411’s WWE Raw Report 05.15.06

Cue Raw intro, cue pyros, cue thousands of screaming fans – all this can only mean one thing….it’s MONDAY NIGHT RAW!!

JR welcomes everyone to Texas Tech University in Lubbock, Texas. Of course, they are LIVE! King tells us that Triple H and Cena will kick things off tonight.

**It’s time to play the game….**

Triple H appears from the back and makes his way to the ring. They show last week when Triple H pedigreed Cena into oblivion.

**No chance that’s what you’ve got….**

Vince McMahon makes his way to the ring.

Vince on the mic: I’ve got news – I’ve got great news! I’ve got great news for all of you people here, everybody all over the world, you Triple H. I’ve got great news. I’m changing tonight’s main event! Now wait a minute – no matter what you’ve seen or heard – I”m changing the main event for the better. Many are expecting the WWE Title to be up for grabs momentarily and guess what – you’re right! But that’s not all – not only will the WWE Title be up the grabs so too will the IC Championship be up for grabs. Two titles defended in one match at the same time. Hear me out for a moment. The IC Champion Mr. Money in the Bank, Rob Van Dam, will join forces with the WWE Champion, John Cena. Those two will be facing – you, Triple H. You and your two tag team partners – Shelton Benjamin and Chris Masters. It’s the first ever 3 on 2, handicap, texas tornado match. Everybody in the ring. All at the same time. Which simply means if either you or one of your tag team partners makes one of these champions submit then you win the respective titles. It’s two titles up for grabs and it starts right now!

**Cena’s music hits**

And here comes the WWE Champion, John Cena.

Match 1: John Cena and RVD vs. Triple H, Chris Masters, and Shelton Benjamin

Cena hits the ring and exchanges rights with Triple H. Shelton Benjamin and Chris Masters hit the ring to pound away on Cena. And here comes Rob…Van….Dam. Triple H slams Cena’s face into the broadcast table. RVD off the ropes and gets a power slam from Chris Masters. Meanwhile, Triple H continues to work over Cena on the outside. Triple H sends Cena shoulder first into the steel steps. Masters and Shelton team up to pound away on RVD inside the ring. RVD chants. Cena fights back on the outside and slams Triple H into the steel steps face first. RVD sends Masters up and over the top rope. RVD lands a hurricanrana on Shelton and he goes to the outside. Van Dam goes UP AND OVER the top rope and lands a suicide leap on Masters, Triple H, AND Cena!

Ad Break (2:35)

Ad Break Ends (5:39)

We’re back as the Game lands a spinebuster on Cena. He is slow to cover, though. Masters, RVD, and Shelton are all laid out on the outside. Irish whip by Trips, duck under a clothesline, and Cena lands a shoulderblock. And again. Triple H off the ropes and Cena lands a power slam. Cover gets 2! Triple H uses a leverage maneuver to send Cena to the outside. The ring is cleared now. Triple H grabs RVD and slams him head first into the steel steps. Cena pounds away on Triple H on the outside. Masters is on the inside by himself. Shelton pounds away on Cena. Cena catches a boot from Shelton but he spins around and lands an enziguri! Masters stomps away on RVD on the inside and lands a standing leg drop. And another one as Shelton slides into the ring. Triple H, Masters, and Shelton teaming up on RVD now. Shelton with a sweet ass running knee lift. RVD trying to fight back, but that doesn’t last. Beautiful vertical suplex by Masters. Running knee drop by Triple H. Shelton measures RVD as he gets to his feet and nails a huge superkick. Shelton covers, but the Game interrupts the count. Triple H and Shelton argue and Masters locks on the Master Lock! Shelton and Triple H finally see that and hit Masters. Now all three are in argument. Game pushes Masters, Masters pushes back. RVD fighting back on the Game now as Shelton and Masters argue. Triple H reverses a whip into the turnbuckle – flip off by RVD and a clothesline to both Masters and Shelton. Step over heel kick to Triple H! Rolling thunder on Shelton! Dropkick to Masters sends him to the outside. Standing press slam on Shelton by RVD. RVD to the top, but Triple H pushes him off to the outside and into the security wall. Cena back in the ring with clotheslines for everyone. Fisherman to Masters! Spinebuster to Triple H! Sit down powerbomb to Shelton! You can’t see me – FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE to Shelton! Triple H is up! PEDIGREE! No, Cena lifts him up and over the top rope! And out goes Masters as well courtesy of Cena. Drop toe hold by Cena to Shelton! STFU! Masters is back in the ring and he breaks it up! RVD on the top rope! FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH to Shelton! Triple H with a kick to the abdomen – PEDIGREE on RVD! F U by Cena to Masters! PEDIGREE to Cena!! But he’s slow to cover! 1..2….3! Wait a second…..Shelton also had RVD covered! HOLY SHIT!!

