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The Island of Misfit Shows: The YouTube Collection Vol. 1

June 2, 2007 | Posted by Louis Izzo
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The Island of Misfit Shows: The YouTube Collection Vol. 1  

– While waiting on the arrival of more shows to review that will make perfect sense under this title, I decided to look around the internet for random matches and stuff about wrestling that is rare, weird, or just flat out stupid. Be forwarned, most of the stuff on here is terrible, so don’t expect much in the terms of workrate, or watchable quality.

– The Ding Dongs vs. The Skyscrapers (w/ Theodore Long):
(Ding Dong #1 & #2 vs. Sid Vicious & Dan Spivey)
Oh my God, I don’t like the chances of the Ding Dongs… yes, the tag team that brought a bell to the ring, and and had bells printed all over their generic full-body tights. Spivey attacks before the bell, and manhandles both Dongs without much trouble. Sid dumps one out of the ring, and Spivey with a crucifix powerbomb on Ding Dong #2. Irish whip, and Spivey with a big boot. Spivey with a powerbomb for a three count at 45-second mark. Sid comes in and clotheslines the snot out of Ding Dong #1. The Skyscrapers unmask the Ding Dongs to be generic looking dudes. Outside the ting, Norman (The Lunatic) tries putting one of the masks on. Anyway, here’s the death of the Ding Dongs for you.

– The Red Rooster vs. Mitch Casey:
From the episode of Wrestling Challenge from the week before SummerSlam 1989. Who didn’t love Terry Taylor as the Red Rooster, babyface form? Not only did he take his name seriously, but he began spiking red hair down the part of his head, and his entrance music featured barnyard noises, including a Rooster call. Lockup, and Rooster applies a side headlock, followed by a shoulder block. Rooster dances over the jobber and takes him over with several arm drags. Casey with a series of ugly rights, and the Rooster with a short-arm clothesline. Irish whip, and Casey with an ugly back elbow. The Red Rooster with pre-recorded comments regarding Mr. Perfect at SummerSlam. The Rooster makes Rooster noises to sandwich his promo… my God, no wonder he could never live this down. Rooster continues to dominate, and picks up the victory by way of the Chicken Wing submission hold at 1:55. No, not the Bob Backlund move. It was more like George Steele’se “flying hammerlock.”

Zeus vs. Abdullah The Butcher:
I’m not shitting you, this match actually happened. It’s from WWC, a staple promotion in Puerto Rico for the past few decades. Abdullah the Butcher is probably best known in the company for his decade(s) long feud with Carlos Colon… who is, for those that listen to Gorilla Monsoon, not a youngster. Zeus’ only in-ring stuff widely available has been his few matches in the WWF with Hulk Hogan and friends, so this is a bit weird to watch. Zeus heads out of the ring to start, and weakly hammers away on the fat tub of goo. CHOKING! CLUBBING! CHOKING! HEADBUTT! In the ring to officially begin the match, and garbage is thrown at everyone. That’s Puerto Rico for ya’… savages. Zeus with sucky punches and choking in the corner. BEARHUG! CHOKING! HEADBUTT! Weak punches! Choking! More weak punches… and more! More choking! Abdullah with a few shots to the throat to knock Zeus down… does that mean Abdullah the Butcher is stronger than Hulk Hogan? Zeus comes back with more punches and choking while Abby looks like he’s going to puke up his rib sandwiches. This is just so bad… Abby pulls a fork from his boots, but Zeus blocks the stabbing. Zeus has it now and weakly hammers Abby with it, then goes to another bearhug. Abby rakes the eyes and munches away. Abby drops Zeus with shots to the throat and drops a weak elbow for a one count. Irish whip, and a shoulder block does nothing. Zeus does his seizure hyping, then chokes more. Is this a wrestling match, or me during a Rumble match in Royal Rumble for the SNES? This just drags on and on… Abdullah chokes, but Zeus makes funny faces and no-sells. WORST. MONKEY FLIP. EVER by Zeus, and he clubs away s’more. The action ends up spilling out of the ring, and I don’t care enough to pay attention. Zeus is back on the apron, and applies a bearhug from it… moron. The referee keeps getting shoved away by Zeus. Brawling outside the ring, and we get the Double Count-Out at 10:16. Terrible, Terrible, Terrible match. Not worth rating, because you can pretty much gauge a good opinion based on my comments.

