411’s TNA Impact Report 07.02.09

Welcome to 411’s TNA Impact Report. Thank you to Steve Cook who took over duties last week while I was out of town. It’s good to be back and on to the show!

We get a recap of last week’s episode with Samoa Joe joining the Main Event Mafia. With them using Jenna‘s money to get Joe to join. The beatdown of Sting is aired as well. Sting booted from the Main Event Mafia.

Our announcers as usual at Don West and Mike Tenay at ringside for this bodacious episode of TNA Impact.

I’m not going to report the title of the Impact episodes because I feel it is irrelevant and takes away from the credibility of the show and company.

We open up Impact with the Main Event Mafia coming to the ring lead by TNA World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle. He is followed by Booker T., Samoa Joe, Sharmell, Jenna, Scott Steiner, and Kevin Nash. Angle says that Sting is at home licking his wounds at that the attack wasn’t personal, but was strictly business. Angle tells Mick Foley that it’s been a week and to come out and face “the boss” like a man. Foley’s music hits and he comes to the ring with his security. Steiner is holding a lead pipe standing next to Angle. Angle says that Foley committed a sin by telling Team 3D that they can face Beer Money Inc. at Victory Road for the TNA World Tag Team Championships. Angle tells Foley that Foley booked Steiner and Booker T. to take on Beer Money Inc. in a #1 Contenders Match here tonight. Foley asks to be left alone because he’s had a bad week. Foley wants to wrestle Angle at Victory Road. Steiner hits Rocco and Sal over the head with the pipe multiple times laying them out. Classic. Foley turns his back to the Main Event Mafia saying out of respect he wants them to leave enough of him to recover for Victory Road. Angle tells Foley to pick a “door” each involving a Mafia member destroying Foley. Foley chooses Door #1 which was Kurt Angle and he slugs him in the face. The Mafia beatdown on Foley begins with them stomping him down. The bell is sounding. Why? Jeff Jarrett‘s music hits and he comes to the ring with a guitar in hand! The Main Event Mafia all leave the ring before Jarrett can do anything. Jarrett clocks Foley over the head with the guitar then heads up the ramp! Angle pats Jarrett on the chest as he walks up the ramp, but Jarrett stops and stares him down at the Main Event Mafia laughs enjoying the guitar shot to Mick Foley. We head to a commercial break.

A 12 Rounds commercial airs during the course of the commercial break. Take that Dixie Carter.

Back from commercial break they recap what happened to Mick Foley moments ago. Foley refuses medical assistance backstage.

We go backstage with Jeremy Borash who is with Jarrett. Security throws Mick Foley out of the locker room.

An interview from earlier today done by Mike Tenay with Kevin Nash airs. He mentions the jump in 1996 from Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. Kevin Nash said he didn’t make that much money in the WWF in 1995 and got half a million dollars for half the dates in WCW. Sounds like a good deal to me. Nash says it’s a business and a job. He says he’s here to make money. At least he’s truthful. Tenay mentions Nash’s title shot coming up against TNA Legends Champion AJ Styles. Nash tells Tenay that people will be talking about AJ twenty years from now and that he wants to defeat him. He says the belt adds $3,000 to $4,000 per autograph session. Kinda funny. We go to another commercial break. Ugh. Twenty minutes and still not one minute of wrestling.

Abyss is backstage with Lauren kicking garbage cans looking for Dr. Stevie. He looks angered. He picks Lauren up and puts her on a table and says he’ll never harm her. Abyss tells her to understand that he is sick. He says he never asked her to stop being a woman, so why does she ask him to stop being a monster? Whoa. That’s a line from Rocky II. Minus, the monster part.

Cody Deaner with ODB vs. Amazing Red

Red’s theme sounds like Monty Brown‘s old one. At least the beginning of it does. This one should be exciting. Red kicks Deaner in the shins multiple times and the knee. Red works on the arm and Deaner yells to ODB asking her what to do. Great. Red armdrags Deaner over twice and hits a headscissors. Deaner rolls to the floor. Red flies over the top rope with a twisting dive. We get a replay right after it happened. Red actually landed on his feet, too. Red rolls him up for two. Kick to the shin again. And again. Red gets caught running off the ropes by a clothesline. Deaner covers and gets a two count. This is embarrassing. Right hand to the guy of Red. A punch to the face follows. Scoop slam by Deaner is next with a fist dropped to the face for a two count. Wow, Deaner is on the offensive for more than one minute. Red reverses an Irish Whip and dropkicks him in the corner and hits a spinkick for two! Red goes to the top ropes, but Deaner shoves him off. Deaner goes to the top ropes with ODB yelling at him to get off. Deaner puts his hat on backwards and misses a diving headbutt. Red hits the Red Eye for the victory.

