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WHAT UP MOTHERFUCKERS!?!!? I just made some champagne jell-o shots, and if you didn’t know those existed before today, fucking same.

White people, amirite?

It’s Wednesday, you know what that means…

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Speaking of the Mexican Devil, Rey Fenix is here and ya boy looks good in gold! He’s defending his title next! It’s against Jeff Jarrett, but whatevs.

Before JJ and his crew can make a full entrance, Rey flies over the top rope onto everyone. Rey attacks the back, rolling JJ across the barricade with some rights. He gets whipped into the barricade then elbows the chest. Chop to JJ. Another. Whip to JJ, reversed, Rey hops up and hits a rana to Jay Lethal! Karen Jarrett attacks with aback rake, but Rey goes full Julio Urias and chokes her until Sonjay attacks, then eats a superkick. Rey rolls JJ into the ring and we get an official start.

International Championship Match
Rey Fenix vs Jeff Jarrett

JJ stomps Rey then hits a right to the back, another. He chokes JJ up on the middle rope then hits a leg lariat across the back of the neck. JJ struts for us then turns to mock the Lucha Bros. He hits the ropes, kick from Rey, another kick, uppercut, spinning heel kick in the corner. Rey to the top rope, but Singh is here. He swipes, Rey hops off the top rope, DDT from JJ.

We are back from a break and Aubrey is outside of the ring punking Karen Jarrett. Aubrey checks on Rey, who is helped back into the ring. He hits a shoulder to JJ, another. Rey hits a third. Rey to the top rope. Sprtingboard into a cradle into a stomp! Rey runs the ropes, kicks Sonjay off the apron. JJ hits a freakin low blow!! JJ rolls Rey up! 1…2…..NO!!! JJ tries for a powerbomb, Rey drops off, JJ locks up for some Stroke, hits it!!!! Rey with a foot on the rope! Singh is on the apron!

JJ whips and Rey dropkicks Singh off the apron. JJ tries for a Figure Four, but Rey with an inside cradle! 1…2..3!!!

Winner: Rey Fenix
Like every other Jeff Jarrett match, it was overbooked to all hell, but an easy win for Rey.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 8:14

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WE head to a fishing trip with MJF and Adam Cole. MJF shows some frustration with Cole being on the phone with Roderick for so long. Cole says he was worried about him. MJF asks Cole to hold his beer, he’s going to get Cole one. MJF heads to the ice chest, opens it, and grabs his diamond ring.

Cole asks if MJF brought him out here just to hit him with the ring and throw him overboard. Lol. MJF hides the ring as Cole tells MJF it’s healthy to have more than one friend. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about him. MJF says that’s not for him, but if it’s normal and it’s Cole’s deal, he gots it. MJF says he almost got caught the last time he threw someone overboard, so this is great.

They then realize they got something. They pull hard on the rod, screaming that it’s a big one!

We pan over to Captain Insano floating on a rubber ducky with a hook in his mouth. They pull him aboard and share a beer with him.

Yes, everything I said is true.

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Don Callis and Konosuke Takeshita are in Tokyo looking for some Japanese blood. We’ll hear from them next.

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We are back and Renee is in the middle of the ring. She introduces Takeshita and Don, who come out to a chorus of boos.

Don says he is so happy that Sammy Guevara is free of the toxic environment that Jericho brings that he wanted to introduce him himself.

Out comes Sammy Guevara lookin all kinds of douchey, and I mean that as a compliment. He’s goin Scarface on us, y’all.

Sammy enters the ring and gives Don a big hug. He then shows some love to Takeshita.

Don wants to talk about Toko. He told us that Kota Ibushi was not safe.

We see Don and Takeshita entering Ibushi’s dojo. A jobber tells Don he’ll be out in two minutes, so Don slaps him. Takeshita attacks, but here comes Kota to stop Takeshita. He checks on his student but here comes Takeshita to attack him. Kota mounts, hits some right hands. Don hits him with an umbrella, Kota no-sells it. Takeshita has a kettle bell and cracks Kota’s face with it! Takeshita wraps his jacket around Kota’s neck and chokes him as Don yells that he isn’t safe in Tokyo or Seattle.

