411’s WWE Raw Report 10.16.06

Anybody spot the fuck up? Last week the live updates all had the wrong date on them because I copied and pasted the format from the week before. So everything had 2nd October on it when the date was the 9th. Oops. PLUG – All episodes of Family Guy happily dumped on the Internet for no fee. If you’re a fan and you’re too lazy or cheap to buy them on DVD here’s somewhere you can watch them for no trouble or fuss. I mainly discovered the site in order to watch the episodes from Season Four that for some reason were omitted from the UK release. I mean really, what’s that about? Had a great time at AWW last week. Way better than the last show with a great match between Majik & Dragon Aisu being worth the trip alone. That Irish Centre has a slippery pint of Boddingtons in it too. Next show I’ll be attending will be LPW’s show on the 22nd. Here is their website so you can check out the product. The website is woefully out of date but I can tell you the show features Gabriel Grey as a freakin’ babyface wrestling John Bull in a contract on a pole match after Bull continued to use the “Damned Nation” name after Grey took it with him to 1PW where Aisu & Majik have garnered some serious success using said name. Babyface Gabe! So yeah Redje and myself will be ringside to cheer on our buddy. And probably drink quite a bit. Come along if you’re in the Birmingham area. Oh and the main event is Majik v Keith Myatt in an British rules match. Come along and support local wrestling.

WWE.com fun – Cena has five questions. He wants to star in Baywatch: The Movie and he also hates Buffalo, the city not the beast. I hate Buffalo too. We have something in common. For anyone confused as to why I hate Buffalo – their comeback win over the Houston Oilers in 1993. Somehow Buffalo managed to comeback from 32 points behind IN THE THIRD QUARTER. The failure of the Oilers that day ruined my love of the sport and I’ve not seen a game since. So yeah, Buffalo sucks.

If you’re after something to read off-site while waiting for stuff to show up here check out Lance Storm’s latest Q & A. Always entertaining because he’s a smart guy who knows the business well AND is happy to talk about it openly because his career is mostly over now. But he’s still young enough to have relevant opinions and seems like the ‘net. Winner all round.

RAW tonight comes from the Staples Center in sunny Los Angeles, California. Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler.

For those who asked – RAW in the UK is live, it’s currently 2am. So I finish at around 4am-ish. Which explains why I get so annoyed with chinlocks because this show literally HAS to keep me awake. It’s a battle. The new RAW intro has grown on me already. Thumbs up!

PROMO TIME – “DX”. Lillian Garcia tries to introduce a match but that has to wait because we have a promo first. OH PARODY! It’s Randy Orton & Edge goofing around. Orton is Shawn Michaels and has trouble with back during the ramp pose. Edge is HHH, which kind of exposes how small his psychique is compared to the Game. He has the fake nose, naturally. “HHH” collapses during the in ring posing and “Shawn” is having more back trouble. “Boo” – LA. Edge’s HHH impression is actually pretty good. He breaks “character” to point out how they don’t want anything to do with this crap. He calls himself & Orton the “two most talented men in this industry”. The DX Impersonator industry? He says that 12 year old’s and idiots are the only people who enjoy DX. Orton gets the stick and says they’re going to kill the legend of DX. Orton has two words for DX’s fans – “you suck”. Now here comes the real DX. Shawn asks HHH if he looks like that much of an idiot when they make their entrance. HHH ignores it and points out the heels are two big stars so he doesn’t get why they’d want to come after DX. HHH quizzes the crowd on whether they think the heels are jokes. They seem to think they are, even if DX don’t. They bring up the live sex segment, which got the big segment rating. HHH points out that Edge “couldn’t rise to the occasion”. HHH questions Edge’s manhood and says it was a cold day, you have to account for shrinkage. HHH turns his attentions to Orton who he calls an icon because he’s the #1 downloaded superstar on the ‘net…”at least within the gay community”. Apparently there’s a lot of gay love for Randy online so HHH breaks out some of Orton’s more suggestive homosexual poses and accidentally puts in Shawn’s pictures from Playgirl. “You told me girls bought that magazine!” – Shawn. Sadly we don’t see the one with the “midget and the jelly beans”. Orton gets pissed off and cuts him off demanding HHH tonight. HHH says he doesn’t swing that way. Orton reitterates that he wants HHH tonight in a match and HHH accepts. So that’s tonights main event no doubt. Shawn tells the heels they can’t kill the legend of DX, which leads right into a brawl. DX win with relative ease to end the opening segment at about 12 minutes.

Oh and HHH is bang on about Orton being a gay icon. Apparently, according to PWI, he’s going to be the cover star for “Gay Express” magazine in New Zealand. Unlucky Randy!

RINGSIDE – The Carters. Erm? Who?