Winner: Amazing Red.
Match Thoughts: *1/2. Good action, but as always very short which might not be a bad thing with Deaner in there.

Abyss is still backstage with security going after him apparently. They air a ‘Cross the Line’ video package of Booker T. saying “I will become.”

Abyss is destroying the set backstage. TNA security comes up with weapons threatening to beat him down. Abyss and one of the guys have a stare down as we go to commercial.

Off-topic here, but does anyone notice on RAW the overuse of the words “Cross the line” and “impact”? I’ve been noticing it a lot lately. Odd.

We’re back with Jeremy Borash backstage with Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett is getting his gear out of his locker. The Main Event Mafia walks in clapping their hands. They tell Jeff Jarrett to take a seat because they want to have a chat. Angle asks Joe to hold his title. Angle says that they can put their differences aside. Angle offers Jarrett a peace offering. Angle wants Jarrett’s power. Angle ask Jarrett if he accepts. Jarrett tells Angle to screw his offer. He mentions that he was the one that brought Angle into TNA in the first place. Jarrett screams at Angle telling him that Kurt used TNA’s wrestlers and abused his power. Jarrett tells Angle that Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle will be teaming up tonight against Jeff Jarrett and AJ Styles with the TNA World Heavyweight Championship on the line! Whoever pins Angle, wins the title. If Angle or Joe beat Jarrett or Styles, then Angle retains. Wow. Talk about making an impact. *crickets*

Somehow TNA has the graphic for the Main Event already made. Great professionalism. Don West goes over the TNA Live! schedule. I highly recommend going to see them live. It completely blows away their Impact stuff.

Lauren is with Jenna backstage asking Jenna about Sharmell. Jenna says that she is going to fight Sharmell. She says it’s on at Victory road. Sojournor Bolt walks in and says she will make sure that Sharmell is ready for her match at Victory Road. Harsh words. Another commercial break.

So we’ve had maybe three minutes of wrestling in forty-five minutes? Solid ratio by TNA. All these backstage segments are making my head spin.

We go backstage AGAIN with Jeremy Borash in the Main Event Mafia’s locker room to get Kurt Angle’s reaction. Angle says Jarrett that he just signed his own death certificate. Angle says he always wondered what it would be like if him and Joe were a tag team. Weren’t they TNA World Tag Team Champions in 2007? Epic memory! Booker T. tells Sharmell that she has to leave the locker room. They argue. Borash mentions Jon and Kate Plus 8.

Eric Young vs. Rhino with Jesse Neal

Eric Young comes out of the heel tunnel thus solidifying his heel turn. Rhino charges down the ramp and they battle in the ring. Rhino clotheslines Young for a two count. Boots to the stomach. Young clotheslines Rhino after tossing him into the turnbuckles. Young gets a two count. Eric Young throws punches and then chokes Rhino in the corner. Snapmare over into a chokehold. Rhino gets out, but Young pulls his hair and slams him down. He covers for a two count again. Young straddles Rhino’s throat over the middle rope and chokes him. Young slaps Neal in the face then goes to the floor and tosses him into the guardrail! Young goes back in the ring to continue beating down Rhino. Right hands galore. Rhino fights back to his feet throwing right hands of his own. Rhino nails a couple of clotheslines and a shoulder tackle in the corner. Rhino catches Eric Young and gets a spine buster. Neal is on the apron arguing with the referee as Rhino is covering Young. Rhino gets knocked into Neal and Young rolls Rhino up, grabbing the ropes for the three count.

Winner: Eric Young by pinfall.
Match Thoughts: *. Eric Young works well as a heel. He must still remember his days on Team Canada. Neal and Rhino look to be on a collision path.

Lauren is backstage with Sharmell, again. Sharmell finds Matt Morgan, who is on a cell phone. Morgan makes Sharmell repeat herself. Morgan picks Sharmell up and spins her around after she informs him that Angle wants to see him. Another commercial break follows.

We go back to Jeremy Borash backstage asking Angle about letting Matt Morgan join. Morgan asks how much money he’s going to make. Angle says that the Mafia is taking Matt Morgan into consideration. Angle wants to make sure his bases are covered. Angle wants Morgan to make sure that Christopher Daniels doesn’t make it anywhere near the ring. Morgan says fine, but his patience is running short.

A promo for Sarita is shown. She looks like a new age Power Ranger.

