411’s TNA Impact Report 8.02.07

TNA Impact Begins…NOW!

-Joe arrives after a week off for training.

-We get highlights of last week’s show.

-Cage is with Cornette. Cornette wants to know what happened last week and who pulled Abyss under the ring. Cornette says he is full of shit and he and AJ will face Abyss and Sting in a ladder match. There will be a contract for Cage vs. Abyss. If Cage and AJ win, Abyss will never get to face Cage. If Abyss or Sting win, Cage has to face Abyss in the match of his choice at Hard Justice. Cage tries to get out of the match by saying he has a foot injury.

-Kurt Angle arrives with his wife carrying the titles and kid pulling his bags, Angle yells at them. Cage comments on her “belts” and says maybe she can carry Tomko’s toy belt.

Team 3D vs. Eric Young and Chris Harris

Harris and Devon to begin. Ray distracts Harris and Devon beats him down. Off the ropes, reversals and a lariat and bulldog by Harris gets 2. Stalling supplex on Devon…nice. That gets 2 as well. Tag to Young and Devon escapes a double team. Devon then tags out to Ray. Lock up and clubbing shots by Ray. Young manages an arm drag and then a dropkick. Hip tosses to Devon and a dropkick for him. Rights to Ray, Devon trips up Young and then Ray gets a clothesline to the back of Young’s head. Ray chokes out Young, tag to Devon and rights to Young in the corner. Ray in, they double team, off the ropes and a dual dropkick by Young. He crawls and Dustin Rhodes is out and he and Harris brawl. Rhodes misses a chair shot and they brawl to the back. Young is surviving and gets a near fall, but they get a reverse 3D and Young is down. 3D then goes OLD SCHOOL with a spike piledriver (a tad sloppy) and that is all.

Winner: Team 3D @ 4:55 via pin

-Miss Brooks and Robert Roode make their way to the ring as we head for a commercial.

-Back from commercial and Roode beat down Young during the break and then talks shit to him and says no one embarrasses him. They pour a ton of honey on him and the get a pillow and “tar and feather” him. It pays to be “Roode,” doncha know.

-JB is with Samoa Joe. Joe says he put himself through hell for this once in a lifetime chance, to be the true undisputed champion. This is his declaration of war. He will go through Angle’s wife and kid to get to him if need be.

-Back from commercial and JB is with Angle and his wife. He asks is she wants coffee and tells her to go and get it, she need the exercise. His daughter asks for candy and asks if she wants to be fat like Samoa Joe, or thunder thighs like mommy? Angle says she has to be perfect to be Mrs. Kurt Angle. She needs to get her act together and bring rolly poly with her.

-Tenay and West are insulted by the way Angle treats his family. They announce that October’s Bound for Glory will be in Atlanta.

“GURU” Sonjay Dutt and Black Machismo vs. XXX (Senshi and Christopher Daniels) w/Elix Skipper

XXX attacks at the bell and Daniels is then tossed to the floor and a double dropkick on Senshi. Dutt with a plancha, they catch him and Machismo gets a suicide dive to take them all down. The Motor City Machine Guns are out to scout the bout. XXX gains control on Machismo, they lay the boots to him and then face washes. Daniels covers for 2. Daniels chokes out Machismo. He fights back, but Daniels stops him. Jabs by Machismo but they get a double team kick to Machismo for 2. Headlock by Daniels, elbows by Machismo and off the ropes and Daniels misses a leg lariat and a tag to Dutt. RANA on Daniels. Chops for Senshi and then a sling shot leg drop to Senshi. Seated senton gets 2 on Daniels. Rights to Daniels, Senshi in and the dragon DDT by Dutt! Machismo up top and Elix knocks him off. STO by Daniels on Dutt. Uranage by Daniels and THE WARRIORS WAY by Senshi! BME by Daniels and that is all!

Winner: XXX @ 4:40 via pin

-XXX celebrates as we get replays. XXX and the MCMG’s have a confrontation.

