411’s WWE Raw Report 12.10.07

I feel like I’ve been waiting for this my entire life.

We get the WWE intro video. We get a video package highlighting 15 years of Raw, featuring clips from the first episode and also past Raw themes remixed. This is awesome already. Fireworks and welcome to Monday Night Raw!

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler welcome us to the show as usual.

Vince McMahon is here to kick off the show with Shane and Stephanie. Vince welcomes us to the show and it sounds like a good crowd for a change. Vince puts over the fifteen years of Raw, the longest running entertainment primetime show in history. Tonight will be a family reunion. Linda could not be here tonight due to some sort of intestinal problem. He puts over Shane as a former Hardcore and European champion. He puts over Stephanie as a former Women’s Champion and Daddy’s Little Girl. Vince calls for a photographer and Hornswoggle is here. He didn’t clean himself up like Vince had told him to last week. Shane has to pull Horny off of Vince’s leg as we get a “Hornswoggle” chant. Vince says they’re all waiting for him to die. He says he loves Shane and Stephanie. He “kinda” loves Horny too. He also loves the fans. Just before they take the photo…

Triple H is here. Huge pop for The Game. Vince wants to know what he wants. Triple H says he’s waiting for that pop to die down. Ha! This is supposed to be a family portrait with the entire family. He doesn’t think it is a secret any longer and these people know the score. Triple H feels like he is a part of the family, almost like he could be Vince’s son. “What’s up, Steph?” This is supposed to be about people Vince loves, so Triple H wants to bring out people he’s loved, so Triple H brings out…

Melina. This is great. There’s a lot of these apparently. Representing the past Divas, the original Diva, Sunny is here. Wow! She looks great and Horny likes her. It gets better. Mae Young is here now! The look Steph is giving her dad right now is priceless. Mae gives it to Vince, sort of. Vince says it was at Moolah’s funeral and he’d had a lot to drink. Wow, I can’t believe they went there. Shane is disgusted and leaves. “There goes the money.” Vince tells Steph he was thinking of her mom. Trips says anyone can do the pretty ones. The list he has goes on and on and on. Any WWE employee that has been mistaken for a woman and Mr. McMahon attempted to love, come out now. Howard Finkel, Big Fat Oil Guy, Bastian Booger, Pat Patterson, Abe Knuckleball Schwartz (the Brooklyn Brawler was busy tonight) and Gerald Brisco are out. Trips wants to take the picture. Stephanie says he has problems so Steph will embarrass him. Stephanie and Triple H make out! Wow! Oh my God! Steph! I love you! Triple H says “see you at home, oh, I mean you’re bother’s a gnome.” Vince says he hates Triple H and we can all go to hell. Vince leaves. Triple H consoles Hornswoggle.

Godfather is in the house! He’s bringing the Hoes! JR – “Even Paterson is smiling!” Hornswoggle is now happy. It’s time to hop aboard the HOOOOOOO TRAIN! They dance around Horny!

Commercial break.

Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match – Jeff Hardy vs. Carlito

JR pimps Jeff Hardy vs. Triple H at Armageddon with the winner getting a title shot at Royal Rumble. Carlito rolls out and goes for the ladder. Hardy slides to the floor but Carlito moves and hits Jeff with the ladder. Carlito takes the ladder in and begins to climb. Jeff pulls him down. Clothesline by Carlito. Carlito sets the ladder up against the ropes and stomps on Hardy. He puts the ladder on Hardy in the corner but Jeff tosses it back into his face. Jeff slingshots to the floor to catapult the ladder into Carlito’s face but he moved. On the floor now and Carlito leans the ladder on the guardrail and tosses Jeff in. He dropkicks Carlito off the apron and into the ladder. Jeff gets a new ladder because they just broke one. He begins to climb but Carlito springboards and lands on the ladder! SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB TO JEFF FROM THE LADDER! “Holy shit” chants as we head to the break!

Commercial break.

