wrestling / Columns

Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report 04.26.12

April 26, 2012 | Posted by Sean Kelly

Sean Kelly sucks! Sean Kelly is dying!

Posted By: Guest#2235 (Guest) on April 19, 2012 at 06:04 PM

I LOLed at that one. Well played, Guest#2335, you’re always good for a laugh. I kinda walked right into that one, didn’t I? At least it’s different than TNA sucks/is dying.

Just don’t mention my kids, or I WILL TAKE MY BALL AND GO HOME, Dean Ambrose!

The other song besides “The Game” is actually titled “King Of Kings”, and technically, it’s three theme songs they’ve provided if you count the one they recorded for Evolution, “Line In The Sand”.

Posted By: Nick M. (Guest) on April 18, 2012 at 11:50 PM

You are right, I stand corrected! Still think Jericho knocked her up, though.

Its interesting how TNA trolls get called out on there shit but a hardcore WWE fan like yourself doesn’t. Not saying there is anything wrong with it, just making an observation.

Posted By: Joey JoJo Jr (Guest) on April 19, 2012 at 07:46 AM

I really can’t figure out what you’re trying to say here. I was the one calling out the TNA trolls – and for what reason should I be “called out” for being a big WWE fan? I admit it all the time. Can you clarify?

Dude how do you not mention Rock/Austin IV as a possible match. The two most storied rivals in history who also happen to be the biggest draws. The story writes itself, that match would shatter the all time ppv buy record.

Posted By: Guest#2328 (Guest) on April 19, 2012 at 08:43 AM

I did think of Rock/Austin IV, but I didn’t think it would be a good candidate for Austin’s “one more match.” Sure, it would get people excited, but other than boost the WrestleMania buyrate, what else would it accomplish? I would think that the WWE would want to think longer term on Austin’s return match. Plus, according to his recent DVD, Austin seemed very happy with the way he left things with Rocky.

I was asking a serious question after complimenting your column. Just because I don’t think Daniel Bryan is worthy enough to beat the undertaker (i dont think any active wrestler than HHH is) doesn’t mean i dont love the guy. Put the red pen away, my iphone autocorrected that.

Posted By: Hercules Strongs (Guest) on April 20, 2012 at 09:21 AM

I know, I know. I couldn’t resist. Besides, in recent weeks there have been plenty of Bryan chants. So it’s a thing now. Let’s hope It stays a thing, because it’s a good thing. I can feel it. And as Brock Lesnar once said: “that feeling you’re feeling is a feeling because I can feel you feeling the feeling that I am feeling you feel.” (right?)

I created Where’s Randy Savage. It made me meet a bunch of great people, one of which created and let me have a hand in CM Punk Is Not Impressed. It’s always good to see them both getting around and still getting some laughs.

Posted By: Mike (Guest) on April 19, 2012 at 10:04 PM

Let’s hear it for Mike! He was nice enough to drop me an e-mail, too. Great work, Mike. You’ve gained a few more fans courtesy of Thursday Sports Entertainment! (right?) For those of you who missed out last week, take a gander at Where’s Randy Savage? You’ll thank me later. I can feel it.

Greetings, folks, and welcome to another edition of Thursday Sports Entertainment! Inconceivable!



Images from the Hulk Hogan sex tapes have finally hit the Internet. If you really want to see them, you can head over to thedirty.com. Click at your own risk, obviously you will be heading to a NSFW area of that site.

Not much to see there, folks. However, I will give you a still from that very sex tape which is EXCLUSIVE to the Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report! An image that will cast this scandal in a whole new, unexpected light! WARNING – the photo at the following link is not safe for work!

Here it is!

According to Pwinsider.com, WWE has released Tough Enough winner Andy Leavine. Leavine WWE had been working in WWE developmental as Kevin Hackman.

Leavine won the return season of Tough Enough in April of 2011, but had been a part of the WWE Developmental system prior to the show.

