wrestling / Video Reviews
WWF Prime Time Wrestling (5.29.1989) Review
Loading...-Originally aired May 29,1989.
-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan.
“The Million Dollar Man” TED DIBIASE (with Virgil) vs. SCOTT COLTON
-From “Superstars,” with Vince clarifying, for the record, that the WWF doesn’t recognize the Million Dollar Belt as an actual championship. So there.
-Chops and an elbow by DiBiase. DiBiase gets vicious, heaving him over the top rope and then slamming him on the floor, then ordering Virgil to roll him back in. We get pre-taped comments from DiBiase, who promises again to get even with Jake Roberts for the embarassment he caused.
-Powerslam by DiBiase, as he’s just teeing off on this jobber tonight. Million Dollar Dream ends it. Odd thing that I noticed as a kid: why did the referees raise the arm three times for Beefcake’s sleeper and only once for DiBiase’s sleeper?
UPDATE
-And now, the most unwelcome moment on any pro wrestling broadcast ever: interviewing the fans! Tony Schiavone goes into the stands at a TV taping and talks to fans who are preparing to see No Holds Barred.
HAKU (with Bobby Heenan) vs. JIM EVANS
-Haku is still in denial and wearing his king tights, and Bobby Heenan scolds Mike McGuirk for not introducing him as King Haku. Haku takes Evans to the mat while we get words from King Duggan, who says that he doesn’t worry about wearing his “monkey crown,” just about beating people up.
-Chops and kicks by Haku while the commentators note how miserable Haku looks. Multiple backbreakers as the fans taunt Haku with a “hoooooooo,” and Haku has finally had enough and just puts Evans out of his misery with a superkick.
-Gorilla has reluctantly allowed Bobby Heenan to attend the No Holds Barred premiere, so Bobby immediately gets on the phone and begins inviting more friends than the theater will be able to accommodate. “14 for Steinbrenner.”
RICK MARTEL (with Slick) vs. TIM HORNER
-Martel leapfrogs and dropkicks Horner while a “Tito” chant goes up in the arena. Horner fights back with the hardest clothesline he’s ever thrown in his life, and a dropkick sends Martel running for cover. Back in, Horner works the arm and Martel’s in trouble. Horner hits the ropes and Martel pushes him out to the floor. Martel rams him against the apron to start working the back over and suplexes him back inside.
-Martel goes for a backdrop but Horner kicks him in the face and hiptosses him. Irish whip, of all moves, goes wrong and Martel just slumps against the ropes. They call it a night soon after, with Horner missing a second rope bodypress. Gutwrench by Martel, and a kneedrop from the top finishes. That was a top-notch seven minutes, really.
-Bobby plants a seed, complaining that he doesn’t have his own segment and Tony Schiavone was suddenly just handed his own weekly segment on the show.
BRUTUS “The Barber” BEEFCAKE vs. TOM STONE
-Fan has made some really impressive five-foot-tall replica shears. Brutus knees Stone down and holy shit, Stone is wearing his tights inside out. That’s a jobber, folks. Backdrop by Brutus, and the sleeper puts Stone out right away.
EVENT CENTER
-Tito Santana is so angry at Rick Martel that he appears to be oozing anger and it’s taking the form of baby oil. Bobby Heenan and Rick Rude talk about the constant stream of mail from potential challengers demanding an Intercontinental Title shot. He emphasizes that he’s only going to sign title matches from wrestlers who have earned it.
-The Bushwhackers are going to see No Holds Barred.
HONKY TONK MAN (with Jimmy Hart) vs. JIM POWERS
-From Hamilton, Ontario. Honky hasn’t put anything in his hair tonight and it looks really odd when it’s totally dry.
-Honky stalls for a bit and Jimmy warns the fans that Honky may not sing tonight. Honky finally gets started but he gets leapfrogged and punched down, and Honky just decides he’s had enough and he’s calling it a night. He reluctantly heads back in and Powers traps him in an armbar.
-Back from commercial, Powers keeps working the arm until Honky slugs his way to freedom. Honky traps him in a neck vice while the commentators talk about how Powers is young and still has to learn things. He’s been there for like five years now.
-Powers elbows out and applies an abdominal stretch. Timing is perfect as Gorilla instantly points out he has it applied wrong and the moment he finishes his sentence, Honky hiptosses out. Commentators are just totally burying Powers tonight, with Gorilla pointing out he hasn’t even mastered a single hold for use as a finisher.
-Honky drops a fist for two. He goes to a chinlock. Axehandle by Honky makes contact but Powers connects with a shot to the gut at the same time. They trade punches and Powers gets the advantage, ramming Honky into the turnbuckle and elbowing him down. Dropkick gets two. And then Honky just does the Shake Rattle and Roll out of nowhere for three. There was a good five minute match in this 12 minutes.
