wrestling / Video Reviews
The Name on the Marquee: NWA World Championship Wrestling (3.29.1986)
Loading...-Cold opening: David Crockett interviews Pez Whatley and Jimmy Valiant on World Wide Wrestling. Jimmy calls Pez “the best black athlete in the world,” and the screen freezes on the image of Pez suddenly looking irked.
-Originally aired March 29, 1986.
-Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett.
WAHOO MCDANIEL vs RON ROSSI
-Top wristlock by Wahoo as David says that many of the teams in the Crockett Cup are planning on entering New Orleans several days early just so their bodies can acclimate to the climate before the event. It’s Louisiana, it’s not the Congo.
-Top wristlock and a slam by Wahoo. He applies a chinlock. Rossi gets free and Irish whips Wahoo, but when he charges, Wahoo just meets him with a hard chop. Another series of hard chops and the elbow finishes.
-We go to Ron Garvin, who wants Ric Flair in a cage to settle all these problems he’s been having. Ric Flair can’t get himself disqualified and he can’t run away if he’s in a cage.
-Jim Cornette has seen the bracketing for the Crockett Cup, and he wants to let the Road Warriors know they’re ready, and they’re going to outsmart the angry, hot-tempered Road Warriors, who have been in a bad mood ever since they cut themselves shaving in third grade.
MIDNIGHT EXPRESS (World Tag Team Champions) vs WEE WILLIE WILKINS & PHIL BROWN
-And now, the thrilling conclusion of the Wee Willie Wilkins saga. For those who missed part 1, Wee Willie is a jobber who felt he deserved a big push on account of being friends with some bodybuilders, and made such a fuss about being a lowly jobber that just to punish him, Dusty sent him out there with the Wee Willie name instead of letting him use the name that he wanted to go by, Blue Thunder. And so we come to this match…
-Bobby Eaton is ALREADY giving Willie the stink-eye before the match even starts. That’s probably just in character but I’d like to think not. Dennis Condrey starts with Phil Brown. He takes Brown down and rubs his face in the mat as Jim Cornette is already laughing when he arrives on commentary and says that Wilkins is “the world’s tallest midget” and makes fun of how pitiful Brown looks.
-Kneedrop from the top by Eaton, and Condrey drags Brown over to the ropes to let Cornette yell at him for being Phil Brown. He drags Brown over to the corner and lets him tag in Wee Willie, who has a triple-mohawk thing that somehow looks too big for his head. Wilkins wants to lock up, and Condrey actually kneels down and offers to lock up in a kneeling position. He finally locks up with a hand on Wilkins’ face as Cornette says “Look at his tights! He ought to call himself Blue Thunder!”
-Eaton plants Wilkins on the top rope, with Wilkins cinching on a side headlock the entire time that Eaton is putting him in position. Back suplex by Eaton. Condrey tags in and gives him a hard knee to the face. Brown tags back in (with a fan giving a hilarious “UH-OH!” when Brown steps back in) and Eaton connects with an axehandle.
-Wilkins tags back in immediately and totally no-sells the ass-kicking he’s already taken, slingshotting himself over the top and putting his dukes up. Eaton immediately gets on his knees and begs for mercy. Eaton gives him some chops and punches while holding him very snugly. Wilkins tries a comeback, with Eaton resisting the offense at first, but finally giving in, like, “Fine, do your shit, Willie.” He throws Willie outside and Willie takes a shitty bump from that, slumping through the ropes, landing on the apron, and gradually making his way to the floor feet-first.
-Express gangs up on Willie on the floor. Eaton gives him a neckbreaker on the concrete and heads over to the commentary table to high-five everybody. They head back in and Willie tags Phillie back in. Condrey chokes out Brown while Cornette fires off puns about the Indians and the Road Warriors. Midnights do their “Catch the jobber and miss” spot on the floor, and after a brief consultation with Cornette, Eaton does just one suplex.
-Willie tags back in, and AGAIN, he slingshots and sells nothing he’s already taken. Condrey gives him a snap suplex and shoves him out to the floor with his feet. Eaton puts the boots to him…and Willie NO-SELLS IT and slingshots back in like nothing happened. Midnights immediately end this thing with the Rocket Launcher for the three-count, even though Willie kicks out at two to save face.
