411’s WWE Raw Report 02.08.10

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-Live from the Cajundome in Layfayette, LA

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry “The King” Lawler

-We open things up with Carl Edwards peeling into the arena in his stock car. I’ve seen this somewhere before. Is this a rerun? Instead of Carl Edwards getting out of the car we have Hornswoggle, and Kelly Kelly is in the ring to introduce Carl Edwards. Edwards comes to the ring accompanied by official guest host chaperones The Bella Twins. Edwards does his trademark backflip into the ring, and immediately goes for the cheap pop calling Louisiana the home of the Super Bowl Champions. Edwards says speaking of Super Bowls next Sunday is the Super Bowl of NASCAR the Daytona 500. He says as guest host he has a lot to live up to, as we saw Kyle Busch and Joey Logano here before. He says he has something they don’t have, and that’s a friend in the WWE. That man is John Cena. That doesn’t exactly impress WWE Champion Sheamus as he decides to come out for a word with Edwards. Sheamus says his Super Bowl is in seven weeks, and its Wrestlemania. He says he plans on walking into Wrestlemania WWE Champion, and that means he has to win the Elimination Chamber. As WWE Champion he demands that Edwards makes him the last participant in the chamber match. He doesn’t want Edwards doing favors for his buddy John Cena just because he got beat up by Batista last week. He says Edwards isn’t the guest host of Raw, but a guest on his show. He will do what Sheamus says, or he won’t make it to Daytona. That brings out Christian for a rather random interruption. Christian introduces himself to Edwards, and says NASCAR is blowing up in Canada. It makes him pretty happy they were denied a WNBA franchise. Sheamus asks what Christian is doing here, and he says Edge said he would face Taker or Sheamus and didn’t mention him. He was offended at first, but it all made sense once Vince made his announcement cancelling ECW. Sheamus says that makes him a lame duck champion, but Christian thinks Sheamus is the one who is lame. He throws a few insults at Sheamus’s look, but Sheamus says the only thing funny is that Christian will be unemployed in a few weeks. Christian says that’s where he’s wrong because in two weeks every ECW star is a free agent. He thought the peeps on Raw were starting to miss him, so he figured he’d show up and challenge Sheamus tonight. He says they’re both here, both champions, and both born without last names so it makes perfect sense. Edwards gets a referee and the match is on right now!

Sheamus vs. Christian
Sheamus takes Christian over with a headlock, and follows with a knee to the gut. Sheamus charges into the corner, but runs into a back elbow from Christian. Christian goes to the second rope but is caught by Sheamus who delivers a fall away slam. Sheamus delivers a clothesline sending Christian to the floor and we head to break. We’re back with Sheamus still in control with an armbar, but Christian quickly turns the tide hitting the ropes. They collide with shoulderblocks, but Christian gets the worse of it and Sheamus retains control. Sheamus charges at Christian who pulls down the top rope sending Sheamus to the floor. Christian hops over the top rope and delivers a crossbody all the way down the floor. Sheamus comes back to ram Christian’s shoulder into the ringpost, and drives him into the barricade. Back inside they go as Sheamus begins to work over the injured shoulder. Sheamus grabs a hammerlock, and follows by driving Christian’s shoulder into the top buckle. Christian comes back with a back elbow, and delivers a missile dropkick to start a comeback attempt. Christian gets dropped to the apron, but comes right back to drop Sheamus’s throat across the top rope. Christian hits a back elbow off the top rope, but gets caught on a springboard. Christian hammers out, and then dodges the pump kick but runs into a double axehandle. Christian comes back with a bicycle kick in the corner, and delivers a DDT for two. Christian goes for the killswitch, but Sheamus counters and dumps him to the apron. Christian goes to the top rope, but gets caught and Sheamus fires the injured shoulder to the post. Sheamus delivers the pump kick, and finishes Christian with the Razor’s Edge at 9:43. No matter how hard they try no one is buying this goof’s title reign. Case in point they had to bring the Champion of the show that is getting cancelled over to put him over…and the crowd still didn’t buy it.
Winner: Sheamus (Pinfall-Razor’s Edge **3/4)

-Triple H is watching in the back, and Shawn stops by to say he knows he’s been a big pre-occupied with the whole Undertaker thing. He says he’s had time to think about it, but now he’s thinking about it and DX has never been a part of Wrestlemania. Shawn says maybe DX can go to Wrestlemania, but HHH cuts him off and says he did qualify for the chamber. He says he’s going to win in the chamber and go to Wrestlemania as WWE Champion. Shawn says it’s all about him now, and walks off in disgust.

