Old School 101: WWF PrimeTime Wrestling – March 25th, 1991

– I won’t bother with an introduction. I’m too tired, bored, depressed, whatever. I just randomly pulled this episode up, and huzzah. Here’s a review.

– “Live” from Caesars Palace Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada with hosts Vince McMahon and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. Also, Lord Alfred Hayes is showing up now and then to suck up the joint and ramble incoherently about random subjects. They do a brief chat about WrestleMania and hand it over to the Update, which was the big deal segment on the weekly syndication. If the angle was important, or something big happened on SNME and you didn’t stay up until 11 p.m. to watch it, this was the thing for you!

– From the pages of WWF Magazine, it’s time for a special WrestleMania VII Update: Mean Gene Okerlund is in front of the Wrestlemania interview stage where he runs down the results of several matches, including the Retirement Match, World and Tag Team Championship matches, and randomly tossing in Virgil/Dibiase because the IC Title match had a more stupid finish. We get the post match celebration of Hogan following his 3rd World, and unseen footage of Sgt. Slaughter tossing a fireball in Hogan’s face, which went nowhere really when it came to television, and only done to further stretch the angle to SummerSlam, which was a good five months away.

– Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Rick Saxon:
Sean Mooney and Lord Alfred Hayes are on the call here, which doesn’t do wonders for my ears. Duggan, for some unknown reason, didn’t compete at Wrestlemania VII, and was probably the highest profile guy to not get one (unless you count Koko and the Orient Express). Duggan with some foreplay on his 2×4 as he spends a good minute playing to the crowd. Lockup and Duggan shoves off Saxon and clobbers him with a roundhouse right. Reports are it was a soup-bone right, but Butch Reed filed a lawsuit because of his copyright of that move. Duggan rams the schmuck into the turnbuckle a few times and tosses him out of the ring. Duggan quickly tosses Saxon back into the ring and whips him to the ropes, then catches him with a delayed scoop slam. 3-point stance clothesline connects for three to finish this at 2:34. DUD Duggan playing around was OK, but the match didn’t mean anything since it was a throw-away squash match and Duggan was in limbo for the next year or so.

– We head back to the Casino with McMahon and Heenan. Heenan has some ladies with him that feed him fruit throughout the segment until Ted Dibiase comes in. He gives Heenan the permission to gamble with his money, showing he really is a generous call. Dibiase ends up ignoring McMahon’s comments about his on-going feud with Virgil, and instead throws some threats at Roddy Piper, who was “recovering from a motorcycle accident” at the time. Here was one feud that went nowhere. Outside of working dark matches, Dibiase pretty much was still paired up with Virgil when it comes to television importance, and then Piper moved on to Flair following SummerSlam.

– Big Boss Man vs. Hercules:
Joined in Progress from the January 21st, 1991 Madison Square Garden event. The commentary from Heenan and Mooney is dubbed over with Hayes and Mooney. Hercules has Boss Man in a chinlock, but Boss Man is able to get free and roll him up for a two count. Boss Man slams Hercules face-first into the canvas and connects with an enziguri. Irish whip and Boss Man stuns Hercules with a big boot. Irish whip again and Boss Man connects with the sidewalk slam. Here comes Paul Roma to run in and comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick, awarding the Boss Man the match by DQ at 1:39. DUD For what was shown on the broadcast. The match in full sucked too, for those who care. Power & Glory double team Boss Man and beat up the referee. Heenan comes in the ring and talks smack to the Boss Man, but it makes no sense now because the Boss Man/Heenan Family feud was over and Boss Man went on to feud with the Mountie. This goes on until Heenan runs off when the Legion of Doom make the save to beat up Power & Glory. That feud was dead too after the LOD obliterated them at WrestleMania VII in under a minute.

