Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 3.23.22

BURN IT DOWN!!!

Wait….

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CM Punk’s music hits, and out comes our Savior!

Dax and Punk?!?!? Oh shittttttt!!!

Match 1: CM Punk vs Dax Hardwood
Lockup and they twirl around the ring into the corner. Ref breaks it up. Another lockup, Dax works the arm, taking Punk down, head scissors, Punk escapes. Punk works the arm, getting Dax to his knees. The Gunn Club is shown in the crowd Dax elbows Punk in the corner, then chops the hell out of him. Body slam to Dax, he kicks out from the floor, escapes a head scissors, Punk with an arm drag into a hammer lock! Rope work, Dax with a high knee! Dax with a leg drop. Cover for 1…NO!!!! Dax pulls back on the face of Punk, drops an elbow to the nose. Backbreaker to Punk. Cover and can’t even get a 1! Cravat from behind. Back suplex to Punk! Dax sends Punk into the corner hard, chop to the chest. Dax sees Gunn Club in the crowd and shouts to them some shit. Punk hits a chop. Another. More. Whip to the ropes, reversed, back elbow to the chest. Dax to the top rope! He misses a headbutt! Punk with a right, Dax with an elbow, boo and yay from the crowd. Punk wins out, whips, high kick to the face. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Crowd is hot! Chop in the corner, Dax climbs up and locks the head, Punk lifts him and drops him hard on the mat. Punk stands for an elbow on the top rope, but Dax jumps up and clips the legs! Dax locks the head and hits a Superplex to Punk!!! Diving headbutt from Dax! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! Dax tries for a suplex, Punk reverses, sends him over the top rope, Dax holds on, and both men tumble to the outside!!!

Cash Wheeler rjuns down to check on Dax. He tries to motivate him to stand with some mat slams. Punk is up. Dax is up. He rolls into the ring. Punk follows, climbing the apron, and the corner, to the top. He dives with a crossbody!!! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! ANACONDA VICE!!! Dax pulls the hair, Punk escapes, Dax works the legs, looking for a Sharpshooter, Punk kicks him away into the corner! Punk with a cradle! 1..NO!!! DAX REVERSES! 1…2…NO!!!! Dax in the corner. Punk stands, rushes with a high knee, DAX LIFTS PUNK UP!!!! SITOUT POWERBOMB OFF THE ROPES!!! 1….2….NO!!!!! Dax stands up, whip, Punk kicks, Dax faces the corner, Punk with a high knee to the back of the head! GO2SLE—-NO!!!! Dax shoots the leg!!! SHARPSHOOTER!!!!

Punk crawls towards the rope, the ref is hanging out of the ring, Cash distracts, Ref yells at him, Punk rolls into the hold, punches Dax, locks the fingers, pulls him INTO THE ANACONDA VICE!!! DAX TAPS!!!!

Winner: Dax Hardwood
Good lord! I feel my bias may shine through here because I walked into this match excited for how good it was going to be. I’d say they did more than I thought, especially with the final three or so minutes. Good shit.
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 12:52

Punk signs for the title as Cash helps Dax out of the ring. They see The Gunn Club on the way out, gloating at their loss.

Jericho is backstage with his crew, telling Silver he’s going to take him to school. Garcia says tonight they’ll give an example of why a wrestler will get their ass handed to them by a sports-entertainer. Jericho flubs his lines saying he’s going to Future Endeavor Silver and Reynolds like they did to Santana and Ortiz. They then mock Santino and Ortiz, saying they’ll never come back.

Match 2: Eight Man Tornado Tag
Sting, Darby Allin, and The Hardyz vs The Butcher, The Blade, and Private Party

We are informed that there are No DQs, no tags, and a whole lotta ass kickin. Darby flies out of the ring at the sound of the bell, shooting straight for Butcher. Sting to the top rope! HE DIVES!!! Hahha. He dives on Private Party and Blade. Matt and Jeff attack PP, with Matt and Kassidy going at it. Butcher is making short work of Darby while Sting smacks Quen with a skateboard. Blade and Jeff tumble over the barricade. Darby crawls past a barricade into the crowd while Sting hits a Stinger Splash in the corner of the barricade to Kassidy! Blade heads over to Butcher, fighting Jeff up the steps.