– Jake Roberts & The Ultimate Warrior vs. Ted Dibiase & Akeem (w/ Virgil & Slick):
Special referee for the match is the BIG BOSS MAN. From one of them crappy Coliseum Videos released in 1990… maybe WrestleFest ’90? Talk about a weird match… I think I did this with my wrestling figures (Hasbro!), back in the day. Roberts quickly works the arm of Dibiase, before being clubbed across the back of the neck. Lockup, and Roberts with a side headlock applied. Dibiase counters and nails the neck again. Dibiase with the side headlock now, and Roberts counters then hammers away with rights. DDT attempt, but Dibiase rolls out of the ring. According to Sean Mooney, we’re in the Arco Arena, in Sacramento, CA. Back in the ring, and Roberts pounds the arm before applying a knuckle-lock. Dibiase counters with a hammerlock, and Roberts escapes with an elbow. DDT attempt #2 also doesn’t work. Another lockup, and Dibiase takes Roberts over with an arm drag. Akeem tags in to miss an elbow. Warrior tags in and comes off the turnbuckle with a sledge, followed by a series of shoulder tackles. Warrior gets whipped across the ring, but boots Akeem in the face and drops him with a clothesline. Roberts tags in, and Akeem back drops out of a DDT attempt. Whip into the corner, and Roberts sells the fact it kinda hurts. Akeem with choking until Boss Man gets up in his grill. THE TWIN TOWERS EXPLODE! The video starts crapping out as Dibiase takes control by beating on Jake’s neck again. Dibiase connects with a piledriver, but Roberts gets his foot on the rope at a count of two. Akeem tags back in and sits across the back of Roberts. More choking. Dibiase in with a chinlock, and Roberts ecapes with a jaw breaker (not the candy). Roberts with an inverted atomic drop and clothesline. Short-arm clothesline connects! Dibiase escapes ANOTHER DDT attempt. Warrior gets a HOT TAG and clotheslines Dibiase out of his boots. Akeem in, and Warrior slams him. Warrior with a shoulder tackle to Dibiase, and the splash wins it at 6:48. After the match, the heels work over Roberts until the faces clear them out… except for Virgil, who gets nailed by Boss Man and Roberts FINALLY hits the DDT. Damian comes out to give Virgil a hug. ½* Really bad match for the most part, but the first 90 seconds or so was kind of entertaining. No wonder people bad mouth the Coliseum Videos from this time frame… because of matches like this.

– Battle-Kat vs. The Barbarian:
From an episode of PrimeTime Wrestling, around December of 1990. Battle-Kat is Bob Bradley under a mask. His music is gay, his goofy dancing is gay, and his cat like posing is uber-gay. Nice cart-wheels by the Hello Kitty mascot. Lockup, and the Barbarian shoves Kat down. Kat ducks a charge and applies a side headlock. Kat slides through the legs of Barbarian and chops away. Kat dropkicks him into the corner and mounts him for weak ass chops to the neck, and the Barbarian returns the favor with an inverted atomic drop. Mooney and Hayes make jokes at the Kat’s expense as Barbarian squashes him. Barbarian with a weak shoulder breaker and more pounding. Barbarian with a front facelock and clubbing across the back… yeah, the Barbarian is such a great worker. 5-Star classic right here, gentlemen and gentlemen! Chops in the corner, and a headbutt to the chest. Kat with a springboard elbow, weakly done, but he comes off the ropes and into a Barbarian powerslam. The Barbarian goes to the top rope and connects with a flying clothesline for the three count at 3:27. This match really sucked.

– Wrestlecrap’s Video Induction… the Ultimate Warrior vs. Phil Collins decked out in the worst wrestling outfit in the history of the sport. I don’t know WHAT the fuck this was about. It seemed like a horrible cross-promotion for some variety show featuring GILBERT GOTFRIED rambling about something, but it’s all a “fantasy” that ends up being turned down. Phil Collins can’t sell, by the way, and Warrior can’t dance.