WINNER and NEW IC Champion: Shelton Benjamin (13:00)

Triple H ain’t happy, and he pedigress Mike Chioda! That was some serious action!

Ad Break

During the break Todd Grisham tried to get a word with Triple H. Triple H wasn’t in the mood to talk, though and shoved him aside.

Tonight, Mick Foley tells all. Also, HBK will take on Kenny of the Spirit Squad. All the other SS members have been banned from ringside, and there will be a guest referee.

**Trish Stratus’ music hits**

Trish Stratus hits the ring sling and all.

Trish on the mic: Ahh Mickie – seems to me that you and I have a little unfinished bidness. Now, I know I’m a little hung up at the moment but this isn’t about a match. It’s not about the women’s championship. This is about you and me. So we’re gonna settle this right here, right now. So get down here right now. Let’s do it!

**Mickie James music hits**

Mickie James comes from the back with a cocky strut.

Mickie taunts Trish a little bit and they circle one another. Mickie goes in for a little something, and Trish gets the Matrish. Beth Phoenix hits the ring and spears Mickie. Mickie quickly leaves the ring.

Trish on the mic: You remember your old friend Beth don’t you? Guess what? She’s my new friend. And apparently Mickie – I’m not the only one you screwed me over.

Beth: Mickie – I’m not gonna let you get away with what you did to me. You psycho!

Last Monday was the See No Evil premiere. They show some stuff from that.

Ad Break

This Week in Wrestling History, Bruno Sammartino beat Buddy Rogers in 48 seconds to win the Heavyweight Title.

Triple throws a water bottle in the back. He has a visitor – Shane McMahon. Shane says he will get right to the point. He says Vince wants to collect on his favor. Triple H calls it a cluster. Shane talks about the HBK-Kenny match. Triple H doesn’t want to be special guest referee. Shane says the special ref is him, and that Triple H needs to be in Kenny’s corner to make sure things go according to plan.

**Spirit Squad’s music hits**

The Spirit Squad makes their way to the ring. Of course, they do a cheer to a chorus of boos. Good to see they are getting over. In the cheer they tell us their opponents are Snitsky and Goldust.

Ad Break

Anthony Michael Hall is here. I don’t know who the hell that is.

**Goldust’s music hits**

And their opponents make their way to the ring – Goldust and Snitsky.

Match 2: Goldust and Snitsky vs. Spirit Squad

Johnny and Nicky will be defending the titles tonight. Snitsky starts out with Johnny. Lockup into a side headlock by Johnny. Johnny off the ropes and Snitsky lands a shoulder block. Snitsky off the ropes, blocks an arm drag, and lands one of his own. Standing body press. Elbow drop by Snitsky. Cover gets two. Tag to Goldust. Johnny gets a tag to Nicky. Goldust works over the arm of Nicky. Nicky lands a cheap shot on a break. Goldust off the ropes, drops his head, and Goldust lands a big uppercut. Goldust off the ropes and one of the members on the outside pulls Goldust’s leg. Nicky distracts the referee while Goldust is double teamed on the outside by Mikey and Mitch. Goldust in the ring and Nicky gets a cover of two. Goldust is hung over the middle rope and the SS double team him again. Cover gets two. Nicky locks in a front face headlock. Goldust looking to work his way to the other side. Snitsky about to get the tag, but Mikey pulls him off the apron and Goldust doesn’t get the tag. Nicky tags in Johnny and Goldust is fighting back now. That is short lived as Johnny stomps away on the back of Goldy. Cover gets another two. Goldust off the ropes and Johnny lands a back elbow. Cover and another two. Chad Patton is a horrible referee. Johnny locks on another rest hold. Goldy makes his way to his feet and lands some elbows to release the hold. Goldust off the ropes and Johnny lands a hip lock take over. Tag to Nicky. Goldust off the ropes – counters an arm drag, and rolls up Nicky for a two count. Big power slam by Goldust. Both men looking for a tag now. Goldy gets the tag! Snitsky has clotheslines and power slams for everyone! Rake of the eyes by Nicky. Double irish whip, duck under by Snitsky, and he lands a double clothesline. Snitsky is distracted, but he ends up with a side slam. Cover is broken up by Johnny. Johnny sends Goldy to the outside. Out of nowhere Mitch lands a bulldog off the trampoline from the outside to the inside to Snitsky as the ref is distracted and that’s all.