The Beautiful People (Velvet Sky and TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love) with Madison Rayne vs. Awesome Kong with Raisha Saeed and Tara

This should be a great match. Tenay calls Kong and Tara a dream tag team. Hard to argue. Tara comes to the ring with a tarantula. Tara begins attacking Velvet Sky. Armdrags and submissions entertain me. Tara tags in Kong and Kong throws Sky into the corner asking for Love to be tagged in. Love tags in and her and Kong exchange punches. Kong gets the better of her. Kong throws Love into the corner and throws many, many punches. Sky and Love double team Tara who tagged in a couple seconds ago. I was unloading groceries. Tara and Love are both down in the center of the ring Kong gets tagged in and Sky tries punching her, but gets shoved off. Kong throws her into the corner again. Kong punches Love and she goes to the floor. Love attacks Kong from behind. All four are in the ring now. Tara throws Love out of the ring and into the ringpost. Implant Buster by Kong onto Sky follows to finish the match and get her team the victory.

Winners: Awesome Kong and Tara when Kong pinned Sky
Match Thoughts: **. Was good for what I saw. I can’t really rate it fully because I missed a minute of it unloading groceries.

After the match Kong stares at Tara, while Tara plays with her tarantula. Alright. Tara puts the spider on Velvet Sky as Madison Rayne and Angelina Love go running up the ramp as we go to commercial.

Lauren is backstage with TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love. Love freaks out about the spider. When asked about Velvet Sky, Love says it could’ve been “me” that had the spider put on her. She then runs away screaming.

A “Cross the Line” promo with Team 3D saying “We will become.” is aired. Is that their new phrase?

TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money Inc. comes out to the Impact Zone next. They are set to announce the #1 Contenders Match.

#1 Contenders Match: Team 3D (Brother Ray and Brother Devon vs. Scott Steiner and Booker T. with Sharmell

The winners of this match with face Beer Money Inc. at Victory Road for the TNA World Tag Team Championship. Two former multiple time WCW Champions are set to face one of the greatest tag teams in wrestling history. This should be interesting. Many tag matches tonight as well. James Storm has his arm around Mike Tenay at the booth. Robert Roode asks Don West what kind of chapstick he uses to kiss his butt. Amazing. The bell sounds and Brother Ray starts in with Scott Steiner. They lockup. Steiner throws Ray into the corner and kicks away at the giant midsection. Chop by Steiner. Ray reverses an Irish Whip and throws punches of his own. Overhead belly-to-belly suplex by Scott Steiner follows with punches. Brother Ray blocks a punch and scoop slams him for two. Steiner misses an elbow and gets a bodydrop for a two count. Brother Ray tags in Brother Devon. Devon punches Steiner. Booker T. catches Devon in the back with a knee as he’s running off the ropes. Steiner tags in Booker. Booker with punches to the stomach of Devon and kicks. Sound familiar? Devon catches a boot to the face. Steiner tags in and stomps at Devon who is being held by Booker t. Steiner’s belly-to-belly overhead suplex gets a two count. Steiner tags in Booker who kicks Devon in the mid-section. Roundhouse to the face of Devon. Devon and Booker catch each other with clotheslines in the middle of the ring and they are both down. The crowd is REALLY HOT for this one. Devon hot tags in Brother Ray. Ray clotheslines Booker. Hip toss next. Buh-Buh Bomb by Brother Ray to Steiner. Booker T. catches Brother Ray with a Bookend for a two count! Man this match is fast. Seriously. Sheik Abdul Bashir and Kiyoshi come out. They brawl with Beer Money Inc. Team 3D hits the 3D on Booker T. Sharmell distracts Rudy Charles. Steiner in and he get’s the “What’s Up?!” Brother Ray tells Brother Devon to get the tables. The British Invasion comes out. Brutus Magnus catches Brother Ray with the Feast or Fired briefcase and pulls Booker T. on Ray for the three count!

Winners: Scott Steiner and Booker T. when Booker T. pinned Brother Ray.
Match Thoughts: **3/4. Really good action. Crowd was hot. I didn’t enjoy the finish every. Too much going on outside the ring.

We head to a commercial break after the tag match.

Great another “12 Rounds” commercial.

Holiday is in the ring and Lethal’s music is playing, they are set for a singles match, but he’s being attacked backstage by Abyss. Consequences Creed comes in to help, but he gets thrown into the fence nearby. Abyss comes out. Holiday punches Abyss. Abyss slugs at Holiday and hits him with the Black Hole Slam. Abyss wants Dr. Stevie to come out. He grabs the camera and wants the whole world to hear what he has to say. Abyss says he doesn’t need Dr. Stevie anymore. No more therapy. No more calling in daily. No more shock treatment! Crowd cheers. Abyss tells Stevie that he will lift him up and snap Stevie across his shoulders like a twig. Dr. Stevie appears on the screen. Stevie has Lauren, who is crying, in his arms. Stevie says he’s not the monster that Abyss is. Stevie says he’s treated Abyss for ten years. He calls Lauren a piece of meat and says he owns Abyss. Dr. Stevie says that next week Abyss will come to his office for therapy and if he doesn’t he won’t be nice to Lauren. Abyss has his hands over his head in the ring. Abyss charges up the ramp. Decent segment. We go to another commercial.

