wrestling / Columns

The Wrestling News Experience: 01.28.13

January 28, 2013 | Posted by Stephen Randle

Monday, January 28th, 2013

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

More Than Serviceable

Good morning everyone, and welcome to the Experience, I’m Stephen Randle. The introduction would be longer, but I got hooked on playing Ni No Kuni, and then suddenly I was way past deadline.

Hey, good thing the Leafs are in no hurry to find a goaltender. I’m sure averaging 2 goals for a game is good enough to get at least ten wins or so. On the bright side, at least if they tank this season they might be able to draft something worthwhile.

Moving on.

Slimmer had the live coverage.

By the way, Cesaro beat the Miz on the pre-show to retain the US Title. I don’t think they have any real idea what to do with Miz at this point other than “keep putting him out there and hope something clicks somehow”.

Alberto Del Rio © vs The Big Show – World Heavyweight Championship – Last Man Standing Match

We’re opening with this? Are they mad that somebody leaked the match order or something?

Reason #5323 Why JBL Is A Great Announcer: He still loves Del Rio even though Del Rio’s a face now. Once you’re a JBL guy, you’re a JBL guy for life.

Random Bret Hart appearance to put over Del Rio! I have to say, Ricardo held it together way better than I would have in the same situation.

You’re going to think I’m kidding, but after their first LMS match, I totally believe that they’re wasting this by putting it on a PPV that will be overshadowed by Rock-Punk and the Rumble match.

Uh oh, Del Rio’s stealing liberally from Mysterio’s moveset. Put a mask back on him, we’ll make millions!

Big Show is perfect for LMS matches, and it’s showing here. Del Rio’s getting lots of offence, but if Show hits one big power move, it’s an instant eight-count, minimum.

Fluorescent bulbs and tables…did I fall asleep and somebody changed the feed to CZW?

Well, these are two guys I did not expect to be setting up a massive highspot. There’s no way…okay, Show just tossed Del Rio off the entranceway through a table. You see something new every day.

That was smart camera work to not actually show Del Rio hitting Show’s arm with the chair, because I’m fairly certain it missed by a lot.

I love that finish even if it’s pretty much the same one from Cena-Batista. Del Rio also looks smarter by injuring Show’s arm so you can’t just say “well, he could rip the duct tape off with his hands”.

This was different from the Smackdown match, but I liked them both in different ways. So who gets to untie Big Show? Not it.

Alberto Del Rio defeated The Big Show in a Last Man Standing Match to retain the World Heavyweight Title

Ziggler chooses #1, which doesn’t shock me and also gets me points in my pick-em. Come on, Ryder for #2!

So, which gigantic muscle-bound black guy has the more surprisingly out-of-place voice, Bobby Lashley or Big E Langston? I think it’s still Lashley by an octave or so.

Holy crap, it’s the long-awaited return of the “Rumble promo montage”! A few points off for not having crazy airbrushed wrestler logos on a green screen behind them, though.

Well, I already got my money’s worth. This PPV has totally earned a “serviceable” rating!

Hell No © vs Rhodes Scholars – WWE Tag Team Championship

Actually, JBL, just like Dr. Shelby, Dr. Lecter had lots of credibility. I mean, he did kill and eat anyone who disagreed, but in a way, that’s almost more convincing.

I’m totally stealing the “I’m almost a vegetarian, I only eat animals that eat grass” line, too.

Sign in the crowd: “‘Staching Cody Rhodes”. Now that’s clever!

Huh, I thought for sure they’d do a title change here.

Hell No defeated Rhodes Scholars to retain the WWE Tag Team titles (Bryan submits Sandow, No Lock)

Okay, come on, WWE, you’ve been rolling out this “Rumble By The Numbers” video for a little too long at this point. The only thing I’m really starting to notice it how far the “percentage of Rumble winners to win the title at WrestleMania” has fallen. 58% isn’t exactly the best odds in the world.