WINNERS: The Spirit Squad (7:45)

Mick Foley walks in the back.

Ad Break

They show last Monday when Foley turned on Tommy Dreamer and turned heel.

**Foley’s music hits**

Mick makes his way to the ring.

Foley on the mic: Alright, alright – you’ll being a little judgmental. Let me explain myself. I want to answer the question on everybody’s mind. What was I doing hanging out with Melina at Kane’s movie premiere? As far as the unfortunate incident involving Tommy Dreamer – I guess that is unbelievable. I can’t belive I took a barb-wired bat and bludgeoend a friend of mine of ten years. Even more unbelievable – it seemed I was in kahoots with Edge – arms up in the air. Even going so far as to kiss Lita on the hand. Now I can offer a lot of excuses – I can tell you it was the shots to the head, but I’ll tell you what – you people deserve better than excuses. You deserve an apology. So I’d like to say two words to the big state of Texas – I’m sorry. Now, I wanted to say I’m sorry personally to Tommy Dreamer, but he couldn’t be here tonight due to an adverse effect from a barb-wired bat to his genitalia. So what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna bring out another man. A man who berated me on my answering machine saying I was a better man than that on Monday night. Here he is – the Texas bronco, Terry Funk.

**music hits**

Terry Funk appears from the back and makes his way to the ring. They show when Mick Foley and Funk beat the shit out of the New Age Outlaws at Wrestlemania in 1998.

Foley: That was history Terry – it’s great to see you out here.

Funk: Not so fast, Cactus. (TERRY chants) I want to know the reason why you humiliated Tommy Dreamer. I wanna know that reason. You humiliated him, and I want to know why – why did you humiliate him? Tell me.

Foley: You don’t wanna know. You wanna know?

Funk: Yeah, I wanna know why you went that far with Tommy Dreamer. That’s what I’m asking you.

Foley: Well, I’m gonna tell you why Terry because at WM – Edge and I made history. We had the greatest hardcore match the world had ever seen. You listen to me – because I will be damned if a few weeks after I made history if I’m gonna stand and let some second rate ECW scumbags take over this ring. So maybe Edge and I made a little pact to defend what we created. There are three things in this life that I will defend with my life if necessary. The honor of my wife, the honor of my children, and my legacy of the hardcore champion.

Funk: You just don’t get it do you, Mick? You just don’t get it. You are ECW. ECW is family and family is ECW. And I’m family. And I wanna tell you something Mick. I”ve been with you through the years. And I’ve fought you and I’ve battled you. You broke my nose and I broke your nose. And we’ve been in barb-wire and we’ve been in fires. And I have always put my arm around you and said – Mick you’re a hell of a tough guy. And I wanna go one step further. Mick, you’re like a son to me. That’s why I’m standing here with you trying to talk to you tonight.

Foley: I’m like a son to you Terry?

They hug.