– For tickets to the PrimeTime Wrestling studio tapings, write to P.O. Box 3857, Stamford, CT 06905. We cut back to McMahon and Heenan who hype the next weeks episode of PTW, which will be held at Gold’s Gym in Venice Beach, CA. Special appearances will be made by New WWF Champion Hulk Hogan, New Tag Team Champions the Nasty Boys, and Mike Christian, some jack-off Body Builder who was given too much money to be part of the WBF. Julius Caesar comes in for no reason and gives Bobby Heenan a special medallion, also for no reason. Heenan, of course, steals the box that the medallion was presented to him in, because it may be worth 5 cents.

– Legion Of Doom vs. Mike Casey & Bob Bradley:
More squashing to come folks. The LOD were transitioning feuds from Power & Glory to the Nasty Boys at the time. Their opponents are your typical jobber team du jour, but Bob Bradley will be remembered forever as BattleKat, a gimmick that died quite quickly over the course of a month. The only notable thing about the gimmick was the horrible most he wore. Hawk starts the match by pounding away on Bradley with clubbing blows. Irish whip and Hawk connects with a diving shoulder tackle. Press slam by Hawk and Animal tags in for the first time, as does Casey. The Nasty Boys cut a split-screen promo, and reveals this was pulled from an episode of Wrestling Challenge. In the mean time of my ranting, Animal connects with a belly-to-belly suplex on Casey and follows with his own press slam. Hawk comes back in to continue the punishment to Casey. The massacre goes on until Casey kisses his butt goodbye courtesy of the Doomsday Device at 2:26. 1/2* Only for the nasty bump Casey took for the Doomsday Device. Too bad that the move became watered down when Animal started falling back with the move, instead of letting the guy take it break his neck.

– The Berzerker (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. John Allen:
This was fairly early in the run of the Berzerker, around the time where he was transitioning from his original name, cleverly titled “The Viking”, to the name we all came to know and love. Berzerker attacks Allen before the bell and quickly connects with a running dropkick. Berzerker assaults the jobber a bit then starts screaming huss a lot at Mr. Fuji. Berzerker boots Allen in the face followed by some rights. Berzerker throws down Allen with a hip toss then connects with several powerslam’s. The slaughter goes on as the Berzerker ties Allen up in the ropes and connects with a charging big boot. Berzerker casually dumps Allen over the top rope, and takes the Count-Out victory at 2:27. After the match, the Berzerker adds insult to injury by crashing on Allen with a plancha! 1/2* Generous half-star because Berzerker was working stiff, and it was pretty cool to see him do a plancha. I never really cared for the gimmick, though. If he always wanted to win by Count-Out, then how could he win a title? Titles don’t change hands on count-out or Disqualification.

– We come back to McMahon and Heenan lounging about, with Heenan sipping down another drink. Some random Las Vegas group that plays while people gamble away their life savings performs for a little bit, but I have no idea who they are. McMahon doesn’t bother to clearly name them (he kind of mumbles it), and they just randomly sing, with no introductions.

– Shane Douglas vs. Paul Roma:
We’re back to Madison Square Garden, the same show as the match from earlier in this broadcast. We’re Joined in Progress once more, with Roma having Douglas trapped in a bear-hug. What a lovely combination, eh? You have lifetime crybaby Shane Douglas and Jobber 4 Life who thinks he meant something to wrestling that gave him the right to make Alex Wright look like a chump Paul Roma. EgoMania VII is running wild! Anyway, back to the match. Douglas breaks out of the hold and avoids a dropkick from Roma. He hammers away on Roma and puts him down with not much effort. Roma gets to eat turnbuckle 10 times, and Douglas takes him over with a suplex for a two count. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, and Douglas comes out with a cross body, but Roma rolls through for the three count at 1:42… BUT Douglas suddenly attacks Roma again and makes a pinfall attempt. And the referee starts counting it! Roma is quickly up with a powerslam and pins Douglas for the second time at 2:28. Roma looks pretty pissed off at the botched finish, or maybe he needs to visit the men’s room. I’ll credit that to Shane Douglas not kicking out of the first pin, and the referee being too stupid to notice that wasn’t the finish. 1/2* Not much shown, but the full match was pretty boring too, so it’s not like I’m missing anything.