– WCW Beach Blast Mini-Movie! The “Masters of the Powerbomb” are formed in front of a bunch of hillbillies and a band from the 1940’s. Tony Schiavone narrates this all as the heels threaten Sting and Davey Boy Smith for being adults and ignoring their threats. Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico… Sid and Vader are wearing their tights on a boat ride. Sid drops a load in the meantime… in his tights…. Again. Sting and DBS are playing volleyball with a bunch of dorks while the heels continue to make threats. The name “Cheatum” is dropped, meaning that really WAS his name. Everyone laughs in an evil manner. Anyway, Jaws music plays as the midget surfaces near Sting and Davey Boy’s boat to plant a bomb after telling off a few kids. The nonsense continues as Sting contemplates accepting a retirement home ticket from the bad guys, making the kids sad. Then the kids are happy when Sting and Davey Boy reject the offer. Stuff happens, a boat explodes, and I want to commit suicide.

– The White Castle of Fear Mini-Movie! No, not the fast food restaurant, but rather a “mansion” in the Rocky Mountains that we never actually get to see the exterior of. Sting’s dialogue from the first few minutes are added in after the fact, without much emotion put behind them. The awesome spewing helmet of Vader makes a cameo, as well as Cheatum the midget. Not as bad as the last hype video, but still pretty fucking bad. Everything ends when they do a tug-o-war over a pit of flames, and the screen explodes.

– Papa Shango vs. Brian Brieger:
From an episode of SuperStars of Wrestling, circa February 1992. Probably one of the first appearances of Shango in the ring…. Never mind, they mention the Warrior, so it’s April 1992. Remember that feud? Shango put a curse on Warrior, making him throw up in the process. Maybe Warrior ate some bad Chinese. Shango bobbles around like he’s having a fit from the PCP he injected… and manages to turn the lights out, and setting fire to something in the ring. IT’s the jobber’s feet! Oh my God, the Jobber’s on fire! So fucking lame… That didn’t look fake at all. Oh yeah, and Shango came on the Jobber’s face, except it’s black tar. REALLY stupid shit, if you ask me.

– Virgil vs. Ludvig Borga:
From SuperStars of Wrestling, sometime in August 1993, the weekend before SummerSlam going by McMahons commentary. Virgil dances around, shucking and jiving. Lockup, and Borga throws Virgil down with ease. Virgil with a hammerlock applied, but Borga escapers and puts Virgil down with a shoulder block. Virgil ducks a clothesline and nails some rights, but Borga no-sells theme and levels Virgil with one right. Borga with some body blows in the corner, followed by a series of knees. Borga continues hammering away on the back of Virgil, and whips him into the corner. Virgil boots him coming in and connects with a clothesline. Virgil with a series of rights and lefts, followed by several dropkicks. Virgil goes UP TOP, but jumps into the arms of Borga, and is planted with a powerslam. Borga comes off the ropes with a flying clothesline for the three count at 2:51. DUD I’m surprised Virgil got more offense than Marty Jannetty did in his match against Borga at SummerSlam. Match still sucked though, sincer Virgil wasn’t that good to begin with. Borga disrespects Virgil’s American flag wrist bands after the match

– The Goon vs. Dan Jesser:
Ah… glorious memories of “The Goon”… OK, my definition of glorious is pretty weird, but let’s just say, whoever came up with the gimmick must’ve been out of ideas (even compared to dressing up someone like big foot). The Goon is being played by veteran journeyman Bill Irwin, who’s most notable run in any of the big promotions was the NWA from 1989-90. The gimmick is that he was a hockey player so violent, that he was banned from the NHL, and now for some reason he’s a wrestler. To make it even worse, he actually wears Hockey jerseys and pads in the match, including boots that resemble ice skates. Hell, we even get an actual video of the Goon “playing” Hockey and cheating, and Jim Ross even calls him “Bill Irwin.” The Goon drops the gloves and hammers away on Jesser in the corner. Irish whip, and he clotheslines him in the back of the head in tribute to Outback Jack. Goonie pounds away on Jesser some more with punching, followed by a back elbow. Headlock by the Gooner, as Goon-a-mania continues to run wild on a dead ringer for Stevie Richards… current version. Jesser with a wristlock, and he takes Goon over into some more arm working. Goon comes back though, and nails a running high knee in the corner. Irish whip, and Goon with a blow to the midsection and more punching. Sloppy back body drop by the Goon… someone please end this match! I’d rather suffer through a Nailz match. The Goon sends Jesser outside, and then nails him with a Hockey charge into the ring apron, and that gets the victory at 4:23… yes, that was the actual finish! DUD I oh god… I’m speechless for once.