-Lawler announces Bret is banned from the building tonight, and we get the footage that aired on Smackdown after Raw went off the air of Batista beating the shit out of Cena.

-Cody stops by Ted’s locker room to ask if he was pretty proud of himself. Ted says qualifying for Elimination Chamber, and Cody says he had to face Cena while Ted only had to beat Mark Henry. Ted tells him to stop whining, and Cody asks if he would have beat Cena? Ted says he’s better than him, and Orton stops by to ask if Ted thinks he’s better than him. Ted says we’ll see at the chamber. Orton says Ted gets his chance to put Cody’s theory to the test as he’ll face Cena tonight. Meanwhile while Orton appreciates Cody trying to help at the Rumble, and knows he meant well, he’ll be facing Orton himself tonight.

WWE Unified Tag Team Championship Three Team Elimination Match: Luke Gallows & CM Punk (w. Serena) vs. The Miz & The Big Show vs. D-Generation X ©
Punk says its no big secret that this region of the country turns to drugs and alcohol when they hit hard times. This makes it all the more sad because when they have something celebrate like Mardi Gras or that little football game they won they do the same thing. Punk goes through his normal sermon until he finds Jared from Subway in the crowd. Punk says Jared is a lot like him and asks him because he’s such a good Subway spokesperson he should be the minister of propaganda for the Straight Edge Society. He asks Jared to be the spokesperson, and accept Punk as his savior but Jared declines. Punk wants to make an example out of him, but DX is out to put a stop to that. Gallows attacks Miz before the bell, but DX puts a stop to that and fires all of the heels outside. Eventually they fire Miz on top of the other three and we head to break before the bell rings. We’re joined in progress out of the break with Michaels and Punk in the ring. Punk hits a running high knee on Shawn, and delivers a running bulldog. Miz was also legal in the ring, and he tags in Big Show. Show whips Punk into Shawn in the corner but misses an avalanche. Both HHH and Gallows tag in as the big men all square off. Gallows and HHH double team Show, but he fights them both off with headbutts. Show delivers a series of bodyshots to Gallows and hits an open hand slap. He gives one to HHH for good measure, and levels Gallows with a clothesline. HHH comes back into the fray with a facebuster, and goes for the pedigree on Show only to get dumped over the top to the floor as we head for another break. We’re back with Punk, Miz, and HHH now legal, and its Punk in control. Punk drops an elbow across the knee of HHH and holds on to it until it is broken up with a kick. Miz takes a chance to pounce on HHH and pound him down in the corner. He whips Punk into the corner where HHH gets a boot up, and then explodes with a clothesline taking out Miz. Punk comes back with a dropkick to Miz for two, but Miz answers with a chinbuster. Miz hits a running clothesline in the corner on Punk, but as he heads to the top rope Serena pulls him off to the floor. Miz gives chase after her, but runs into HHH who delivers a spinebuster on the floor. HHH goes for the tag which he makes, and Shawn comes in with a flying forearm on Punk. Shawn hits an inverted atomic drop and bodyslam before heading up top for a vintage Michaels elbow drop. Shawn tunes up the band, but Gallows puts a stop to it with a big boot. HHH runs off Gallows, and Punk goes for the GTS on Shawn. Shawn is able to counter though into sweet chin music to eliminate the Straight Edge Society at 8:47. Shawn and HHH give each other a look of approval, but Show is in to deliver a clothesline taking out both guys. Shawn tries to fight back as Show talks trash with a chop, but Show puts him down right away with a headbutt. Show walks across the prone body of Michaels, and follows up with a bodyshot. Shawn pulls himself up and tries to fight back with a series of right hands. Show whips Shawn into the corner, but charges into a boot from HBK. Show catches Shawn with a side suplex as he goes for the tag, and that gets a two count. Miz tags in and delivers a running boot to a seated Shawn for two, and locks in a chinlock. Shawn fights to his feet, but Miz stops him from tagging by pulling him down by the hair. Running knee lift by Miz sets up a neckbreaker for two, so Miz sets up for the Skull Crushing Finale. Shawn fights that off, and kicks Miz into the corner where he is able to tag in Show. Michaels goes for the tag, but Show pulls him off. Shawn delivers Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere, and that allows both men to make tags. HHH hits Miz with a high knee, and a face buster before knocking Show off the apron. HHH hits a spinebuster, and Shawn tags himself into the match. HHH takes exception to that, and Miz sees the opening to ram Shawn into HHH and roll him up to capture the win and the titles at 14:22. All hail the Miz Show! Let the DX breakup begin. HHH stares a hole in Shawn after the match and Shawn walks off in frustration. Really fun match that again leaves Wrestlemania in doubt. Every week I change my mind. Is it Taker-Shawn or HHH-Shawn?
Winners: NEW WWE Unified Tag Team Champions: The Big Show & The Miz (Miz pins Michaels-Rollup ***1/2)

