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WWF Prime Time Wrestling (7.3.1989) Review

December 29, 2019 | Posted by Adam Nedeff
Rockers WWF Prime Time Wrestling
4.2
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WWF Prime Time Wrestling (7.3.1989) Review  

-Originally aired July 3, 1989.

-The set is still festooned with No Holds Barred merchandise. Was it even still in theaters at this point? Box Office Mojo indicates it wasn’t even in the top 13 for the weekend if it was. This Batman movie starring the Mr. Mom guy looks like it has promise, though…

-Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan. Bobby is pissed off because he commissioned a reel of Brain Busters career highlights and it’s not even scheduled this week.

BRAIN BUSTERS (with Bobby Heenan) vs. TOM STOCK & ED SLATER

-So to sooth the Brain a little bit, we at least get a squash match featuring his men. Busters beat down Stock in the corner. Slater tags in as we hear from the Bushwhackers. We don’t necessarily hear individual words, but there are confirmed sounds being emitted from their mouths. Bobby has a friendly chat with referee Danny Davis while the Busters double-team Slater on the floor. Gourdbuster by Arn, and the spike piledriver finishes. I love that they ALWAYS finish by suckering the illegal man into starting an argument with the referee and that it works for them absolutely every time.

UPDATE

-This week’s Update is sponsored by the new Ultimate Warrior video cassette from Coliseum, and it’s a recap of Warrior’s surprise attack on Rick Rude last week. Okay, that sponsorship represents a clear conflict of interests and Gene Okerlund showed a pretty huge lack of journalistic integrity by not disclosing it.

HART FOUNDATION vs. JAKE MILLIMAN & BORIS ZHUKOV

-Ronnie Garvin is your referee. Boris can’t budge Neidhart with shoulderblocks. Neidhart dropkicks him and Bret tags in. The Genius drops in with a poem writing off the Harts as finished because they fired Jimmy Hart. Dude, that was a year and change ago! Don’t you check 411 for your news?

-Cute bit to finish, as the Harts point out that Boris Zhukov isn’t standing in his corner, so Garvin goes over to deal with him and the Harts take a little extra time with the Hart Attack on Milliman to finish. Boris doesn’t appreciate the shenanigans and goes to attack Garvin after the bell, but he gets laid out by one punch.

-Bobby announces that a special interview with Andre the Giant is coming up later in the show and Gorilla says that’s not happening, either.

“The Million Dollar Man” TED DIBIASE (with Virgil) vs. J.T. THOMAS
-Thomas gets distracted by Virgil and gets attacked from behind. Thomas gets dumped on the floor. Back in, DiBiase just levels him with a clothesline and finishes with the Million Dollar Dream.

-Bobby Heenan diagnoses Jake The Snake with “Gorilla Monsoon Disease” because it’s a pain in the neck. Is Fat Albert booking this company now?

BAD NEWS BROWN vs. LARRY LARSON

-Bad News attacks from behind because that’s another lesson that jobbers refuse to learn. Don’t enter a Brain Busters match without tagging first, don’t face the crowd if you’re about to wrestle Bad News Brown.

-Bad News just keeps hammering and chops Larson coming off the ropes. Ghetto blaster finishes. Larry Larson unfortunately was never quite as successful as his twin brother who drew “The Far Side.”

-Bobby Heenan announces a King Haku match next. #1, he’s not even the king anymore and #2, the match isn’t scheduled. Gorilla and Bobby are just at their peak of exasperation with each other.

SPECIAL INTERVIEW
-Mean Gene welcomes Hillbilly Jim, who shows off his new lucky gold horseshoe hanging from a gold chain around his neck. Mean Gene speculates that he’d need that much luck to take on Andre the Giant. And then out of nowhere, Hillbilly welcomes his buddy King Duggan.

HERCULES vs. BUTLER STEVENS

-And now just to really annoy Bobby, we’ve scheduled a match with a guy that he used to manage. Stevens attacks from behind, having meticulously studied the film of Bad News Brown vs. Larry Larson, but Hercules shakes it off and goes on the offensive. Dino Bravo shows up, demanding a match to prove that he’s the world’s strongest man, but I would implore both of these men to just agree to disagree. Herc finishes quickly with the backbreaker.

-And now Bobby brings up what’s really bothering him. Nobody told him they were adding a third guy to Wrestling Challenge, and he just doesn’t like “Boney Shavoney.”

EVENT CENTER

-Mr. Fuji and the Warlord are still trying to kickstart the singles push. In hindsight, I’m kind of surprised that Warlord didn’t get to be “heel of the month” for Hogan. Meanwhile, Demolition still seeks to kick your stinking teeth in.

-Back from commercial, Bobby is on the phone ordering “a black chair and two couches.” I wonder what he’s up to.

THE TWIN TOWERS (with Slick) vs. JIM EVANS & RON FAILS
-Oh my god, is that the most perfect jobber name ever? Even Lord Alfred is shitting on him for not changing it.

-Akeem hammers down RON FAILS while we hear from Demolition, who trash-talk “The Slim Towers.” Calling them the Slim Towers kind of brings to mind that In Living Color sketch where someone has to come up with a “Yo Mama’s So Beautiful” joke.

-Jim Evans tags in, which is lame because there’s nothing funny about that name. Backbreaker and a running shoulderbreaker by the Boss Man. Big splash finishes. Ron Fails to avenge his partner’s loss after the bell and Boss Man dishes out some hard times.

-Heenan finally takes the initiative and rips down the No Holds Barred posters and t-shirts on the set. That’s a pretty clever way of getting rid of them without having to deal with why they have to get rid of them.

