411’s WWE Raw Report 05.08.06

They show us highlights from last Monday when Triple H was the special guest referee for the John Cena-Kenny main event.

Cue Raw intro, cue pyros, cue thousands of screaming fans – all this can only mean one thing – MONDAY NIGHT RAW!!

Good ol JR invites us to Anaheim, California. King tells us about the Kane-Big Show match tonight. JR tells us about Edge vs. Mick Foley in a Hardcore match. King says: “Look who’s back?!”

**It’s time to play the game…..**

Triple H makes his way to the ring in his wrestling gear.

Triple H on the mic: I didn’t come out here to be the special referee. I didn’t come out here to fight with Vince McMahon over what I deserve. I came here for one reason and one reason only and that is the WWE Championship. Now, I’ve heard the arguments. I’ve heard the argument that I’ve had my chance, but I don’t give a crap. I am the exception to every rule. In this arena I have beaten everybody there is to beat. And tonight will be no different. So John Cena – I want you. And I want my WWE Championship, and I want it right now! I don’t have all night Cena – get out here now.

**Cena’s music hits**

John Cena appears from the back with the WWE title in tow.

Cena: Wait, wait, wait, wait one second. (Boos) I’m gonna try to explain this to you. You – you have ten championships. The New York Yankees – they got like 27 championships. But that doesn’t mean at the beginning of the year they get the easy path to the World Series. What I’m saying is – this right here – it’s not about what you’ve done. We all know what you’ve done man. (Cena Sucks chant) You see – I know what you’ve done and they know what you’ve done and we respect you for that. This right here is what you’ve done lately. Lately in championship matches – I’ve pinned you and I’ve made you tap out. Now, that’s not exactly a reason for the King of Kings demanding to get back on his throne. But I know you – if I ignore you and push you to the back of the line week after week you’re gonna come out here and get in my business. SO I can either take Option A – look at ya, listen to ya, and probably for the next few months get drilled in the head with the sledgehammer. Then there’s option B – right here, right now, have a match for the WWE Championship. God, this is a tough one. But I’m taking option B – right here, right now! A match for the WWE Championship.

Triple H: It’s on – let’s make it official. Get a referee down here right now and ring that damn bell.

**No chance that’s what you’ve got….**

Vince McMahon struts to the ringside area.

Vince: Whoa, whoa, whoa – there’s no reason to have a referee out here right now. Because there will not be a WWE Championship match here tonight. I don’t get it – you keep asking for this championship match week after week yet you keep defying me like you did last week. You want me to just roll over and give you what you want, right?

Triple H: Yeah.

(ASSHOLE chants)

Vince: You shouldn’t refer to WWE superstars along those lines.

Triple H: Hold off a second before we get off on the wrong foot. I know you wanted your little buddy Kenny to win the championship last week, and Kenny’s probably a great guy. He and his little buddies get together every night and pump each other full of the spirit. But the fact is, Vince – if Kenny becomes champion it’s kind of a lateral move. You’re replacing a cheerleader for a poser.

Cena: Hey listen man – there’s nothing wrong with being a poser. After you tapped out I had some new poses. (Cena shows poses of holding his hands up and flexing his muscles)

Triple H: The best pose he does is laying flat on his back after I knock him out.

Cena: Haven’t quite seen that one yet.

Cena and Triple H stare each other down.

Triple H: Vince…..it’s a proven formula, ok? I win championships, I make you lots of money – it works out….

Vince: SHUT UP! Sometimes I get a little carried away with myself. Nonetheless, let me just say this. To you and everybody else in this world – my name is not Vince. My name is Mister McMahon. And if you’re thinking for one second that I’m your friend or your friend or anyone else in the locker room. That’s not the case because I am the boss. Don’t think I’m not appreciative for everything you’ve done in the past – I am. To show you my appreciation…..and that I can change my mind when I want to. You’ve got your championship match. Just not tonight. I’m gonna give you one in the future – I promise you that. As for the rest of the night – you’ve got it off.