– Hector Garza vs. T.L. Hopper:
I forgot all about the cross-promotion of WWF and AAA wrestlers during this time… bad AAA wrestlers, that is. From an episode of Superstars, from January 1997, the week before Royal Rumble. Hector Garza is better known as the guy who wears size-too-small-speedos and Hopper as the Dity White Boy. Jim Ross and the Honkytonk Man are on commentary. How stupid is it that there’s a WRESTLING PLUMBER… that was evil?! Lockup to start, and Hopper applies an overhead wristlock. Garza with a drop toe hold, and applies his own wristlock. Hopper with a waist-lock, and Garza escapes with elbows and takes Hopper over with a snapmare. Garza remains in control with a head scissors, but Hopper makes the ropes. Hopper with a knee to the midsection, and an elbow across the back of the head. Hopper misses an elbow… badly. Garza with a dropkick, sending Garza out of the ring, and Garza misses a sloppy springboard moonsault. Back in the ring, and Hopper takes control. This is really boring, so I pay no attention. Garza mounts a comeback, flooring Hopper with a clothesline. Garza with a diving forearm, and he comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick. Standing moonsault for the three count at 4:00. Feh… a few nice spots by Garza, but Hopper really sucked.

– Armageddon vs. The Quebecers:
(Buchanon & Poirer vs. Jacques Rougeau & Pierre Carl Oulette)
From an episode of Shotgun from probably April 1998. Yes, the men formerly known as Rekon and Sniper of the Truth Commission did have a different tag name after the break up, and used their real names as well. Poirer is too much of a bitch to remember, so I’ll just keep calling him Sniper for simplicity purposes. Yes, the Quebecers were around in 1998, for whatever reason. The production crew misspells “Armageddon” without a second “d.” They also have zero heat. Poirer and Pierre (still wearing pirate eye-patch) lockup to start, and take it into the corner. Poirer with a series of boots to the midsection, followed by a whip to the corner. Pierre with a charge into the corner, and stomping of his own. Whip to the corner is reversed, and Poirer runs into a boot. Pierre off the middle turnbuckle with a clothesline. Irish whip, and Poirer comes back with a series of his own clotheslines, followed by a powerslam for a two count. Buchanon tags into the match for a double big boot and elbow drop. Buchanon applies a wristlock. Pierre escapes, and Jacques tags in and is quickly caught in a side headlock. Irish whip to escape, and a shoulder block happens as we go to a Commercial. We come back with Jacques stomping on Buchanon. Pierre tags into the match, and they double hot shot Buchanon. Irish whip, and the Quebecers with a double chop. Jacques has a nice skullet growing out here. Pierre scoops up Buchanon for a Jacques whoopy-cushion for a two count. Buchanon with a surprise sunset flip for his own two count. The crowd isn’t into any of this, by the way. Irish whip, and Buchanon with a double clothesline. Poirer tags into the match with a series of rights and clotheslines to both men. Scoop slams all around by Poirer, and Buchanon comes back in for brawling with Jacques. Double mounted-punches, in a spot that looked way too choreographed. Buchanon boots Jacques out of the ring, and Pierre gets nailed with a back drop/powerbomb (sucky) for a two count. Irish whip is reversed, and Jacques trips Buchanon. Jacques with a boston crab, and Pierre with the big leg drop for the three count at 5:40. Feh… the Quebecers past their prime and a heatless “face” team going through the motions in front of a dead crowd during the Attitude era. Sign me up for the rematch!

– The New Midnight Express (w/ Jim Cornette) vs. Steve Corino & Julio Sanchez:
From an episode of Shotgun from April 1998. The NEW Midnight Express consists of “Bombastic” Bob Holly and “Bodacious” Bart Gunn. Ask Vince Russo why this team was formed. Holly with a wristlock applied to Sanchez, who counters out with a lot of flips. Holly with another headlock, followed by a shoulder block. Criss-cross sequence, with Sanchez controlling with slams and hip tosses. The jobbers with double hurricanranas to no heat, and double dropkicks to no heat. We come back with Bart in control of Corino, who looks nothing like Steve Corino. Bart with a BIG left hand, the deadliest punch in the WWF. Corino escapes a powerbomb, and someone does a DDT. Sanchez gets the nacho tag and punches everyone. Dropkick to Bart, and Sanchez with a back drop. Holly with the blind tag, and he nails Sanchez with a stiff clothesline. Bart with a top rope spinebuster as the Headbangers come to ringside to draw the Disqualification at 2:50… what the fuck was that about?