Outside of the ring, Matt back body drops Quen. Butcher and Blade are walking up the steps with Jeff and Darby. Jeff sends Blade into the wall a few times as Butcher climbs up the steps with Darby. Darby with a choke hold, on the back of Butcher. While he’s on the back of Butcher, Andrade runs up on him with a belt and smacks him across the back!!! Butcher lifts Darby for a powerbomb, then slams him into a bannister, another bannister, then he TOSSES DARBY DOWN SOME STEPS!!!

Back from PIP and Matt is at the top of the stage with Kassidy. Kassidy begs for forgiveness, but Matt Deletes him with a Side Eff—NO!! QUEN IS THERE WITH A LOW BLOW!!! Private Party lift Matt up and lock up for a Double Side Effect onto a table down below!

We are near concessions and Jeff Hardy has a freakin ladder!! Sting is choking up Butcher on a table, Darby lays Blade up on the same table. Jeff climbs as Sting and Darby beat down B&B! Jeff to the top!! He is on a freakin ledge of a window!!!! JEFF HARDY WITH A SWANTON ONTO BOTH MEN AND THE MERCH TABLE!!!!

In the ring, Kassidy is covering Matt for a pin. He gets a 1..2..NO!!! He heads to the apron, but Sting is there. How did he get there so quickly?! He pulls the rope into some Kassidy balls, then gets hit by a chair but no sells. Stinger Splash to Quen! To Kassidy! He goes for another, but Quen moves. Kassidy kiks him high then sits him up top.

Here comes Quen for a Gin and Juice, but Sting catches Kassidy by the head for a Dragon Sleeper!!! Matt clubs the back of Quen! Matt locks the head! Twist of Fate/Scorpion Death Drop Combo! Matt covers! 1..2….3!!!!

Winners: The Hardyz, Sting, and Darby Allin
Far more fun than I anticipated, and the Jeff Hardy spot was fun, even if a little contrived. I do question just how quickly Sting got to the ring after the spot – was it pre-recorded? Eh well, we had fun, didn’t we?
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 9:23

Dax and Cash are backstage, talking about wrestling from the heart. The Ass Boys do not get grandfathered in, they are still puppies, they are still wetting the bed. Dax understands there is a portion of our audience that doesn’t like them, but they are not spoiled brats. These boys trying to take their spot? They are the best tag team, Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays. They’ll see them next week on Dynamite.

Match 3: Jon Moxley and Bryan Danielson vs The Varsity Blonds
Bryan and Brian to start. Bryan beats some ass as Julia Hart stands solemnly, staring down near the steps. Tag to Jon, who chops Pillman away. Tag to Griff. Griff flies over the top rope, into the corner for a splash. Right, left, kick is blocked, German from Jon! Tag to Bryan. Jon holds the arms back of Griff, Bryan kicks the chest.

Back from a break and Jon is goading Garrison into some fight. Griff with a kick, lifts up, Pillman dropkicks just as Griff slams Jon down. Cover from Pillman for 1..2..NO!!! Tag to Griff, who locks the head, sees Bryan running in, sends Jon away, running knee from Bryan!

Paradigm Shift from Jon! Bryan kicks Pillman’s head in just as Jon drives a bunch of elbows into Griff’s face!!!! Rear Naked Choke from Jon! Griff is done!

Winners: Jon Moxley and Bryan Danielson
The commercial gutted this six minute affair, but that double beat down at the end was a site to see.
Total Rating: *
Match Time: 6:04

Regal joins the boys in the ring as Jon grabs a mic. He says he is a very lucky and blessed man. He’s been fortunate enough to compete against the best in the world. He has learned from the best, but there is only one man whose opinion he has ever cared about; William Regal. He earned the badge of honor from Regal through blood and pain and torture. He wears that Blackpool badge of honor with pride, just like his friend, The Perfect Wrestler, Bryan Danielson. They were forged in combat. He tells them to step up before they get stepped on.

