The Cult Of Personality Heat Report 11.10.07

That’s right, I’m back and I have once again weaseled my way into regular column space on 411! Miss me? I hope so, because much like Chris Hero, you just can’t get rid of me. Anyway, I thought that covering Heat for Slimmer a couple of weeks ago was so much fun that when I found out that Small was giving up the Final Fantasy Heat Report, I jumped at the opportunity to do my very first regular recapping gig. I know Slimmer thought he had this whole Heat war thing wrapped up, and I really hope he doesn’t mind not ending up with the Heat monopoly he thought he was going to get, but the spirit moved me and here I am, so let’s get down to business.

Melina vs Mickie James

I remember these two used to be some serious heat between these two, I wonder if they’ve kissed and made up since. Lockup to start, and Mickie catches Melina with an armdrag. Another lockup, and this time Melina gets an armdrag, but holds onto the lockup for two. Mickie rolls Melina over, but Melina bridges off her back and reverses to a wristlock. Mickie cartwheels through and reverses to a wristlock of her own and starts cranking on it. Melina breaks free with a forearm and takes a full nelson, which causes Mickie to jut in a most pleasing way. Mickie slips out and catches a victory roll for two, then gets a flying mare and a low dropkick to the face for one. Melina reverses a whip, but Mickie slides between the legs and rolls right into a half crab on Melina. Melina makes the ropes to escape and tosses Mickie shoulderfirst to the ringpost, then kicks her to the floor. Melina goes and tosses her right back in and wraps the arm around the ropes for a four count. Single arm DDT and a hair yank as Melina starts slapping Mickie and yelling at her. Flying mare and Melina takes a top hammerlock. Mickie bridges to her feet and armdrags out of the hold and starts firing back on Melina. Melina reverses an Irish whip, but eats elbow and Mickie gets a headscissors and a Thesz press. Mickie with a neckbreaker for two. Mickie whips Melina into the ropes and Melina leapfrogs over her, and it turns into a slugfest before Mickie catches her with a couple slaps to the face, kisses her, and nails her with a roundhouse kick for three. Well, I guess that answers my kissing and making up question.

Winner: Mickie James via pinfall

Ad for Survivor Series featuring Undertaker vs Batista in Hell In A Cell and a SAVE_US.222 promo leads us into…

Ron Simmons vs Aaron Aguilera

You would think that somebody watching might remember Aaron Aguilera appearing as Jesus (Hey-Zeus, not the guy with the nails) back in 2003, but it was four years ago and his stint lasted about thirty seconds before he was released, so maybe I’m wrong. Simmons with a boot to the gut and starts pounding away on Aguilera. Simmons literally just punches the crap out of him and then hits a flying mare and a falling headbutt. Aguilera rakes the eyes and pounds away on Simmons, running him headfirst to the turnbuckle, then continues pounding away. Aguilera off the ropes, but Simmons catches him with the DamnSlam for the pin, and it’s over just like that. Thanks for coming, Aaron!

Winner: Ron Simmons via pinfall

Ron grabs the mic after the match and says DAMN, then we get an ad for Wrestlemania 24, coming up quickly on March 30, 2008 in Orlando, Florida!

Brian Kendrick & Paul London vs The Highlanders

Kendrick and Rory start, with Kendrick taking a hammerlock on Rory, but Rory brawls his way out and whips Kendrick into the corner, but Kendrick leapfrogs over him and gets an armdrag into an armbar, then tags London for a double hiptoss on Rory. London takes an armbar, but Rory backs him into the corner, gets a knee to the guy, and starts whaling away on London. Cross corner whip, but London moves when rory charges in and London gets a pair of armdrags and a dropkick to send Rory to the outside. London and Kendrick really are the Rockers of the modern day. Rory rolls back in the ring and tags out to Robbie. Lockup and Robbie goes for a kick, but London catches the boot. Robbie refuses to be outsmarted, however, and hits a headbutt and a stiff European uppercut, then starts choking London on the ropes. Robbie with some SCOTTISH VIOLENCE, and London comes back with a couple of boots and rams Robbie into the turnbuckle, then gets a dropkick and an armdrag into an armbar. tag out to Kendrick and a double whip and double hiptoss for two. Kendrick with an armdrag…and we go to commercial.

We get a recap of the Ballshot Heard Round The World and a promo for Orton vs Michaels at Survivor Series with STIPULATIONS!!

Back to the match as Robbie whips Kendrick into the ropes and Rory tries a cheapshot as Kendrick comes off, but Kendrick blocks and nails Rory off the apron. Robbie uses the distraction to nail Kendrick from behind and toss him to the floor where Rory rams him backfirst into the apron and rolls him back in so Robbie can get a two count. Tag out to Rory, who comes off the second rope with a big forearm to the back and then he stands on Kendrick’s back. Big headbutt and a tag out to Robbie, who continues pounding away on Kendrick’s back and then catches him in a rear chinlock as London tries to rally the crowd. Robbie gets a two count and tags out to Rory, who comes in with a headbutt to the back and a double axhandle to the chest for two. Rory with a double armbar, but Kendrick escapes and starts firing back on Rory. Rory cuts that short with a drop toehold and tags back out to Robbie, who stomps Kendrick and goes back to the rear chinlock. Kendrick again tries to fight out, but Robbie whips him hard into the corner, but when he tries to charge in after him, Kendrick moves and makes the tag to London, who comes in and cleans house. London with a headscissors on Rory and a dropkick on Robbie, but only gets two on Rory. Rory reverses a whip into the corner, but eats boot and London catches him with a double stomp off the top rope for two. Big spinkick on Rory, but Robbie catches London’s foot as he comes off the ropes and Rory hits a headbutt to the midsection and gets a small package for three. Nice to see the team that was World Champions for 11 months jobbing on a webcast nobody watches.

Winner: The Highlanders via pinfall

And that’s all the time we have for this week, come back next week when we’ll do it all again! In the meantime, don’t forget to check out my ongoing feature where I look back at every edition of the Survivor Series. In case you missed them, here’s 1987 & 1988, 1989 & 1990, 1991 & 1992, and 1993 & 1994. Keep checking back every couple of days as we continue the countdown to this year’s show. Until then, thanks for reading and I’ll see you soon.