Sammy gets some mic time telling us he isn’t the villain, Jericho is. Jericho was supposed to pass him the torch, but he was never going to. He had to take the torch, and now it’s time for him to be the champ and star he was born to be.

Don says at WrestleDream, they’ll take everything from Ibushi, Jericho, and Omega until there is nothing left but tears.It’ll be Takeshita, Sammy, and Ospreay vs Omega, Jericho, and Ibushi.

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Ricky Starks cut a promo after Collision saying he didn’t lose, but he survived. Bryan didn’t tap him out or submit him, so Ricky is still up one. Here comes Wheeler Yuta to show some respect, but Starks says the next time Wheeler puts his hands on him, he’s gone get got. Wheeler says Ricky is all style, no substance, all he does is whine and complain. They beat his ass and put him in the ground, and Wheeler stood up. Ricky doesn’t have the balls to do that. But if he disagrees, how bout we find out October 1st.

Ricky walks away.

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Brian Cage vs Nick Jackson vs Claudio Castagnoli (w/ Wheeler Yuta)

Cage hits a knee to Jackson immediately, then presses him out of the ring with ease. He turns to Claudio, and they stand face to face. Test of Strength as they lock knuckles. Cage tries to pres him down, but Claudio stands tall. Cage kicks the arm, spins, locks up, but CLAUDIO WITH A SUPLEX!!! Cage springs back to his feet with ease and hits his own suplex, but czlaudio shots back up too! Uppercut to Cage! Cage with one of his own. Claudio hits his own. Clothesline! Another. MATT IS UP!! HE hits a shoulder, flies over the back of Claudio, locks fingers, runs up the corner, arm drag and a rana combo! Springboard Swanton off the top rope!!!! Nick sends Cage back into the ring. Cage corners him, Nick flies off, kicks Cage ,and he is trapped seated on the corner. Stomp to Claido, Nick runs with a backstabber to Cage. CLAUDIO WITH A BIG BOOT!

We are back and Cage drops Claudio so hard he rolls out the ring. Here comes Nick with knees trikes and elbows in the corner. Bulldog to Cage. He hits the apron, kick to Claudio, shoulder to Cage. X-Factor! Tries for a moonsault but Claudio catches him, so Nick hits a DDT! Nick to the top rope. He is about to fly! 450 splash! Cover! 1..2…NO!!!! Claudio pulls Nick out of the ring and sends him shoulder first into the steps. Claudio rolls in. He calls for the swing! HE SWINGS CAGE!!!!! Cover! 1..2..NO! Nick there to stop it. Nick sends Claudio out, hits the top rope, flies, Cage catches him! He powerslams Nick down hard. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Claudio is back, high kick from Cage. Cage locks up and deadlifts SUplexes Claudio into the ring!!!! Cover! 1….2….NO!!! Cage gets Claudio on his shoulders, Nick with a superkick, Claudio turns this into a pin. Gets 1..2.NO! Nick turns THIS into a pin for 1.2…NO!! Superkick to Cage, uppercut from Claudio to Cage! Superkick from Nick! Press up uppercut to Nick! Lariat to Cage! Claudio goin buckwild!!! COVER! 1..2…NO!!!

ELBOWS FROM CLAUDIO!!! He spins and grabs the arms, lookin for the finish, RICOLA BOMB!!! Nick flies off the top rope with a rana to Claudio! Nick covers Cage! Cover! 1…2…3!!!!

Winner: Nick Jackson
A great three way. They did the formulaic one man out, two in quite a bit, but they kept the in-ring content interesting. Nick winning wouldn’t be my first choice, but there is a story there that connects year one to now, so good for them.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 10:11

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We get a video promo from The Righteous who cut out little people from paper and branch them out across eachother’s hands. They call MJF and Cole liars and sheep.

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We come back to MJF and Adam Cole. Cole calls this a sad chapter of the story. Last week, he got hurt pretty bad. He broke his ankle in three different places, he tore ligaments, and unfortunately, he must go get surgery. But he promises, he’ll do everyting in his power to get back as soon as possible. They are the ROH World Tag Team Champions, and beause they cant defend the titles, they have to relinquish them.