-Josh Mathews is with the new Unified Tag Team Champions. Show says they did something that he and Jericho could never do and that’s beat DX. Show says Miz treats him like an equal and a friend. Miz says they will dominate all the shows because they’re the Miz Show and they’re awesome. Show corrects him and says it’s “Show-Miz.” Miz likes the sounds of that.

-Shawn heads through the locker room looking for Teddy Long. Shawn wants to be traded to Smackdown, and Teddy wants to know about DX. He says he doesn’t care about DX he wants to go to Smackdown and get put in the Elimination Chamber. He becomes World Champion and gives Taker his rematch at Wrestlemania. Teddy says he’d love to have him, but the people in the chamber already earned their shot. Shawn begs Teddy, but HHH stops him and asks if he wants to throw this all away for this obsession. Shawn says his career is over, and superkicks Teddy Long before walking away.

Gail Kim vs. Jillian Hall
Maryse is on commentary for this one as we have no intros for this at all. Jillian whips Gail into the corner, and then runs into a back elbow. Jillian turns around to pull Gail off the second rope, but Gail reverses a bodyslam into the falling big boot for the win at 0:58. Should have just cut the whole segment if that was all they were getting. Afterward Maryse congratulates Gail, and says she wants to have the best match of her life with her. Maryse cuts a promo in French, and wishes her good luck before shaking hands saying “may the best diva win.” Whatever.
Winner: Gail Kim (Pinfall-Falling Big Boot DUD)

-The first inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame class of 2010 is “Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase. This is a long overdue induction.

-Jared and Carl Edwards talk about five dollar footlongs when they are joined by Santino, and he of course botches the five dollar footlong song. Santino wants revenge on Jack Swagger for taking him out of the Rumble, so Edwards books him with Swagger on Superstars. Kofi Kingston stops by and Carl apologizes for not putting him in a match. Kofi says he could probably use a week off, but he doesn’t want to get rusty so next week he proposes all six Elimination Chamber participants in random singles matches. Edwards wants to know if he should he book those now, or leave them for the guest host next week. Santino thinks he should leave something for next week’s host who he’s sure stands for civility and human decency. Of course that leads to the announcement that Jerry Springer hosts Raw next week.

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton
Cody gets the jobber entrance as if we didn’t already know the outcome. Orton gets in Cody’s face and Cody tries to keep his cool but finally smacks Orton’s hand away. Orton attacks but Cody delivers a quick standing dropkick for two. Cody ducks a right hand and delivers a side Russian Legsweep for two. Orton comes back to drop Cody on the top rope, and sets him up on the top rope. Orton goes up after him and sets up for a superplex, but Cody fights him off and goes for a top rope crossbody. Orton ducks and sets up for an RKO. Sheamus provides a distraction but running in and sliding back out, and that allows Cody to deliver Cross Rhodes from behind to pick up the shocking upset at 2:44. Sheamus then slides in delivering a pump kick, but Rhodes runs him off with a chair.
Winner: Cody Rhodes (Pinfall-Cross Rhodes *1/2)

-Josh Mathews is with Carl Edwards who has a major announcement. He says he wants to give WWE Universe something we’ll never forget. Next week all six Elimination Chamber participants face off in singles matches. We get Sheamus vs. Orton, Kingston vs. Dibiase, and Cena vs. HHH live from God’s Country. Des Moines, IA.