We come back and Jeff is headed to the top. He leap frogs the ladder to nail a leg drop, but Carlito moves out of the way. Carlito works over the knees of Hardy with kicks. Psychology~! Carlito traps Hardy’s leg in between the ladder and stomps on the ladder. He roles to the floor and gets another ladder. He dumps that on the first with Hardy’s leg still in between it. He places the ladders on top of each other and slams Hardy leg-first onto them. Carlito climbs but Jeff recovers and brings him down. Chop block by Carlito on Jeff though. He puts the ladder in the corner. He lays Jeff out on the ladder and charges, but gets back body dropped onto the ladder! Jeff is up and goes to the top rope… SWANTON BOMB just connects! Jeff is selling the leg very well here. He sets up one of the ladders with another on the floor next to it. Carlito pushes the ladder, Jeff lands on his feet, goes for the Twist of Fate, reversed, BACKSTABBER ON THE LADDER! Carlito climbs now but Jeff goes up the other side. Carlito shoved off and lands on the top rope. Hardy grabs the gold and it’s over!

Winner and still Intercontinental Champion, Jeff Hardy ***½

It was everything we’ve seen before in a ladder match, only with the added psychology of working the leg and I liked that. Carlito did look motivated here and it showed. Really fun match.

Commercial break.

Todd Grisham is in the back with Shawn Michaels. Shawn was a part of the original broadcast; he defended the Intercontinental Championship. Last week, Kennedy used impersonators, one of which was Marty Janetty. The real Janetty is here and tonight it’ll be Kennedy vs. Janetty. At Sunday, it’ll be Kennedy vs. Mr. HBK…

…

…HBK!

Raw Flashback – The Dudleyz powerbomb Mae Young off the stage, 1-2-3 Kid beats Razor Ramon, Austin and Tyson go at it, Donald Trump gives out money, The Rock and Trish makes out, Christian and Trish make out, Mickie and Trish make out, Lita and Edge make out, Lita and Matt make out, Candice and Vince make out, Regal kisses Vince’s ass, Val Venis gets his penis copee-chopied, Kane gets unmasked and lights JR on fire, a bunch of chair shots, a bikini mud match, Bischoff being announced as Raw GM, Austin and Edge both get tossed in the lake, Nitro gets bought by Shane, Vince blows up in the limo and Cena FUs K-Fed. Did you get all that?

Commercial break.

Santino Marella and Maria are in the ring. He wants to honor the future, him. He made an open challenge…

Rob Van Dam is here! Yes!

Rob Van Dam vs. Santino Marella

Huge “RVD” chants. Santino goes low and gets kicked square in the head. Van Dam goes up top. 5 STAR FROG SPLASH and it’s done!

Winner – Rob Van Dam NR.

That was great to see Van Dam back, and it’s a shame it was so short. Hopefully he’ll be permanently back with WWE soon enough.

Evolution remains constant… Tonight, Ric Flair, Triple H, Batista and Randy Orton. This is Evolution. Tonight, they rock and roll. If you wake up one day lying in a hospital bed, Evolution just past you by! It’s up next!

Commercial break.

Ric Flair is here, rockin’ the old “Gentleman’s Establishment” T-shirt. Triple H is next out. They all have their individual music by the way; no “Line in the Sand.” Batista doesn’t get half the pop Triple H did. All three men embrace. Interestingly, a referee is in the ring. Randy Orton is out to boos, and he’s the only one without and Evolution shirt. He’s not out here to join them. He’s the champ and he’s at the pinnacle of his career and they want to ride the coattails of his success. Last time he was champion, he recalls what happened. They show footage of Evolution beating down Orton following his world title win. Triple H does remember that, “it was pretty cool.” They didn’t beat him up because he was champion, they did it because he was a pain in the ass. If he was going to be remember as part of a group, he wants to be remembered as part of Rated RKO with this man…

Edge is here! Edge says after Sunday, Batista won’t have his title either. Batista wants Edge to come down to the ring. Edge says he’ll do it, but Flair says to shut up. He wants them to find a partner. They already went to Regal and got a tag team partner…

Umaga is out now! They get ready to go to war!