MJF stops him right there, tells him hold on a second, He did not wrestle twice in one night to relinquish them to those weirdos The Righteous. He will take them on in a handicap match.

ADDAAAMMM!!!!

It’s Roderick Strong, and he tells Cole he needs him because it’s an emergency.

MJF calls him a simp, but says he learned a lesson on the boat with Cole. Strong is Cole’s boy. He may not like it, but he respects Cole enough to respect that he’s Cole’s boy. Cole can go do what he’s gotta do and MJF will be here waiting for him when he comes back.

Cole gets his crutches and leaves the ring.

I should note that Strong is in a hospital gown and wheelchair, and The Kingdom is with him.

MJF is by himself, says we all know he’s not a big fan of—

But he gets cut off and it’s Switchblade Jay White, Juice Robinson, The Gunns, and Cardbldade. Jay White’s team leaves him on his own as he makes his way down the ramp with a mic.

MJF is bout to go in, but Jay tells him to shut up. He tells the crowd to shut up, too. Everyone has heard MJF enough. Everyone wants to hear his sweet, exotic accent for a change. Don’t worry, when he came out, MJF was a bit worried.

MJF wonders if Jay has been smoking that gas Colorado Gas.

WEED chant starts.

MJF tells Jay the mid mic work aint gonna work. That first shot was a bit hairy, almost as hairy as the pubic hair on his chin that Jay calls a goatee.

In MJFs career, he’s been compared to a lot of people. Sure, MJF is good, but he’s no blank. As his star rose, the names got bigger and the goal posts got bigger. It never bothered him until he read, “Sure, MJF is good, but he’s no Jay White.” He understands now why this bothered him. It’s very apparent that MJF is like a fine filet mignon. No matter what’s around it, the plate is all about the filet, just like the show is all about MJF. No one is on the level of The Devil.

Jay is very talented, but he’s confused even the smartest of wrestling fans, making them think that he is also filet mignon, when in reality, Jay is tofu. Funny thing about tofu, it takes on the flavor of whatever you want it to, but you need to add something to it in order to trick yourself into believing it has taste. Jay has been given everything. Cool entrance, nickname, t-shirts, music, big match opportunity, handed the keys to one of the greateset factions of all time. But if you take it all away, Jay is left with nothing, bland, tasteless, tofu. Jay is all hype. He is tv produced, a vision that someone in Japan THOUGHT was a top guy. Some advice from a real top guy..leave the ring. If he doesn’t, for the rest of his career, whenever their names are mentioned in the same sentence, it will read as follows: “Sure, Jay White’s good, but he’s not MJF because I’m better than you and you know it.”

OK.

This is what Jay wanted! His authentic and personalized MJF experience! But he’s a bit let down.

TOFU chant.

Jay thinks MJF is a bit distracted. Jay feels the crowd doesn’t love MJF like they love Cole. Jay goes over their match at Wembley where Cole almost broke his neck, but hey MJF got revenge because Cole’s ankle is broken, and that’s MJFs fault. Jay has been ruining MJFs life from afar for a while, but he is up close and personal now, to ruin it in the flesh. MJF calls himself The Devil. NO one is on the level. Well, Mr. Devil, he needs to find another level that doesn’t exist in order to stop Jay from taking the title away from him. Funny how the AEW champion doesn’t seem so Elite when compared to Jay White. He is the man that single-handedly sold out MSG and the United Center. He is King Switch baby. He is the catalyst of professional wrestling and he, not MJF, will be a truly Elite Champion when he peels the title away from MJF. Then he can go sulk with his loser poors, because he’s their scumbag. Jay tells MJF he’s gone soft and he knows it.

MJF wants to show Jay what he is capable of, so how bout he shows Jay.

MJF removes all his titles and shirt. Jay gets ready, shakes his shirt off then leaves the ring.

Switchblade’s promo grew and grew and grew and damn….it was so different than anything else we’ve seen. He didnt go for the bait, for the low hanging fruit, he just built himself up and hyped himself up till he spoke louder than MJF and that shit worked!!!

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We get a sitdown with JR. Christian Cage and Darby Allin are on either side of him. Cage says he has been champion for quite some time. He retained his title this past Saturday.

