Cook’s Impact Insight 9.21.23

Hey kids! I’m Steve Cook, and since Week 1 of Impact’s 1000 Episodes celebration was so fun, I figured I’d come back for Week 2. We’ve got some of the things that have made Impact stand out over the years on the agenda. Ultimate X. A 10-Knockout tag team match featuring some of the best in company history. People getting fired via briefcase. Sounds like a good time to me!

Cook’s Impact Insight 9.21.23

We open with clips from last week! Tonight’s main event was made, Team 3D returned & Chris Sabin won the X Division Championship.

Ultimate X Match: Alan Angels vs. Zachary Wentz vs. Rich Swann vs. Samuray Del Sol vs. Mike Bailey vs. Ace Austin: The man to retrieve the red X will get an X Division Championship match at any time of their choosing. Hopefully they’ve got it on there pretty sturdy. We’ve got a Pier Six brawl to start, with wrestlers getting tossed to the floor. Samuray faces off against Angels & Wentz, hitting some ranas and a dive to the floor. Wentz hits a corkscrew plancha. Samuray springboards over the top rope to the middle rope, then hits a flop. Swann with multiple flips to the floor. Back in the ring, Austin kicks Swann & Bailey & clears the ring before soaring to glory. Austin climbs one of the support trusses, but Angels follows him up and knocks him to the floor. Samuray, Angels & Bailey moonsault off said truss onto their opponents. Angels suplexes Samuray on the floor. Angels & Bailey back up on the truss, Wentz & Swann follow them up so Wentz can hit an Ace crusher to the mat. Bailey & Angels make it all the way up, Angels gets his leg caught in the truss and hangs from 20 or so feet. Bailey & Samuray make their way across the cables, but Wentz & Angels shake the cables so they can’t make it. Austin knocks Samuray off the cable. Bailey’s still there. Swann with a Lethal Injection and reverse rana on Wentz. Angels & Swann both take a tumble off the cable & Bailey’s still hanging. Wentz spraypaints the eyes of Swann then gets double teamed by Austin & Samuray. Wentz with more spraypaint, this time to Samuray. Wentz, Austin & Angels climb across cables to join Bailey in the middle. Spraypaint to Austin, Bailey kicks Wentz off, but gets kicked low by Angels. Both men go down, but Angels makes his way back up. Austin & Bailey climb trusses, but Angels unhooks the X and gets himself down to the mat to win the match.

Winner: Alan Angels (9:40 via X retrieval)
Match Rating: ***

I think Angels was supposed to get the X just after kicking Bailey low, but it can be tough to get these things perfect when you’re hanging on a cable ten or so feet above the ring.

Backstage, Angels talks about being the future & the frontman of the X Division. He’s cashing in his title shot next week.

Dirty Dango (w/Alpha Bravo) vs. Jake Something: We’re going back to the early days of Impact on Fox Sports Net, with a Fox Box, a 10 minute time limit & a judge! Chase Stevens of The Naturals is back to serve in the judging capacity. Bravo re-introduces themselves, and Dango has something to get off of his chest. Dango hates pro wrestling! Something knocks Dango to the floor & Bravo comes over to discuss strategy. Something & Dango face off on the floor, with Something bodyslamming Dango. Back in the ring, Something hits a couple of clotheslines for a two count. Clothesline in the corner by Something, but he misses a charge. Dango with some running uppercuts. Dango misses a kneedrop off the middle rope, then gets clotheslined down a couple of times. Big punch sends Dango to the mat. Running shoulder in the corner by Something, then he knocks Dango off the apron to the floor. Bravo calls for a timeout since he thinks Dango is hurt, then creates the distraction for Dango. Bravo tries to hit Something with a flashlight, but ends up hitting Dango instead. Something hits Into The Void, and the time limit doesn’t become an issue this week.

Winner: Jake Something (3:58 via pinfall)
Match Rating: **1/4

I wonder who Stevens was talking to on the headset during his on-screen shots. Maybe Andy Douglas? Or Shane Douglas? Tough to say.

Steve Maclin is upset with Rhino costing him a briefcase in Feast or Fired. He says he’s going to end Rhino’s career now, but Rhino runs him over instead. Santino Marella says that Rhino went too far while official check on Maclin. Rhino says that whatever happens next is on Maclin.

Kenny King (w/Sheldon Jean) vs. Eric Young (w/Scott D’Amore): Young has the Team Canada theme playing and his old coach by his side. 27:02 King talks some smack & shoves are exchanged. Hip toss by Young, but Sheldon attacks EY from behind for the immediate DQ.