Also, you should probably stop highlighting #1 vs #30 when you can’t show the second guy who won from #1, because people like me are going to keep pointing it out every time because we’re jerks.

And now Kane and Daniel Bryan make veiled penis jokes about their Rumble numbers. Somehow, I suspect Kane got #30.

Hey, random DiBiase sighting during the B.A. Star video!

Well, the Rumble isn’t main eventing, which I actually was debating myself all week. I know it should be the last match, and I didn’t like it when that wasn’t the case in some other years, but I think Punk vs Rock merits going on last.

The Royal Rumble Match

#1. Dolph Ziggler
#2. Chris Jericho


Well, now I feel like I should have paid for this show twice.

Damn, you Jericho, stop lying to us on Twitter, it makes us feel like idiots when we keep believing you every single time.

Suddenly, the potential prospects for a Ziggler-Jericho Mania feud begin to percolate. Must…resist…urge…to squeal…like a tiny girl…

#3. Cody Rhodes

#4. Kofi Kingston

I suspect Ziggler might not just get the “Ironman”, but also the “John Morrison Memorial Award For Saving Oneself From Elimination As Many Times As Possible In Lieu Of Wrestling Inside The Ring”.

#5. Santino Marella

Santino Marella eliminated by Cody Rhodes

Well, at least he almost eliminated everyone. If there wasn’t a ring apron, he’d be just like Diesel right now!

#6. Drew McIntyre

I thought Jinder was the funny one?

#7. Titus O’Neal

Drew McIntyre eliminated by Chris Jericho

#8. Goldust

And now the brothers start trading Rhodse-isms because they’re gigantic hams. Insert something about apples and trees here.

Also, Dustin looks like he’s in decent shape again.

#9. David Otunga

Nobody cares!

#10. Heath Slater

So with Drew eliminated, what does Heath’s mom think their odds are now?

#11. Sheamus

Titus O’Neal eliminated by Sheamus

David Otunga eliminated by Sheamus

#12. Tensai

Nobody cares, but they really seem to like some guy named “Albert”!

#13. Brodus Clay

Goldust eliminated by Cody Rhodes

That’s going to make the next family dinner awkward. More than usual, anyway. At least Dustin went out in his usual way, dramatically.

#14. Rey Mysterio

When did Rey start dressing like Konnan?

#15. Darren Young

Brodus Clay eliminated by general effort

Tensai eliminated by Kofi Kingston

And Kofi goes over the top rope…and lands on Tensai’s back. Somehow he ends up on the SAT.

#16. Bo Dallas

And Kofi has borrowed JBL’s desk chair and is now pogo-sticking his way back to the ring. Only in pro wrestling does any of the last two lines of commentary make sense, and even then, not all of it.

Darren Young eliminated by Kofi Kingston

Kofi Kingston eliminated by Cody Rhodes

Well, he’d already served his purpose.

#17. The Godfather

The Godfather eliminated by Dolph Ziggler

I guess he wasn’t out there long enough to put the PG rating in danger.

#18. Wade Barrett

Why didn’t anyone tell me that I constantly spelled “Barrett” with one “t” during my TLC recap? Was there some other error I made on that show that demanded more attention?

#19. John Cena

Damn, I had #25 in the pool.

JBL is likely more correct by saying “There’s nobody on their feet here!” even if he claimed it was a mistake.

Heath Slater eliminated by John Cena

Cody Rhodes eliminated by John Cena

#20. Damien Sandow

Rey Mysterio eliminated by Wade Barrett

As JBL mocks Rey’s elimination, I’m also reminded that if JBL hates you, he hates you for life.

#21. Daniel Bryan

#22. Antonio Cesaro

So is somebody in their ear yelling that they need to talk more about Bo Dallas every couple of minutes? Maybe he should do something interesting so that they don’t have to go with “he’s been in there ten minutes!”

