wrestling / Video Reviews
Memphis Wrestling (3.3.1984) Review
Image Credit: Memphis Wrestling
Loading...-Originally aired March 3, 1984.
-Your hosts are Lance Russell & Dave Brown.
-Dirty Rhodes & Harley Davidson are here. They want some real competition, so they pull a little kid out of the crowd and promise to use him as a tag team partner if it convinces some guys to agree to a six-man tag match. Oh cool, this is my first chance to see Nicholas from his run in the territories.
HARLEY DAVIDSON & DIRTY RHODES vs. THE INFERNO & BIG LOU WINSTON
-They actually bring the kid in the ring and tease going all the way with this, with Harley planting the kid on his shoulders in preparation for the lock-ups. Gotta say, given that he’s supposed to be a big, tough biker, it is really, REALLY to easy figure out how anybody looked at Harley Davidson and thought “Big friendly hillbilly that gets along with everyone.”
-Harley no-sells a good bit and clothesline the Inferno down. Winston tags in and takes his bumps. Dirty Rhodes heads up and does not-much, whipping his opponent into Harley’s big boot. Dirty Rhodes heads back in and finishes things with a big elbow.
-Quick update: Jackie Fargo may have signed ONE guy for his new Fabs, and he should have another signed by next week.
-Jimmy Hart walks out, looking really concerned about something, and he gently asks the fans to keep it quiet while he breaks the news: The Bruise Brothers have passed away. Lance clarifies, “You mean they’ve left?” No, Jimmy Hart says that the Bruise Brothers are dead, and it hasn’t been reported on the local news.
-Jimmy cues up a videotaped report from a funeral home where a reporter convincingly announces that “Pork Chop Cash and Troy ‘Dream Machine’ Graham” both suddenly passed away. We get footage of Jimmy Hart and some heel wrestlers, plus their loved ones, walk in. Jimmy Hart gives a statement to the press, sounding completely out of character and totally broken up. Joe Le Duc offers a statement to the press, and he’s funny as hell, TRYING to go along with the idea of breaking character, but he just can’t do it and eventually slips into his loony, menacing voice. We finish up with some awkward soundbites from the funeral home, who admit to being wrestling fans and not really caring for those guys.
-But with that, we go back to the studio, and Jimmy is very abruptly back in character to announce that he’s beaten Jackie Fargo to the punch and signed the New Fabulous Ones…and yeah, it’s Pork Chop Cash and Dream Machine coming out in top hats and Fabulous Ones tights. We roll videotape again, and they’re going ALL THE WAY with this, with Dream and Pork Chop doing a remake of the Fabulous Ones music video, and it’s hard to tell with this territory, but it looks like they’ve actually made the effort to intentionally make it look a LITTLE shittier than the real thing. Lance and the studio audience just sound completely disgusted by the fake funeral while Jimmy and his men take off celebrating.
-Off to Mid-South Coliseum. Tommy Rich, Austin Idol, & Jerry Lawler are battling King Konga & Zambuie Express. It’s a pier-sixer with every man in the ring, but Joe LeDuc shows up during the brawl, calm as can be, and he knocks Kareem Muhammad out cold with a baking sheet, then leaves. Jerry Lawler looks baffled, but he accepts the help and scores the winning pin.
-JJ Dillon mails in another promo. Jimmy Hart has it in his head that one loss for his guys means that the entire Dillon empire will crumble? JJ Dillon says that the Zambuie Express are planning on taking the Southern Tag Team Title belts to Florida and just stay there and wrestle only in the Florida area. I love the nebulous “how wrestling works” logic in play here, as JJ’s evil scheme is to simply take the championship to another promotion, and defend it in another promotion, and the promotion that actually sanctions that championship is…like…helpless? I’m buying a Big Mac at McDonald’s, and then I’m going to walk to Subway and eat it there…so from now on, you can only get Big Macs at Subway! Mwah-hah-hah-hah!
-So JJ offers Eddie Marlin ONE LAST Southern Tag Team Title match in Memphis, with some conditions.
Condition the First: King Konga must get an International Title shot against Austin Idol on the same night.
