411’s NWA TNA Report 04.28.04

This is Dave Gagnon, this is TNA, April 28th 2004.

I was gone, I am back. I explained my absence in my black column “Le Samedi Noir” so if you don’t know why I wasn’t there last week….go read the column!

Christopher Daniels is against cable piracy but he is pro-satan.

Last week: Raven attacked Chris Harris, costing him his NWA World Title Match against Jeff Jarrett in “The Tallest Cage In Wrestling”. AJ Styles got the shot and won the title. So, yeah, AJ won the match between Harris and Jarrett.

Your hosts are Mike Tenay and SCREAMING DON WEST.

AJ Styles is HERE. We’ll have a big announcement concerning the title.

Before we start, let’s not forget the silliest rating system around, The Exclusive Dave Gagnon TNA Rating System!

AJ Styles Rating: Excellent Match
Raven Rating: Very Good Match
Jeff Jarrett Rating: Good Match
Sonny Siaki Rating: Average Match
Jonny Fairplay Rating: Bad Match

1 Elix Skipper & Jerry Lynn & Christpher Daniels & Chris Sabin vs. Hector Garza & Heavy Metal & Mr. Aguila & Abismo Negro

Daniels is the new member of Team TNA with his win last week, replacing That Poor Guy Sonjay Dutt. That’s good news for Team TNA. They plugged the next Americas Cup taking place May 26th. May 26th? Happy birthday Jerome Berube (even though you are not reading this at the moment). This cup will feature Team AAA (champions), Team TNA, Team Canada and Team Japan. Japan, an important part of America. We learned that the new captain for Team Canada is Petey Williams, meaning that Teddy Hart is out. This is the worst Canadian captain since Eric Lindros. Petey Williams is a good wrestler but, as I said many times, he looks like a pizza delivery guy. Quick start to the match with quick tags. Team NWA dominated early. The match was basically a bunch of spots thrown together with little psychology. Sorry if I’m sounding like Herb Kunze. I’m even more sorry if you haven’t heard about Herb Kunze. Garza botched a moonsault and I still don’t see what’s so special about him. It all came down to Daniels vs Aguila. Despite missing a moonsault, Daniels managed to get the win with a rolling cradle. Daniels already made an impact with his new team.

WINNERS: Team NWA at 11:25
RATING: Sonny Siaki. A bunch of spots and that’s it. The Americas Cup concept is stale.

Mike Tenay introduced the new NWA World Heavyweight Champion, AJ Styles. I love AJ Styles but I hate the way he won the title. All those weeks building up to a win for Harris and Styles stole the spotlight at the last second. TNA needed a fresh champion and despite his great talent, Styles winning the title seemed like dйja vu. He won the title from Jarrett, lost the title to Jarrett and won it back from Jarrett. And guess what? I’m pretty condident he’ll lose it to Jarrett in a couple of months. Anyway, Styles thanked the fans for their support. He said that he wouldn’t be defending the title due to injuries but would face Raven next week. 3 Live Krew came out. Killings demanded a title shot. Russo came out. Russo was against the match but Styles interrupted him and offered Killings a title shot tonight. Russo tried to talk Styles out of it but to no avail.

2 — Kid Kash and Dallas vs D-Lo Brown and Apollo — Nightstick on a Pole NWA Tag Team Title match

Sadly, Big Boss Man and Nailz weren’t available for this match. Apollo is, of course, 411’s Aaron Conley’s favorite wrestler El Leon (that means The Lion). Hey D-Lo, what’s worse? Jobbing in WWE or involved in a nothing feud in TNA? The two teams brawled to start. Kash hit a moonsault on D-Lo but pinfalls doesn’t count until someone use the nightstick. Then things went BUSHLEAGUE. The nightstick fell off the pole, so they decided a referee would hand the stick to the first person to touch the top of the pole. If you don’t find that funny, I don’t know what will. This is so stupid, I just gave up on this match. Kash won the match with the most dangerous move in the business: the rollup. He got the pin on El Leon.

WINNERS: Kash & Dallas at 7:40 to retain the NWA Tag Team Titles.
RATING: Jonnny Fairplay

-A video aired of clips of Goldy Locks acting like she was a french woman. Then she was spanish. Goldy Locks is fucking hot, there I said it. But this angle is a mess.

3: Abyss v Sabu

I’m still amazed that Abyss hasn’t been picked up by WWE. Abyss attacked early but Sabu came back. They brawled outside the ring. Once again, typical Sabu match with chairs and tables. He leapt off the chair and legdropped Abyss through a tablle. He had Abyss pinned but The Fucking Hot Goldy Locks distracted the ref by slapping him. Sabu tried a powerbomb on her but Abyss attacked him from behind. He tried the torture rack (Where’s Lex Luger?). Black Hole Slam on Sabu and you know that’s over. Abyss threw the ref out of the ring but Erik Watts ran out with a baseball bat for the save. Abyss and Goldy left. The announcers wondered where Raven was for his friend Sabu. Well, Raven is a heel and Sabu is a face.