#23. The Great Khali

Oh Lord, JBL just pointed out that Bret Hart might become Khali’s uncle due to the current relationship with Natalya. Many things about that are very disquieting.

#24. Kane

So, 3 spots after Bryan and he thought he was so much better off?

Come on, at least give me Orton so I have a chance here.

#25. Zack Ryder

*rips up his pool ticket, wanders off muttering to himself*

The Great Khali eliminated by Kane

Kane eliminated by Daniel Bryan

Daniel Bryan eliminated by someone I didn’t see (and then by Kane dropping him)

Well, that’s karma for you. Did that Khali elimination put Kane into top spot for eliminations, or is he still behind Shawn? If only I’d paid attention to that stupid video!

#26. Randy Orton

Zack Ryder eliminated by Randy Orton

#27. Jinder Mahal

Antonio Cesaro eliminated by John Cena

#28. The Miz

Jinder Mahal eliminated by Sheamus

#29. Sin Cara

Well, with only Ryback left it’s pretty much Cena’s to lose. Although I’m pretty sure the crowd would really, really like Jericho to win. Not going to happen, though.

Wade Barrett eliminated by Bo Dallas

See, now you can talk him up.

Bo Dallas eliminated by Wade Barrett

Interesting, Dallas gets the call to the main roster and his first feud might be for the IC title.

#30. Ryback

Damien Sandow eliminated by Ryback

Sin Cara eliminated by Ryback

Miz eliminated by Ryback

Chris Jericho eliminated by Dolph Ziggler

Ooh, that’s not going to make him any friends with the crowd.

So, three of the five guys left in the ring have already won a Rumble before, so I’d imagine we’re getting another two-time winner, he said in a desperate attempt to find something to talk about while waiting for Cena to win.

Randy Orton eliminated by Ryback

Dolph Ziggler eliminated by Sheamus

That’ll give Ziggler IronMan by two minutes over Jericho, and yes, I think the Morrison as well.

Oh, it’s time for the first acknowledgement of the WrestleMania sign! No pointing yet, though. Only the winner gets to do that.

Sheamus eliminated by Ryback

I imagine this would be more epic if anyone gave Ryback a snowball’s chance here.

Ryback eliminated by John Cena

And yep, there’s the point to the sign. I was worried for a second that nobody would remember to do that.

This was Foregone Conclusion Part One, and while the Rumble itself started off hot, it really dragged by the end, especially once you looked in the ring at the end and saw a bunch of the usual guys plus Ryback. Still decent, but since the booking is so obvious, it can’t help but fall flat.

Now, I don’t know a lot about New Jersey, but I’m pretty sure 90% of the city footage used in the Mania promo package was of Manhattan. If you want to hold Mania in New York, just hold it in New York. Don’t hold it in New Jersey and pretend that New York and New Jersey share some weird connection just because the New York football teams play there. They’re not even the same state!

Sorry, it had to be said at least once. I’ve got it out of my system now.

Okay, Rock’s cancer-surviving mom is in the audience, just in case you thought there was even a smidgen of a chance he’s losing tonight.

Well, I guess that explains why Del Rio-Show opened, since there were only four matches. A throwaway Divas match would have been way out of place on this card anyway, so I can’t imagine anyone will complain.

So, when I get diagnosed with a horribly deadly disease, all I ask is that they get The Rock to be the one to tell me, because I don’t think I’d care once he was done. Assuming the force of his promo didn’t cure me immediately, that is.

CM Punk © vs The Rock – WWE Championship

You know, if they don’t break the SAT after Punk teasing it twice, then I’m going to be slightly disappointed.

I’m pretty sure that Punk started corpsing during the body vice spot, although I couldn’t make out the chants that were amusing him.

Come on, Rock, Bret Hart’s even in the building. Couldn’t you have gotten him to show you how to do the Sharpshooter correctly for once in your life?

Oh crap, the SAT collapsed before they could get the spot off. That could have been awful, and I think Rock may have tweaked his knee. One would imagine Vince had six separate heart attacks when he saw that.