Leavine was seen in vignettes about his training to become a WWE star and was never utilized again on the main roster. He also was suspended one time under the WWE’s Wellness Policy.

Oh, Andy. You were the safe, bland choice over much superior Tough Enough contestants like Matt and Luke. Say Andy, do you have any comments on your recent release?


Okay then.

A co-worker of mine retired recently, and on his farewell card I wrote “Best of luck in all your future endeavors.” True story. My hope is that someone else will see it and raise an eyebrow.

– Nikki & Brie Bella are set to leave WWE on 4/30 when their current contracts expire. WWE’s decision to put the Divas title on Nikki had been planed for awhile, setting up Kharma’s return to take them out before they leave and put her back in the forefront of the Divas division.

– Beth Phoenix’s injury was a work last night, she just sold it really well. She continued to sell the injury even as she left RAW last night and at the Detroit airport this morning. Many wrestlers thought the injury was legit due to how well she sold it.


Beth Phoenix did a hell of a job selling that injury. For a little while I thought it was legit. What made me question it was that Nikki got the win even though she only had a week left in her contract. If they were going to call an audible during the match, Beth could have just as easily rolled up Nikki. That made me think about Kharma, and then it all made sense. I like where this is going because a) It sticks to continuity, b) gives Kharma the belt in a satisfying way while preserving the build to Beth vs. Kharma and c) likely gives Beth a well-deserved break.

Edge was brought to Detroit on Monday to negotiate a new contract with WWE officials. It had been reported that Edge’s contract with WWE was ending soon, something he even mentioned on Raw last night.

Word is that WWE was very unhappy that word got out that Edge’s contract was coming to an end, and according to Pwinsider.com, rumors going around are that WWE tried to low ball Edge in prior negotiations.

Shawn Michaels is under a WWE contract, which pays him in the neighborhood of $300,000 a year. Mick Foley also has a contract with the company, and is said to make “a little less” than Michaels. It is believed that Edge’s offer isn’t even close to Mick Foley’s.


I’m torn on this. As much as I would like to see Edge get a good deal from WWE, the businessman inside of me knows that the WWE probably crunched the numbers and determined that Edge simply isn’t worth the money. It’s sad to say, but if HBK and Foley are taking home that much money, then they are at least generating that much for the company, and probably a lot more. Foley is always good for a few books, and Michaels’ household name value and association with DX surely helps his cause. As much as Edge is a talented and decorated Sports Entertainer, he simply does not have the household name recognition (read: value) as HBK and Foley.


Question – who is your favorite James Bond? Do you favor the cool-yet-macho Sean Connery, the originator of the iconic role? Or perhaps you prefer the more intense Daniel Craig, who brings a more modern, gritty take on the character? Or are you more keen on Pierce Brosnan, who brought style to the suave secret agent from across the pond?

How about Batman? Which tickles your fancy? Do you like the campy Adam West version of yesteryear? Or maybe the subtle, serious Michel Keaton performance? Perhaps you’re more interested in the recent Christian Bale films? Or maybe you’re like me, who recognizes the clear superiority of Toronto Batman. (Who’s a big wrestling fan, btw).

We’ve all had these debates. As moviegoers, we’ve been trained to accept that the characters are bigger than the actors that portray them, and readily accept numerous interpretations of the same character over the span of several decades.

Which leads me to the question: why can’t we do this with modern wrestling? Open your mind a bit on this one. It’s a big shift from what we’re used to seeing, but think about it. Why can’t someone else inherit a name and gimmick that WWE owns to begin with? Sure, not every Superstar is a viable candidate. After all, it wouldn’t make much sense to cast someone as “John Cena” since the character and the human being are the exact same person. But, what about a character like the Undertaker? What if, 10-15 years from now, the WWE found a big guy with lots of wrestling talent and re-debuted the Deadman? Let’s even assume that the current Undertaker was totally okay with it, much like Leonard Nimoy is 100% on board with Zachary Quinto portraying Spock for a new generation. Where’s the harm in that?

