The Up & Under 06.07.08: EPIC FAIL

“If ignorance is bliss, then knock the smile off my face…”
-Rage Against the Machine
Settle For Nothing

It took a month.

I was all set to walk away and have my farewell column be just that. Things were going pretty swimmingly over at The Cool Kids’ Table Dot Net, with increased traffic and some new writers on board. I even felt like I was starting to really find a groove as a free-form columnist, released from the self-induced shackles of the IMC. But I just had to keep doing Wrestler of the Week, didn’t I?

In some people’s eyes, I sullied my “legacy” on my way out with an admittedly classless dig at the seeming myriad of 411 readers who take exception with my Wrestler of the Week picks each and every Monday. For reference’s sake, here were my comments from the May 2nd edition of The Up & Under:

“To all the Wrestler of the Week haters: go fuck yourselves. I worked hard for 411 every week for almost a year-and-a-half. When you nut up and get yourselves involved, THEN you can complain about me voting for a Japanese tag team or the ROH World Champion instead of some chick from TNA or whoever just won the Intercontinental Title in a four-minute match. Until then, how about you get your heads out of your asses and get over it. Oh, and I’m SO TOTALLY shocked that none of you tough guys ever had the balls to email me directly with a well-reasoned argument. Cowards.”

As cathartic as it was to get up on my soapbox and hurl stones at my critics’ glass houses, I am the first to admit that the inclusion of that paragraph was not only selfish but self-serving. In no way was that selection going to change the minds of my antagonists, and at no point along the way have I ever really attempted to make an adequate explanation as to why I vote the way I do every week.

I watch a lot of wrestling. A lot. Certainly not the most of anyone I know, but a lot. However, what I don’t watch a lot of is wrestling that’s broadcasted on American television. I try to watch at least some of RAW every Monday, but sometimes my social or work schedules don’t allow it. I rarely watch ECW, SmackDown! or TNA Impact because, well, I don’t find the products on those shows all that interesting. I’ll check in on them occasionally, most often catching a part of Impact’s Saturday replay, but many weeks go by with those shows completely off of my radar. I’ll watch the very occasional WWE Pay-Per-View event, but I can’t remember the last card that had me interested in shelling out that kind of money for three hours of wrestling that may or may not be good.

What I do watch a lot of is Independent and Japanese wrestling. Outside of keeping track of both WWE and TNA, I follow as many as eight different promotions, albeit to varying degrees. I recently wrote a column where I eschewed the idea of myself as an “expert” on professional wrestling, and while I still believe that to be true, I will tell you that I think I’m more than qualified to make a fair assessment as to who is the “Wrestler of the Week”.

I watch some of the best in the world ply their trade on an international stage, and just because some of 411’s readers don’t follow the multitude of companies available to them doesn’t mean that my opinion, having actually watched what I write about, invalid.

If you don’t watch Ring of Honor, does it mean you are a bad person? No.

If you can’t tell me who the Open the Triangle Gate Champions are, does it mean your parents don’t love you? No.

If you don’t know what company Suwama works for, does it mean that you’re an asshole? No.

If you aren’t excited for CHIKARA’s upcoming Young Lions Cup shows, does it mean you’re not a real wrestling fan? No.

However, if you think that watching nothing but WWE television every week makes you as knowledgeable and worldly a fan of professional wrestling as I am, does that make you wrong? Actually, yeah, kinda… If a fifth grader can do their multiplication tables faster than a college student, but the college student can do calculus and trigonometry, then who’s better at math? I’ll freely admit that I’m not as invested in the products of WWE or TNA as others, but I think that watching the variety of wrestling that I do gives me an appreciation of the broader scope of the wrestling industry that some of my critics lack.

So you’ll pardon me, then, if I choose to spotlight a tag team from Dragon Gate or some of CHIKARA’s talented young performers instead of “celebrating” another predictable Triple H title victory or mourn the Undertaker’s “retirement”.

Here’s the dirty little secret: I don’t actually think Vin Gerard getting two mid-card wins during a CHIKARA doubleshot is more important (or even as important) as Batista getting two big singles victories over Chris Jericho and MVP. However, given that the staff gets to see the other votes as they roll in every week, was it really such a crime for me to want to highlight what was arguably the biggest week of Gerard’s career rather than credit Batista for what was actually kind of a ho-hum week in the context of his? All I had to do to see the writing on the wall in that week (which was Week 8 for those curious) was be able to do two things: first, do arithmetic, and second, be willing to take the personal hit to my credibility to talk about something that other people weren’t mentioning. That week, Batista got 62 points and finished in first place; Vin Gerard got 3 points and did not place. Can anyone explain to me the harm in this?

From week to week, there are regular posters who “take me to task” for my picks. I have had my sexuality, intelligence and competence questioned, all the while having it intimated that I am an egomaniac only looking out for myself. I have been called an “idiot”, a “troll”, a “know-it-all tool”, and a “douchebag”, and that was just in one post.

I don’t fashion myself a martyr, but rest assured that I’m happy to continue taking a beating every week if it means that some companies, angles and performers that aren’t a part of the American mainstream get their moment on record. Furthermore, my votes don’t seem to actually be altering the year-end standings one bit. Looking at the sixteen performers with 15 or more points after this week, three of them work for Japanese companies and the rest of them work for either World Wrestling Entertainment or Total Nonstop Action. Let me note that again: the rest of them work for either World Wrestling Entertainment or Total Nonstop Action. Not a single American Independent wrestler is at or near the top of the list. Again I ask, where exactly is the harm in noting their accomplishments?

The truth is that there isn’t any, other than offending some readers’ delicate sensibilities and reinforcing their unwillingness to accept anything outside of their own experience. My point is not to specifically put down the WWE or TNA products, but to shine a light on what happens in other parts of the wrestling world that don’t get as much publicity as the One Night Stand main event or the Impact results.

So here’s what’s going to happen: I’m going to continue to do what I’ve been doing, and I’d imagine that those who dislike it will continue to voice their displeasure as well. From me to you, feel free.