– Brawl For All Match:
Brakus vs. Savio Vega:

From the July 7th, 1998 episode of Raw Is War. The rules of the brawl for all are simple: There are 3-one minute rounds. 5 pts. Awarded for most punches per round, 5 pts. For a takedown, and 10 points for a knockdown. Knockout ends Brawl, of course. For those who don’t remember, Brakus was some muscle-headed German that went nowhere for sucking so badly.
Round 1: Brakus whiffs a few punches and Vega waistlocks Brakus into the corner. Brakus with a takedown. Both men throw punches wildly, with Vega getting the best of Brakus. Just a whole lot of wild punches, and Vega is rocking Brakus like his name were Peter McNeeley. Round ends, with Vega of course winning the most punches landed punch, but Brakus had a take-down, I think.
Round 2: Brakus attempts a take-down, but misses badly. Grapple into the corner, and we get a clean break, of course. Brakus goes low, so Vega with a lot of wild shots, and both men go spilling down. I don’t know how to score that one. Brakus continues trying to go low, but Vega pegs him like a bitch again. Vega wins that round again. Brakus has a busted nose, apparently.
Round 3: Vega is winning 15-5, according to unofficial results. Vega with a takedown for another five points. Brakus gets nailed good and goes down for a knockdown. Vega is up 30-5, with 15-seconds left in the “fight.” They do nothing much except for Brakus landing on his ass trying to do a takedown as the bell ring to end the match.
This match is a perfect example of what was wrong with the Brawl for All. Vega apparently, suffered an injury in this fight, and was never seen from the WWF again save for one or two appearances, and Brakus never made it to an episode of Raw again. Just a horrible idea, period.

– Ken Shamrock vs. King Mabel:
From the July 14th, 1998 episode of Raw Is War, following a Mabel beat-down the previous week in a match against Jeff Jarrett. Shamrock charges the ring to hammer away, but Mabel punches his ribs and floors him with a shoulder. “I’m Da KING!” by Mabel, followed by a fat-ass elbow drop. Irish whip, and Shamrock comes off the ropes with a cross body, but Mabel catches him, and connects with a back breaker. Shamrock pops back up and slugs away. Whip into the corner, and Mabel misses by a good five hours. Shamrock to the middle rope with a shoulder tackle. Shamrock off the ropes with a side heel kick, but Mabel just stumbles around like a fat guy who can’t bump. Mabel with a clothesline, followed by a front powerslam. Mabel goes up to the middle turnbuckle, but Shamrock manages to apply a fujiwar armbar and the ankle lock for the submission victory at 2:09. Feh… so much for Mabel’s return, as he disappeared for another 6 months, before turning into Viscera of the Ministry of Darkness. DUD

– “Title for Title Match”:
Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho:

From WCW Fall Brawl 1998. Jericho is the reigning Television Champion, and he challenged Goldberg to a Title for Title Match earlier in the show. Jericho does a Goldberg style entrance, and gets lost in the process, which is pretty entertaining. Goldberg makes his entrance… and it’s a midget. Oh yeah, nice one WCW. At least this wasn’t a bait and switch by announcing the “match” leading up to the PPV, instead of during it. Comedy match as you expected, with Jericho not being very affected by the offense of Mini-Goldberg. The nonsense goes on for a few more minutes, until Chris Jericho picks up the “submission victory” at around the 3:00 mark to retain his championship and win the foam belt that “Goldberg” came to the ring with. Jericho was awesome, but this was a major waste of 15-minutes, including the promo from earlier in the show. Who came up with this shit?!

– “That 70’s Guy” Mike Awesome vs. The Insane Clown Posse:
No fucking clue from when this is, other than the darkest days of WCW. Awesome gives them a good blast of fire extinguisher as the bell sounds, from the door of his 70’s bus, that is. Awesome nails Violent J with it, but VJ no-sells and beats Awesome with a traffic cone. S2D with a garbage can shot and a series of rights. The ICP double team Awesome, and they head up onto the roof of the bus. A table gets set up as nothing much happens. Awesome slugs off S2D and throws VJ off the hood through the table in a heatless spot. S2D tries dumping Awesome off, but Awesome fights him off and gives him the Awesome Bomb on the hood… and Shaggy falls off to the concrete! AHAHA! Awesome climbs down and makes the cover for the three count at 2:11. High-larious ending to a stupid match. DUD