BROTHER LOVE
-Brother Love concedes that although he’s not a fan of Brother Hulkster, he will go to the theater this Friday to see No Holds Barred. With that, he introduces the true star of the film, Zeus. Brother Love sings his praises and the camera pans him from toe to head, which is a mistake for two reasons: #1, they totally expose the lifts his his boots: #2, his gear is weirdly cheap looking. His kneepads have all kinds of wear and his shoulderpads are falling apart.
TONY SCHIAVONE’S COLISEUM CORNER: JAKE “The Snake” ROBERTS (with Cheryl Roberts) vs. RAVISHING RICK RUDE (with Bobby Heenan)
-From Saturday Night’s Main Event and “Best of the WWF Volume 18.” This feud finally, finally, finally dies after some of the most achingly slow-paced house show matches ever committed to videotape. Vince once again demonstrates that he doesn’t have a firm grasp on what the expression “bird’s eye view” means, noting Cheryl will have one while at ringside. Yeah, if the bird is seriously injured, I guess.
-Jake works the arm until Rude goes to the eyes. He pounds Jake down and swivels his hips at Cheryl a few times for shits and giggles. Rude makes a comeback with a clothesline and a stomachbreaker. He drags Rude over to the ropes and Cheryl slaps him across the face. This totally pisses off Bobby Heenan and Jesse Ventura, who quite correctly declare that to be outside interference. To see how this match ends, go to your local video store today!
BRET “Hit Man” HART vs. RANDY SPEAR
-Rugged Ronnie is your rugged ref. We get pre-taped words from Mr. Perfect, calling out Bret for a match, which sounds like it might be pretty good.
-Bret boots the midsection and drops an elbow. Inverted atomic drop and Spear sandbags him badly on it too. Bret finishes with the piledriver.
EVENT CENTER
-Rick Martel warns that Tito Santana won’t be able to take advantage of him anymore. Are we doing “phrasing”? Hercules wants a piece of Dino Bravo. Good luck to him.
RED ROOSTER vs. RICHARD CHARLAND
-From Hamilton, Ontario, joined in progress. Charland is a jobber that got some tryouts during the WWF’s visits to Canada in ’89. He looks like the lost brother of Mac and Jim Jeffers in the NWA.
-Side headlock by Rooster. Charland turns it into headscissors, with Gorilla saying “That’s not a submission move.” Just because no one ever submits doesn’t mean it’s not, Gorilla. Rooster gets free and armdrags Charland around. Rooster misses a corner charge and Charland takes control. Charland is working the arm while Gorilla is just actively looking for shit to nitpick, griping that Charland is working Rooster’s arm on the mat even though you can work the arm from a standing position. Okay, sure.
-Rooster avoids a Boss Man legdrop, and Rooster is good and cocky now. Chicken wing ends it.
-Back in the studio, Bobby has a kitten. D’aaaawwwwwwww. Bobby is so happy that at the end of the segment he demands that the crew bring him “more kitties!”
BLUE BLAZER & HILLBILLY JIM vs. BAD NEWS BROWN & BROOKLYN BRAWLER
-Two odd teams here, although the commentators point out there’s some logic to the heel team.
-Blazer and Brawler start. Blazer overwhelms him with a flurry of punches. Hillbilly tags in and Brawler goes after the eyes to take over. Hillbilly surprises him with a bearhug but Brawler goes to the eyes again to break it. Bad News comes in and does his usual stuff before letting Brawler come in and finish this, but Brawler gets faceplanted and crawls toward the wrong corner, so Hillbilly is able to tag out.
-Plot twist: Hillbilly makes the hot tag, Blazer comes bolting into the ring and Brawler just clotheslines him right down. Blazer slams him and rams him into the turnbuckle while Bad News just acts like Brawler’s manager and refuses to actually get involved in the match. Belly to belly by the Blue Blazer on the Brooklyn Brawler as the alliteration for this match is just out of control.
-Bad News looks disgusted when Brawler demands a tag and promises he’ll show Brawler the right way to do this. And Bad News dodges a missile dropkick and connects with the ghetto blaster, clean as a sheet. Bad News takes sole credit for the win and Brawler looks annoyed with him. Nothing much here.
-Back in the studio, Gorilla has to uninvite 50 people that Bobby invited and Bobby goes on a tangent about how tired he is of people like Tony Schiavone and Sean Mooney being added to the show and says he’s going to start his own TV show. Gorilla dismisses it as an idle threat and signs off.
-NEXT WEEK! Prime Time Wrestling Goes to the movies!