-We head to comments from Sting and Abyss on the upcoming ladder match. They will win and it will be payback, and maybe they will have a surprise of their own. Abyss says no more tricks for Cage and no more surprises. Retribution begins.

-Back from commercial and Angle is with Dr. Nash. He then yells at her for playing with his belts. He wants him to counsel his wife. He then says she was checking him out and Nash was feeling uncomfortable. She’s a slut he says. Nash says he can squeeze her in on Monday. Angle tells her the liposuction can wait and she will do this, or don’t let the door hit you in the ass. What a disgrace. Nash says he is no gold medallist, but he has an acting career. She says all wrestlers are the same. He then says her as is big as she leaves. Wow.

LADDER MATCH – AJ Styles and Christian Cage vs. Sting and Abyss

We begin with Sting and Abyss attacking Cage and AJ on the floor. AJ and Abyss in the ring, and Bays snails AJ with a big boot. Cage in, GOOZLE to both and they try to double-team him but they eat a clothesline. Sting up top and a cross body to both! Cage and AJ to the floor, Sting and Abyss follow and toss them back into the ring. Abyss and Sting get the ladder and they nails AJ and Cage after they miss a baseball slide to the ladder. We head to commercial @ 1:50.

Back from commercial @ 5:50 with Sting dropkicking the ladder into Cage and AJ, and the a Stinger splash with the ladder to both. Sting climbs the ladder, Cage up and nails him and he climbs. They fight on the ladder and Sting gets a face plant to Cage from off the ladder. Sting climbs but AJ gets a springboard forearm to Sting. AJ and Abyss climb the ladder, CHOKESLAM by Abyss! Tomko is out and has a chair, nails Abyss! What’s this, Andrew Martin, the Punisher makes his debut! He attacks Tomko and Cage take a HUGE bump off the ladder to the floor. Martin clears the ring! He tells Abyss to climb as the Coalition is on the floor, and Abyss gets the contract.

Winner: Sting and Abyss @ 8:30

-Martin, Sting and Abyss stand tall and celebrate.

-Back from commercial and JB is with Abyss, Sting and Martin. Martin says he has been watching what Cage and his boys have been doing. I picked my spot because when you get a chance to work with a legend like Sting and the future of the business like Abyss, you take it. I am here to serve notice, I am the new enforcer of TNA, The Punisher Andrew Martin.

-Kurt and Karen Angle make their way to the ring. Kurt makes her hold he titles as he begins to talk. He is misunderstood in wrestling, the most misunderstood man in wrestling. He is a loving father, compassionate even, as well as a husband. She is out here to set the record straight, and since she never shuts up at home this should be easy for her. It must be hard for her to live in his shadow, but how does it feel to be the wife of the most loving and compassionate man in the world, Kurt Angle? He asks if her mouth is full of cookies again since she will not talk. He’ll tell you who he is.

Joe is out and says Angle is a horse’s ass. Angle hides behind his wife. He hits the ring and calls Kurt on. He hides behind Karen still. Karen then says for 12-years of living with him has been hell, and he has taken her dignity. Their children are treated like dogs. For 12-years she has wanted to say this… Kurt takes the mic and says no one wants to hear what she has to say. Joe takes the mic and says he wants to hear it and gives her the mic back. She has loved him for 12-years and given him her heart and soul. She is sick of his world titles, attitude and arrogance. She is more sick of his stupid gold medal! As far as I am concerned, you can stick the medal. Our marriage is over!

Karen leaves the ring and Kurt says to get her ass back here. He then plays nice and Joe takes the mic from him. You are done talking. You have lost everything but those two titles, and at Hard Justice I will take them from you. And all you’ll have left is the clothes on your back…or I could take those. Joe beats down Angle and starts to rip off the Armani suit. Angle escapes as Joe stands tall with all of the gold.

-We get the video wrap up to close the show.

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