USWA Championship Wrestling (1.6.1990) Review

-Originally aired January 6, 1990.

-Your host is Michael St. John, along with Eddie Marlin, and they explain the merger again for anyone who missed last week. As a result of the merger, Eddie Marlin tells us that the Junkyard Dog will be coming shortly. So he was available. Also coming soon, Terry Gordy and Chris Youngblood.

-Dustin Rhodes is in the ring, apparently after a match, and Gorgeous Gary Young is demanding a fight while Akbar holds him back. In true heel fashion, it’s incredibly obvious that Young doesn’t really want to fight and Dustin really, really does. And that’s the whole segment.

-We get words from Matt Borne and Jeff Jarrett, and happily there’s no match for them to spoil this time.

GORGEOUS GARY YOUNG (with Skandar Akbar) vs. JIMMY JAMES
-Backdrop and forearms by Young. This is such a letdown because I was kind of hoping the jobber would be the boss from NewsRadio but nah. Gourdbuster as Akbar joins commentary and cryptically says that Young has a grudge against Rhodes but he won’t reveal why.

-And here’s a Dustin Rhodes highlight reel set to “Born to Boogie.”

DUSTIN RHODES vs. THE LATIN LOVER
-Joined in progress with Rhodes driving Dad-style elbows into the noggin. Gorgeous Gary hits the ring for a surprise attack, but Matt Borne is on top of it, and the jobber patrol storms the ring to try to break everybody up. Arkansas Cannonball (Superfly splash) finishes.

-And now a video package highlighting “Simply Irresistible” Jeff Jarrett. Lots of tantalizing shots of Jeff’s body as he removes his towel and steps into the shower before getting dressed . Today on Jeff’s itinerary: giving a radio interview at a station with only one microphone, and he’s nowhere near it.

JEFF JARRETT & MATT BORNE vs. P.Y. CHU HI & BILLY JOE TRAVIS
-Heels bungle a double-team right away and Travis is knocked loopy. So they try again and Hi screws it up again. Borne tags in and we get a cute spot where Hi tags Travis, who clearly doesn’t want to go in, and the heels argue. Travis sells like Captain Lou Albano.

-Hi reluctantly tags back in. They should have given him a valet named Miss Lois. Borne gets caught in the wrong corner and ABRUPT COMMERCIAL Borne is beating on Travis. Everything on this show is so out-of-nowhere. Every time they go to the ring, I feel like I’ve missed something, and the commercial breaks come without any warning from the commentators.

-Melee breaks out and in the middle of it, Travis grabs the sinister guitar, but Jarrett boots him and knocks him out cold after we just watched a whole montage last week warning us that Travis was going to run roughshod with that guitar. And if that’s not bad enough, Jarrett just beats the hell out of him with the guitar and just buries the guy until the Stud Stable runs in, and in mid-brawl, they break away to Stache St. Host in the studio, who shows us an encore presentation of last week’s montage of Billy Joe Travis guitar shots. See, when the face finally gets his hands on the weapon, it should be this big cathartic crowd-popping moment, and here we’ve done it in what’s essentially Travis’ second week in the promotion before we’ve even seen a fresh non-packaged angle where he does it.

-Dueling promos from Bill Dundee and Billy Joe Travis. Travis denies that it’s a stolen jumpsuit (even though the theft was part of the montage) and instead tells a funny story about buying it from a pawn shop and paying $500 instead of the $50 the broker wanted for it, just because he was feeling generous.

-A Dirty White Boy highlight reel…Gotta hand it to this company, even on a low budget, they shine with these montages, as you know the guys inside and out after only two minutes of a catchy song.

-Next, a montage of “Wildside” Chris Champion, doing a really convincing glam rocker gimmick, complete with snake wrapped around his neck as he walks to the ring.

CHICO TORREZ & JIMMY JACK FUNK vs. STUD STABLE (with Miss Sylvia)
-Skandar Akbar is at ringside because he’s always scouting talent and he’s here to get a better look at Chico Torrez. I think you meant to scout Tico Torres. Much more money to be made there in 1990.

-Torrez works the arm on Brian Lee but he gets caught in the Stable corner and Fuller tags in, clamping on a bearhug. Torrez won’t give up, so Robert Fuller turns it into a belly-to-belly and applies a chinlock. Lee tags in and keeps dishing out punishment while Terrance Garvin complains that Torrez smells like a horse.

-Torrez gets thrown to the floor and Sylvia gets in some cheap shots with her katana. Back in, Brian Lee heads to the top rope and comes down with a kneedrop…to finish. Clean as a sheet. After Akbar spent the entire match putting over Torrez on commentary.

5.5

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

I'm not to a point of saying I dislike this show, because benefit of the doubt, maybe the transitional period following the merger is causing some of this. But man, production is a mess. Not even commenting on cheapness because I get it, they have a lower budget. But even a cheap product can be a coherent product.