JR asks him what makes Cage think he can beat Darby in 2 outta 3 falls. Cage says Darby’s wins were flukes and non-title. Cage will walk out of Seattle champion. Darby is nowhere near the man or wrestler that Cage is. Cage uses tables, chairs, everything but actually wrestle. Cage will expose him in front of family and friends. Speaking of living, is Darby’s uncle going to be there? Oh right, sounded like a great guy, taking his 5 yr old nephew out while intoxicated and what happened?

Darby: He’s dead. Everybody you talk shit about is dead. Nice.

Darby says he wont lose in Seattle. Cage cant beat him in Seattle. He’s won that title in Seattle before, and he’ll do it again. Cage then tells Darby to bring everyone, his family, Nick Wayne’s mom, everyone. Bring em all.

Darby tells Cage to leave his pet dinosaur at home if he has the balls. Cage tells him Wayne needs a real mentor, not some face painted dude hiding behind it.

Darby finds some water to expose his face. Cage says he doesn’t need Luchasaurus to show the world what Darby is. Cage will be champion now and forever, get used to it.

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Orange Cassidy vs Matt Jackson vs Penta vs Austin Gunn

I come to the match just as Cassidy is standing proud and alone in the middle of the ring. Austin comes in to attck but Penta comes in to send him out then hit OC with a leg drop then a dropkick. Penta hits the ropes, Austin rolls in to stop Penta. They both stand, Penta does his glove removal, then turns to smush Austin’s face. Austin shoots him with a finger gun. Penta goes for a chop, Austin ducks and hits one, Penta no sells and hits one, and Austin rolls out of the ring. In comes Matt to miss a right hand. Superkick from Penta.OC in to stop the taunt, he holds his hands up, Penta kicks OC. Penta CERO MIEDO! Here comes Austin! He clocks him in the back, OC goes for an Orange Punch, OC misses, three punches and a fourth from Austin. He holds up the gun and we go to break.

We are back and Matt is on the top rope. Youj think he’s going to moonsautl, but he flies with a crossbody to Penta on the outside. OC on the top rope. Gunn runs up and stops ihm. OC fights him with elbows and Gunn flies down to the mat. OC stands, turns, falls lazily on Penta and Matt! He hops back up to the top rope! He flies, roll through, hip toss, countered and Austin hits a neckbreaker. Cover for 1..2.>NO!!! Gunn double underhooks OC, OC with aback body drop, in comes Penta, he hits a destroyer to Penta! Gunn in, back body drop to Austin again, Destroyer from Matt Jackson! Matt with a ack body drop! DESTROYER FROM OC!!! Gunn tries for a freakin powerbomb, but OC with a destroyer!!! All four men up! They fall! Ref starts the count. Penta is up first at 7. He goes after Matt, OChelps Matt drop Penta with an inverted DDT. Jackson with a Northern Lights, another, goes for a third, reverse from OC, into a rollup from Matt, here comes Gunn and Penta, Matt hits stereo Northern Lights WHILE pinning OC with his own legs. He gets a 1..2…NO!!! Matt grabs Penta, and AEW gets a chant.

Matt goes for the BTE Trigger, Penta blocks, kicks, Fear Fac—NO!!! Matt counters, Enziguri from Penta, Penta hits the ropes, slingblade to Austin! Kick to Matt, double underook, OC is in! ORANGE PUNCH TO PENTA!!!! He blocks a kick from Matt. BEACH BREAK!!! FAMEASSER TO OC!!! Cover! 1..2…..NO!!!! Austin covers Matt! 1…2..NO!!! Cover to Penta! 1..2…..NO!!! Triple Superkick to Austin Gun! Double superkick. To Orange Cassidy!

Single Superkick to Matt. They both superkick again, double lariat, they hit the ropes, Gunn pulls pEnta out of the ring. OC with Orange Punch! Cover! 1..2…..3!!!!