-So we cut to commercial IMMEDIATELY without an instant replay or another wrestler coming out to cut a promo. It’s just three-count, boom, commercial. According to Cornette, Willie, not satisfied that kicking out at two was enough to protect his tough-guy image, begins throwing kicks from a lying position. Eaton gives him a worked stomp to try to “finish him off,” but then Willie really starts putting up a fight, and finally the Midnights have had enough and they truly, genuinely kick the shit out of this guy in front of the TBS studio audience. Willie crawls backstage afterward and runs into Dusty Rhodes, who basically drags Willie to the exit and Uncle Phils him through the door, daring him to come back in and start more shit, and Willie & his bodybuilder buddies are never seen in Georgia again.
-Tony Schiavone is with Pez Whatley, who proudly holds up Jimmy Valiant’s white-trash ponytail/braid combo, and tells that tobacco-dippin’ honky that yeah, he’s the best black athlete, and the best white one, the best Chinese one, and the best Japanese one too! And he warns Jimmy Valiant that he ain’t through. This is kind of an awesome heel turn, because yeah, Pez overreacted, but he 100% has a point; if he’s a great athlete, just call him a great athlete, there’s no reason to put him in a category.
-So we go back to Pez Whatley & Jimmy Valiant on World Wide, seconds before the heel turn. Jimmy Valiant says his “best black athlete” comment and Whatley takes him down with some punches and just lights into him, spitting on him for good measure. And then Pez, who happened to be walking around with sewing scissors in his back pocket for no adequately-explored reason, pulls them out and cuts off the ponytail, and the crowd, which had been golf tournament-level SILENT through this whole angle, suddenly screams and freaks out. They didn’t give a shit about Valiant being assaulted and spat on, but woah, woah woah, cutting the man’s ponytail? That’s too far!
-We’re back to Pez, who says he’s been beating up hillbillies all these months, and now he’s going to beat up the biggest hillbilly of all, Jimmy Valiant. Funny point from Whatley, as he basically says that as much as Valiant talks about being from New York, does anyone honestly believe this white-trashy looking tobacco-dipping redneck has spent even one day in New York?
-We go to Valiant, looking uncharacteristically hurt and distraught, says–in his natural speaking voice!–that he does anything he can for his fellow man and he can’t get over how he’s been hurt by his brother. He says he still considers Pez a brother, and if Whatley is feeling sick or angry, all Pez has to do is ask for help and Valiant is willing to completely let this slide. That was a pretty great promo, as the shock has caused the clown exterior to completely disappear and we get to see a new, more human, more believable side of Valiant, and Pez cut a pretty damn good promo for his end too. Nice start!
GORGEOUS JIMMY GARVIN (with Precious) vs THE UNKNOWN JOBBER
-Garvin hammers Schlubby McLosington and then holds him in position so Precious can slap him around. Front facelock by Garvin; nice touch this week, as we’ve already seen that Wahoo is in the building, and Garvin noticeably isn’t doing his “Where’s Wahoo?” shtick from the past few weeks.
-Garvin drops a knee on the jobber…it looks like Kent Glover, but it’s the wrong style tights and he’s too short…and gives him a chop. Brainbuster finishes as David promises that something very special is coming up next, as a treat for all of us fans.
-Tony talks to Gorgeous Jimmy . He hears that Wahoo is in the building, but he’s not at ringside and he’s not answering the challenge, so what’s the deal there? Eventually, Wahoo is going to have to make some kind of statement, instead of just hiding behind his legacy.
IVAN KOLOFF (with Nikita Koloff) vs RAY TRAYLOR
-So apparently our special surprise is Ray Traylor in a singlet. Gee, David, you shouldn’t have.
-Lock-up, and Traylor shoves Koloff right on his ass. Koloff looks stunned and the commentators think this might be Traylor’s week. Koloff backs him into a corner and clubbers, but Traylor clubbers back and gives him a boot to the face. Traylor slams Koloff on the mat, but misses a kneedrop, and Koloff capitalizes, ramming the knee into the post and throwing him out to the floor.
-Nikita screams at him to get back in, so Traylor does exactly that, and Ivan goes after his face with biting and tearing. Ivan hammers away at Traylor and chokes him out. Front facelock by Ivan, but Traylor makes it to his feet and plants him on the turnbuckles. Ivan tries an axehandle, but Traylor meets him with a shot to the gut and backdrops him. Ivan stops him cold with a shot to the throat and hadbutts him.
-Knee to the throat by Ivan gets two, and he locks on an abdominal stretch. Traylor goes limp, so Ivan lets go and chokes him a bit. Referee pulls him away to reprimand him for the choking, so Nikita sneaks onto the apron and gives him the sickle, and Ivan gets the pin from that.