And regal stomps the mat. Wow. He’s fucking gold.

If you want a badge of honor from The Blackpool Club, there’s only one way to get it – The Hard Way.

MJF is out next, with security in front of the ring, and Spears by his side. He tells Wardlow it’s a shame he couldn’t get the job done last week. Unlike Wardlow, MJF is a man of his word. He wants to talk to Punk. Everybody knows it; he had Punk beat at Revolution, just like he beat him twice in Chicago. What did Punk do? He cheated to win. He wants to be clear; there will be another match, and when there is, he will give Punk the most embarrassing loss of his entire career. Even then it wont be over. It will never be over. Only when he attends his funeral and pisses on his grave will it be over.

Back to Wardlow. He will start calling Wardlow pig, because that’s what he is – a greedy little pig. When he first met Wardlow, it if wasn’t for him three years ago, these people chanting his name wouldn’t know who the hell he was. Wardlow didn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. Now, he’s got a nice roof over he and that momma of his’ head. How does he repay MJF? Costing him the most important match of his life. Wardlow signed a deal with the devil, and all the devil’s deals are ironclad. You thought you had it bad before? MJF is going to make Wardlow’s life a living hell. He will ask how high when MJF tells him to jump.

There’s a freakin JESUS chant and MJF tells the crowd that he’ll nail Wardlow to a cross just like Jesus! Haha. He tells Wardlow he owns him. He calls Wardlow’s mother a skank, and that brings out Wardlow. He makes short work of security, all of them hold Wardlow down, even more come down to hold Wardlow back .MJF tells him that he doesn’t work for AEW, he works for MJF, and MJF doesn’t want him anymore. Wardlow is trespassing. He tells this greedy little pig that he’ll keep paying Wardlow, but he’s paying him to stay home until all these people forget he existed; until he winds up an absolute nobody. Have fun in the mud, pig.

Wardlow goes willingly.

MJF wants to squash some rumors now, changing gears to The Pinnacle. It is not over. Starting next week, they are going to move up around here. What do they say about The Pinnacle?

Spears has the answer.

Backtage, Best Friends are here. Yuta is asked a question, but Trent stops him, telling him that he never liked Wheeler, but these guys trained him and let him lay on the couch. He’s done with Wheeler. Wheeler loves Orange and Trent, but he never liked Trent either. He’s not trying to be the Best Friend he can be, though – he’s trying to be the best wrestler. You either get that or you don’t.

ADAM COLE BAYBAY IS HERE!!!

Match 4: Adam Cole vs Jay Lethal
Cole corners Jay and hits some kicks. Whip is reversed and jay hits a chop, another chop. Another chop in the corner. Cole shoves Jay away, so Jay hits a right jab, another, a third, elbow to the crown of the head. Dropkick from Jay. Cover for 1…NO!!! Jay with a waist lock! Adam reverses, Jay reverses, Adam breaks it, elbow, Jay slams Cole down face-first.Cole to the apron. Jay stands, hits the corner, runs up it, springboard, misses a…kick? Maybe? Cole gloats, BOOMS! But Jay hits a dropkick to the back of the head. Suicide dive to Cole! Jay re-enters and goes for another suicide dive! He enters the ring again, hits the ropes, wants a third, but Cole moves only for Jay to dive off the top rope!

ReDragon are at the top of the ramp, staring down Lethal.

We are back from break, and Cole kicks out of a sharpshooter attempt. Lethal tries for a Figure Four, but Cole locks the head for a pin. 1..2.NO!!! Jay rolsl through, gets the Figure Four locked in this time. Here come Fish and KOR. They are ringside, shouting for Cole to escape. Cole reaches the ropes. Jay turns towards Fish and KOR, Cole grabs the ring apron to prevent being pulled in. The ref fixes the apron, KOR distracts, rollup from Cole for 1..2.NO!!! SUPERKICK! Cole lowers the knee pad. He runs for the Boom, but Lethal stops it! He hits a cutter!! Lethal goes for Lethal Injection, but Cole with a Superkick to the back of the head!!! Cole to the top rope! PANAMA SUNRISE! Cover for 1…2……..NO!!!! SO CLOSE!!! Cole goes for the BOOM! Jay ducks! ROLLUP!!! Ref is distracted!