Winner: Orange Cassidy
You’re God Damned Right.
Total Rating: *****
Match Time: 12:26

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Julia Hart vs Willow Nightingale

Willow has one eye covered completely. She corners Hart with a bunch of right hands, pissed off as all hell. Ref holds her back. She comes back with hard rights. Kicks to Hart in the corner. Hart is upo, hops on the back of Willow. Hart grabs at the eye cover. She corners Willow and hits a bunch of elbows. Whip and Willow cartwheels. Chop from Willow. Willow locks the head, supelx to Hart! Cover! 1…2..NO!!! Willow’s bandage slips up and hyou see her eye all covered in black. Willow barks at Brody. Hart with a right hand. Willow with a body slam. Another.

We are back from a break, and Willow rushes the corner with a back splash then a lariat, and finally a huge pump kick sending Hart flying. Whip to Hart, SPINEBUSTER!! Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Willow tries for a short armed but Hart drops her with an StO. She locks in Hartless!!!! But Willow is by the ropes! Rope break. Hart holds on till 4. WILLOW WITH A POUNCE!!! She lifts Hart, turns her upside down, crushes her in the corner, and sets up the tree of woe! Willow mocks Brody with the bark, and the crowd takes part.

Cannonball but Hart pulls herself up!!!! MOONSAULT!!! COVER!!!! 1…2….3!!!

Winner: Julia Hart
This was fun as all hell. Hart seemed incredibly confident and looked more crisp than I’ve seen her, probably ever. Same with Willow. Nice little sprint.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 8:10

After the match, Julia Hart attacks Willow Nightingale with the Hartless hold. This goes on until Kris Statlander runs down to make the save. She stares Hart down as her and Brody walk up the ramp.

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We are back and Renee is in the middle of the ring. Swerve Strickland is big chillin in the ring as Renee introduces Hangman Adam Page.

Here comes Mr. Cowboy Shit.

We got security around the ring, and everyone has been banned. Hangman is first to sign, but Swerve laughs a bit, saying he’s been impressed about the fire Page has had recently. It’s a little too late, though. They’re 4 days away. Better to be prepared on the approach rather than the landing. Does Page understand what’s happening? This is The Lion’s Den, man. He doesn’t think Page understands. They are two competitors that couldn’t be more opposite. He is nothing like Page. He will never be the wrestler Page is. What’s a farmer to a mogul, a cowboy to an outlaw, a buckshot to a killshot?

Page says it sounds like Swerve is fired up and he should be. A few weeks ago, he said some things that stung a bit in the moment, but he’s had some time to think. He wants to thank Swerve. All that he pointed out. The gear, the t-shirts, something is up with Hangman. He knew it. For a year and a half, every day that he would come to work, he felt there was a little black cloud he could never get rid of. Sure, the sun would shine. He beat Moxley, he reunited with his friends In The Elite. He knew he had that cloud but he never opend up an umbrella. He weathered the storm. He’s still here. Through that downpour, it washed something out of him. Now that he’s had time, he’s come to realize that these people deserve more from him, the best of him. He deserves it, too. So that’s what Swerve will get in Seattle – the best of Hangman.

Hangman signs.

Swerve laughs his ass off. Beautiful, he calls it, then says it was more pathetic than the Denver Broncos last weekend. Thank god Seattle got rid of that trash and left him here in this dumpster fire known as Colorado.

This isn’t as personal as Hangman thinks it is. He could have been anyone. It just happened to be Page in the position that Swerve wants. He really just might have mental issues, because he makes an enemy out of someone every day. This fuels him to be in Page’s position. He will take this position from Hangman from him. It rains an awful lot in Seattle, Hangman.

Page says Swerve wants his spot? Wants to be in the main event? If he had the chances Page had, Swerve would have been the first black champion, right? Maybe. The only thing Page can do is to live their lives in a way that the generations after don’t have to ask that question of themselves. We could talk about opportunities, but for every one he ever got, he knocked it out of the park. Swerve should want this spot, but he don’t got what it takes to fill his boot.

Swerve slaps Hangman across the face. Hangman grabs the pen from Swerve and stabs his hand!!! Hahaha Nice.

Security holds both men back and we are about to end the show but…

WE HEAD BACKSTAGE AND JAY WHITE IS BEING ATTACKED BY A BUNCH OF MEN IN BLACK MASKS!!!

WE see one of them with the Devil Mask that MJF wears! He grabs the camera and we fade to black.

End Show