Foley: I’m like a son to you? Well, let me tell you something, dad. This is the first time that you and I have stood together inside a WWE ring since 1998. It’s a long time isn’t it? IT wasn’t supposed to be that way was it? Remember 2003 Terry in Madison Square Garden. I was honored in a hardcore ceremony. I was surrounded in that ring by men I fought, men I respected. I had one question – where was Terry Funk? And you know where you were – you were out in the double cross ranch in Amarillo. Why? Because what I was told was – we’re sorry Mick – Terry Funk wanted too much money to be there. How do you think that made me feel? It broke my heart! Now you have the nerve to stand here and say that I’m like a son to you. Well I’ll tell you what! This is my WWE ring, these are my WWE fans (boos)….you see one day I’m going to get that phone call. It’s inevitable telling me that we’re sorry Mick – the Funker’s gone. Would you like to come out to Amarillo and say a few words at his service. And I’ll say – I’d like to but it’s gonna cost you a lot of money to bring me to a dump in West Texas. But you know – it won’t cost a dime. I’ll come for free. Because I’m gonna show up at your funeral just to earn the right to crawl over and spit on your grave you greedy, selfish, miserable son of a bitch!

Funk: You’ve got some nerve Foley. I’m gonna John Wayne your ass. I’m gonna beat the hell out of you Foley.

Foley: You take your best shot!

Funk: You take your best shot! (Slaps Foley over and over) Take it, take it! Come on Foley. (TERRY chants) Take it Foley. Come on! Hey Foley…if I had a head like yours I’d have it circumcised.

Foley: What’d you say?

Funk: I said if I had a head like yours I’d have it circumcised. (Foley begins to leave) Hey Foley – your wife’s a whore. (Foley back in the ring) Hey Foley, hey Foley! Your kids are bastards! Come on Foley! Hey Foley, hey Foley – the WWE sucks!

Foly turns around and punches Funk. More rights from Foley. Funk fighting back now. Here is Edge! Funk beats down Edge. Lita comes out of nowhere with the low blow! Edge picks up the barbed-wire baseball bat and drills Funk in the midsection with it. And another shot to the back! The crowd continues to boo. Foley pulls out Mr. Socko and locks it in. And here comes the SPEAR!

Ad Break

Matt Striker is in the ring.

Striker: My original intent was to come out here and lecture you on how immigration ruins the economy. But I realized the number one rule was to know your audience, and since you’re all immigrants it would not go over too well. What is the old saying here? If you’re not smart enough to get into the U of Texas then you settle for Texas Tech. Then again – that goes for the rest of the world. If you’re not smart enough to be Matt Striker then you settle for a 9 to 5 existence. Tonight, Eugene learns a lesson.

**Eugene’s music hits**

Eugene makes his way to the ring.

Match 3: Matt Striker vs. Eugene

Eugene heads to the outside to put on his Tech hat, but Striker lands a cheapshot. Striker lands some stiff forearm shots. Striker off the ropes and he lands a big boot to the side of Eugene’s head. Striker locks on some sort of inverted headlock. Eugene counters the maneuver, but Striker quickly lands a knee lift. Striker pounds away on Eugene. Striker pounds Eugene’s head into the turnbuckle, but obviously that has no effect. Rights and lefts from Eugene. Airplane spin. Eugene looking for a stunner, but Striker counters and misses a clothesline. Striker off the ropes and Eugene lands a big boot. Hogan leg drop gets a two count. Rock Bottom attempt, but Striker lands an inverted neckbreaker. Another innovative neckbreaker and that does it.

WINNER: Matt Striker (2:48)

They look at the history of Kane.

Ad Break

They show us what happened earlier tonight in the epic Texas Tornado match.

Maria is in the back with Carlito. Maria talks about last week when Carlito took on Striker AND Eugene. Don’t you like Eugene?

Carlito: Carlito likes Eugene just fine, but he got involved in the match. One thing around here that everyone needs to learn is that messing with Carlito is not cool.

Maria: But I know what is cool – your shirt…..that little apple….do you spit or swallow? I always see you spit the apple.

Carlito: Let me ask you the same question – do you spit or swallow?

Maria: When I eat an apple?

Carlito: Yeah, when you eat an apple.

Maria: Duh – I swallow.

Carlito: Now Maria – that is……cool.

In the back Vince McMahon and Candice Michelle are fixing to kiss. Triple H walks in. Vince mocks his nicknames a bit. Vince says since he scratched Triple H’s back it’s his turn. Vince says he would like to give Triple H a present…of course, it’s the great equalizer. He wants Triple H to bash Shawn Michaels’ head in tonight. Triple H takes sledgy, and Vince gives him an encouraging: Go get em Champ!

