tags out quickly. Spivey works the arm before tagging in Jerry Redshirt, who connects with a bodypress for two. Orton tags back in and gets armdragged all over the place. He’s having a bad night. Allen works the arm, but Orton fights back with a kneelift and a back suplex.

-Muraco tags in and takes Allen down with a clothesline. Beautiful dropkick by Orton connects, and he applies a front facelock. Allen punches free, but gets slammed down. Orton tries a pump splash but hits the raised knees. Spivey tags in and gets caught in the heel corner immediately, but he’s able to fight out with no trouble.

-Back from commercial, Orton & Muraco do some double-teaming, but Spivey is still too fresh and manages to fight off both opponents. Fuji trips him with the cane from the outside, and Allen tags back in. Allen tries to fight off both opponents and actually does a pretty good job with Orton (who again, is pretty consistently having a bad night tonight) but Muraco overpowers him. Muraco throws his partner a bone once Allen is sufficiently worn down, and Orton gets the win with a superplex. Pretty decent for what amounted to a very long squash. Orton & Muraco beat up Spivey after the match, and then Fuji wails on Allen with the cane.

PEDRO MORALES vs JIMMY JACK FUNK

-From Boston.

-Pedro applies a wristlock and gets JJ on the mat right away. JJ stalls and futzes around before finally getting some firm offense with kicks and choking. He clocks Pedro with the cowbell and clamps on a chinlock. Pedro fights out and goes to work with left hands and a backbreaker for three. How the hell did Pedro have so much staying power?

-Jake offers a rebuttal to the Honky Tonk Man. If Honky feels like Jake was making fun of him…he’s right.

WOMEN’S TAG TEAM TITLE: LELANI KAI & JUDY MARTIN (Champions) vs VELVET MCINTYRE & ANGIE MINELLI
-From Columbus, Ohio. They aren’t the Glamour Girls yet and they don’t have Jimmy Hart with them, but they’ve got the belts, at least. Gene Okerlund, on commentary, calls referee Dave Hebner “the fifth man in the ring.”

-Champs get knocked out of the ring with dropkicks right away. Velvet works Lelani’s arm and Minnelli leapfrogs on top of her shoulder for good measure. Minnelli is pretty good and this is the first I’ve ever heard of her. Wikipedia says she’s Donna Christanello’s niece.

-Bodypress by Velvet gets two and a big pop. Crowd reaction here is interesting to listen to because they were sitting on their hands to start and they’re totally getting into this as it goes along. Velvet is wrestling like she drank an entire case of Mountain Dew before coming to the ring and Lelani finally grounds her with a backbreaker before tagging in Judy Martin.

-Martin whips Velvet across the ring by her hair. Impressive show of strength by Lelani, applying a rear chinlock on Velvet on the apron, leaving Velvet’s legs dangling over the floor as Lelani is supporting her entire weight by the chin.

-Back from commercial, Velvet is getting murdered until Kai & Martin collide on an attempted double-team. Minnelli tags in and clears the ring, then brings Martin back in just to kick her ass again. Donnybrook erupts and the referee gets distracted by Velvet, so Martin sneaks in and knocks Minnelli right the hell out with a powerbomb, and Kai gets the three-count to retain.

-We close out the show with an on-location shoot of Gorilla Monsoon several weeks ago visiting the training camp of Andre the Giant…if he can find it. Gorilla and Bobby are in a forest and Bobby is supposedly guiding Gorilla there, but clearly can’t remember how to get there. Gorilla has his pockets filled with bananas and keeps eating one every few feet and using the peel to mark his trail.

6.3

The final score: review Average

The 411

A few pleasant surprises this week. Not must-see but worth a look when you get around to it.