wrestling / Video Reviews
Wrestling Spectacular (1986) Review
Image Credit: WWE
Loading...-So wayyyyyy back when I first began writing reviews for 411, back in the “My life SUCKED in 2008 and I started doing this to take my mind off being a telemarketer” days, I dug out this tape that I just sort of FOUND one day without explanation and wrote this review chockful of blind guesses and lack of context. All I knew was that it was a tape called “Wrestling Spectacular” with strong 1985 vibes but no other info to work with. I now know that this is one of at least two tapes with that title that were released by Paul Boesch. It’s a collection of Houston house show matches, and I’m revisiting it because the match selection on THIS tape indicates that it was probably released around the time of the shows that I’ve reached in my UWF recaps.
-But NOW I can’t find the tape! So here’s my review from 2008, with occasional re-polishing from me whenever it’s something that I have a better grasp on. It’s the version of this review that’s more in line with my original vision. And in this review, Greedo will shoot first.
CHICAGO STREET FIGHT: BRUISE BROTHERS vs. SHEEPHERDERS
-Let the record show that Vince McMahon’s version of the F.B.I. gimmick, featuring actual Italians, was not the first time that a promoter missed the joke that made something entertaining to begin with; the Bruise Brothers are two actual black guys acting like Dan Aykroyd & John Belushi.
-All four men brawl to start, with the heels having the advantage to start and switching to the faces quickly. Sheepherders get the upper hand decidedly and a “USA” chant erupts. Mad Dog Boyd is the first one to blade, courtesy of an onslaught from Luke “I Still Have a Last Name” Williams. Dueling hulk-ups have the Sheepherders staggering. Double Irish whip results into Porkchop Cash shoulderblocking Luke. Butch “I Have My Last Name, Too” Miller goes to the floor to avenge the reversal of fortune. With Porkchop KOed, it becomes a 2-on-1 asskicking. Battering ram finishes off Mad Dog. 1 for 1. A little quick for my tastes, but a nice, energetic start.
DOG COLLAR CHAIN MATCH: HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN vs. “Mad Dog” BUZZ SAWYER
-Another note for aspiring wrestlers. If you want to be known as “Mad Dog,” you’re already a hack. It was done to death in the ‘80s. Paul Boesch tries to rationalize the impending bloodbath by noting, “All sports are violent.” Yeah, I know I wasn’t be comfortable with the thought of my niece & nephew watching synchronized swimming during the Olympics without parental supervision.
-Tug of war to start, and Duggan wins it by doing the sensible thing by just punching & kicking Sawyer. He whips the Mad Dog with the chain and Sawyer tries to escape, and naturally, he quite literally goes nowhere with it. Sawyer tries to gather some of the chain for a comeback, but Duggan sends him into the ropes and knocks him over, following up with an elbow. He takes the action to the floor and rams Sawyer into the guard rail & post, then punches him with the chain and sends him back into the ring. I’m a little surprised that Sawyer hasn’t bladed yet.
-Clothesline by Duggan gets two. Sawyer finally gets an upper hand with the chain and tries a spot where he wants to tie Duggan to the ropes using the chain, but it doesn’t quite work and he gives up, launching Duggan to the floor instead. Duggan goes into the guard rail and that’s the spot that draws first blood. Sawyer smells that blood and fires him into the post. Sawyer goes back into the ring, but gets tired of waiting for Duggan and goes outside to ram him into the rail and floor. Back in the ring, Sawyer rakes the chain across Duggan’s face. He whips Hacksaw across the back a few times, and Duggan lets out some sort of “Hooo” prototype to Hulk up, and he starts laying into Sawyer with punches. Clothesline and an elbowdrop by Duggan get a two count. Biting by Duggan and Sawyer blades off that. He fights back to his feet as Paul Boesch says Duggan wants to “welcome him to the Land of the Standing, so he can knock him down again.” Uh, yes.
-Duggan whips & clubs Sawyer with the chain, then wraps it around his fist and just punches and punche, but when he stands up to brag, Sawyer crotches him with the chain and tries to go to the ropes to take a breather. Duggan fights him on it, and fights so hard that Sawyer chokes himself out on the top rope. Nice touch. Sawyer flops down to the floor, but Duggan follows him out again and rams him face-first into a chair.
-Back in the ring, Sawyer calls for a time out and Duggan whips him again, then sends him over the top rope and hangs him. Sawyer gets his hands on the chair and KOs Duggan with it for the upset pin. 2 for 2. Not as groin-grabbingly transcendent as Piper-Valentine (but what COULD be?), but a nice hateful gimmicky brawl. Who could ask for anything more?
STEEL CAGE MATCH: JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS vs. HUMONGOUS (with Sir Oliver Humperdink)
-So the issue here is that Humungous has been running roughshod over Mid-South in part because he wears a lethal hockey mask during his matches, and Jake has outsmarted him by wearing a hockey mask himself now. I love that Bill Watts made a big deal out of how some wrestler was just going to have to think up a cunning strategy to overcome Humungous, and the cunning strategy ended up just being “Jake ALSO went to a sporting goods store.”
-Jake yanks Humperdink into the ring and locks the door before Humongous can get in, so Humperdink takes a nice little ass-kicking before the bell sounds. Funny touch to it, as the ring announcer does his introductions anyway during the onslaught. Even funnier, he says, “Ladies and gentlemen, obviously, this is a steel cage match.” He has a point. Humongous finally gets in the ring and throws a fit.
-Paul Boesch’s insight on Humongous: “The name fits him, even though I’m not quite certain what it means.”