– Back to Caesar’s Palace and we get some more performances from the band of guys with no names. I wonder if that’s how WCW came up with Ed Leslie’s gimmicks between the Butcher and the Zodiac Man. Koko B. Ware comes out for no reason other than to remind fans that he’s still employed by WWE. He goes heel on the lead singer, but then makes nice with him and starts to sing. Remember Piledriver? If you don’t, count your blessings. We get some funny visuals now, as Koko tries getting Heenan to do the bird. McMahon is quick to do it, but then goes into oversell mode, like every other time he tries to dance on television. Heenan goofs around for a while before doing the bird too. Either Heenan is supposed to be drunk or he just broke character, because the Bobby Heenan of the 80’s would never had done that when he had the choice to do it.

– The Hart Foundation vs. Earthquake & Dino Bravo (w/ Jimmy Hart):
This is certainly an interesting choice to put on for the show. Taken from the March 15th, 1991 Madison Square Garden broadcast, the editors have to make sure to cut out the entrances so we don’t see the Foundation with the tag team belts (they lost them a week later, of course), and the commentary is dubbed over again so we don’t hear mention to them being Champions. The Foundation are wearing the rare black tights with pink and white trim. I don’t remember seeing those tights on television, so maybe it’s a PRIMETIME WRESTLING EXCLUSIVE! Sorry, had to work that joke in at least once. Bret starts with Bravo and they lockup. Bravo shoves down Hart and celebrates. Lockup #2 and Hart connects with an inverted atomic drop followed by a clothesline. Hart applies an armbar and tags in Niedhart who works in a wristlock and jerks the arm a bit. A series of reversals leads to Niedhart taking Bravo down to his knees. Bravo hammers his way free and stomps Niedhart in the corner. Irish whip is reversed and Niedhart with a hip toss followed by a clothesline. Niedhart applies the armbar for the first time himself. Hart tags back in and drops a leg across the arm of Bravo and applies another armbar. Irish whip to the corner and Bravo catches Hart with an inverted atomic drop. Earthquake tags in and misses a fat-assed elbow drop. Niedhart tags in and hammers away at Earthquake in the corner. Double team slingshot into Earthquake and a doublt clothesline to Bravo, and one to Earthquake as well. Bret with a dive off the apron, but Quake catches him and rams his back into the post and sends him back into the ring. Bravo tags in and stomps away at Hart in the corner and taunts Niedhart with a funky dance. Irish whip and a double clothesline floors Hart. Quake rams Hart into the corner in a bear-hug form several times and butt squashes him in the corner. Bravo with a jumping piledriver to Hart and covers for two. Earthquake comes in now and scoop slams Hart, followed by a jumping elbow drop for two. Earthquake walks over Hart… literally, and head-butts him into the corner. Irish whip to the corner and Hart with the over-sell bump that everyone likes. Earthquake with the delayed powerslam for a two count. Bravo tags in and does a rake of the eyes with his boots and hammers on Hart with sledges to the back. Bravo goes to the resting again, and applies a (humping) bear-hug. Fake hot tag and Earthquake comes in for a double slam and signals for the end. Niedhart clotheslines him down before he can do the sit down splash and the Foundation double slams Bravo. Niedhart reverse slams Hart onto Bravo for three count at 10:11. ** Good enough match considering Bravo and Earthquake weren’t that good, but it felt a little on the sluggish side. Earthquake gets his revenge and Vertical Splashes (a.k.a. Butt Drops) Bret Hart in the center of the ring. Niedhart chases the heels off with a steel chair, but the damage has already been done.

– We are once again back with McMahon and Heenan sucking down drinks and talking about WrestleMania VII. Their guests this time are the “retired” Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth. Although many probably forgot, Savage was still acting like a heel in interviews and on commentary, and of course loved when the Ultimate Warrior was stuffed in a coffin by the Undertaker. Savage proves he’s a heel by putting the drinks he orders on McMahon’s tab. In a rare moment, we see video highlights from WrestleMania, where Elizabeth throws Sherri out of the ring to save Savage. I say rare because back then, all we got were photos courtesy of WWF Magazine. This goes on forever, and Elizabeth says nothing. She just looks how she always does at the camera… I’d say nervous or scared, but I honestly can’t tell. She’s a horrible actress.

