wrestling / Columns

Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report 04.19.12

April 19, 2012 | Posted by Sean Kelly

Good stuff.

Where were the Daniel Bryant chants this week on raw?

Posted By: Hercules Strongs (Guest) on April 12, 2012 at 09:26 PM

Daniel Bryant? Who’s Daniel Bryant? Never heard of him. Is he Kobe’s brother?

I liked the TNA write up, you’re going to get flamed by sheep from both sides for a) mentioning TNA at all, b) not loving it & c) not hating it.

How people have got it into their heads you can’t just be a fan of wrestling no matter if it’s WWE, TNA, RoH, Chikara, PWG, New Japan, etc, etc but have to ‘choose a side’ is beyond me.

Posted By: @ScottOTD (Guest) on April 12, 2012 at 03:59 AM

I didn’t get flamed as much as I expected. Although there were the typical “TNA Sucks. TNA is dying” posts that infest this site.

What I don’t understand is that if someone in Sports Entertainment were to use the same catchphrase every day for years on end, we internet dwellers would call him “stale,” “old” and demand that he either freshens up his act or be removed from our screens. Take John Cena – he’s been saying and doing the same old routine for years and people on this very site call him out on it. Well, I’m calling out the people on this site for endlessly posting how “TNA Sucks” and “TNA is dying.” Obviously, I am not a TNA fan as last week was my first ever episode of Impact, but I’m tired of seeing the same old thing day after day. “One shot deal” has run its course, as has Paul Roma’s imminent return, and so I officially call for the retirement of the needless TNA bashing. If you have a beef with TNA, by all means express your opinion, but using “TNA sucks” as troll bait has officially passed its expiration date. Practice what you preach, trolls, and come up with something new. Think WWE is getting stale? Try reading the typical troll bait on 411. Sheesh.

Brock is a world class athlete and a beast. he will get into ring shape in no time.

Those CM Punk is not impressed pictures rock. reminds me of the Randy savage pics that were floating around after he died of him dropping elbows everywhere. my personal favorite was Randy dropping an elbow into the Sarlac Pit.

Posted By: APrince66 (Guest) on April 12, 2012 at 11:20 AM

I loved the Punk thing myself. I looked into the Macho Man meme — keep reading as I found some great ones that will appear RIGHT HERE! IN THIS VERY COLUMN! Thanks for the suggestion.

Greetings, folks, and welcome to another edition of Thursday Sports Entertainment! Are ye havin’ a laugh?



The feud between WrestleMania 28 celebrity guest Flo Rida and continued on Twitter over the weekend. WWE.com picked up on Flo Rida’s recent video challenge to Heath Slater as well as their recent back and forth. At this time there is no confirmation on Flo Rida actually stepping into a WWE ring, but it would appear that it is a possibility.


What I want to know is if this angle is something the WWE planned from the beginning, or if this is Flo Rida having some fun to keep his name in the news (albeit on wrestling & rap news websites, but still. Better than no publicity). If it’s the latter, Slater should be thanking his lucky stars because with the annual Spring Cleaning Roster Cuts about to come down, a feud with a rap star would be enough to keep the One Man Rock Band on the payroll. Engaging a jobber in a feud with a rap star is a smart idea – it gets the jobber’s name out there and can possibly attract some of Flo Rida’s fanbase to the WWE product. If they keep it in the undercard where it belongs, I have no problem with it. Congratulations, Heath Slater! You’ve officially graduated from the Wendy’s girl lookalike to Flo Rida’s bitch!

Here is the latest on the Mick Foley vs. Dean Ambrose. Foley has reportedly written a blog on the situation, but has decided not to publish it until his latest book deal (his WWE kid’s book featuring Miz and CM Punk, among others) so as not to hurt his book deal.

WWE has a long term plan set with their storyline, as they started the issue via social media and will then move it to a larger scale.

The goal is to introduce and make Ambrose a star right out of the gate in a new and unique manner.


This certainly is different, and different is good. It also helps explain why WWE is so keen to hype Twitter – they seem to be using social media as a testing ground for potential feuds. If the online base gets excited, then they can “promote” the feud to TV. If a Twitter war between Superstars gets a lukewarm reaction, then it can fade into the ether without wasting valuable TV time. It’s definitely a unique way of booking storylines, one that fits in with making WWE one of the innovators in the social media scene. What other entertainment media company utilizes social media to their advantage as much as WWE?

WWE.com has posted the following image of Brock Lesnar, in what appears to be his new WWE ring gear. As you can see, they are playing heavily off of Lesnar’s UFC background.


I think it’s a great idea. The wrestling/MMA hybrid outfit works for him, and it’s another subtle touch to make him stand out from the crowd. The Jimmy John’s Sandwich sponsorship on his trunks reminds me a lot of the Shamrock Meat Company buying a spot on Rocky Balboa’s robe, though.

WWE.com has announced that WrestleMania 28 did indeed set new records for pay-per-view buys and gross sales. The site reports that the show did 1.3 million pay-per-view buys with global gross sales in excess of $67 million, including the live event.


