Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report 09.27.12

Awesome Dolphin Girl is Awesome

Posted By: Guest#3355 (Guest) on September 13, 2012 at 09:58 AM

NO! It’s Ladybug! La-dy-bug! NOT Dolphin!

Yeah, Someone has to get an Awesome Ladybug Girl sign on SD.In fact I want to see that plus “Shake-a-butt guy”, “Jumpy Guy” and “Booger T” signs all next to each other ! Although that might let the cat out of the bag in regards to Victoria knowing about the column !!!

Posted By: K (Guest) on September 13, 2012 at 03:17 PM

Oh my God, I would just about die if I saw any of those signs on Smackdown. If anyone out there is attending a show, please make this happen. I’ll even document Victoria’s reaction. I’m sure it’ll be a hilarious mixture of confusion and excitement. My readers are awesome!

Posted By: Sean Kelly (Registered) on September 13, 2012 at 03:34 PM

Yep, I read every comment and constantly check to see how the conversation is taking shape. Not ashamed to admit it. Wouldn’t you? Please comment away, as it makes my day.

Anyway, I still feel the same – an Awesome Ladybug Girl-related sign would be the Best. Thing. Ever. Send along a pic of you with the sign and a screencap of it on TV and I’ll put it up here for dozens to see!

Awesome Lady Bug Girl turning into Awesome Dolphin Girl is probably one of the greatest heel turns the IWC will ever lay eyes on.

Posted By: Toddo (Guest) on September 14, 2012 at 10:26 AM

Dolphin what? I have no idea what you’re talking about. Did you mean the Brock Lobster? (Jeez, Victoria is starting her own underwater ecosystem here…) No, no dolphins to be found here, thankyouverymuch.

DOLPHINS ARE JUST PUSSY SHARKS!

So you have a choice of either Sheamus or Dolph as a possible future son-in-law??
Kidding!! 8)

Posted By: Guest#1720 (Guest) on September 14, 2012 at 01:35 PM

You little! Why I oughta! GAH!!!

Greetings, folks, and welcome to another edition of Thursday Sports Entertainment! Sorry I wasn’t here last week – I was away at work-related training. But now I’m back to give you the best Sports Entertainment news and whatever and such!

WORLD (WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT) NEWS TONIGHT

Beth Phoenix has given her notice to WWE. Phoenix, who took time off recently due to a death in the family, is expected to leave by the end of next month. Phoenix will finish up all of her already-committed dates. Sources in the company say that they are not surprised, as she appeared to be “going through the motions” during the last year.

Phoenix has been part of the company since 2005, has held both the Women’s and Divas titles and was the second-ever woman to compete in the Royal Rumble. She will keep ownership of her ring name as she used it before she signed with the company.

And like any good internet wrestling news item, a contradictory report came out a little while later…

Rumors that Beth Phoenix gave her notice to WWE may be just that…rumors. Several readers told Rajah that they spoke with Phoenix as she was leaving the arena in Albany and she replied “No, I don’t plan on leaving any time soon.”

Whether or not Beth Phoenix is leaving, you really can’t blame her if she does. Let me take you though the life of your average sports entertainer:

You grew up watching wrestling. You idolized the men and women you saw on TV, who put on an entertaining show for you every week. At some point in your life, probably at the threshold of adulthood, you decide you want to become a pro wrestler. You get in shape. You take wrestling classes. You work on your persona/gimmick endlessly. Perhaps you got booked on a few local independent shows. You gain valuable experience from these shows. You persist at it, and lucky you! You get noticed by someone from WWE – your ultimate goal.

You sign a developmental deal with McMahon. You can’t believe it – you’re living the dream! You move to their developmental territory and learn their style. You have coaches like Ricky Steamboat that help you enormously, espousing your bright future. The Dragon thinks you have what it takes! In your head, you can see it all perfectly – it’s just a matter of time before you main event WrestleMania. You work at developmental a long time. Longer than you first thought you would, but that’s okay, you’re on your way to being a bona fide superstar.

