The NEW USWA Championship Wrestling (7.28.1990) Review

Oh, wow, there’s a HUGE gap on Amazon, so we’re jumping ahead nearly two months now.

-Originally aired July 28, 1990.

-Your host is Michael St. John, and we have a format change this week. No more control center for Michael, he’s now LIVE in the Memphis Studio, with a logo touting this as “NEW USWA” on the desk.

DIRTY WHITE BOYS (with Dirty White Girl) vs. DEUCE MASON & T.D. STEEL
-Ronnie P. Gossett is missing and the crowd is just totally behind the DWBs this week.. Tony Anthony clotheslines and slams Mason. Tom Burton tags in and suplexes Mason, then throws him into the corner to force a tag. Steele is wearing a basketball uniform for wrestling gear. Powerslam and an elbow by Anthony, but it only gets one because Anthony decides he’s not done yet. Burton tags back in with a DDT.

-Steel gets thrown out to the concrete and Dirty White Girl whips him with a cat o’ nine tails. Steel decides to go after her, and Anthony is waiting with a hard clothesline. Back in, a second-turnbuckle Hart Attack gets the win for the Dirty White Boys. Crowd chants for TD while he lies there motionless after the bell.

-Oh, hey, Brian Lee is back in the USWA. He says he’s back because the competition is better, and he’s going to prove it by destroying Rex King, even though Brian Lee has already beaten Steve Doll so badly that he’s gone now.

-We head to action from the Mid-South Coliseum. Jerry Lawler, fully a face again, is teaming with Bill Dundee, with Tessa in their corner. Damn, we missed a lot. Their opponents are Tony Anthony and Eddie Gilbert, with Dirty White Girl in their corner. Stipulation for this match: the women are handcuffed to the bottom rope in their respective corners. Outside interference by Tom Burton and a ref bump end up deciding the match, as Tony Anthony gets the winning pin over Bill Dundee. Great reaction from the referee, who goes to all four sides of the ring and asks the fans what happened, and the fans vouch for Lawler and Dundee, so the referee reverses his decision.

-Lawler and Dundee uncuff Tessa, and apparently, part of the stipulations here are that Dirty White Girl has to stay handcuffed. So Tessa goes over to take some free shots, but Tony Anthony grabs her and puts her back in the cuffs, then frees Dirty White Girl. So White Girl heads over and just starts ripping Tessa’s clothes off, and the cameraman apparently only has two feet of cable because he can’t get closer than the other side of the ring. This is really obnoxious as Michael St. John was basically teasing hardcore nudity at the start of the segment.

-We’re back in the studio, with Jerry Lawler, who complains about the injustice to Tessa. He starts to introduce some pre-taped words from Dundee and Tessa down in Texas, but Eddie Gilbert and the Dirty White Boys are suddenly here, ready to kick some ass since Lawler was stupid enough to come here when Bill Dundee is down in Texas. And suddenly Bill Dundee shows up live in the studio with baseball bats, and they just carry out a mob hit on the heels while Tessa attacks Dirty White Girl.

-So with all that taken care of, Lawler announces that for the rematch, the women are going to be handcuffed again, and Tom Burton will be handcuffed too.

-Back from commercial, the Dirty White contingent has returned, and they want some contracts signed for Texas Death Matches, and Lawler and Dundee can bring all the baseball bats they want. Eddie Gilbert says he got run out of the USWA the last time he hurt Jerry Lawler, but no one’s gonna stop him THIS time!

JERRY “The King” LAWLER vs. EDDIE GILBERT
-Oh, wow, we’re doing this right now? Okay!

-Lawler fires Gilbert in the ropes and winds up for a punch, but Gilbert does a GREAT comedic grab of the ropes to save himself. Gilbert produces a weapon out of thin air and actually does some classic Lawler hide-the-weapon shtick to take control of the match. Chokes and rights by Gilbert have Lawler dazed, but Lawler gets out of the way of a corner charge and Lawler throws punches now. Lawler chokes Gilbert out, and the Dirty White Boys hit the ring and double-team him, getting the DQ. Gilbert pulls something out of the tights and the Dirty White Boys hold Lawler in position for whatever it is…but Lawler ducks and Gilbert throws a fireball right in Tom Burton’s face! Burton is blind, and Gilbert tries to remedy it by gaslighting the entire audience and cutting a promo about how Lawler just threw a fireball at Burton’s face and he’s appalled by it!

TAG TEAM TITLE: JOEY MAGGS & REX KING (Champions) vs. BRIAN LEE & DON HARRIS
-Don Harris is sporting a classic 80s job guy mullet complete with unfinished blonde dye job, in a strange visual. Lee gets the early advantage on King with stomps, but the champs clear the ring with dropkicks. Lee comes back in and gets armdragged to and fro, all the live long day, and heads out to the floor to get some sage advice from Don Harris. Back in, he offers a handshake and Rex King falls for it and therefore deserves to lose the title and you can’t change my mind about that.

-Maggs tags in and we have a pier sixer. Referee loses control quickly and Maggs gets laid out with a chair to the back, and Harris gets the pin to take the titles. And then in some phenomenally lazy booking, the referee canvases the fan reactions and reverses the decision because of it.

-Jeff Jarrett has words for Skandar Akbar. He doesn’t take too kindly to him.

-The Wild Things, Scott Braddock & Jeff Gaylord, are here with Downtown Bruno. Jeff Gaylord threatens to tear Cowabunga the Karate Turtle’s head off.

-And thank you god, we get a promo from Cowabunga the Karate Turtle, and I can’t do this justice. It’s so deliciously magnificently awful. Cowabunga goes channel-surfing…C-Span is totally lame, but he marks out when he turns on wrestling with Jerry Lawler in the ring. And then “Master” (angled Dr. Claw-style so we can only see his arm, and it’s covered with brown fur) waves him over for training.

WILD THINGS (with Downtown Bruno) vs. BEN JORDAN & MATT RAPER
-Press slams ahoy on Raper, and the decapitator finishes.

-Jerry Lawler closes out the show by explaining what a Texas Death Match is. Lawler cuts an amazing promo here, as every funny bone in his body is turned off and he’s promising blood and broken bones for everybody.

7.7

The final score: review Good

The 411

Cowabunga aside, this week's episode was a blast!