Great news for the WWE, and the 1.3 Million buys is well-deserved. WM XXVIII was one of the most stacked cards in recent memory, and the increased buy-rate certainly reflects that. Before everyone starts thinking that WWE made $67 million off of the event, let me call attention to the key word in that sentence above: “gross.” I know the PPV distributors get a nice chunk of that, plus the expenses of running the show will put a dent in that figure as well. Still, there’s going to be plenty of profit left once all is said and done. Kudos to the WWE for putting on a great show!

Steve Austin recently spoke with Zoo Magazine in the UK about the release of his new DVD movie Recoil and said that he could return to the ring for a match in the right situation.

“If the right situation, the right opponent and the right circumstances came up for the WWE, then it would certainly be something worth considering,” he said. “Could I have another match or two? Yeah. Physically I am in really good shape right now. People seem to think I am half-dead!… In my movies, I do some pretty hellacious fight scenes that, maybe, a normal person couldn’t do. So my physicality is fine, my neck is fine after having it all fused-up. I am not pitching for another match but if it was a win-win situation for everybody, then absolutely, I would consider it.”


Translation: “I’m basically healthy. If they give me enough money, enough spotlight and I like the direction of the story, I’ll do it.” Which is fine. Stone Cold has earned the right to pick and choose his comeback match. Of course, upon reading a story like this, the immediate reaction is “whom should Stone Cold face?” Even though the newsbite doesn’t explicitly state it, the implication is that this would be a top WrestleMania matchup, if not the main event. So, let’s run down the list of potential WrestleMania opponents for the Rattlesnake, shall we?

CM Punk: This seems to be the match at the top of most wish lists. The storyline practically writes itself: The Beer Swilling Austin vs. the Straight Edge Punk. Punk’s semi-shoot promo style would easily kick this feud up a notch, too. Not to manetion that both Punk and Austin have been teasing a WM 29 match on twitter as well. Additionally, they also have a little bit of history between them:

Personally, this is the match that I want to see the most. Whether Punk wins or losees, just being in the ring and hanging with a legend like Stone Cold Steve Austin would be enough to bolster Punk’s standing in the industry.

John Cena: While Punk/Austin would certainly be a more compelling storyline, Cena/Austin would arguably be a bigger draw. Similar to Rock/Cena, this would be a matchup of the top dogs from different wrestling generations. One of the few “dream matches” left in wrestling, John Cena is an easy contender for being Steve Austin’s opponent in the near future.

Brock Lesnar: A lot of the chatter has centered on Brock/Rock for WrestleMania XXIX, but what about Brock/Austin? After all, Brock/Rock as already been done, and Stone Cold has more of a controversial history with Lesnar:

And let’s not forget Austin’s infamous walkout in 2002, when he no-showed RAW & left the company after refusing to lose to Brock Lesnar with no build. Granted, Austin says that he didn’t have a problem with Lesnar personally, but that he felt that the lack of a proper build was “bad business.” But how does Lesnar feel about the situation? Let’s look at an excerpt from a recent interview:

“[Steve Austin] chicken-sh–ted out on me and walked away and didn’t want to participate because he thought that I was getting something too fast too soon and he felt threatened by me.

Oooooh, Brock MAD! BROCK NO LIKE LITTLE BALD MAN! This feud would likely be the most personal, with lots of real-life controversy to draw upon.

It’s also the one that Austin is most likely to win. If Austin comes back for one match against Punk or Cena, he’s more likely to lose to give a rub to the full time guys. If he faces Brock, who’s rumored to leave after WrestleMania XXIX, then he has a better chance of walking away the victor.

What say you, Team 411ManiaUniverseNationArmy? Whom should Stone Cold face if he decides to make a comeback?

From 411 Music: A woman who was impregnated at a Motorhead concert is searching for the child’s father through Craigslist.

The woman used the site’s Missed Encounters section to find the man with whom she had s-x in a bathroom at a show in Chicago’s Aragon Ballroom, which featured Motorhead and Megadeth.

She wrote: “Me: Blue hair, silver tube top, fishnets, Knee high black biker boots. You: Red Mohawk, black pentagram gauges, viper piercings. I was grinding on you in the pit, then we went to the bathroom, and got f**ked up. You had a nice c**k so I let [you] raw dog it in the stall. You were really good and you had to gag me so I would make too much noise. Anyway I’m pregnant. It’s yours. contact me if you want to be part of your child’s life.”

You can read the original post and help with the search at Craigslist.com. It’s unknown if she’s had a response yet.


What does this have to do with Wrestling, you ask? Everything! Let’s face it, there are a number of potential suspects in the WWE Universe: Let’s take a look:

Triple H: Probably WWE’s biggest Motorhead fan, The Game has had this very band write two of his entrance songs, “The Game” and “Bow Down to the King.” It would make sense that Hunter would be at a Motorhead concert, and would probably go incognito to avoid being recognized. He’s well past the seven year itch point of his marriage, so perhaps The Game’s eye has started to wander?