How would the world react? I would assume that the more hardcore, traditional fans would cry blasphemy. But I think that the general public would be okay with it. Actually, every time a casual fan sees the Undertaker, they always ask “is that the same guy?” The Undertaker gimmick is so good that it would be a shame to see it end. If a worthy successor was found, I think that it should continue.

There’s risk in this approach, though. The new Undertaker could fizzle out, as many new to the industry are prone to do. Perhaps he won’t live up to the sterling legacy of the original. But then again, a new person in the role could do wonders, giving the character a fresh spin and taking it to new heights.

This also could lead to the danger of constantly recycling old gimmicks, leaving little room for new characters to emerge and catch fire. If this were ever done, it would have to be done slowly and methodically, so as not to overcrowd the roster with 1980’s WWF gimmicks.

Many of you are probably thinking “they’ve tried this before, and it didn’t go so well.”

And you’re right, the Fake Razor & Fake Diesel were disasters. But look at the circumstances around how they debuted. JR, as a heel, brought in “Razor Ramon” in an attempt to put one over on the audience. People were expecting Scott Hall, but got the fake Razor instead. If older characters were re-introduced in a straightforward, honest way, than I think they’d have a better shot at catching on.

So which gimmicks could be recycled in today’s marketplace? Here’s a few that spring to mind, as well as a good way to bring them in:

The Million Dollar Man – This one would be the easiest sell, and if I were WWE, this would be the first gimmick re-debut I’d attempt. You have the Million Dollar Man’s son on the roster, and people would instinctively have an easier time believing that the son of a rich, arrogant heel would also wind up as a rich, arrogant heel. Have Ted DiBiase Jr. debut as the Million Dollar man (or the “billion dollar man” if you want to go crazy) and the storylines write themselves. In this era of the 99% vs the 1%, it’s a no brainer.

Mister Perfect – Again, the son is on the roster! Why have Curt Hennig’s offspring go by Michael McGuillicutty when you can just call him Mr. Perfect? Another easy sell. Play up the family history and the audience will bite.

The Iron Sheik – A great evil foreigner gimmick, perhaps the greatest there ever was. Iran makes everybody mad these days, so it’s a good country to pick on. If you want, dust off the original Iron Sheik and make him the manager of the new Iron Sheik to add some legitimacy. Iran numbah one! USA Hock-Ptooey

Jake the Snake – this one is for the kids. What kid doesn’t squirm when seeing a huge python slithering around the ring? Find someone with a great, low key-yet-intense promo style and let him run wild with the gimmick. Much like the Iron Sheik, you can trot out the original Jake Roberts as a manager to add legitimacy. Plus, the stuffed snake toys would fly off the shelves!

What say you, Team 411ManiaUniverseNationArmy? Is this a good idea or should I lay off the LSD? Which re-packaged gimmicks would be a good sell in 2012? Sound off below!


The other day I downloaded an app for my iPhone called Oldify. What Oldify does is take a picture and digitally “ages” it so that the person in the photo looks about 50 years older. After making the mistake of trying it out on my wife, I realized that I could use Oldify to see what your favorite WWE Superstars look like 50 years from now. So take a sneak peek at what the current crop of your favorite wrestlers will look like when wheeled out at the 2062 Hall of Fame Ceremony!

Geriatric John Cena

Ben Gay Brock: The Next Old Thing

Old Man Orton

Lemmy, er, I mean, HHH

Meh. Kelly looks the same.


CM Punk (Where “CM” is the roman numeral for his age)

Vincent “Depends” McMahon

And while we’re at it, follow all the 411 stuff on Twitter! #spon



Thanks for tuning in to another pulse pounding edition of the Thursday Sports Entertainment News Report. Join us next week when we’ll discuss Extreme Rules fallout, Dolph Ziggler’s release, Shane McMahon’s anti-Semitic rant and Dixie Carter’s bondage pictures. (Card subject to change).

Hasta Jueves,

This is Sean.


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