– Hulk Hogan vs. Curt Hennig (w/ Bobby Heenan):
NOTE: I will no doubt be calling Hennig “Mr. Perfect” for obvious reasons at times throughout the match, so bare with me, incase you want to be super-technical. From one of the XWF Television tapings during the promotions three weeks of activity back in the fall of 2001. This never made it to “Air”, but was used as a bonus feature on the XWF DVD’s released sometime last year, no doubt in hopes of making back some money spent on that disaster of an idea. Despite being in his mid-40’s, Curt Hennig still looked as good as he did during his prime, although he did lose a bit of his ability due to constant injuries and nagging back problems. Oh no… Hogan has American Made for his theme, I guess since Jimmy Hart owns the rights to the song. Hogan has a speedo tights on, making me glad he adopted the full-length tights for his WWE return(s). Lockup to start, and Hogan sends Hennig into the corner. Posing follows, of course. Crowd is into Hogan, no doubt because he’s a much better name to watch than Drezden or Hail. Back in the ring goes Hennig, and he applies a side headlock. Irish whip to escape, and Hogan floors him with a shoulder block… yes, Hennig over-sells it, then rolls out of the ring to recover. Hogan with a knuckle-lock advantage, despite being a bit less toned than Hennig. Hennig escapes and chops the skin off his chest. Hogan eats turnbuckle, and Hennig continues hammering away. Another nasty chop by Hennig, followed by some choking. Hogan blocks being sent into the buckle, and introduces Hennig to each of the three buckles and the canvas. Irish whip, and Hogan connects with a clothesline (over-sold). Hogan with mounted punches in the corner, followed by some biting. Irish whip, and Perfect boots Hogan in the face to take over once again. Hennig with some stomping, and the Perfect-Plex gets a two count. HULK UP TIME! Hogan with a series of roundhouse rights, a big boot, and the leg drop finishes Hennig off at 5:06. ½* Not much in terms of quality, but it wasn’t a complete bomb that insulted the intelligence of the average fan. No doubt to dick with XWF, WWF signed up Curt Hennig, Hulk Hogan, and a few others of their no-names just for shits and giggles. Hogan does his pose-down after the match, and that’s almost as long as the match.

– Dave Batista vs. Justin Credible:
From September 2002. Batista, future World Champion, gets ZERO Reaction. I’m talking parking lot at 3 a.m. in the morning silence. And who the fuck knew Justin Credible was still employed by WWE at this point? Batista charges Credible into the corner and chucks him across the ring. Batista with a clothesline in the corner, and Batista press slams Credible into the air. Whip into the corner, and Credible boots him in the face TWICE. Batista blocks an axehandle and catches Credible up in a firemans carry… roll. Charge in the corner misses, but Batista no-sells 10-seconds later. Batista WHIFFS on a clothesline, and SCREAMS. Batista/Demon-Bomb ends this nightmare at 1:27. DUD Not much of a match, but what was here sucked major ass, and the dead silence for Batista at times is pretty funny shit. Too bad there’s no mention of DEACON Batista.

– Hulk Hogan (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Masahiro Chono:
From the Ultimate Crush II event, a super card held by New Japan Pro Wrestling held on October 13th, 2003. For about 18-months, this was Hogan’s last wrestling match, following a fall out (again) with Vince McMahon. I’m not sure, but this is like Hogan’s 1st match over in Japan since 1993, and the first non-WWE supported show since fucking forever. I should point out how bad-ass Chono looks with the leather jacket and glaqsses, but he looks like an old Japanese dude without them (according to wikipedia.com, he was roughly 40 years old at the time of this match).