-Summerslam: Feel the Heat!

KOKO B. WARE vs. BARRY HOROWITZ

-We are so tantalizingly close to being done with “Piledriver.” It’s a good song but it’s just so wrong as entrance music. Too mellow.

-Barry Horowitz attacks from behind as absolutely nobody at this TV taping has any interest in locking up. The Genius has some derogatory mad rhymez about Koko while Barry Horowitz keeps up the assault. Funny thing: Earlier in the show, there were noticeable yellow stains all over the mat for seemingly no reason, and now in this match, Koko, with yellow hair paint, is leaving a little streak on the canvas every time he takes a bump.

-Bodypress by Barry, but Koko ducks and Horowitz crashes. Missile dropkick and the ghostbuster finish. Weird match, it was about 90% Horowitz.

BROTHER LOVE

-Slick and Rick Martel are here. Slick says that he had nothing to do with Rick Martel’s “new attitude,” it was actually a monster created by Tito Santana. Brother Love quips that Martel looks “240 pounds lighter” now that he’s not carrying Tito. Tito has had enough and comes out, giving Slick a hard slap and triggering a brawl so intense that they break Brother Love’s microphone. Referees pour out to pull Tito off Martel, and Martel promptly taunts Tito for not being man enough to finish the fight.

TONY SCHIAVONE’S COLISEUM CORNER: BRUTUS “The Barber” BEEFCAKE vs. OUTLAW RON BASS

-From the new Coliseum release “More Saturday Night’s Main Event.” I bought that video with my allowance when I was a kid and honestly, better than any match on that tape is the opening best-of-Vince-and-Jesse montage.

-Bass uses the handle of his whip to attack Beefcake before the bell. Beefcake manages to steal the whip from him and clears the ring, with some embarrassing fake cracking sounds dubbed in. Bass tries to get back into the ring, but Beefcake keeps blocking him. Once Bass finally gets back in, Beefcake won’t let up, unleashing a slew of fists. Funny moment with Beefcake posing for the crowd while sitting on top on the Outlaw, and Vince is all, “Uh, that’s a pin.”

-Outlaw takes control and takes an interesting approach to psychology, working the STOMACH. Forearms and elbows by Bass while Jesse speculates that Bass caught Beefcake overeating before the match. Stomachbreaker, which Jesse has never seen before, so he calls it a “backward backbreaker to the stomach.”

-Bass keeps going for the pin and picking Beefcake up at two because he wants the Barber completely KOed before he goes for the win. But if you want to see how the match turns out, you’ll have to go to your local neighborhood video outlet.

-Dusty Rhodes strolls into a house with his toolbox. Today’s he’s plumber Dusty, and it’s the grossest segment ever as they open with a totally unexpected shot of the clogged toilet. Dusty confirms that the toilet clog is “sssssshoc’late brown” and they show it AGAIN, who the hell asked for this?

DEMOLITION (Tag Team Champions) vs. CHRIS CURTIS & TOM STONE

-Smash smashes Stone, Ax axes away, and all is right with the world. The Twin Towers drop in with some much better threats than “Slim Towers.” Decapitator finishes right away.

EVENT CENTER

-Still can’t understand the Bushwhackers. We also get words from Bobby Heenan and Haku, and Bobby Heenan insists on calling him “King Haku” because he doesn’t want to give that respectful title to Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

THE ROCKERS vs. DINO BRAVO & GREG “The Hammer” VALENTINE (with Jimmy Hart)

-This is some kind of hilarious rib on Greg, who less than two years ago threatened to quit the company unless they dissolved the New Dream Team.

-Dino starts with Marty Janetty. Dino runs over him with a shoulderblock. Shawn Michaels heads in and the Rockers end up clearing the ring with slams and dropkicks. Back in, Hammer takes control by targeting Shawn’s arm and shoulder. Corner charge misses, and now Shawn is working Valentine’s arm with exactly the same offense in a nice sequence. Everyone tags and Janetty has control until Dino blocks a monkey flip and turns it into an inverted atomic drop.

-Back in the studio, Gorilla is missing and Bobby Heenan is suddenly sitting in the host’s chair, saying he took Gorilla out with one punch.

-Back to the match, Dino’s taken back over with a gutwrench suplex for two. Valentine starts going to work on the leg and goes for the figure four, but Janetty kicks away and nips up, only to get clotheslined back down. Janetty is Ricky Morton for a little while but they can’t quite finish him off. Dino tags back in and looks to put Janetty away, but an elbow misses and it’s hot tag to Shawn.

-Shawn TCBs and snap suplexes Dino. Double fistdrops from the top look like they’ll finish, but Valentine breaks the pin. Shawn and Dino collide on a shoulderblock. Referee gets distracted and Valentine drags his partner on top of Michaels…for two. We get ANOTHER hot tag, this time to Janetty who rolls up Dino, but all four men end up in the ring, and Valentine clotheslines Janetty hard enough to reverse the roll-up positions, and Dino comes out on top for three. Ronnie Garvin hits the ring after the bell for a total bullshit ending, as he tattles on Valentine and Bravo, and Earl Hebner reverses the decision. You have a count of five in a tag team match! If the referee had seen that, it would have been okay! The match was fine, though.

-Gorilla calmly returns to the studio, apologizing for walking out in mid-show for a meeting. The gist of the meeting is that USA is annoyed with Bobby for being such a pain in the ass the past few weeks.

4.2
The final score: review Poor
The 411
It was literally a shit show. I mean, my hands are tied on this rating.
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Adam Nedeff