The time has come. You’re called up to the main roster. You’re given a generic name and not much of a gimmick, but that’s okay…you’ll make it work, right? Wow, you can’t believe you’re dressing in the same locker room as John Cena and CM Punk for Monday Night RAW! This is so surreal. You keep your head down, call everyone “sir” and try not to make any waves while you figure out the rules of the locker room. The Road Dogg comes over and lays out your angle with Santino for the Superstars taping. Santino is great to work with. He does his best to give you a good reaction even though he’s picking up the win. It lasts only 3.5 minutes, but it’s an exhilarating 3.5 minutes. When you reach the back, everyone pats you on the back and says you did a great job. You graciously accept their compliments and stick around until the end of RAW, showing everyone that you want to learn and that you’re part of the team. It’s now 11:30PM and you need to get to the next town 200 miles away. Kofi, Hornswoggle, and the Miz offer to let you ride with them if you pick up some of the gas money. You accept. You have a great time on the ride watching Hornswoggle whip the Miz’s ass at Madden on PSP for three hours. You check into your cheap motel (paid out of your own pocket) at 3AM and crash.

You get to the arena early the next day for the SmackDown tapings. You’re wearing business casual clothing per company policy. You discover that they have no plans for you tonight. You wish they could have told you that before you rode in a car for three hours and paid for a night in a motel, but it comes with being on the team, right? Only this happens again and again. Last minute booking changes keep you off the show. Every time you think you’re on a good run, the plug gets pulled and you’re back to waiting for your next opportunity. Meanwhile, the hectic travel is taking its toll on your body and your bank account. You’d rather wrestle a 60-minute Iron Man match than spend one more minute in a rental car.

After eighteen months of the same thing over and over, you vent your feelings to Drew McIntyre out of frustration. Your body and wallet are taking a huge toll but seeing little reward for your dedication. You can’t start a family because you’re on the road so much. You haven’t hung out with your friends in ages and your health is starting to suffer. McIntyre totally understands. He assures you to be patient and persevere – you’re living the dream and these things take time. His words work. You feel much better and thank him for his sage advice.

The only problem is that one of the janitors overheard your conversation with Drew. Mr. Clean wrote to an Internet Wrestling Website about how much of an entitled little bitch you are, and how you think you deserve a run at the top. Snarky columnists and message board posters rip you to shreds, questioning your sanity and calling for you to be jobbed into oblivion. You feel the cold stares in the locker room. Did you just overhear HHH calling you “ungrateful?” This is unbelievable. You’ve worked so hard for so long and it’s all taken away because of a brief moment of frustration that no one on the internet can truly understand.

You thought things were bad before. They’re worse now. You continue to suffer the grind of the road, but you’re lucky to work a dark match once a month. Before you know it, you’re “future endeavored,” and all the internet columnists have to say about it is “who???” or “your next TNA champion…”

And that’s just one scenario. Someone like Beth broke through and became Divas champion, but she’s had so many starts and stops to her pushes that it must have been very frustrating. She’s clearly a top talent in the Divas Division, but the division gets minimal TV time and even less respect. Why should she put her body and wallet through so much to see so little in return? And for a woman, it’s very difficult once that maternal instinct kicks in and you realize your better child-rearing years are behind you.

Maybe Beth is leaving. Maybe not. But ask yourself – between the ring, the road, the sacrifice of a personal life – every wrestler suffers by being in this industry. At what point is enough enough? The only way to justify continuing that kind of lifestyle is to reach a level where the pay and notoriety is worth it. Very few ever make it that far, and that’s why so many leave. And you know what? I don’t blame them.

But that’s enough reality. Back to fantasy now, folks…

Jesse Ventura said during an appearance on Current TV that he may run for President in 2016.

He was promoting his latest book when he said: “I am contemplating running in 2016.”