Ric Flair, Triple H and Batista vs. Umaga, Edge and Randy Orton

Edge and Flair lock up and go to the corner. Edge pummels Flair and beats him down. Flair comes back with chops lighting up Edge. Edge reverses a whip and back drops Flair. Clothesline by Edge and a tag to Umaga. Umaga hammers away at the head of Flair. NERVE HOLD~! Worst. Move. Ever. I can’t tell if Flair is selling the move or yawning. Fans get behind Flair now who works his way up to his feet. Tag to Orton now and he tees off on Flair and takes him down. Garvin stomps now by Orton. High elevation knee drop gets a 2 count. Randy tosses Flair around and back drops him again. Flair avoids a drop kick and tags in Batista. He fires off on Orton and nails a clothesline. He takes Umaga off the apron and brings Edge in. Spinning side slam on Edge. Orton and the Game tee off. Simultaneous spinebusters on Edge and Orton! Umaga takes ‘em both down and manhandles the referee for the DQ. Batista saves Flair from a Samoan Spike.

Winners – Evolution via DQ **

It was short but also very fun. It could have been great with a little bit more time.

Edge and Orton run off leaving Umaga to take a low blow, spear and the Pedigree! Evolution stand tall and get a crazy reaction. Jeff Hardy is watching in the back. The fans love Evolution 2K7, apparently! Line in the Sand~!

Raw Flashback – Austin driving a beer truck, Austin driving on top of Vince’s limo, Hogan and the now crushing The Rock in an ambulance, Kane being taken into a trailer by Shane, Vince’s limo losing it’s axle, Austin driving a monster truck over Rock’s limo, Vince trashing Bischoff, Austin filling McMahon’s car with cement, Angle’s Milk-O-Mania, Edge parodying Flair’s Road Rage, Hurricane trashing the APA’s office, Austin in a zambroni.

In the back, Hornswoggle is with Molly Holly! Mickie is there too. Regal shows up and sends them on their way. Vince has made a rematch for tonight – Hornswoggle vs. Khali and someone cancelled Finlay’s plane ticket so he won’t be here. It’s next!

Commercial break.

The Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle

So who’s going to save Horny? Austin? Hogan? We shall see. Horny goes between the legs. He gets caught by the jacket…

“When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside…”

Hulk Hogan is here! This could get real ugly. Bowling shoe ugly. They stare down and the fans chant for Hogan. Hogan hulks up and catches Khali’s chop but takes a boot to the gut. Clubberin’ time. Hogan hulks up, shockingly. FINGER POINT OF DOOM. Rights by Hogan and he drops Khali. Khali bails and Hogan stands tall. Hogan poses while Horny claps. Hogan has the mic now. He says Hulkamania is alive and well. He wants to thank the Hulkamaniacs and congratulations to WWE for reaching 15 years. There’s nothing like being in this ring in front of the WWE-maniacs. That’s a new one. He’s proud to have been invited tonight to hang with the guys in the back. Never say never. He’s on American Gladiators on January 6th and 7th. Shill~! He and Hornswoggle pose down.

Winner – No contest NR.

Not as bad as normal Hogan stuff, but it’s the same thing we’ve seen a thousand times before.

Raw Flashbacks – DX Moments. It’s all the stuff you’ve seen before. Vince loves cock. There’s the WCW invasion and trashing Vince’s stuff. Shawn did not sleep with that young intern, ‘cause he was up all night. This public service message was brought to you by DX. They got two words for ya…

Commercial break.

Raw Flashback – The birth of Mr. Socko, Austin the doctor.

15th Anniversary 15 Man Battle Royal – Participants: Al Snow, Bart Gunn, Doink the Clown, Repo Man, Steve Blackman, Pete Gas, Bob Backlund, Gangrel, The Goon, IRS, Flash Funk, Scotty II Hotty, Skinner, Jim Neidhart, Sgt. Slaughter, Gillberg

Gillberg is carried around by everyone and tossed. They all brawl and Backlund is gone. Al Snow gives Doink head and Doink is gone. Gangrel is gone and I’m sad. Flash Funk eliminates Al Snow. Pete Gas is gone, followed by Bart Gunn. Blackman and Funk go over together. The Goon is gone thanks to Repo Man. Repo tosses by the Anvil. Skinner dumps Anvil. Scotty, IRS, Skinner and Slaughter are left. IRS takes down Scotty but gets caught with his own briefcase. Here it comes… W – O – R – M! Hits it! Scotty gets tossed by Skinner. Cobra clutch on Skinner. Skinner gets tosses. IRS from behind on Slaughter and we have a winner!

