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411’s WWE Superstars Report 05.01.14

May 2, 2014 | Posted by Jacob Ziegler

Championship Roll Call:
Undisputed WWE World Champion: Daniel Bryan
US Champion: The Shield’s Dean Ambrose
IC Champion: Big E
Unified Diva’s Champion: Paige
WWE World Tag Team Champions: The Usos

 photo wwesuperstars_zpsa01da422.png

411’s WWE Superstars Report 05.01.14

One of these days I’ll get the scheduling right! I thought it had permanently moved to Saturday mornings, and now it’s back on Thursday nights. WWE Network, where scheduling refuses to be consistent!

Match times are not exact.

Your commentary team this evening is Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton.

Sin Cara vs. Damien Sandow

Sin Cara starts it early with a roll up but only gets a one. He hits a couple more fancy pins but once again they’re all for one. Sandow powders and gets frustrated, kicking the ring steps. The commentary team puts over that frustration as part of his losing streak. Sandow gets back in the ring and gets Sin Cara in an arm wringer and begins to work him over. TAKE THAT RIP OFF SIN CARA! YOU’RE NOT MISTICO AND WE KNOW IT! (Disclaimer: I love Hunicara) The two run through a universal sequence ending in a dropkick and an arm drag from Sin Cara to allow him to take control. Sandow forces him in the corner and gets a headbutt in before the ref forces a break. Sandow whips Sin Cara out of the corner into another corner where Sin Cara up and overs, hits an arm drag, and locks a hold back on that arm. Sandow gets him to the ropes and throws a knee and another headbutt. He then begins laying in stomps in the corner. Sandow whips him from post to post and goes to charge him but Sin Cara moves. He goes up top for a moonsault but misses. Sandow charges him and Sin Cara hip tosses him over the top rope! He goes up top and hits a big ol’ splash off the top to the outside!

Commercial! Don’t try this at home! YOU HEAR ME?! DON’T DO IT!

We come back from break and Sin Cara is on the apron, kicking Sandow in the face. He hits a flipping senton over the ropes and gets a two count for his troubles. Sin Cara then locks in ANOTHER arm bar, this time with his leg over Sandow’s neck for extra pressure. Sandow gets his foot on the ropes for a break. Sin Cara yanks him off though and keeps the hold. Sandow fights up to his feet and hits a headbut. Sin Cara chops him a couple of times and goes for a springboard crossbody but misses. Sandow then hits a big line but only gets a 2 count. Sandow spears Sin Cara into the corner and hits some shoulder thrusts followed by some boots. He stands on Sin Cara in the corner and gets some nice heat for it. Sin Cara then powders to try and regain his composure. Sandow rolls out, picks up Sin Cara, and throws him back in for a cover and a 2 count. He gets a grounded bear hug to keep the pressure on Sin Cara. Sin Cara gets to his feet and throws a few elbows to get a sunset flip! Two count! Both men to their feet and Sandow hits a big dropkick, also for two! Sandow picks Sin Cara back up and throws a few knees. He hits the Russian leg sweep followed by the Elbow of Disdain into Sin Cara’s chest, once again only for 2. Side note, I miss the cartwheel. Sandow throws a few more headbutts to the grounded Sin Cara. He picks him up and locks in a classic octopus stretch. Sin Cara counters with a hip toss. He hits the ropes with a front handspring back elbow. He gets back up and hits a springboard crossbody on Sandow as well. He then gets up and hits a headscissors to continue his control. He whips Sandow out of the corner and hits a rollup into a POWERBOMB FOR ONLY TWO! WHAT?! Sin Cara goes up top and hits a flipping senton but Sandow gets his knees up. FULL NELSON SLAM! SANDOW WINS! SANDOW WINS!

OFFICIAL RESULT: Damien Sandow @ 8:00 via pinfall (Full Nelson Slam)
Thoughts: This match dragged early on but did pick it up towards the end. The powerbomb was seriously impressive and I haven’t seen Sin Cara do that before, so it was a nice surprise. Sandow getting a win is also awesome. I know it’s only Superstars but that dude has been losing left and right this year. Glad to see him pick up a W.

They show a little teaser for Daniel Bryan vs. Kane at Extreme Rules.

Bo Dallas hype. Just Bolieve!

They recap the super creepy opening segment from Raw. I don’t know why Bray Wyatt had control of a small children’s choir. Somebody should contact these parents. Seriously. HE KIDNAPPED AND BRAIN WASHED A WHOLE CHOIR! HE MADE THEM WEAR SHEEP MASKS! ONE OF THEM SAT ON HIS LAP AS IF HE IS SOME DEMENTED SANTA CLAUS! NOBODY IS CONCERNED ABOUT THIS?!

They recap the Hugh Jackman/Dolph Ziggler/Damien Sandow segment.

They recap Kane trying to drag Brie Bella straight to Hell… or where the midgets live depending on your personal interpretation of what is under the ring.

Watch Legends House! You can see how much Tony Atlas loves rubber ducks!

Watch Total Divas! People get married!

Natalya vs. Tamina

Natalya and Tamina circle and Natalya gets a headlock into a hammerlock into another headlock. Tamina whips her off and goes for a line but Natalya ducks. She throws a boot and Natalya catches and throws it down. Natalya throws a boot this time and Tamina catches it and there’s a fancy take down but it’s only a one count. Tamina goes for a scoop slam but Natalya lands behind her and rolls back into a fancy kip up into a fancy crucifix hold! Woah! There is a lot going on! Tamina throws her off and goes for a banzai drop but Natalya moves! The two exchange standing strikes! Natlya goes for the roaring elbow but NOPE! Samoan drop for your troubles. Two count. Tamina controls and hits a modified side slam on Natalya. Also only a two count. Tamina then locks in a rear chinlock. Natalya fights up and gets out with a few elbows but Tamina takes her right back down. She picks up Natalya into a burning hammer type position but Natalya fights out. She hits a boot and then a butterfly suplex for a two count. She then gets a backslide also only for two but Natalya hits a dropkick before Tamina can get to her feet. Natalya goes for the sharpshooter but Tamina grabs the ropes only to be yanked off by Natalya into a jackknife pin for two. Natalya goes for a suplex but Tamina shoves her off and hits the superkick for three.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Tamina Snuka @4:00 via pinfall (Superkick)
Thoughts: Good showcase for Tamina going into Extreme Rules. Nothing more. Nothing less.

They recap the 11 on 3 Shield massacres from Smackdown.

Adam Rose segment! Hop on board the Exotic Express!

They recap Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns from Raw.

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Jacob Ziegler