Triple H looks to head out of the ring and Cena shows off his belt.

Vince: As for Mr. Cena – you don’t have the night off. You and Shawn Michaels were beating up the Spirit Squad last week weren’t ya? So the Spirit Squad is going to be in tag action tonight. All five of them – and their opponents will be Shawn Michaels…and John Cena. So you can do me the favor of leaving the ring as well.

Cena: You know – thank you and with all due respect, Mr. McMahon. You can do me the favor of kissing my….

Vince: Cut his mic! I promise you people a championship match to speak of. Tonight there will be a championship match tonight right now. For the Intercontinental championship a special fatal four way match. Here we go!

**RVD’s music hits**

Mr. Money in the Bank and the Intercontinental Champion, Rob Van Dam makes his way to the ring.

RVD on the mic: Cut the music. (RVD chants) Before I defend my Intercontinental championship I’ve got something to say that needs to be heard. The way everything went down with Joey Styles was a bunch of crap! For the record, I agree with everything he had to say – about sports entertainment. We share the same views and I respect that he had the balls to share them. (ECW chants) As you know, I get a lot of energy out of hearing you say my initials….but tonight for the spirit that Joey represented I want to hear three other letters. And they are….E…C…..W. (huge ECW chants)

Ad Break

We’re back live with Charlie Haas and Chris Masters in the ring with the aforementioned RVD.

All four men will start in the ring at the same time. The first to score a pinfall or a submission will be the IC Champion.

**Ain’t no stopping me noooooooooooooowwwww**

Making his way to the ring – Shelton Benjamin.

Match 1: RVD vs. Charlie Haas vs. Chris Masters vs. Shelton Benjamin

I’m going to call my shot here. Charlie Haas takes home the title. There’s the bell as Masters attacks RVD and Shelton attacks Haas. Masters sends RVD up and over the rope as Shelton works over Haas in the corner. Double irish whip into a double shoulder block by Masters and Shelton. More team work as Masters holds Haas so Shelton can tee off on his former tag team partner. Haas fighting back, but the double team continues. Double vertical suplex executed perfectly. Shelton goes for a cover, but Masters pulls him off and sends him to the outside. Masters covers and gets two as RVD breaks it up. RVD pounding on Masters now. Whip reversed by Masters sends RVD into the buckle. RVD gets his feet up. RVD to the top rope and comes off with a back kick. Haas in the ring as the crowd chants ECW. Step over heel kick by RVD on Haas. Spinning heel kick by RVD on Shelton. Masters, Shelton, and Haas all outside the ring now…..

Ad Break (2:05)

Ad Break Ends (5:40)

We’re back live as Masters is covering RVD, but Shelton breaks it up with a rake of the eyes. Haas rolls up RVD and gets a two count, but Masters breaks THAT up. Masters sends Haas into the buckle, Masters misses, and Haas gets another two on a rollup. Irish whip by Shelton on Masters who lands a dropkick on the knee cap. RVD off the ropes – rolling thunder to Masters! Shelton and RVD in the ring alone now. Back suplex by Shelton on RVD. Cover gets two. Haas back in the ring and he stomps away on Shelton. Shelton reverses a whip into the turnbuckle – back elbow by Haas. Haas comes off the middle rope with a clothesline. Dropkick by Haas to RVD. Double arm suplex gets a two count. Huge kick by Haas to the back of RVD three times. Cover gets two. Masters back in the ring comes off the ropes and Haas sends him back outside the ring. Haas watches Masters go, turns around, and gets a huge kick to the back of the head of Haas. Cover is broken up by RVD. Shelton going to work on RVD now. Powerbomb reversed into a sunset flip by RVD gets two. Cradle by RVD gets another two. RVD goes for a clothesline but Shelton executes an inverted backbreaker. Cover gets yet another two. Haas back in the ring. Haas sends Shelton into the turnbuckle and follows it up with a big shoulder block. Haas off the ropes misses a kick and Shelton lands a Samoan Drop. Shelton to the ring apron looking for a something here, but Masters pulls him off and drops Shelton’s face on the apron. Masters in the ring locks on the Master Lock – out of nowhere RVD leaps over Masters and rolls him into a sunset flip. Cover and that’s all!