Winner – IRS

But wait, The Million Dollar Man is here! Ted DiBiase offers IRS money to eliminate himself. He puts the money in the briefcase and hops over.

Winner – Ted DiBiase NR.

He grabs the mic – everybody’s got a price for The Million Dollar Man!

Tremendous. I wanted Gangrel or Blackman to win though.

Raw Flashbacks – It’s a bunch of slaps. The McMahon’s, K-Fed, Austin, Melina, Randy Orton, Edge, Trish, Cena, Debra. It’s quite funny actually.

Eric Bischoff is on his way out here!

Commercial break.

Eric Bischoff is here. It’s been a long time since he has had the opportunity to stand in the ring, and to be invited to be a part of this anniversary… he wants us to know how much it means to him. It reminds him that no matter how much they change, they always stay the same. It’s the same people that he has been seeing year after year. He wants to take the money out of our pockets. People like us will always depend on people like him to provide entertainment. The McMahon family will be dependent on him to reinvent the business again. Bischoff invites them to stand up and applaud him. He gets booed.

“Save Us… Break The Walls Down…”

Chris Jericho is here. JR brings up the history between Bischoff and Jericho. Eric tries to remember Jericho’s name. He brings up how he fired Jericho two years ago. WOULD YOU PLEASE, SHUT THE HELL UP! Jericho says he is still an asshole. He did fire him two years ago and he’ll never forget it. He made him realized he was a little burned out and during that time away he got a fire lit under him. He would come back and be better than ever. The time is this Sunday at Armageddon… Y2J. Eric wishes him luck. Jericho wishes him luck with the hair cut and belly. Bischoff mocks the “second coming.” He tells Jericho to save the people some money by forfeiting the title match. Jericho says he could, or he could just beat Bischoff’s ass now. Right hand on Bischoff! He goes for the Lion Tamer but Orton is here. Jericho catches Orton and goes for the Lion Tamer! The Walls of Jericho is locked in! Orton is tapping! Jericho looks at the title and places it by Orton.

Commercial break.

Dusty Rhodes is at ringside.

World Tag Team Championship Match – Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch vs. Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly

Cade and Cody start it off. Side headlock by Cadem knock down by Cade, clothesline by Cody. He works the arm of Cade but eats a leg lariat from Cade. Murdoch in and knocks down Cody. Clubberin’ time. Scoop slam by Trevor, followed up with an elbow drop for 2. Cade back in and he chops Cody. Elbow to the back of the heade now and a scoop slam. Cade misses an elbow drop and there’s tags on both side. Holly knocks down Murdoch a couple of times and gets a dropkick. He knocks Cade off the apron but gets caught. Cade misses Holy and takes out his own partner with a clothesline. Alabama Slam on Murdoch gets the win!

Winner and new tag team champions, Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly *

Dusty celebrates with the new tag team champions.

Far too short to be good, especially for a title change that comes out of nowhere.

Raw Flashback – Celebrities; Trump, Steve-O, Mike Tyson, Papa Roach, Timbaland, William Shatner, Mr. T, Alter Bridge, Kid Rock, Motley Crew, K-Fed, NFL teams.

Commercial break. Can I get me some Lita and Trish action yet?

Raw Flashback – The Divas – Sunny, Chyna, Sable, Trish, Torrie, Lita, Stacy, Candice, Ashley, Maria, Layla, Mickie James, Kelly, Victoria, Beth Phoenix, Melina

Jillian Hall has a Christmas album coming out tomorrow on iTunes. She wants to sing. The 12 Days of Christmas.

Trish Stratus is back! She looks good. Trish says she’s excited to be back. She likes seeing everyone like Lilian and King. Trish says it’s great that Jillian has an album. But it’s weird because she can’t sing. Jillian says Trish has a big ego and no one would disagree with that.

Lita is back! My night is complete. Trish and Lita staredown. Jillian eggs Lita on, but Lita takes the mic. She tells Jillian to shut up. Jillian buts in again and sings. Trish and Lita take her down and chop her in the corner. Jilian bails. Trish and Lita embrace in the ring.