Condition the Second: The Zambuie Express will only consider defending the Southern Tag Team Title against one team: Jerry Lawler and Joe LeDuc. Jerry, Joe, and Jimmy Hart have to co-exist to pull this off and keep the belts in the territory.
-In the studio, Jimmy Hart is unfazed, which is the correct spelling of that word. But Joe Le Duc really, really, really does not want to do this. Jimmy promises Joe that if he cooperates, Jimmy will pull some extra strings to make sure he gets a Southern Heavyweight Title match down the road. Joe LeDuc says yes, and…okay, remember when you were 17 and she said she just wanted to be friends, and you said yes? That’s how Joe says yes.
-Zambuie Express want us to let them tell us something. They’re expecting this match to be a disaster for Jerry Lawler and Joe Le Duc because they’ll be fighting with each other before too long.
ZAMBUIE EXPRESS (Southern Tag Team Title) vs. DAVID JOHNSON & JOHN WILHOIT
-First appearance for Wilhoit, who’s going to get a bit of a push down the road, but today he’s cannon fodder. Express attacks during the intros and never gives up the advantage for a second. Headbutt on Johnson is enough for the pin.
-Jerry Lawler wants the Southern Tag Team Titles to stay in the Memphis area, but he said no the first time that Eddie Marlin told him about the stipulations…and the second time. Jerry Lawler implies that Eddie Marlin gave him a huge cash bonus if he agreed to take the match, but it’s Memphis so it’s probably something called “Eddie Money” that he makes himself on a basement printing press as a hobby. Nonetheless, money talks, so Jerry Lawler agreed to be Joe’s partner in exchange for the promised bonus…and the studio audience boos the shit out of Jerry for accepting the money! I don’t think Jerry was expecting that reaction.
-Jimmy Hart and Joe LeDuc stroll out here to thank Jerry for agreeing to the tag team match, and Jerry has so much trouble coexisting with these guys that he just immediately slaps Jimmy across the face. Lawler warns LeDuc that every babyface in the building will be standing by during the match, and if Joe crosses him at all, he’s going to have to fight off every one of the King’s friends.
-Bugsy McGraw & Dutch Mantell are here. Bugsy has a trash can and uses it to act out a conversation with Randy Savage, cracking up the studio audience. Dutch, meanwhile, is part of a six-person mixed tag match on Monday night, but the guy on the other team is Jimmy Hart, so Dutch pledges to not even tag in, because the ladies can handle him.
BUGSY MCGRAW vs. THE DESTROYER
-Slam and a big splash finish it in seconds for Bugsy.
-We rewatch last week’s hilarious Austin Idol/Rick Rude segment, where Rick Rude was a shit-talking bully until Idol actually showed up, at which point Rude became an ass-kissing machine. This week, Rick Rude is so jealous that to save face, he has his own music video, with Angel having sexy dreams about Rick to The Romantics’ “Talking in Your Sleep.” When I was a teen, some friends and I snuck into a club purely for the experience of being awesome rebellious teens who sneak into places. There was a comedian onstage with a guitar, and he says, “Hey, have you seen this stuff on the news about Dolly the sheep? Yeah, they cloned a sheep! I think those scientists wrote a song about it too…(strums guitar) I hear / the secrets that you keep / when you’re talking to your sheep…” This could not have been less worth sneaking in.
-Anyway, after the music video, we have a prerecorded segment from Rick Rude, sporting his finest M’lady fedora and demanding that Austin Idol sign a contract to face him, and warning that the fans of Memphis won’t see Rick Rude on TV again unless he gets that match.
-Angel walks out with the contract for Austin Idol to sign and return. Idol gentle tears up the paper, puts it back in her hands, and tells her to give it to Rick Rude.
EXPIRATION OF TIME: NORVELL AUSTIN & STAGGER LEE vs. THE A-TEAM (with Jimmy Hart)
-But the match never really starts, because the A-Team ties Norvell & Stagger in the ropes and paints them yellow to retaliate for quitting the First Family. Bugsy McGraw comes to the rescue as we wrap up.