WINNER: Rob…..Van……Dam (10:34)

On second look RVD came off the top rope to land that sunset flip. It was pretty freaking sweet. Don’t forget the big 5 on 2 handicap match.

Ad Break

Oh my goodness…..Dylan McKay is here tonight. So is Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top.

We get another look at See No Evil. They have all the actors and producers say how big of a psycho Kane was during the shoots. I’m not buying it.

Todd Grisham is in the back with some of the stars of See No Evil. This is stupid. One says she doesn’t think they ever saw him smile. One says – yes, he did. When he was killing someone. The black dude keeps saying May 19th so Kane comes up behind him and chokes him out.

Ad Break

The WWE Slam of the Week was the Carlito/Striker run-in from three weeks ago.

**I spit in the face of people who don’t want to be cool….**

The following contest is scheduled for one fall, introducing first – Carlito.

**Striker’s music hits**

And making his way to the ring from New York City – Matt Striker.

Match 2: Carlito vs. Matt Striker

Striker slides under a lockup and lands some shots to the back of Carlito’s head. Striker off the ropes and gets a dropkick from Carlito. Carlito lands some lefts. Striker off the ropes, ducks under a clothesline, and lands a neckbreaker. Striker locks in a back headlock. Carlito and Striker exchanging punches. Carlito into the turnbuckle, Striker rushes in, and Carlito lands a back elbow. Carlito off the ropes – springboard reverse elbow. Eugene is here. And he’s pounding away on Striker. There’s the bell.

WINNER: Matt Striker (2:01) via DQ

Carlito pulls Eugene off of Striker. Eugene attacks Striker again, but Striker lands a right. Facebuster by Carlito! Carlito helps Eugene up…..double cross! Back cracker! WOOO! Gotta love Carlito.

Edge-Foley is next.

Ad Break

**You think you know me….**

Edge and Lita make their way to the ring with the token garbage can and baseball bat.

Edge: You can all shut your mouths. You see – Mick Foley is a lot like you California airheads. You walk around with a stupid smile on your face – stupid stunned expressions like life is some kind of movie. The bad guys never win and the good guys always do. Well, guess what? In reality – I beat Mick Foley in the greatest hardcore match ever at Wrestlemania. And tonight in this sequel….there’s not gonna be a happy ending. This sequel tonight is gonna be Rated R. So Foley – get your ass out here.

**Foley’s music hits**

And making his way to the ring from Long Island – Mick Foley. Foley comes out with a barbwired baseball bat.

Foley: You know something Edge – what you just said was exactly right. We did have the greatest hardcore match in wrestling history. Which means the winner of tonight’s match could rightly claim to be the greatest hardcore champion alive today. But the more I thought about that the more I realized we couldn’t crown the greatest hardcore champion without also including the intials….E-C-W. I thought back – Raw last week. You remember it? Any match you want Mick. So I’m about to make the match I want. Hardcore, Triple Threat – Edge, Foley, and the innovator of violence, ECW’s Tommy Dreamer!

HOLY SHIT! Tommy Dreamer is here with his kendo stick. Dreamer and Foley hit the ring.

Match 3: Edge vs. Mick Foley vs. Tommy Dreamer

Edge stays outside the ring while Dreamer and Foley talk it out. Dreamer goes after Edge, but Foley blasts Dreamer in the back with the barbwired baseball bat. Edge in the ring. Foley gives Edge the baseball bat. Edge takes a run at Dreamer and lands a huge shot to the face. Edge hands over the barbwired bat now and Foley drives the bat into the bloodied face of Tommy Dreamer. Edge and Foley team up and drop the bat on the nuts of Dreamer. Nobody knows what the hell is going on as Lita is in the ring now. Edge calls for the Socko! Socko down the throat of Dreamer now. Foley holds Dreamer up as Edge lands the spear. Cover by Foley and that’s all.