Raw Flashbacks – the funny moments. Bobby Heenan, Rikishi and the stinkface, Bang 3:16, Trish and Triple H, Rock and Hurricane, Jericho and Regal, Rock and Eugene, Edge and Christian on the kazoo, Pat Patterson, midgets, Stephanie’s breasts, Cena and K-Fed, Angle and Austin, Commisioner Foley stealing Rock’s catchphrases, Mark Kenry and Chyna, Goldust and Booker, Mae Young giving birth to a hand, Ron Simmons, the Flair Flop and Mr. Socko.

Commercial break.

Raw Flashbacks – “Holy” Matrimony – Triple H and Stephanie, Test and Stephanie, Edge and Lita, Lita and Kane.

Lita just watched that in the back. Kane is here. Awkward. “Seen any good movies lately.” Lita says not really. They talk about the weather. It’s cold. Ron Simmons shows up. Lita’s rack is amazing. Some might say it’s even “Damn” worthy.

JR and King hype Armageddon;
World Title – Batista vs. Edge vs. Undertaker
Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy
US Title – Rey Mysterio vs. MVP
Mr. Kennedy vs. Shawn Michaels
Finlay vs. The Great Khali
WWE Championship – Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho

Commercial break.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Marty Jannetty

They lock up and Kennedy goes to the arm but gets drop toe-hold-ed. They work some brief chain wrestling and Jannetty gets a low dropkick. Kennedy comes back with an dropkick to the knee. Kennedy works a singe leg Boston crab as the fans actually get behind Marty who slowly crawls to the ropes. Kennedy keeps on the knee and gets a 2 count. Dragon whip by Kennedy gets 1. Kennedy slaps Marty who fires back but gets booted. Marty hits an enziguri and mounts a comeback with right hands connecting. Spinning back elbow connects and Jannetty gets 2 off of a suplex. He beats on Kennedy in the corner and hits the mounted punches but then gets turned inside out with a clothesline. Green Bay Plunge countered into the Rocker Dropper. Marty goes up to the topbut he gets crotched. GREEN BAY PLUNGE try, but Marty gets a sunset flip for 2. Kennedy comes back and hits a modified impaler for 3.

Winner – Mr. Kennedy **

OK stuff here, but Marty sure as hell looked slow at times.

Kennedy continues the beat down and Shawn Michaels makes the save. Kennedy gets the upper hand and pummels Michaels. Triple H comes down for the distraction and Michaels tosses Kennedy. Triple H is decked out in DX attire and gives Shawn a DX shirt. They pose and do the cross chopping.

Vince is on his way out.

Commercial break. Note that neither Mick Foley nor Steve Austin have appeared so far.

Who is the Greatest Raw Superstar?

Vince McMahon is already in the ring when we come back. He asks the question, who is the greatest Superstar in Raw history. That person has to have made the biggest impact here on Raw. Vince has “the envelope.” It’s…

Drum roll…

…

Vince McMahon.

No way! He wants to thank the little people who bestowed this hon… Mankind is here! Vince says he is jealous. MANDIBL CLAW! Vince goes down! Undertaker is here! He takes a while to come to the ring though, so grab a snack, maybe grab a coffee. CHOKESLAM! Vince is dead! Taker vanishes. Stone Cold Steve Austin is here! Austin has the mic. Lookey here. What a pitiful sight. Laying there like a big piece of trash. Congratulations for 15 years of Monday night Raw. 15 years deserves a toast. Austin lies down next to him. He’s starting to feela little bit dirty. Austin helps Vince up. Here’s to ya. They drink. STONE COLD STUNNER! Austin drinks beer. Austin says the greatest superstar of Raw isn’t in this ring – they are all around the ring – they’re all over the world. It’s the fans. And that’s the bottom line ‘cause Stone Cold said so. Austin invites 15 years worth of WWE Superstars to come out and have a beer bash! He invites JR and King in there. The Superstars are filing out from the back and HOLY SHIT WHAT IS MARIA NOT WEARING?! I tell you what, I was thoroughly under whelmed with most of the show, but this is such a cool touch. Ha, Regal has a soft drink! Vince gets pissed and knocked off the apron as we fade…