Ad Break

Armando Alejandro Estrada is in the ring.

Estrada on the mic: Todos eschuchen me. Everybody listen to me. My name is Armando Alejandro Estrada. And tonight – I got a something special for you. Amigos – miran! Take a look. I know it’s not much – pero I heard through the como se dice – grapevine – that he’s the toughest hombre in all of Tejas. Pero unfortunately for you, the man you’re facing tonight is from Tejas. He’s my Samoan Bulldozer…Uuuuuumaaaaaaaaaga!

**Umaga’s music hits**

Umaga makes his way to the ring.

Match 4: Umaga vs. Jobber

Umaga lands a big splash before the bell. Big leg whip by Umaga. Umaga whips the jobber to the outside. Umaga chokes him out, lifts him to the top of the steel steps, and just flings him! Umaga back in the ring with his an opponent sets him up in the tree of woe. Umaga off the ropes and lands a huge head butt. Time for everybody’s favorite – BUTTSPLASH! Thumb of destruction? You damn right. Party over.

WINNER: Umaga (1:59)

Ad Break

Shane McMahon and Spirit Squad canoodle in the back.

More crap about See No Evil.

**Here comes the money….**

Shane-O-Mac makes his way to the ring to be the special guest referee for the following match.

**Spirit Squad’s music hits**

Introducing first – one-half of the world tag team champions, Kenny.

**Behold the king…the king of kings….**

Ladies and gentlemen, in Kenny’s corner – Triple H. Triple H makes his way to the ring with sledgy in tow.

Ad Break

They show us last week when Kenny whipped HBK with the belt.

**Oooh…oooh..Shawn**

And making his way to the ring, Texas’ own – “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels!

Match 5: Kenny vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn hits the ring and they exchange rights as the bell rings. Back body drop by Shawn on Kenny and Kenny slides to the outside. Shawn chases Shane around the ring. Shane, Kenny, and Triple H have a conference – but Triple H doesn’t say a word. Shawn lands a right on Kenny. Big knife edge by Shawn. Now some lefts, but Shane breaks that up and Kenny takes advantage and starts pounding away on Shawn. Kenny misses a right and Shawn lands a knife edge. Kenny sends Shawn ass up into the turnbuckle, up and over to the outside. Triple H slowly creeps over to Shawn with sledgy in hand. Kenny comes around and Shawn nails another knife edge. Kenny rolled back into the ring. Shawn heading to the top rope, but Shane pushes him off and Shawn lands on his back. Big DDT from Kenny gets a two. Irish whip by Kenny and he lands a huge back elbow. Great elevation! Another quick two count. Shane removes his belt nonchalantly and drops it for Kenny to use. And so he does. And again. Another quick two on the cover. Kenny begins to choke out Shawn with the belt. HBK chants. Shawn fighting back now, but Kenny lands a big shot to the back. Shane calls for Triple H to into the ring. Triple H almost does, but Shawn fights back now. Kenny and HBK exchanging rights. Shawn off the ropes – FLYING BURRITO! Kip up! Inverted atomic drop. Rights from Michaels has Kenny woozy. Shawn has the belt and he just smacks the hell out of Shane. Shane is heading to the back. Standing press slam by Shawn. Shawn to the top rope……comes off with an elbow drop! Tune up the band! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Nailed it. Shane is back in the ring assaulting Shawn now. Inverted back breaker by Shane – five times! Shane calling for Triple H to enter the ring with Sledgy. Triple H is in the ring as Shane holds HBK. Triple H nears HBK – “look at me, I want you to see this coming” he says to Shawn. Triple H goes in and Shawn moves! Shane McMahon just got nailed! The crowd is electric. Triple H looking over Shane. Vince is in the ring now. He’s calling for medics. Triple H picks up Sledgy as Vince looks over Shane and heads out of the ring. Triple H slowly walks up the ramp saying it was an accident. Vince hugs Shane and cries as Triple H mouths that he’s sorry.

NO CONTEST (9:04)

We fade to black with Vince hugging Shane. I was hoping for the DX reunion tonight, but next week will do.