Spirit Squad v Cryme Tyme

Non-title challenge match. Johnny & Mikey for Spirit Squad. Tyme are JTG and Shad Gaspard. They work over Mikey’s arm until Mikey goes nuts and hits a bunch of crossface punches for 2. Johnny in for the double suplex, which gets 2. It’s JTG that’s absorbing the heat segment. They go for another double suplex blocked into a double neckbreaker. Hot tag to Shad who cleans house with clubbing and a big backdrop. Flapjack on Mikey! Big boot gets 2. Shad sure has that explosive high impact stuff down. Double clothesline. One of the other Squad members goes up top but JTG shoves him off onto the others. Mikey gets isolated for a Samoan Drop/flipping neckbreaker, which gets the 3 count.

Cryme Tyme wins via double team when Shad pins Mikey

SHILL – ECW tomorrow night. Sandman v Matt Striker with the Singapore cane on the line. Rob Van Dam v Big Show.

DURING COMMERCIAL – Kenny gets all up in the face of Mikey and shoves him over. It seems he’s sick of losing. His actions seem to suggest he’s either leaving the Squad or will leave soon.

BACKSTAGE Johnny Nitro & Melina are going to bring out one of their A-list celebrity star friends later on. Keep in mind they said “A-list”. They won’t tell us anything right now though.

SHILL – The Marine. IMDB has the average at 4.3/10 already. Over on RottenTomatoes, to be fair and compare, it’s ranking at 25% fresh. Which isn’t very fresh. For the 411 review click here and read the thoughts of Bryan Kristopowitz.

BACKSTAGE King Booker & Queen Sharmell are here for McMahon’s announcement. Coach tells them to make themselves at home. Cryme Tyme bust into the office to steal his food and give props to Coach. They think Sharmell is “tha bomb” and they like King Booker’s whole gimmick and quickly leave. “I don’t speak ebonics” – Booker. HAHA. Booker can’t find his wallet because Cryme Tyme ripped it off. These guys are over big already, which is a good sign.

IC title – Jeff Hardy (c) v Chris Masters v Super Crazy v Shelton Benjamin

Crazy hits a quick flying headscissors on Benjamin. Hardy picks off Masters with a flying shoulderblock. Masters overpowers the champ and steps on his neck. Everyone comes back in and brawling ensues. Hardy does the countalong punches and the corner drop kick thing is blocked by Crazy who throws him outside. Crazy up top but Shelton jumps all the way up top. Masters powerbombs him who in turn superplexes Crazy for 2. Masters with the pin on that btw. Ad break! I ONLY just realised this show isn’t live, which explains the fact that there was briefly live coverage by me online that’s now gone. We return with Hardy giving Shelton a kicking. He goes to suplex Masters who blocks into his own ONE ARMED suplex. Shelton stops that pin and Hardy dropkicks him back out. Jeff goes for Twist of Fate but gets shoved off and Shelton KILLS Jeff with a superkick. That was spot on timing. Masters throws him out and brawls with Shelton. Crazy is back in here with a missile dropkick on Shelton. Crucifix on Masters gets 2. Crazy goes flippy but gets caught in the MASTERLOCK. Shelton breaks that up with a springboard Blockbuster. Whoa! They get racked up in the corner and Crazy falls in position for Hardy to his the Air Hardyz. Whisper in the Wind on Shelton gets 2. Shelton gets kicked out of the ring on a whip and Hardy throws Crazy out too. Twist of Fate on Masters and the Swanton gets the 3 count. That was a fun and pretty realistic spotfest.

Jeff Hardy retains via pinfall on Chris Masters with the Swanton Bomb

BACKSTAGE Booker complains to the cops about how he was robbed. He needs to describe the offenders. “They all look alike to me”. HAHAHA. Booker points out he has a lot of stash in that wallet. Big Show interupts because he wants to know what’ll happen later when Vince makes his announcement. Vince McMahon arrives and there’s no sign of John Cena. Coach gets told off for his failure to bring Cena here for this big announcement.

PROMO TIME – Johnny Nitro & Melina Perez. I think the crowd reactions are canned tonight. Sounds like it. They have a special “A-list” friend who is one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. It’s Kevin Federline. A-list? Marrying a celebrity doesn’t make you one. He can’t even put his hat on straight. Cock. “You suck” – LA. “It ain’t so good to be here” – Federline. Apparently we need to be treating him with more respect because everyone buys magazines with him in. He calls the crowd, as one, “superficial posers”. “That was so profound” – Melina. She wants to hear K-Fed rap a song here tonight. The crowd doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want to anyway because his album is out on October 31st. Album? Good lord. Thankfully out comes John Cena to have words. He doesn’t want the crowd cheated by Federline’s unwillingness to perform. Cena suggests he’s going to dust off his mic for a rap-off. He calls Federline “the world’s biggest scumbag” who has “less talent than Paris Hilton”. He tells Nitro he doesn’t have the nuts to hit him. Cena makes inappropriate comments about Britney, which leads to Nitro defending K-Fed’s honour. Cena kicks his ass and throws him out of the ring. This brings out The Big Show & King Booker. And finally Mr McMahon. He hypes up November 5th’s Cyber Sunday with the Champion of Champions match. Vince adds to that match by putting one of the belts on the line in that match. He’s not making the decision himself though because Cyber Sunday is all about decisions of the fans so they’re the ones who select which belt is on the line. Smart money on Cena’s WWE title being on the line. Everyone bar Cena leaves. Oh and Kevin Federline is still here at ringside. He asks Federline to vote on what belt he wants to see defended and see if he can’t start a new trend here tonight. Federline wants to see Cena defend his belt so he can get his ass kicked. Cena takes exception to that. FU Kevin Federline! That should get a few lines in a gossip column. Just don’t book him to wrestle.