Chris Jericho: Chris Jericho is one of the most Metal members of the WWE roster. A multiple host of the Revolver Golden Gods awards, Y2J himself confirmed his authority in all things metal only 3 days ago, tweeting “Metal is my specialty m/.” Even more, the mystery woman says that her lover was “really good,” and Jericho constantly proclaims to be “the best in the world at everything” he does. Much like Triple H, Jericho could have gone to the concert in disguise to avoid recognition. Could there be a little Y2J on the way?

The Undertaker: He certainly fits the description. Taker’s red hair has recently been shaved into a Mohawk, and who’s more likely to wear pentagram gauges than the Phenom? Always a top performer, Undertaker is known for giving it his all in his efforts, and the girl’s positive description of her casual encounter only reinforces that notion. Did the Deadman “rise” in more than one way in that restroom stall?

@FGoodish: I don’t know what he looks like, or what kind of music he likes, but she used the term “raw dog,” which automatically makes him a suspect.

Any other suggestions?


This week, I thought I’d share some of my personal “rules of the road” for writing this column. These are some thoughts that I have on Sports Entertainment that I keep in mind when putting together The Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report. This isn’t an attempt to tell others how to think or how to write, but rather a glimpse into my simple brain so you can better understand where I’m coming from:

1) I never refer to the wrestling industry as “the business.” I will call it industry, sport, profession, whatever, but not “the business.” This seems to be something used by only those working in the industry, and I respect that. Reading an internet columnist state something like “Brock Lesnar doesn’t appreciate the business” comes across as someone trying to act like they’re an insider, when clearly they’re not.

2) Same goes for calling Wrestlers “the boys.” I will never refer to them as “the boys.” Much like “the business,” “the boys” seems like it should be used only by wrestling insiders when referring to wrestlers. I’ll say talent, wrestlers, Sports Entertainers, Superstars, etc. But never “the boys.” If some schmuck writes “The Rock should show more respect to the boys in the locker room,” I just shake my head. I am not an insider, so I refuse to talk like one!

3) I feel that the term “wrestling” and “sports entertainment” are interchangeable. Some feel that the term Sports Entertainment is an anathema, but I genuinely believe it’s a more accurate and honest description of the modern product than the term “wrestling.” For more on my thoughts on this, click here.

4) Guess what? We are all marks. No, you are not “smart” or even a “smark.” Neither am I. We are all marks, period. The term “mark” is a holdover from the carny days of wrestling. Wikipedia defines a mark as “a customer that spends a lot of money trying to win a game. This term was coined because carnies would alert each other to the big spender by marking him some way (usually by patting them on the shoulder with powdered chalk in hand).” If you follow wrestling, spend money on it, read about it online or watch it on TV, then you are a mark.

5) Sports Entertainment is a business. As much as Vince McMahon is an old-school type of guy with a respect for tradition, he runs a publicly traded company whose goal is increased profits. Whatever decisions are made, whether it’s John Cena being the top guy or the launch of the WWE Network, it’s all based on the need to make money. This is the lens by which I view professional wrestling. As a fan, I want to see Cena turn heel. As a shareholder, I’d be livid unless I saw a sold strategy showing how John Cena being a heel would result in increased profits.

6) No fantasy booking. Ever. Speculation on future happenings is one thing, like listing potential opponents for Austin’s possible comeback, but you’ll never find me laying out detailed, point-by-point highlights of a potential storyline. For instance, you won’t find me saying “Brock Lesnar beats John Cena and CRASH! The glass breaks and out comes Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Austin says nothing and Kick! Wham! Stunner! Brock is left laying in the ring. So the next night on RAW…” Fantasy booking reeks of “I wish I could write for WWE! I’m so creative!” Yuck. I’d never want to write for WWE, talk about a thankless job.

7) Never take wrestling too seriously. It’s a fake sport where people fake hit each other. I enjoy it, I respect what the performers do for a living and the sacrifices they make, but at the end of the day, it’s just another carny act all dressed up. There are a lot of big, important things in life that get me angry or excited, but wrestling ain’t one of ‘em.


What say you, readers? Am I being too negative? Should I reconsider any of my rules of the road? Sound off below!


Due to the positive response that “CM Punk Is Not Impressed” got last week, I took 411 commenter APrince66’s suggestion and looked up pictures of the Macho Man from great moments in history. Needless to say, I think this tops the CM Punk meme by a wide margin. So, my dear Team 411UniverseNationArmy, I bring to you Where’s Randy Savage?







I love it. We need to come up with another wrestling-related meme. Any suggestions?

Oh, and while you’re on this internet thing, don’t forget to follow all the 411 stuff on Twitter! #spon



And so concludes another fine edition of the Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report. I’d like to thank Supercorky, Randy Savage and some random metalhead sl-t for making this edition possible. No @Fgoodishs were harmed in the writing of this column. Apologies to Mrs. Jericho, the Shamrock Meat Company, TNA Trolls, Kobe Bryant and anyone else who was offended during the reading of this column.

Hasta Jueves,

This is Sean.


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Sean Kelly

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