WINNER: Mick Foley (2:18)

Foley shakes Edge’s hand and kisses Lita’s hand. Edge, Foley, and Lita head up the ramp together.

Ad Break

They show what happened moments ago when Foley turned on Dreamer and joined Edge and Lita.

**Mickie James music hits**

Mickie James – the WWE Women’s Champion – makes her way to the ring.

**Here she comes again….**

Maria and Trish Stratus make their way to the ring.

Match 4: Mickie James vs. Maria

This match is for the WWE Women’s Championship. Maria is LOOKING HOT tonight. Wow. Trish distracts Mickie so Maria rolls up Mickie and gets two. Maria misexecutes a rollup and Mickie lands a couple kicks. Mickie pounds away as Trish cheers on Maria. Mickie chokes out Maria and breaks the hold at four. Here comes the crazy ass DDT. OUCH! And that will do it.

WINNER: Mickie James (1:57)

Mickie mocks Trish and tells her to enter the ring. Trish won’t do it so Mickie gets some cheap shots in on Maria. Trish in the ring now. Trish is fighting Mickie off with one arm so Mickie kicks her in the injured shoulder. Mickie rips the brace off. And out of nowhere comes a blonde woman who attacks Mickie. The blonde woman is being held down by the security. I don’t know who the hell that is so maybe the OVW folks can help me out.

Ad Break

Armando Alejandro Estrada in the ring on the mic: Ahora – todos eschuchenme. Everybody listen..haha…to me. My name is Armando Alejandro Estrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaadaaaa. And tonight to shake things up I got a two very special people in the ring with me. Amigo – como se llamo. What’s your name? You got a wife? Hey, you got any kids? Hey….more importantly you got a como se dice – health insurance? You’re going to need it because tonight you are going to face my Samoan bulldozer….Uuuuuuuuuuumaaaaaaaaaaaaaga.

God, he’s going to be good – Estrada that is.

**Umaga’s music hits**

Umaga makes his way to the ring.

Match 5: Umaga vs. Two Jobbers

Umaga throws one of them out of the ring and goes to work on the other. Umaga with a huge chop. And again. Umaga chokes out one of them and sets them on the top rope. What goes up must come down as Umaga throws him off the top rope. Tree of woe position for the jobber. Umaga off the ropes and he nails a huge headbutt. Estrada tells Umaga to get the other guy so he lifts him up and throws him head first into the barrier. Umaga lands a huge butt splash to the guy who is laid out on the barrier. Umaga back in the ring now. Butt splash in the ring to the other guy now. Umaga continues to look towards Estrada for orders. Good stuff. Thumb of destruction! That’s all.

WINNER: Umaga (2:52)

Big Show walks in the back. He takes on Kane next.

Ad Break

**Kane’s explosion hits**

Kane makes his way to the ring for the next match.

**Weeeeeeeeeelllllll….well it’s the Big Show**

Big Show makes his way to the ring.

Match 6: Big Show vs. Kane

Show looks for a fist bump so Kane accepts it. Lockup. Kane slides behind and locks in a reverse bearhug. Show switches and takes down Kane. Lock up into a side headlock by Kane. Kane off the ropes and a shoulder block has nobody moving. Kane off the ropes, drop toehold by the Big Show. May 19th chant. Show calls for a test of strength. Kane accepts and Show gets the leverage advantage and Kane is forced down to where his head nearly hits the mat. Now he fights his way back up and Show lands a back body drop type maneuver. Show slides through an arm wringer and lands a back heel trip. Cover gets one. This is fucked up. I’m laughing my ass off watching Show make these moves. Go behind into a hammer lock by Kane. Show switches that into a hammer lock of his own. Kane reverses THAT. Drop toe hold by Show again. Show locks in a side headlock – Kane reverses it into a hammer lock. This crowd is deeeeeaaaad. Show whips Kane from buckle to buckle. Drop toehold by Kane drops Show’s face into the second turnbuckle. The May 19th craziness begins as Kane climbs the ropes. The lights come back on and Kane is pissed. Kane heads to the outside and grabs a chair. Huge chair shot to the ribs and then the head of Show. And now three shots to the shoulder. One to the knee. He is just pounding away on Show. At least 10 times.