Winner: Eric Young (:34 via disqualification)

D’Amore hits Sheldon with his hockey stick flag pole. Shark Boy’s music plays! As the Deputy Director of Authority tonight, he’s not going to let that match end like that. He’s going to make it a tag team match, give him a Shell Yeah!

Kenny King & Sheldon Jean vs. Team Canada (Eric Young & Scott D’Amore): Young & D’Amore get attacked from behind by Deaner & Kon, so there’s another disqualification.

Winners: Team Canada (:12 via disqualification)

Shark Boy says the match won’t end like that either. Now it’s going to be an eight-man tag team match. He’s got a couple of partners for Team Canada that are ready for a fight and paved the way for all the tag teams in Impact. Here’s America’s Most Wanted!

Kenny King, Sheldon Jean & The Design (Deaner & Kon) vs. Team Canada (Eric Young & Scott D’Amore) & America’s Most Wanted (Chris Harris & James Storm): AMW & Team Canada clear the ring before the referee rings the bell. 31:32 Young & Jean start this version of our match. ‘s arm gets worked over by Young, D’Amore, Harris & Storm. Jean goes to Storm’s eyes and tags King in. King gets shoulderblocked down, but King hits a drop toe hold & does some showboating. AMW with some doubleteaming on King. Harris gets two with a bulldog. Harris hits Deaner with a left and tags in Coach D’Amore. D’Amore with a snap mare and a knee drop on Deaner. Young tags in to face his former disciple. Deaner rakes Young’s eyes & Kon punches him down. King tags in and slams Young. Springboard legdrop gets two. Kon tags in and stomps away on Young. Kon squashes Young in the corner once, but misses the second time and gets placed on Young’s shoulders. Young hits a DVD and both men are down. Storm & Jean tag in. Storm gets the advantage, King tries to help out to no avail. King hits a cartwheel kick & Jean hits a leg lariat for two. Jean ends up too close to the AMW/Team Canada corner, and gets knocked down. Young comes off the top rope with an elbowdrop and gets two. Young goes for the piledriver, but King hits a blockbuster to break that up. Harris with a clothesline to King. Kon knocks D’Amore off the apron and faces off with Harris. Harris & Storm clothesline Kon to the floor, then send King onto him. Deaner knocks Harris out of the ring, then gets superkicked by Storm. Jean gets doubleknees from Storm, then D’Amore hits a Sky High. Young with the piledriver, and that’s it for Jean & his team.

Winners: Team Canada & America’s Most Wanted (9:06 via pinfall)
Match Rating: ***

Some good old fashioned shenanigans with multiple matches being booked and some old school favorites coming back. Nothing wrong with that.

Last week, some people got some briefcases. Pretty soon we’ll find out what’s inside!

Also last week, Team 3D noted that it’s been seven years since they last teamed. Brother Ray said there’s nowhere else they would have rather done this reunion than in Impact Wrestling. Brother Devon thanks the fans & testifies. I’m kind of shocked they did this without Ray turning heel, since he does that constantly. Maybe next week.

Dave LaGreca presides over the Feast or Fired briefcase openings. He asks the wrestlers what they hope to find inside their briefcase. Yuya Uemura hopes for a tag team title shot, as does Chris Bey. Moose also wants a tag team title shot for himself & Brian Myers. Crazzy Steve is hoping for heart, liver or lungs. Steve opens his briefcase, which contains a Digital Media title shot. Steve notes that the world was full of dreamers a few times. Moose opens his, and he’s getting a World title shot. He claims he was really hoping for a tag team title shot, but doesn’t seem too broken hearted about it. Chris Bey opens his briefcase, and ABC are getting a tag team title shot. This means that Yuya got the “Fired!” briefcase, so there will be no more Joya.

Trey Miguel (w/Zachary Wentz) vs. Josh Alexander: Miguel slaps Alxander and runs away. He misses a dive and a couple of other moves, but evades a powerbomb on the floor. Alexander eventually suplexes Miguel out of his boots. Slam and a kneedrop get two. Big chop in the corner by Alexander. Miguel gets his neck dropped on the top rope, then Wentz distracts Alexander for a dive by Miguel.

We return from commercial and Alexander seems to be fighting back before Wentz trips him up. Miguel works Alexander over. Miguel fights out of a suplex attempt and dropkicks Alexander in the back of the head for two. Miguel fights out an atomic drop but gets German suplexed again. Alexander with some shots to Miguel, then a back body drop. Forearm in the corner by Alexander, he evades a charging Trey then throws him down for a two count. Miguel blocks the C4 Spike, then hits a handspring kick for two. Miguel targets Alexander’s left arm, but the right arm smacks him down. Alexander places Miguel on his shoulders and heads up top, but Miguel fights out and hits a headscissor down to the mat. Miguel hits the Meteora, but Alexander locks the ankle. Miguel throws him outside and Wentz hits a running knee strike behind the ref’s back. Alex Shelley saw it though, and he comes down to deck Wentz with the Impact World Championship belt. Alexander hits a big punch, and the C4 Spike ends the match.