RINGSIDE – Steve-O. From Jackass. Hey, he’s over!

Carlito v Rob Conway

Conway’s entrance and promo appear during the break. He jumps Carlito but gets chopped off. Dropkick from Carlito and a springboard back elbow. Running knee and a clothesline. Conway gets a cheeky roll up for 2 but then gets killed dead with the BACKCRACKER.

Carlito wins via pinfall using the Backcracker

BACKSTAGE Vince McMahon runs into Edge & Lita. Vince talks fan interaction and Vince has a tag match with DX v Edge/Orton in mind. Edge wants to know what the interaction is. He wants a guest referee selected by the fans. Edge suggests Coach, Lita picks Eric Bischoff and then Edge suggests Vince himself could ref that match. So that’s the idea behind that match.

THIS WEEK IN WRESTLING HISTORY – 1983. MSG. Don Muraco v Jimmy Snuka in a steel cage. Muraco takes a flying headbutt but falls out of the door to retain his IC title. Snuka dragged him back in to hit the Superfly Splash off the cage.

PROMO TIME – Todd Grisham picks out a few celebrities in the crowd. Steve-O and Chris Pontius get to jump into the ring. Steve-O is here to kick some ass and whup some butt. They get asked who their favourite wrestlers are. This brings out Armando Alejandro Estrada who doesn’t think the Jackass boys are that crazy. Steve-O tells Estrada that they’ll do anything. Estrada has a lil fren for them – Umaga. Steve-O limbers up and manages to moonsault flip into the ring. He’s popular. Umaga predictably has a sense of humour failure and kills them. Steve-O gets somewhat more of a kicking than he seemed to be expecting and Umaga hits him with the Frogsplash. I think he just picked Steve-O up by the groin. Ouch.

BACKSTAGE Maria warms up for her women’s match tonight.

SHILL – The Marine, again. We’re reminded that the film is practically all explosions. WWE clearly wants it’s $15M back.

RINGSIDE – Three 6 Mafia. They’ve won an Oscar yanno.

Second Chance Bra & Panties Invitational

Winner gets the last semi-final berth in the women’s title tournament. Competitors are Candice Michelle, Maria Kannellis, Victoria and Torrie Wilson. Maria loses her top thanks to Candice. Victoria picks off Torrie with a wind up sideslam and she loses her top. The two fully clothed ladies now meet. Candice gets Torrie’s help in stripping Victoria’s bottoms. Maria picks off Torrie’s bottoms in the process though to steal the final place in the tournament.

Maria wins via stripping Torrie Wilson

Mickie v Melina & Lita v Maria next week in the semi-finals of the women’s title tournament.

SMACKDOWN REBOUND – Batista v Finlay v Lashley to determine the #1 contender. DAVE~! gets slammed through the announce table. Lashley does a great spot where’s pressing Finlay and DAVE~! just spears him away from underneath. DAVE~! Demonbombs Finlay to get the title shot next week versus King Booker next week.

Triple H w/Shawn Michaels v Randy Orton w/Edge

HHH’s pre-match promo suggests once again that Randy Orton has “an alternative lifestyle”. HHH makes the mistake of getting distracted by Edge so Orton jumps him. HHH pops back up and hits a few clotheslines before throwing Orton outside. Orton stays down holding his knee and we hit the ad break. We return with HHH still in control. Suplex sets up the kneedrop for 2. HHH looks up the ramp as out comes Lita to have a look at this match. Orton recovers and throws HHH over the top. That’s where Edge lays him out with a DDT. Ref misses that. The heels have made it a numbers game. Orton hits a neckbreaker for 2. Powerslam gets 2. Orton beats HHH down in the corner. HHH fires back and wins the fist fight. High knee! Orton thumbs the eye to get back into it but walks into the facebuster. He calls for the Pedigree but Edge jumps onto the apron giving Orton the chance to set up the round the back backbreaker for 2. He stalks HHH but gets shoved off going for the RKO and HHH hits the spinebuster. Lita distacts for Edge to run in for the low blow. Shawn runs him into the ring post. Shawn argues with the ref and Lita throws in a chair. The ref loses the plot completely looking in two wrong places for Lita before finally getting there. Shawn low blows Orton and HHH chair shots him for the pin. All while the ref is busy with Lita once he eventually found her.

HHH beat Orton via pinfall thanks to a chair shot

That’s the show folks. Next week they have the women’s title tournament semi-finals and some other stuff no doubt. See you in seven. Watch out for the review of Clash 29 up this week and next Sunday is Starrcade ’94. Also I’ll be at LPW in Birmingham. Later!