– Col. Mustafa (w/ Gen. Adnan & Sgt. Slaughter) vs. Unknown Jobber:
This seems to have been pulled from a Superstars of Wrestling taping, but we creative filming (or booking) has Slaughter without the World Title. After a rambling promo, we are introduced to the new friend of Slaughter and Adnan, the mighty Colonel Mustafa! For those that don’t remember, this was the Iron Sheik. For those that also don’t remember, he was originally billed from Iran, but is now magically from Iraq, two countries that hated each other. You can tell it’s the Iron Sheik, no matter what goofy name they give him. First, he’s ugly and he has the signature mustache. Second he has the pointy boots he loads up for extra damage. Anyway, the match sucks, with Mustafa moving at a snails pace, and barely making contact with any of his moves. The match is finished quickly though with the Camel Clutch, giving Mustafa the win at 50 seconds. DUD The Sheik was already seriously out of shape by this point. Imagine him ten years later when he came back for the Gimmick Battle Royale. After the match, the soon-to-be-called Triangle of Terror whoop the poor Jobber some more with Slaughter’s riding crop.

– I think McMahon and Savage finally ran out of things to say to each other, so McMahon talks Savage into dancing with Elizabeth. There really isn’t much else left to say, so to fill time, I’ll just rant for an extra long time to make it look like I’m trying. After some of that slow dancing, Savage gives us an “Oh Yeah” and we go to the next match.

– Shawn Michaels (w/ Marty Jannetty) vs. Kato (w/ Tanaka & Mr. Fuji):
It’s another match stolen from the March 15th MSG show, and it’s a pretty good match if both participants feel like trying here. For those that give a shit but not enough of a shit to already know, Kato is former WWF Jobber Paul Diamond, who was also pushed pretty good in the AWA as a member of Badd Company along with Pat Tanaka. Kato has the evil black trunks and red mask look going, and Jannetty has the colorful teal with rainbow tights. Did I say Jannetty? I meant Michaels. To show everyone fucks up, I’m leaving that in. Lockup to start and Kato with a hip toss take over. Lockup #2 and Kato with a headbutt to the midsection. Irish whip is reversed a few times and Kato with a monkey flip. Lockup into the corner and Kato with a series of shoulder thrusts. Another Irish whip is reversed and Kato places Michaels on the top rope. They slug it out and Michaels flips over with a hip toss and a monkey flip out of the corner. Series of arm drags by Michaels and he applies an armbar. Kato with a scoop slam but Michaels holds on to the hold. Kato punches Michaels in the throat and chops him in the face, making him my favorite wrestler for the next 16 seconds. Irish whip is reversed and Michaels with an armbar takedown in midair. Michaels with a wristlock and Kato escapes by ramming Michaels’ head into the turnbuckle. Irish whip and Michaels slides through the legs, flips over Kato, and a crisscross leads to an arm drag by Michaels. Irish whip and a crisscross leads to Kato slamming Michaels’ face first into the canvas thanks to a handful of hair. Kato introduces Michaels to the buckle again and connects with a diving back elbow for two. Kato applies the vulcan nerve pinch of doom that usually is only allowed to be done by Japanese guys and evil Samoans. Michaels fights free with elbows to the midsection, but Kato puts him down with a knee lift for a two count. Kato whips Michaels to the corner hard. Irish whip is reversed and Kato with a cross body, but Michaels rolls through for two. Kato with an atomic drop followed by a clothesline for two. Kato applies a nerve pinch again. Michaels with a victory roll gets a two count, but Kato is back up and stomps away at Michaels. Snapmare by Kato and another nerve lock. Kato with several two counts with the hold. Shawn starts no selling and drives a few elbows to the midsection and drops Kato with a bionic elbow into the back of the head. Kato puts the boots to Michaels in the corner and hammers away with rights. Corner charge misses and Kato gets posted with his legs wrapped around the post somehow. Shawn fights back and connects with an inverted atomic drop followed by a clothesline. Michaels with a series of roundhouse rights and a reverse crescent kick. Michaels to the top rope and he comes down with a flying elbow drop for a two count. Irish whip and Michaels with a roll up for two, but Kato reverses for a two count of his own. Michaels bounces off the ropes but he gets tripped up. Marty & Fuji distract the refere as Michaels goes for a backslide but Tanaka uses the cane to knock Shawn silly and Kato gets the pinfall at 12:52. ***1/2 Pretty good match by 1991 WWF standards, but I could’ve done without the finish. Michaels must’ve pissed someone off, since Kato was the glorified Jobber of the New Orient Express. The lazy WWF production team recycled the match in clipped form a few weeks later, and the clipped version isn’t close enough to being as good as the full version.