He added that out of all of the Presidents, only George Washington had no political party. He said he wants to start “a new party that is a grassroots movement. In politics, all you get is coke and Pepsi…one is slightly sweeter and they are both bad for you.”

He shocked several pundits when he became the Governor of Minnesota in 1999.

I have to agree with the Governor that the two party system is killing American politics. Having an outsider like Ventura in the White House would be all sorts of awesome. Finally, we’d get the truth behind HAARP, 9/11, Aliens, and JFK!

Too bad the Bilderbergs will never let it happen (look it up).

Kelly Kelly is expected to be back in WWE full time later this year.

So…not much of a market in Hollywood for unknown wrestlers with soulless eyes?

WWE has announced that they have signed a deal with Hulu Plus, the subscription version of Hulu. All episodes of original WWE programming (RAW, Smackdown, NXT, Superstars and WWE Main Event) will being streaming 24 hours after the original broadcast dates of the series.

This should please fans who want to watch WWE programming but don’t have specific cable outlets. In the case of those who live in the US, this means they will finally be able to watch NXT.

The deal is for multiple years and will also include WWE’s Hispanic digital show, WWE En Español on Hulu Latino. Subscribers can also get to content on mobile phones, tablets, PCs, internet-connected TVs, set-top boxes and gaming consoles. The service also includes TV shows and movies in HD for $7.99/month.

Vince McMahon, Chairman and CEO of WWE, said: “As a clear leader in digital content delivery, Hulu is an ideal partner for WWE. Hulu delivers more ways for our fans to experience WWE programming than ever before.”

Makes sense for both sides, if you ask me. Sports Entertainment has a long track record of having a wide appeal, and Hulu is looking to expand its subscription base. WWE has been coming out with a lot of new shows lately, like Saturday Morning Slam, WWE Main Event, etc. Makes me think that the WWE Network is worse shape than I thought. One would assume that they would want to keep original programming for themselves to grow their own network. The fact that they are farming it out to ION, the CW and Hulu Plus indicates that the WWE Network isn’t working out as planned.

I know. “Duh.” But I’m optimistic, dammit!

I love this next news item, which I copied word-for-word, not changing a thing:

Met Life Stadium, the venue for Wrestlemania 29, were asked when tickets will go on sale and they replied November 10, 2012.

What I find most troubling about this news item is the fact that the stadium has seemingly gained sentience. The singularity is upon us, people! The Mayans were right! Sure, for now MetLife Stadium is content answering asinine questions about future events, but wait until the stadium gains a taste for human flesh…then it’s all over! Once MetLife Stadium starts rampaging through midtown Manhattan, our only hope will be to give the Empire State Building consciousness and pray that it’s on the side of the humans…

AWESOME LADYBUG GIRL UPDATE

Awesome Ladybug Girl gets a break this week, BUT, I wanted to provide you, my dear readers, with an update on her antics.

Quick recap for first time readers: Awesome Ladybug Girl is the wrestling name my 5-year old daughter, Victoria, gave herself after we started watching wrestling at her insistence. Her favorite Superstars are Sheamus and Rey Mysterio, with her least favorite being Daniel Bryan. It has become very obvious to me that her heart really belongs to Dolph Ziggler, whom she has dubbed “shake-a-butt guy.” While she will never overtly cheer for him as a bad guy, she is clearly infatuated with the Show Off and even admitted to me that she finds him handsome. I find this amusing and troubling.

Two weeks ago she dropped the bombshell that she wants her wrestling name to be “The Awesome Ladybug AND DOLPHIN Girl.” I cannot and will not allow this to happen. She will always be Awesome Ladybug Girl and I, being the responsible and silly father that I am, will not let DOLPHins be anywhere near her name. My precious 5 year old will NOT turn #heel!