-Humongous attempts a headbutt to KO Roberts, but since Roberts is wearing the same type of mask, it doesn’t work. Humongous wants to try a test of strength, but Jake won’t go for it. Humongous finally goes for Plan C, just attacking him, and that works. Jake comes back with a bodyslam and the crowd is already chanting “DDT.” Humongous gets a shot to the throat but Jake comes back with a clothesline and tries to remove the mask. Dueling shots into the post, but because of the masks, neither man is affected. Humongous dazes Jake long enough to take the mask off, and immediately takes advantage with a headbutt and ramming him into the fence. Jake bleeds as Humongous chokes him out. Another shot into the cage, and another, and the Snake is almost out on his feet. Stomps and chops by Humongous; he works on the cut a little bit and drops the leg on Jake twice. Falling headbutt and Humongous takes a time-out to pose, emphasizing the sheer level of humongousness that Jake is dealing with here.
-Cobra clutch is countered by Jake going into the corner and launching himself off the turnbuckles. Humongous gets his hands on Jake’s boot and tries to use it as a weapon, but Jake gets it back and wallops Humongous for it. DDT…gets a one count and Humongous sits straight up. Behold the power of sporting goods. The Nightmare (Moondog Rex) throws a chair into the ring, but Jake intercepts it and DDTs Humongous on top of it, and that gets the pin. Good stuff. 3 for 3.
$25,000 BUNKHOUSE BATTLE ROYAL
Your 22-man lineup, according to the onscreen crawl: Steve “Dr. Death” Williams, Dick Slater, Jake the Snake, “Mad Dog” Buzz Sawyer, Captain Redneck, The Nightmare, Dick Murdock (yes, even though Captain Redneck was already listed), Al Perez, Ricky Gibson, The Superstar, Steve Kern (like Sammy Davis, Jr., he’s missing an I), Ted Diviasiti…I’m just going to pause here and let that typo sink in for a moment; Ted Diviasiti, ladies and gentlemen…Terry Taylor, Fabulous Ones, Chavo Guerrero, Eddie Gilbert, and Rob Ricksteiner (still going by his real name at this point, obviously). This is something where even the WWF had to get off their ass and take action…it amazes me how careless and sloppy early VHS releases and newspaper ads were with the spelling of guys’ names. There was just no oversight, and it feels like if you look at ANYTHING made before 1987, you’re guaranteed to come across a Mr. Fuge, or a Paul Orndorf, or Ted Diviasiti.
-Hilarious start to the match as the ring announcer says the match will begin as soon as he exits the ring, and one of the wrestlers launches a chair into the ring, just barely missing him. Serves him right for announcing that “the referee will signify the bell.” No. The referee will signal the bell. The referee is not a metaphor for the bell.
-Dick Murdock gets eliminated immediately. Steve Williams is wearing a football helmet to take full advantage of the rules. Lanny Poffo’s suit of armor was better. Superstar is eliminated. Various men battle for possession of a regular belt and a weightlifting belt. Brett Sawyer is eliminated and we’re somehow down to ten men. More punching and kicking and whatnot. A big wooden stick makes an appearance. Al Perez, with a chair, has a showdown with Dick Slater, with a wooden stick, and thankfully the other wrestlers put a stop to it because that would have been far too interesting. Dick Slater figures out that a football helmet doesn’t protect the throat and attacks Dr. Death with the wooden stick.
-Ted, ahem, Diviasiti and Dick Slater brawl on the floor as Dr. Death, Fabulous Ones, and Buzz Sawyer battle it out in the ring. It’s a 3-on-1 attack on Williams and they knock off the football helmet. Keirn smashes a chair across his head. Dick Slater comes in with the stick, but Diviasiti fights everybody off with a chair. Williams has his football equipment plus a chain and Diviasiti has a chair and a wooden stick, and the heels just decide to call it a night. The tag team partners declare themselves co-winners and split the cash. 3 for 4. Eh.
NORTH AMERICAN TITLE: DICK SLATER (with Dark Journey) vs. JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS
-This was quite a hot feud that went on for most of 1985. Snake gets the early advantage with a slam and Dick Slater takes a breather to rethink this whole thing. Test of strength, but since both men are sneaky bastards, it turns into dueling kicks in a nice twist on a familiar spot. Jake goes for the DDT right there but Slater gets out of it. Jake tries again but Slater eludes it again.
-Arm wringers are exchanged and Jake gets the upper hand. They stay with the armbar for a while. Slater fights out but an atomic drop launches him over the top rope. Jake follows him out and chases him back into the ring. Elbow and a kneelift by Jake get a “DDT” chant going from the crowd. Jake goes for a punch but the referee blocks it and Slater takes advantage of the opening with punches. Pin gets two and Slater tries an elbow for another two. Chop by Slater and he sends Jake onto the floor. Boot by Slater as Jake makes it back to his feet. Another boot sends Jake into the barricade. He makes it back into the ring and Slater punches Roberts down for another series of two counts. Jake tries to mount a comeback with a backdrop, but Slater reverses it to a neckbreaker for two. Piledriver by Slater gets a two count as Jake gets his foot on the rope. Snapmare by Slater and he heads to the top rope, but Jake meets him with a clothesline. Slater ducks another kneelift and goes for the sleeper. Jake stuns his way out of it. Punch by Jake and he goes for a DDT but Slater backdrops out of it. Dark Journey passes some brass knuckles to Slater and he goes for a punch, but Jake catches him with the DDT and goes for the pin. Your insulting finish of the night sees the referee count two, spot the brass knuckles on Slater’s fist, and call for a DQ instead. Seriously. 4 for 5. Good match, but fuck that finish. And while we’re at it, buttfuck that finish.