– We introduce Ted Dibiase back into the program, who is playing the slots and doing pretty well at it. Heenan and him celebrate winning all the time while McMahon brushes it off, since he can only get money when cheating someone else out of it. After a little more bickering, we are sent off into the final match of the show. The end is near, you know.

– Koko B. Ware vs. Black Bart:
In an even more act of being lazy, this match is pulled from the December 28th, 1990 broadcast from MSG, and they didn’t even bother to add in new commentary, since they talk about a match between the Rockers and Power & Glory for later in the night. We’re Joined in Progress once more, as Black Bart has a reverse chinlock applied. In an odd visual, Koko is wrestling with a head band on. Koko fights free of the hold with a series of elbows to the midsection and connects with an ugly clothesline. Bart comes back with a scoop slam, but he misses an elbow drop. Koko tries a slam of his own, but Bart is too… uh… slighty overweight, and falls on top for a two count. Irish whip to the corner, and Bart misses a charge. Koko with a school boy roll up, but that only gets a two count. Koko takes Bart with a suplex for another two count. Koko continues to beat up on Black Bart and gets more near falls. Bart mounts more token offense, but Koko ends up “birding up” and comes off the ropes with a diving headlock. Koko comes off the top with a missle dropkick, and the Ghostbuster (Brain Buster suplex) finishes it at 3:27. * Koko wins a match! Koko wins a match! Don’t celebrate too much though. Black Bart was roughly on the same level as guys like Jim Powers, Iron Mike Sharpe, Pez Whatley, and more. A known Jobber, but they still lost every match, even to the lowest people on the card like Koko B. Ware.

– We come to a close as Bobby Heenan is playing a game of Blackjack. He is so confidant in his chances to win, he bets everything he has, even his Rolex watch (which is probably one of those fake romex watches that turns your arm green). Heenan naturally busts with a 22 and buries himself in his arms while he cries like a baby. McMahon probably is enjoying every second of it, but gives a heartless comfort talk to Heenan as we fade to black on a shot of Caesar’s Palace.

The Report Card: If you were to look up “meaningless 2-hours of wrestling” in the wrestling dictionary, this episode of PrimeTime Wrestling would probably be in it in detailed form. Although the show has the excuse of the Post-WrestleMania syndrome where you killed off most of the big angles, had nothing in stock to air of importance and needed to build towards SummerSlam, the show is basically recycled (crap) match after another, with wrap around studio-esque segments with Vince and Heenan that tend to fall a bit short most of the time.

Final Grade: C-
Although there’s a very good match between Shawn Michaels and Kato, and a decent tag title match pulled from Madison Square Garden, the rest is junk, and the choices for some matches is pretty confusing, since pulling up matches several months old seems a little odd. While I enjoy old episodes of WWF programming, I don’t recommend this for this who are workrate freaks, and comedy isn’t up to par since McMahon/Heenan didn’t blend as well as Monsoon and Heenan did. Easy thumbs down on this episode.