Jay goes for Lethal Injection again, but Cole with a LOWBLOW!!! He hits the running knee to the back of the head! Cover! 1..2….3!!!!

Winner: Adam Cole
Damn….
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 9:52

Cole grabs a mic. He sits on the corner. He says there is no one on the planet who deserves the AEW World Title more than him. Hangman stole his victory at Revolution. Two of the last three matches they’ve had, he has won. Last week, when he was pinning Jungle Boy and staring at Page, he saw fear because he knows he’s looking at the man who will take his World Championship. Adam Page caught lightening in a bottle, and the next time they face each other, he will shove that bottle up Page’s ass. He is a champion, a winner, and speaking of that, Page is a coward. He has no guts, won’t face the three of them man to man.

Page’s music hits, and here comes the champion. He walks down the ramp, with his title, and doesn’t stop at the end of the ramp. He enters the ring, and Page removes his belt! He slaps the shit out of Cole! Hahaha. One for KOR! One for Fish!!! Page attacks KOR, but Cole runs up and hits another low blow!!! Three of them beat down Page. Cole grabs the title and stares it down, then walks over to page

JUNGLE BOY AND LUCHA RUN DOWN THE RAMP! Christian is with them! They clear the ring!

Dustin Rhodes and Lance Archer have dueling video promos.

We come back to Sammy in the middle of the ring with Tay by his side. My screen goes out, thank you.

We come back, and Sammy talks about Holy Shit chants. He knows he cant do this forever, it’ll catch up to him, he’ll pay for it, and if he’s going to pay for it, screw it, it’s worth it. They want payback. Tay speaks some Portuguese and wants some revenge.

Lambert is here to give them the lay of the land here. On their side, they have Ethan Page, literally the only thing Canada has gotten right in who knows how long. Himself, the most popular co-TNT Champion of all time. PVZ, the biggest signing in the history, who doesn’t need to appear in shit-stained towns like Austin. He then says Paige is the reason Orange keeps his hands in his pocket all day. He then brings up Sky, saying he hasn’t lost a match since Tony Khan reached puberty.

On their side, Tiny Tim and his girlfriend, Lucha-Whore-us. Lambert and Co say no, they have no interest. They can kiss that match goodbye.

Tay tells Lambert that he knows they’ve been living rent free in Lambert’s head, but if he only knew what Tay and he did while wearing that belt, they now live in Dan’s mouth, too.

Ricky and Swerve video package. Love it.

Leyla and Red Velvet are next, but Leyla stops Red before the bell rings and tries to beat her ass outside. Red sends her into the barricade once, then again. Agai—NO!!! Leyla reverses and sends Red into the barricade! Red flies off the steps with a rana!!!! She grabs Leyla and rolls her into the ring then…

Match 5: Leyla Hirsch vs Red Velvet
Standing moonsault from Red, but Leyla catches her and hits a snap suipelx! Cover for 1…NO!

We are back and Leyla hits some double knees. She misses a ight, another, Red punches, kicks the leg, leg whip int othe face, Red hits the ropes, tries to bounce off of them but Leyla catches her and hits a German for 1..2…NO!!! Leyla drags Red to the corner. She climbs the corner, Red attacks the back, turns Leyla around, clubs the chest. Red grabs the fingers and slams Leyla down hard! 1..2…NO!!!! Red with The Mix! Leyla rolls to the apron!!! She slams Red’s wrist on the apron. Leyla reaches under the ring, grbs the turnbuckle metal piece.

Ref is checking on Red, ref turns, sees the buckle, takes it away, but Leyla has another piece in her trunks! She clocks Red hard then covers for 1..2…3!!

Winner: Leyla Hirsch
The lowest point of the show, and yet still a solid enough affair.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 6:30

Leyla attacks after the bell, locking in an arm breaker, until Kris runs down and corners Leyla! Rights over and over, then a huge toss out of the corner. Leyla rolls to the outside, and the invisible barrier that divides the heels and faces goes up!