Does a Shield attack still count if it happens when the lights are out? CM Punk had better hope not.

Wow, that’s really taking some serious advantage of “if the ref didn’t see it, it never happened” rule.

Wait, Rock didn’t kick out?

What the hell?

Ha, the crowd shot has a whole bunch of upset people, and then one guy stands up and cheers. Hey, at least there’s one honest guy in that shot.

CM Punk defeated The Rock to retain the WWE Championship (pinfall, um…the lights went out, you tell me what happened)

And here comes Vince to ruin things. Nobody saw anything Vince, you have no proof!

You know, Vince, if you keep making pronouncements about The Shield, I can’t help but feel that they might see some injustice in that.

Oh thank God. I didn’t think they’d strip the title for real, because even they know that’s stupid, but I was a little worried. Great line from Rock, too. “You don’t take it from him, I do!”

I think you can get the same emotion if Rock kicks out instead of getting pinned and having to restart the match, but I wouldn’t argue too strenuously about it and the way they did does make The Shield seem a little stronger that way, since they would have cost Rock the match.

The Rock defeated CM Punk to win the WWE Championship (pinfall, People’s Elbow)

I’m pretty sure that was a damned good PPV. Serviceable, even. Four matches, none bad, all pretty darned excellent in their own rights, in fact. We can quibble about being handcuffed by booking and all that minutia, and yes, John Cena won again and we’re headed straight for Rock-Cena II whether we like it or not, but the show itself was absolutely electric from top to bottom, and if you didn’t watch this PPV, you need to.

Tonight, Raw is live from Las Vegas, which means the return of everyone’s second-favourite wheel-spinning based gimmick (and it’s only second because you just can’t hate Vanna White), Raw Roulette! Matches will be determined by a spin of a totally not-fixed wheel, and absolutely anything could potentially happen!

More importantly, after 434 days of facing all challengers, CM Punk’s monumental title reign came to an end at the hands of The Rock. How will Punk respond to suddenly not being WWE Champion for the first time since 2011? I would guess…poorly. On the bright side, he’s got nothing to lose by revealing that The Shield works for him, now.

Plus, and equally as unsurprising, John Cena won the Royal Rumble and now will have to choose between challenging for the World and WWE titles at WrestleMania. Come on, guess what he’s going to pick. Even in Vegas, they aren’t taking that bet.

And even though they’ve graduated from Anger Management and successfully defended the tag titles last night, how will Kane and Daniel Bryan react to each of their perceived betrayals which took place during the Rumble match last night? I imagine they’ll settle things amicably, like adults, don’t you?

Meanwhile, Bo Dallas made his WWE debut at the Royal Rumble a memorable one by eliminating Intercontinental champion Wade Barrett, who reacted badly and ended up costing Dallas his spot in the match as well. Could this young upstart have suddenly found himself in a serious feud after his first day on the job?

All this and more, as the Road to WrestleMania revs into high gear, tonight on Raw!

– With the dissolution of video game distributors THQ this past week, there was a lot of speculation as to what would happen with the WWE video game license. Well, it was not auctioned off like most of THQ’s other titles, but word is that Take-Two Interactive may have picked up the rights to create and distribute WWE games in a separate deal. While it’s unlikely that there will be time to see any massive changes to the game if/when they release this year’s edition (that game was likely already fairly far into development, so it’d be easier just to release what was planned and work towards any big moves for 2014), speculation is already running rampant as to what could be in store. And let me be the first to say, no, they’re not bringing back the No Mercy AKI engine. Let it go, already.