Back from commercial break # 805. Main Event time!

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Kurt Angle(c) and Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Jarrett and TNA Legends Champion AJ Styles

Twenty-five minutes remain. Interesting. Jarrett had his gold attire out of locker in the locker room, but he’s wearing his baby blue attire. Consistent? I think not. Not trying to get that picky, but it was kind of obvious. I hope it’s good and I predict it will be a great tag match. Cheerio Joe is in his cheerio pants attire as we head to commercial break right after the team of Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe enter the ring.

We finally come back from the commercial break with individual introductions inside the ring by Jeremy Borash. At least they are taking this match seriously. AJ Styles gets a huge ovation during his introduction, as does Jarrett. Samoa Joe gets a very mixed reaction to say the least. More boo’s than anything and rightfully so. Angle is billed at 230 lbs. now instead of 240 lbs. He looks to be barely 200 lbs., if that. the crowd boos him. The belt is shown to the fans and the bell sounds. Jarrett and Angle start the match. Lockup with the crowd clapping. Jarrett puts Angle in a headlock. Jarrett attempts the Stroke, but it misses. Ankle Lock by Angle is reversed and they have a stand-off. Angle boots Jarrett in the guy. Uppercut by Angle. Jarrett hip tosses Angle. Jarrett clotheslines Angle. Jarrett tags in AJ Styles. Styles works over the left arm. Angle gets out of the arm ringer and tags in Joe. AJ bops Joe. Joe nails AJ with a legsweep to the mat. Joe clubs away. Styles runs off the ropes and hits a dropkick. Angle comes in and gets punches in the face by Styles and Jarrett. We go to commercial with Jarrett and Styles double teaming Joe.

Back with Samoa Joe in control of Styles targeting the leg. Joe tags in Angle. During the commercial, Joe caught Styles and slammed him. Angle hit an belly-to-belly release suplex. Back to the match. Styles catches Angle with a boot to the back of the head on Angle. Both men are down. Joe runs in and knocks Jarrett off the apron. Angle tags in Joe. Joe chops Styles. Headbutt by Joe to Styles’ head. Elbow by Styles. Springboard moonsault into an inverted DDT and regular DDT to Joe and Angle! Joe cuts Styles off and slaps on the rear naked choke. AJ rolls out and hits the Pele! Both men are down again! AJ tags in Jarrett. Joe tags in Angle. Jarrett hits Angle with a flurry. Double arm DDT (Pedigree) by Jarrett onto Angle. Joe breaks up a two count. Jarrett reverses an Angle Slam and gets a two count with Joe breaking it up again. Jarrett puts Angle on the top rope. Joe grabs Jarrett for the Muscle Buster, but Jarrett rolls over and Styles hits a flying forearm on the ref after Joe ducked! Jarrett hits the Stroke on Kurt Angle from the top ropes. The ref is down. Jarrett gets the guitar. He winds it up. Slick Johnson grabs the guitar. Angle slaps on the Anklelock. It is applied in the middle of the ring. Joe pulls AJ off the apron. Jarrett gets to his feet and Angle slaps the Anklelock back on! Angle lays down on it in the middle of the ring. Jarrett is lasting awhile in the hold. It’s been about a minute and a half now. Jarrett looks to be fading. Referee checks the arm and it drops. the referee calls for the bell. Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe have won!

Winners: Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe to retain the TNA World Heavyweight Championship when Jeff Jarrett was declared unconscious in the Anklelock.
Match Thoughts: ***1/4. I really enjoyed this one. It was a bit chaotic towards the end, but it was good.

The Main Event Mafia comes to the ring to celebrate the victory. Hugs and handshakes all around. Joe has some choice words for Jarrett. AJ runs in the ring with his TNA Legends Championship and swings it around clearing the ring. Joe and Styles get into a scuffle on the ground. The Mafia begin attacking Styles. Steiner hits a belly-to-belly suplex on Styles. Morgan is shown backstage beating up Christopher Daniels. Nash is ready to hit AJ with the Legends title. Lights go out! Sting’s music hits! He’s in the ring with the bat! Sting clears the ring with bat shots for everyone in the Main Event Mafia! Sting has possession of the TNA World Heavyweight Championship! The lights go out, then back on and Sting is gone with the title as the show comes to an end. Great ending.

Final Thoughts: Absolutely atrocious first hour and a half. I mean brutally bad. Way too many commercial breaks and backstage segments. There must have been a total of ten minutes of wrestling in the first hour itself. It picked up and had a great main event though which salvaged the show a bit. Great ending with Sting getting his revenge on the Main Event Mafia and gaining possession of the TNA World Heavyweight Championship. Should be interesting to see what happens next week.