Jade is backstage with Sterling and Tony. Jade wants to talk about after the match; she’s having a huge celebration. Green confetti, green Lamborghini, something better than Thunder Rosa. They need fine exotic dancers, and a section for her baddies. What will she wear? She’ll take care of the fit.

Thunder Rosa is announced and out she comes! She is cut short by….VICKIE GUERRERO and her Excuse ME!

She says that Rosa may think of herself as a leader, but as far as Rosa thinking she is a Texan, don’t insult Vickie’s state. She can take her fake green card and go back to Mexico.

Rosa tries to get a word in, but Vickie cuts her off with an Excuse Me, which is enough time for Nyla to run from behind and attack Rosa. Vickie says this is a true champion, and she is hungry. She wants the title.

Match 6: John Silver and Alex Reynolds vs Jericho Appreciation Society (Chris Jericho and Daniel Garcia)
Jericho and Silver to start. Silver flexes, Jericho gives him a playful slap and touches the guns, then reminds Silver who he is. Jericho shoves the fac, so Silver goes on the attack! Huge tackle, hits the ropes, running uppercut, body slam to Jericho! COCKY PIN!!! Hahaha. Nice. COME ON BAYBAY!!! Arm drag to Jericho into an arm lock. Tag to Reynolds. Drop Toe Hold! Dropkick! Kick from Silver, uppercut from Reynolds. Whip to the ropes, Jericho holds onto the ropes and leaves the ring! Silver follows, hits a huge kick to Jericho’s chest! Silver grabs Jericho, looks to suplex, Reynolds rushes out fo the ring for a suicide dive just as Silver hits a brainbuster! Sounds better than it looks. Garcia enters, and Dark Order makes short work then poses. Jericho is pissed. He kicks the stairs, pretends to fall back hard, so Aubrey ejects FIVE AND TEN TO THE BACK!!!

We are back and Jericho is in control. Lionsault is missed as Reynolds rolls out of the way. Reynolds reaches for the tag, gets it! IN comes Silver! Huge clothesline! Again! Whip! Flapjack! Garcia enters, Silver sends him into the ropes hard. Silver whips Jericho Jericho holds on, sends Silver to the apron, right hand to Silver, Jericho to the corner, but Silver hits a kick! MOONSAULT TO GARCIA!!! HE ATTCKS LEE< PARKER!!! RANA TO HAGER!!! SILVER TO THE TOP ROPE!!! HE DIVES WITH A CROSSBODY!!! COVVER!!! 1….2…NO!!! Jericho waits CODEBREKAER! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!!Jericho beats him down! Reynodls enters! Kick into a German! Cover for .1.2…NO!!! Hager on the apron. Silver hits him with a right, matt one, Parker for another, dive into Hagers arms on the outside!!! He sends Silver into the barricade!!! Garcia with a cradle to Reynolds! High knee from Reynolds! He hits the ropes.

JERICHO WITH THE BAT!! He hits the back! Garcia distracted the ref! SCORPION DEATHLOCK INTO A KNEE BAR AND REYNOLDS TAPS!

Winners: AJS
Fucking Silver, man! What a gem.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 9:58

End Show

9.0

The final score: review Amazing

The 411

What an episode! First, we have a GREAT opener with Punk and Hardwood, putting on an old-school clinic while still incorporating what is to come AND giving a few nods to Bret Hart, then we have an eight-man that, although may deter some people due to the age of Hardy and the death-defying stunts that Sting continues to do, still entertained me, followed immediately by Moxley and Danielson murdering two young blonds, and Regal doing SOOO MUCH with SOOO LITTLE! The show kept it going with MJF and Wardlow, and really didnt slow down until the match with Velvet and Hirsch, which is really not their fault at all. Admittedly, I have to knock it down a point because of this lull and what followed. I know Rosa can't talk, but she just came off a big win, and having her shit curtailed by Vickie was more annoying than hellish. Then again, it's Vickie...either way, I didn't like it. Thankfully, we picked right back up with a hell of a main event and a great showing from Silver. Easy watch, here.