– So I went through all our news bites from the past week, and here’s a list of everyone who was rumoured to possibly be a surprise entrants/returns to action in the Royal Rumble: Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, John Morrison, Christian, Mark Henry, DDP, Booker T, The Godfather/Papa Shango, Chris Masters, Shane Helms, Sin Cara, Rikishi, and Kevin Nash (although that one was just Nash being Nash). So we got two out of…a lot. Man, that’s a lower correct reporting average than the Weekly World News. Plus, we didn’t guess Goldust or Jericho, and since he spent the last few months telling us he was totally not coming back, we entirely should have seen that coming.

– The Diva occasionally known as Sunny has been arrested again…you know what, much like Scott Hall and rehab, it’d probably be easier if I reported the weeks where she wasn’t arrested. So, nothing to report this week, I guess.

– In an interview last week, Michael Cole referred to himself as a “social media dumbass”. Hey, wrestling fans have been calling him that for years. We just saved time and shortened it down to one word, though.

1. CM Punk

The epic reign is over, and I think we need to take a minute to celebrate the past 434 days of CM Punk, WWE Champion. The very fact that he survived against all odds and worked his way into becoming the man who would not only set the bar for WWE Champions of the modern era and someone who could have a one-on-one match with The Rock himself and be seen as somewhat of an equal in that fight, is a story of incredible proportions. The reign has ended, but the sure-to-be Hall of Fame career of CM Punk is far from over.

2. The Rock

And just in time for G.I Joe to almost be ready to hit theatres for the second time, here comes The Rock, the new WWE Champion, who is far more game to come back and do really stupid thing like SAT spots when he has absolutely no reason to be anywhere near a wrestling ring than any human being I have ever seen. Sure, he’s only back for a little bit and he’ll be gone after Mania again, and who knows when he’ll return, but make no mistake, that man loves wrestling.

3. Alberto Del Rio

I was all over this face turn when it happened, because it came completely out of left field, but damned if Del Rio hasn’t somehow made it work, and become some sort of white hot babyface. Plus, his face offense really livens up his matches, and getting the better of Big Show in a couple of brutal bouts hasn’t hurt either. This is one of those cases where I’ve never been happier to be wrong.

4. Chris Jericho

Are you kidding me? How does he manage to keep doing this to us? The only question that remains: is he back to feud with Ziggler, or was it…please forgive me…a one shot deal?

5. Aries and Roode

Hey, look, it’s another tag team of super-charismatic guys just bouncing their personalities off each other and becoming incredibly over as a result. How did it take this long for both TNA and WWE to figure out this winning formula for tag team success?

6. Hell No

I worry that they may have run out of challengers after dealing with Rhodes Scholars yet again, but it’s not like the act is getting stale. They got an entire arena full of wrestling fans to hug last Monday, and I’m sure at least half of those hugs were not doing it ironically, but because they were totally in the moment.

Maybe a third.

7. Antonio Cesaro

Every week, this guy gets a little more awesome, and speaking of which, he may be stuck in a feud with the spiralling Miz, but judging from the recap of their pre-show match where all they played were recaps of Cesaro being great, the future has to be bright for Switzerland’s second-most deadly weapon.

8. Goldust

Hey, I mentioned his name here last week and look what happened. Did they finally decide to do the Cody feud? Either way, let’s test out my new-found power to summon wrestlers to my television screen. Ahem.

It sure would be cool to see John Morrison on Raw again. I wonder what he’s up to?

9. Dolph Ziggler

Well, since nobody expected him to win anyway, the IronMan Award will have to suffice, and there’s potential awesome lurking if…no, if I get my hopes up it won’t come true. Another good thing about possibly feuding with Jericho is that Ziggler might even get to win the majority of the matches! Possibly mostly cleanly!

10. Bo Dallas

A mostly unimpressive debut turned interesting when he eliminated the IC champion and possibly thrust himself into the WWE midcard title picture. I don’t know what the future holds for Dallas, but at least he’s going to get a decent shot to show what he’s capable of.