Shortly after her last SmackDown recap, Victoria got a school assignment where she had to decorate the front & back of her daily journal. We went through a list of everything she likes, and I printed out pictures for her to paste on her notebook. I thought that you, dear reader, would be interested in seeing what she chose. You can get a peek into the inner workings of the Ladybug’s mind, so to speak. What makes her tick? What are a few of her favorite things? Let’s find out. Here’s the back of her book…

Notice the picture of Sheamus at the top left. You will see a lot of rainbows, as that’s her favorite color. Rainbow roses, violins in the colors of the rainbow, etc. The more colorful the better as far as Victoria is concerned. Notice the big T-Rex, as she loves dinosaurs as well. She’s also a big Disney fan, hence Cinderella’s castle, and she’s also gotten into Star Wars, which delights me enormously. Goldfish adorn the bottom right in tribute to her three goldfish – Cherry, Orange the Creamsicle, and Pumpkin. The rest of the back cover is decorated with Disney princess stickers to fill in the small spaces. Nothing alarming here, glad to say.

Now let’s take a look at the front cover:

You will notice a row of more princess stickers at the top, followed by big pictures of hearts and the solar system (she’s a huge outer space nut). More princess stickers follow, then a spiral galaxy along with a “soccer star” sticker. So far so good. Below the soccer star are more rainbow flowers and the WWE holographic sticker that was on her Rey Mysterio mask. But wait…what’s that?? What’s that on the bottom left?

A DOLPHIN?!?!

I assure you, Victoria expressed ZERO interest in dolphins before being exposed to Ziggler. She even picked a picture of a Dolphin with a pink ball, because she knows that pink is associated with the Show Off. I’m telling ya, this isn’t good. He’s slowly turning her. I can just feel it. I will not let this happen!

Not only that, but the next night she drew a picture. Again, I thought that you might want to see her artistic skills for yourself:

“That’s me playing on the beach with a dolphin!” – Awesome Ladybug Girl

NOOOOOO!!!!!!

All joking aside, wouldn’t this make an interesting storyline? If WWE took someone that had a relationship with Dolph Ziggler and had them find out he was in love with their daughter, I wonder how she would react? This would be real Pam & Jim from The Office, forbidden, capital “L” LOVE. If only Dolph was closely associated with a woman on the roster who had a daughter in developmental….

THE WORLD’S WORST JOHN CENA FAN

You may recall that two weeks ago, a series of anti-American outbursts took place in the Middle East. In Lybia, a U.S. ambassador was killed, along with several other Americans, and that is indeed a tragic occurrence. I’m not touching what happened in Lybia with a 10-foot pole. Sincere condolences to everyone affected by such senseless violence.

Egypt, however, is another story. No one was killed there, so that makes it fair game for some levity. This is called Thursday Sports ENTERTAINMENT, after all. In Egypt, some of the locals formed mobs to cause general unrest: throwing rocks, lighting cars on fire, that kind of stuff. Here’s a picture of the chaos:

While watching the news coverage, I noticed one young Egyptian in the crowd. He was one of the folks causing some chaos, and I got a good look at him while he was running away from the riot police. Here’s the man in question:

See what he’s wearing? This dude is wearing a John Cena “Rise Above Hate” T-shirt at an anti-American RIOT. Oh, the delicious irony. Not only that, it’s a knock-off white shirt, so Cena doesn’t even get any of those sweet, sweet merchandising dollars. Can you believe this?

So, nameless Egyptian dude, for totally not getting the shirt’s message and for denying the Doctor of Thuganomics his payday, you are the worst John Cena fan in the world!

YOU’RE IN FOR A REAL TWEET

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SIGNING OFF

That’ll do it for this week. Thanks for making Thursday Sports Entertainment your go-to destination for wrestling news, opinions, etc. Join us next week where we discuss Hell in a Cell, Ryback’s push and the Miz’s auto-erotic asphyxiation fetish. (Card subject to change).

Hasta Jueves,

This is Sean.