Only Hogan’s entrance is shown, and he’s using Voodoo Child, since “American Made” sucks and WWE owns the rights to “Real American.” Lockup to start, and Hogan shoves Chono into the ropes. Posing, and the crowd loves it. Lockup #2, and this time Chono takes Hogan into the corner for some punchin’ and stompin’. Chono with a series of headbutts and more rights in the corner. Whip across the ring is reversed, and Hogan follows in with a clothesline. Hogan stomps away now, and chokes with his boot. Hogan with rights and chops in the corner, followed by a majorly half-assed chinlock from a camel clutch position. Hogan works over Chono in the corner with more punching and choking. Hogan sling-shots Chono’s throat under the bottom rope. Hogan with the dreaded back raking of doom, followed by some face clawing. Hogan really sucks at trying to wrestle as a heel. Whip into the corner, and Chono manages to get a boot up with Hogan charging like a 80 year old man. Irish whip, and Chono boots him in the face again. Hogan rolls out of the ring to take a breather with Jimmy Hart. Back in the ring, and Chono tries a sucker kick. Lockup, and Hogan applies a side headlock, then quickly turns it into a front facelock. Hogan takes Chono down and turns it into a hammerlock and full nelson combination submission. Hey Hulk, why don’t you ever do any of this kind of “wrestling” when in WWE? Lazy bastard… Back to their feet, and Hogan wrings the arm of Chono before going to the armbar. Boot to the midsection of Chono, and Hogan follows up with a slam. Hogan bounces off the ropes, and misses an elbow drop. Chono goes to the top rope, but Hogan stops whatever his attempt was, and slams him off. Hogan with a series of charging clotheslines for a two count. Hogan tries for another slam, but Chono rolls out of it and applies a sleeper hold. Hogan fights back to his feet, and escapes with a series of elbows to the midsection. Hulk rakes the eyes, but runs into a drop toe hold, and Chono applies an STF… almost. Hulk elbows him in the face before the move could be completed. They head outside the ring, with Hogan in control. Chono eats barricade, and Hogan bashes him good with a steel chair. Chono takes it full-on, not like most pussies these days in WWE… including Hulk “Worst Blocker Ever” Hogan. Back in the ring, and Chono with a step over toe hold on Hogan, but Hogan is in the ropes. Chono with a series of knees into the chest of Hogan to keep him down on the canvas. Hulk with a BLATANT low-blow to stop Chono’s momentum. Hogan rakes the eyes some more and dumps Chono out of the ring. Hogan with some rights, grunting, and a snap suplex on the outside (or about as much snap as a man in his condition could do). Jesus, Hulk has his past-his-prime working boots on for this match. Hogan bounces off the ropes and clotheslines Chono off the apron. That gets a big reaction from the crowd. Chono is out of it, but manages to make it on the apron before the 20-count… yes, in most Japanese promotions, you’re given a 20-second count, rather than 10-seconds. Hogan pounds away on Chono more and rams him into the barricade again. Chono eats table, and Hogan takes off the weight-lifting belt for some good old fashion… punching. Oh well… Chono fights back and bashes Hogan in the throat with a chair. TAKE THAT! Chono has the belt now, and chokes away with it. I should note that the lashing with those is pretty damn painful, especially those giant ones that Hulk wears. Back in the ring now, and NOW Chono starts the country time whippin’. Just hearing the smack across the back with that is painful. Chono heads to the top rope, and comes off with a flying clothesline for a two count. Chono goes to the top rope again, and comes off with a diving shoulder tackle for another two count. Chono applies an abdominal stretch, but Hogan fights out and applies his own version and pounds away across the ribs of Chono. Hogan turns it into a kinda’ sloppy roll-up for a two count. Chono with a rake of the eyes, followed by a side Russian leg sweep for a two count. Hogan is HULKING UP! Chono with a right, but Hogan isn’t selling. Another right, and still no affect. A third right, and Hogan is back on his feet! YOU! Hogan with three roundhouse rights. Irish whip, and Hogan with a big boot! Hogan comes off the ropes with a leg drop, but that only gets a two count! Irish whip, and Hogan with the clothesline attempt, but Chono ducks and boots Hogan in the face. Chono nails Jimmy Hart off the apron, then goes back to work on the knee, and finally gets the STF applied! Chono releases the hold to show-boat, but Hogan’s up again! HULK UP PART 2! Irish whip, and the Axe Bomber connects! Hogan covers, and the three count is academic at 19:48! After the match, Hogan does his usual pose-down to a far more appreciative crowd than what you would usually find at WWE’s shows. *** This may be a generous rating to some, but this match was hella’ fun, both men had their working boots on. Probably Hogan’s best match in forever (I’m serious, too. He hasn’t been this good in the ring for a good decade). Looking at both men before the match, I thought no way this match could be any good. It’s hard to describe why, just for the fact I wasn’t expecting a good match, and this isn’t Hulk bias. I’m constantly taking shots at him through-out the match. Oh well, I guess it’s one of those riddles that can never be answered, like the tree falling in the forest or the sound of one hand clapping.