WINNER: Abyss at 7:50.
STAR RATING: Sonny Siaki. I like both guys but this match was so-so.

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed Sonny Siaki, Desire, and Simon Diamond. Simon said his real name is Pat Kenney and he never wanted to be called Simon Diamond. He said he is 100 percent Irish. Hudson was shocked.

Glenn Gilberti, Johnny Swinger, and Trinity cut an in-ring promo mocking Irish Pat Kenney. Trinity announced they’re to be known as The New York Connection. Their next member: future underachiever Eli Manning.

4- Glenn Gilberti, Swinger and Trinity vs. “Irish” Pat Kenney, Sonny Siaki and Desire

This is a rebirth for Diamond with a new godawful name. Hey, at least he’s banging Dawn Marie every night. Until Rene Dupee steals her from him, of course. Quebecers are the best lovers! Kenney took a beating early in the match, until he hottagged Siaki. Trinity went for a low-blow but Siaki blocked it. This distraction led to a double team by Gilberti and Swinger. From there, it was Trinity vs Desire. It went back and fourth until Swinger tripped Desire coming off the ropes. Trinity grabbed a chair but Siaki yanked it away from her. Desire then used the most dangerous move in the business for the pinfall: the rollup.

WINNER: Kenney & Siaki & Desire at 7:04.
STAR RATING: Sonny Siaki

Backstage, Raven whines like he always do. He will make everyone pay, especially James Storm. “What about me? What about Raven? And what about the diffcult political situation in Iraq? And what’s the deal with airline peanuts?”.

They went to Mike Tenay and Don West at ringside. An older guy behind them yawned. I’m with you buddy.

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed Marty Janne…err..James Storm. Storm is a good wrestler but he is a better fighter. Kid Kash interrupted and bragged about the fact that him and Dallas are a better team than AMW ever was. The two men brawled.

5- Raven vs James Storm

Raven dominated early but Storm gained control of the match. He drove Raven into the railing several times. He then crotched him over the railing and brawled into the crowd, dominating all the way. He choked Raven with a chair. Raven finally made a comeback. He went to a crossface chickenwing and held it for a while. Storm escaped and dominated Raven. After a couple of nearfalls, he went for the superkick but Raven blocked it. Storm hit an enzuigiri for a nearfall. Dallas came out as a distraction, and then Kash KO’d Storm with the night stick. Raven used the evenflow ddt for the pin.

WINNER: Raven at 9:50.
RATING: Sonny Siaki

A taped promo aired with Jeff Jarrett. He vowed revenge. The rumor is that Jarrett will regain the title on TNA’s first TV show on cable, which means that Jarrett will be the champ in 2019.

Next week: AJ Styles defends the title against Raven (unless he lose it to Killings tonight) and Michael Shane will face Shane Douglas.

Backstage, Scott Hudson interviewed Erik Watts, who complained about Goldy Locks destroying his life. Well, she IS a woman. Goldy Locks interrupted him and hysterically denied anything. There’s a lot of Goldy Locks tonight and that’s a good thing. Abyss then attacked Watts from behind.

Main Event: AJ Styles vs Ron Killings – NWA World Hvt. Title Match

After a couple of lockups, Styles favored his ribs. Killings methodically worked over Styles with matwork. Styles came back with a dropkick out of nowhere followed by a flip dive over the top rope to the floor. Back in the ring, Styles took Killings down with a dragon screw armdrag. After kicking Killinfs a couple of times, Styles went for a dropkick but Killings stepped aside and the ref took the blow. Killings had Styles beat with a small package but there was no ref to count the pinfall. Killings went to check on the ref, so Styles rolled him up and scored a three count. Both referees counted different shoulders, and each raised the arms of each wrestler ala Shawn Michaels vs British Bulldog in 1996 (and many other matches for that matter). Instead of holding up the title, Russo decided that ths match should continue. After a couple of nearfalls, Styles reversed a cradle roll-up for the pin. Lots of rollups and small packages tonight.

WINNER: Styles at 11:10 to retain the NWA World Hvt. Title.
RATING: Sonny Siaki

After the match, Raven ddt’d Styles onto the floor and taunted him with the NWA Title.

Bad show this week.

I’ll be back next week. Watch out for the new edition of “Le Samedi Noir” this saturday on 411Black. I’ll even have a special guest with me.

Thanks for reading,
Gags