WINNER: Big Show (5:16) via DQ

The Spirit Squad chills in the back. Kenny says that if anybody is going to pin Shawn Michaels it’s gonna be him. And another one says that John Cena is the other fours then.

That match is next.

Ad Break

Lemmy from Motorhead is here tonight. JR tells us the next SNME will be July 15th in Dallas, Texas.

**The Spirit Squad’s music hits**

The Spirit Squad makes their way to the ring. The SS does a cheer. They’re funny.

**Ooooh…oooh…Shawn**

Making his way to the ring from San Antonio, Texas – “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels.

**Cena’s music hits**

And his tag team partner from Westbury, Massachusetts – the WWE Champion, John Ceeeeeeeeeeeena!

Match 7: John Cena and Shawn Michaels vs. The Spirit Squad

Kenny will start with Shawn Michaels. Lockup as Kenny backs Shawn into the corner. Clean break until Kenny pushes Shawn. Shawn with two chops and he tags in Cena. Kenny heads back to his corner. Kenny tags in Nicky. CENA chants ringing out. Lockup and Nicky slides under. Modified arm drag takedown by Nicky. Nicky off the ropes and Cena lands a huge clotheslilne. And again. Now all the other members aside from Kenny hit the ring and Cena takes them out. Cena brings Kenny in himself and Cena and Shawn send him FLYING – and I mean FLYING – over the top rope onto the other four members….

Ad Break (2:15)

Ad Break (5:14)

We’re back as Cena seemingly got a hot tag and took out Johnny. You can’t see me – FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE! Cena looking for the F U, but the SS members attack. Huge spinning kick by Johnny Jeter. Cover gets two. Tag to Mikey Mondo. Mikey landing some rights and his final one sends Cena to the outside. Referee distracted by the ref as the other members of SS pound on Cena on the outside. Off the trampoline and a huge clothesline by Mitch, I think. Cover by Mikey gets two. Kenny back in the ring. Cena getting mugged by all five SS members. Kenny covers and gets a 2. Irish whip by Kenny and he lands a huge back elbow. Cover gets another 2. Back headlock locked in by Kenny. Cena fighting his way out of it now. Rights from Cena. Off the ropes goes Cena and whiffs on a flying body press. Kenny drags Cena into his corner and tags in Nicky. Nicky landing some rights and gets a two count on the cover. Cena fighting back – misses a right, and Nicky locks in a sleeper. Cena close to getting a tag, but Nicky pulls him away and back into his corner. Tag to Mikey. Mikey drops an elbow and lands a big running knee lift. Cover by Mikey gets another two. Mikey locks in a back headlock. Cena fighting out of it, and he lands a right – and another. Cena off the ropes, but Kenny lands a kick to the back. Referee distracted by Shawn again and they pound on Cena. Double vertical suplex by Nicky and Johnny. Cover gets another two. Tag to Mikey – off the ropes and he lands a flying headbutt. Another near fall. Standing press slam by Mikey. Mikey heading to the top rope. Comes off……and misses a reverse moonsault. Cena looking for the hot tag to HBK. Tag to Kenny and….tag to HBK! HBK pounding on every member of SS one after the other. Michaels sends Kenny to the outside. Michaels off the ropes – FLYING BURRITO! On the outside, Cena is sent shoulder first into the stairs. Sweet chin music on someone that was on the apron. The ref is distracted and Kenny nails Shawn with the tag belt! And that’s all!

WINNERS: Spirit Squad (13:48)

Kenny knocks out the referee and grabs his belt. They pound away on HBK with the leather belt. And here comes Triple H! Cena is taking care of the SS. Triple H in the ring – pedigree on Cena! Triple H with a DX CHOP! And he leaves with Michaels and Cena both laid out in the ring. We fade out with the site of Triple H’s mug.

See ya’ll next week.