– Rey Msyterio vs. The Great Khali:
For those who forgot, Rey is the reigning champion of Smackdown. From (I believe) the May 12th, 2006 episode of Smackdown, and part of a storyline between Rey and JBL. Rey looks like a little kid compared to Khali, but is way more ripped than Mr. No Ass. Khali starts off by throwing Rey down, and out of the ring. JBL talks trash from the commentary table, sounding like a bigot in the process by calling him “boy” about 60 times. Rey rushes the ring and is quickly thrown back out. Rey springboards off the ropes with a dropkick, but Khali doesn’t sell it. Khali with a VON ERICH CLAW (not really) and tosses Rey, AGAIN. JBL nails Rey behind the referee’s back, and dumps him back in the ring. Khali with a boot to the head, and a double choke lift and slam ends this nonsense at 3:30. Yes, the Great Khali squashes THE WORLD CHAMPION ON FREE TELEVISION TO ADVANCE A STORYLINE NO ONE LIKED TO BEGIN WITH. -** A disgrace to wrestling.

– Kane vs. Kane:
No, that’s NOT a typo… it’s from Vengeance 2006, and part of the blowoff from the “May 19th” storyline that went along with the release of See No Evil. WWE cock-teased me into thinking he was getting the World Title, but instead I get a second Kane (the Freakin’ Deacon under a mask, doing a HORRIBLE imitation of Glen Jacobs). For those that care, “Kane” uses the OLD theme music of Kane. Now I know hoe Kevin Nash felt when Jacobs’ was supposed to be “Diesel.” Kane unloads to start and floors “Kane” with a clothesline. “Kane” sits up and Kane boots “Kane.” Kane with a clothesline, sending “Kane” out of the ring. “Kane” pulls Kane out of the ring, and clotheslines Kane as the select few in the crowd chant May 19th at Kane. “Kane” sends Kane back into the ring, and chokes away in the corner. Kane exchanges blows with himself, and grabs a side headlock. Kane with a shoulder block, followed by an unmasking attempt. “Kane” with Kane’s signature side suplex, followed by sucky punches and choking. “Kane” with more choking on Kane. “Kane” continues to control with a lot of nothing. Kane with a series of roundhouse rights. Whip into the corner, and Kane with a boot to the face. Charging by Kane, and “Kane” turns him over with a powerslam for a two count. Crowd is NOT into this match, by the way. “Kane” just flat out sucks. I’m talking Hideki Irobyou level of suck. Reverse chinlock by “Kane.” Kane escapes by backing “Kane” into the corner. Kane runs into an elbow, and “Kane” with a goozle. Kane goozle’s back and screams at “Kane.” Jim Ross: This has been an ugly match. Irish whip, and Kane with a DDT. Kane scoops himself up and plants himself with a powerslam. Into the corner, and Kane unloads on himself with more rights. Kane clotheslines himself in the corner several times, and “Kane” misses the timing of the Kane side suplex spot. “Take the mask off” chant. “Kane” ducks a chokeslam and Kane escapes another. Whip to the ropes is reversed, and “Kane” boots Kane. Kane stops himself from coming off the top rope, and follows that up with a northern-lights suplex. No bullshit… it looked awful considering “Kane” jumped the wrong way, but Kane did a northern-lights suplex. Chokeslam attempt fails, and Kane boots himself. Kane to the top rope, and we all know what’s coming… CLOTHESLINE… blocked, and “Kane” chokeslams Kane for the three count at 7:08. Yes, Kane just jobbed to himself. I thought that would never happen. -***1/2 All levels of bad here. Words cannot express how fucking painful this match was to sit through. The only high spot (literally) was “Kane” blowing a top rope spot that came across better than it had any right to be. Thankfully “Kane” was never seen from again after being “unmasked” the next night.

The 411: An interesting collection of stupid crap, says I. Although this stuff was randomly strung together, all of it is available for download, last I checked, on YouTube.com. I doubt anyone will really want to sit through all of it, but it's a great example of how stupid some people are, since plenty of men and women have been paid good money to come up with these gimmicks and book these matches. The only saving grace from this collection is the Hogan/Chono match, which had no right to be good.
 
Final Score:  2.0   [ Very Bad ]  legend

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