Winner: Josh Alexander (9:34 via pinfall)
Match Rating: ***1/2

This was a pretty decent sprint. Don’t remember if they’ve had the chance to go at it on a PPV or Impact Plus special or not, but they could probably do some great things with more time. Josh grabs the microphone and thanks Alex for coming out and being in his corner tonight. He could have used it last week or at Emergence. Alex says he wanted to hurt the Rascalz, not help Josh. Josh says he’s taking the World Championship back at Bound For Glory.

Speaking of Bound For Glory, Will Ospreay will take on Mike Bailey there. Jonathan Gresham meets up with Bailey backstage to talk about that & other issues. Gresham says he knows what it takes to be a world champion & wants to work his way up to the top cleanly. Bailey suggests they have a match. This was kind of awkward but I assume it leads to Gresham being a good sportsman that isn’t really a good sportsman.

The Rascalz are not in a good mood and have no time for the Good Hands’ title shot that was promised them. ABC wander in with their briefcase.

Shelley vs. Alexander is made official for Bound For Glory with a graphic. Tom Hannifan & Matthew Rehwoldt run down next week’s happenings.

Trinity, Jordynne Grace, Mickie James, Gail Kim & Awesome Kong (w/Raisha Saeed) vs. Deonna Purrazzo, Tasha Steelz, Gisele Shaw, Savannah Evans & Angelina Love (w/Velvet Sky & Jai Vidal): Trinity & Angelina start for their respective teams. They trade headlocks before Angelina shoulderblocks Trinity down. Trinity with a slam and a split legdrop for two. Angelina with a clothesline, and a boot choke in the corner. Trinity catches Angelina with a twerking headscissors in the corner. Tags to Jordynne & Deonna, but Deonna changes her mind about that matchup and tags Gisele in. Jordynne with a couple of bodyslams, a jackhammer gets two due to Evans breaking it up. A mis-communication between Shaw & Evans leads to Mickie tagging in. Seated senton to Shaw, a kick gets two. Tasha tags in as we go to picture in picture.

Tasha with a slap, but Mickie boots her in the face. Deonna tags in and gets some kicks from Mickie too. Mickie tries to go up top but Tasha knocks her off. Evans tags in and hits a legdrop on Mickie. Mickie eventually fights back with a neckbreaker and tags Gail in. Gail all over Deonna with clotheslines. Cross-body gets two, Shaw breaks it up. Gail takes Deonna & Gisele over with an arm drag/headscissors combo. Deonna misses in the corner, but Velvet yanks Gail off the apron. Tasha works Gail over on the floor. Back in the ring, Tasha makes Gail humble with the camel clutch. The fans want Kong as Angelina tags in and hits a side slam on Gail for two. Gisele tags in and gets octopus locked by Gail. Shaw runs into the turnbuckle to break it up. Shaw hits a flatliner for two and tags Deonna in. Deonna wears Gail down with a chinlock, but Gail fights out. Two cross-bodies lead to two tags. Kong was one, and she tags everybody on the opposite team. Steelz gets knocked out of her boots. Evans & Kong face off, with Kong gaining the advantage. Kong gets knocked out fo the ring by Purrazzo & Love. Mickie & Trinity face off with those two. Trinity hits a dive onto Deonna & Angelina. Things are breaking down and Jordynne uses Gail as a battering ram. Gail dives off the top rope onto many opponents on the floor. Kong & Shaw are left in the ring, and Shaw isn’t too thrilled about it. Spinning backfist leads to a chokeslam. Implant Buster leads to the three count.

Winners: Trinity, Jordynne Grace, Mickie James, Gail Kim & Awesome Kong (14:54 via pinfall)
Match Rating: ***1/4

Angelina delivers her Botox Injection kick to Jai Vidal, who probably did something to annoy Velvet. He gets the paper bag treatment. Mickie sneaks a look at Trinity’s Knockouts Championship as the winning team gets their hands raised. Seems like we might have Trinity’s next challenger on the horizon, and just like in the men’s World Championship division, it’s somebody that was never beaten for the title.

7.7

The final score: review Good

The 411

Like last week's episode, I thought this week's show struck a good balance between honoring Impact's past and getting things ready for the future. The company seems headed in a positive direction, and here's hoping for at least one thousand more Impact episodes!