Inactive List as of 01.14.12


– Evan Bourne, out indefinitely as of March 19th (foot)
– Christian, out indefinitely as of September 1st (elbow)
– Hunico, out indefinitely as of November 1st (ACL)
– Mark Henry, out indefinitely as of May 1st (surgery)
– Rey Mysterio, out indefinitely as of December 18th Smackdown (personal)
– R-Truth, out 1 month as of December 17th (leg)
– Sin Cara, out indefinitely as of December 18th Smackdown (knee)
– Tyson Kidd, out 4-6 months as of January 10th (knee)


– Chris Sabin, out 6-9 months as of June 14th (ACL)
– Eric Young, out indefinitely as of November 22nd (kayfabe injury)
– Jesse Sorenson, out at least one year as of February 12th, 2012 (spine)
– Magnus, out indefinitely as of November 15th (kayfabe injury)


– Bo Dallas, NXT, made main roster debut at Royal Rumble PPV

– Chris Jericho, WWE, returned to action at Royal Rumble PPV

– Goldust, WWE, returned to action at Royal Rumble PPV

– Godfather, WWE, returned to action at Royal Rumble PPV

– Kid Kash, TNA, may or may not have been released from his contract, depending on who you believe at this point in time

– Rey Mysterio, WWE, returned to action at Royal Rumble PPV

– Sin Cara, WWE, returned to action at Royal Rumble PPV

**NEW** WWE Champion: The Rock
– 1 day reign, defeated CM Punk on January 27th (Royal Rumble PPV)

World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio
– 17 day reign, defeated The Big Show on January 11th (Smackdown)

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett
– 28 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston on December 31st (Raw)

WWE United States Champion: Antonio Cesaro
– 162 day reign, defeated Santino Marella on August 19th (SummerSlam PPV)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Kane and Daniel Bryan
– 134 day reign, defeated Kofi Kingston and R-Truth on September 16th (Night of Champions PPV)

WWE Divas’ Champion: Kaitlyn
– 14 day reign, defeated Eve Torres on January 14th (Raw)

WWE NXT Champion: Big E Langston
– 19 day reign, defeated Seth Rollins on January 9th NXT
NOTE: The NXT Title reign only counts what has aired on TV, not when they occur at tapings

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Jeff Hardy
– 106 day reign, defeated Austin Aries on October 14th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA World Tag Team Champions: Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez
– 106 day reign, defeated former champions Daniels & Kazarian, and AJ Styles & Kurt Angle in a Triple Threat match on October 14th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: RVD
– 106 day reign, defeated Zema Ion on October 14th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA Television Champion: Devon
– 53 day reign, defeated Samoa Joe on December 6th (Impact)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Tara
– 106 day reign, defeated Miss Tessmacher on October 14th (Bound For Glory PPV)

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: ODB and Eric Young
– 326 day reign, defeated Gail Kim and Madison Rayne on March 8th (Impact)

Acero has The Wrestling 6&2.

Wright has The Heel Report.

Byers has The 8-Ball

And I’ve been busy over in the Games Zone, too!

Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch Review

Earth Defense Force 2017 Portable Review

Plus, this week’s TWNE After Dark featured a clearly hopped-up on something host, or maybe I was just excited about the Rumble. Also, I talk about John Cena’s embarrassing “Everyone Loves Sundays” promo, more about the Divas division, and the Question of the Week: Should WWE go back to just the Big Four PPVs? Click the banner to access the podcast!

Also, don’t forget to join the TWNE After Dark Facebook group.

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 8 pm EDT.

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And don’t forget, you can follow all of the everyday goings on in 411 on Twitter.

Stephen’s Twitter

That’s our show, Marsico is in tomorrow, I will be back next week. Also, don’t forget 4PC in the Games Zone on Wednesday, and the TWNE After Dark podcast on Thursday, airing live at around 10 pm on Spreaker.com, posted on 411 shortly thereafter.

Here it is, your Moment of Buddy

Buddy’s Only Complaint About The Rumble:
Why Was Everything Upside Down?

Have a good one, and always be a fan.


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