Ted Dibiase vs. John Cena
Cena attacks immediately before the bell and fires Dibiase to the floor. Cena fires Dibiase into the barricade, and locks the STF in on the floor. Referees come out to pull Cena off as Dibiase taps on the floor, and Cena grabs the mic. Cena says he doesn’t come here tonight to have a match, and he isn’t wasting any more time. He doesn’t want to know why Batista did what he did because it’s done and he can’t change it. He now just wants to fight him. He says Batista was sent to take him out last week, but it didn’t work as he’s still here. He challenges Batista to come out and finish the job. He says he isn’t going anywhere until Batista shows up. That sends us to break
No Match

-We’re back and Cena’s still talking. He says Batista is either scared for his life, and he should be, or now that he thinks about it maybe Batista’s unwarranted attack was a business decision. When Cena thinks about business decisions and that’s Vince McMahon. He says he called Vince pathetic two weeks ago, and since he doesn’t take too kindly to being embarrassed he was attacked on Raw. He says since Vince is likely behind this if he’s not going to fight Dave Batista he’d really like to talk to Vince McMahon. Vince comes out with security, and Cena mocks him for bringing ten security guards. He says the sad thing is Vince thinks that’s enough to stop him. He tells Vince to bring a tank next time, and says he can do one of two things. He can get in the ring and they’ll talk like men or he can send the goons in the ring and he’ll mow them all down which will only make him more angry. Vince gets in the ring and says he’s not scared at all of getting in the ring with the almighty John Cena. Vince says he’s the supreme alpha male, and when God created the heavens and Earth it wasn’t Adam he had in mind. It was Vince. Vince admits it was a business transaction between him and Batista, and how he used him to help him screw Bret again. Vince says he had nothing to do with Batista taking out Cena. Cena asks why he should believe that the man he paid to take out Bret Hart just convienently took him out as well. Vince theorizes that it might be because Cena eliminated him, or it might be just because he doesn’t like him. Vince says he doesn’t like Cena either, but he does like him from a business sense. Cena screams that it’s all about the money with Vince, and gives an impassioned speech about how Vince took a good man like Dave Batista and paid him off. He says the difference between him and Vince is he does this because he loves it. Cena goes for the cheap Saints pop, and tells Vince you can’t put a price tag on that crowd. He says he does it because in two weeks he goes into the Elimination Chamber and wins the title. He does it for Wrestlemania when he can hold the title high in front of 75,000. He says the superstars do it and the fans watch it for the moment. Cena says he talked to Bret Hart last week, and he wants another moment. Cena says Bret said last week that wants to wrestle another match. Cena says Bret wants to wrestle another match at Wrestlemania, and he wants his opponent to be Vince McMahon. Vince says that’s the one thing Bret doesn’t want, but Cena says yes he does. Cena says here is Vince’s chance to have a Wrestlemania moment. Cena asks if Vince is about the money or the moment, and leaves but Vince stops him. He says he’s bout both, but he really doesn’t think Bret wants any of him. Cena asks him again yes or no. Vince screams at Cena to shut up, and says absolutely the answer is yes. Cena thanks Vince for telling him to his face, but he’s got one more person left to tell. Vince says he does want to tell Bret to his face, and he’s sure Bret is watching up in Canada, but he wants to remind him one more time why he doesn’t want any of him. We get a recap of Vince and Batista’s sneak attack on Bret from last week, but when that finishes playing Bret attacks from the crowd and Vince bails. Bret fights off some security, and Vince bails but not before telling Bret he changed his mind. He says the answer is now no, because Bret deserves to be screwed. Bret goes after Vince, and in a scene reminiscent of Montreal Bret destroys some lighting equipment and also some TV monitors. This really didn’t come off very well, as for whatever reason Bret just didn’t seem that into it.