-We get words from Magnum TA, and there’s an obvious edit here so Magnum clearly isn’t here to cut a promo while Nikita is still in the ring, because that would be too exciting. For a guy who hollers so much about getting a title shot, Nikita sure seems to be doing everything he can to avoid getting in the ring with Magnum.
-Tony Schiavone is with Joe “Nighthawk” Coltrane. He thanks all the fans who sent him letters during the past week. He’s worried about his good friend Pez Whatley, and if Pez needs help, he’s here for Pez.
RON GARVN vs TONY ZANE
-Apparently Zane landed himself in hot water by showing up with not quite enough bruises, so Garvin is here to take care of him. Zane tries a top wristlock and an arm wringer, but Garvin sweeps his leg and applies a half-crab. This week’s new bruise on Tony Zane: a Dusty-size splotch on the inner thigh. Well, either it’s a bruise, or he shit himself while leaning forward on a ladder.
-Garvin applies a sugar hold, and he looks like he’s going for a surfboard, but instead he just does a vertical splash across Zane’s back and applies a rear chinlock. Garvin keeps stretching the legs as we pause for a break.
-Back from commercial, Garvin lays into Zane with headbutt after headbutt and chops him. Zane honest to God appears to have formed a new bruise on his back just during this match, and Garvin finally puts him out of his misery with the hands of stone.
-Tony Schiavone is here to talk to Dusty, who has his cowbell and his Skoal jacket that doesn’t fit. Like the interview with Magnum, this was clearly taped at some other point and then glued into this spot on the show. Dusty brags about owning three houses and luxury cars, and the Horsemen can’t hang with him. Dusty holds up his bullrope and promises to give the Horsemen some shiny foreheads when he’s done. Baby Doll is tired of hearing Arn Anderson’s tough talk, so she and Dusty agree that his jaw should be broken in an upcoming match.
-Back from the break, Tony Schiavone announces a North American Title match between Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Dick Slater at the Crockett Cup, courtesy of promoter Bill Watts.
-Tully & Arn show up and Tully gives Dusty credit for being the baddest of the bad…but Tully has a National Title belt and Dusty doesn’t, so that makes Tully even badder. Great line from JJ Dillon, who calls Dusty and his friends “Baby Doll’s Cabbage Patch collection” and pantomimes playing with the dolls to make them do whatever she wants. Arn congratulates Pez Whatley on finally becoming a man.
MAGNUM T.A. (United States Champion) vs BOB OWENS
-Bell, belly-to-belly, bell.
-Happy 64th anniversary to some old people.
-Tony Schiavone welcomes the #2 seed in the Crockett Cup, Ron Garvin & Magnum T.A. It’s going to be some of the stiffest competition in the world for that million-dollar purse, and Garvin & Magnum have a mutual admiration society.
TULLY BLANCHARD (National Champion, with JJ Dillon) vs BILL TABB
-Weird moment on commentary, with David saying “Tully Blanchard is awful…” and then letting it hang for a LOOOOOONG time before finally blurting out “cocky.” It sounds like the Simpsons gag with Sideshow Bob telling Marge “Your children are no more…”
-Tully gets Tabb down to the mat and bends & stretches the leg. Blanchard calls out Dusty Rhodes as he keeps targeting the leg throughout the match. JJ Dillon joins commentary and explains that Tully requested Bill Tabb, who’s a pretty big, well-built jobber, and says that this match is practice for the Road Warriors in the Crockett Cup. Tully is going to target the legs in that match.
-Tully & Tabb slug it out for a bit. Tabb gets the edge, but Tully rakes the eyes and throws him to the floor. Tony Schiavone announces that Ted DiBiase has been injured, and Steve Williams’ new partner will be Terry Taylor, a good friend of Magnum T.A.
-Slingshot suplex finishes, and Tully looks ready for the Road Warriors.
-Precious comes out demanding to know where Wahoo McDaniel is. He doesn’t even have the guts to come out when Jimmy’s not around! Wahoo comes out and you can see this coming a mile away, can’t you? Precious says that Jimmy doesn’t need to be out here because Wahoo is such a coward that a woman can get the job done. Precious smack-talks Wahoo to no end, and then walks out of the studio…Oh. That’s actually it. I’ll be damned.
-Ric Flair comes out, and he’s exhausted after holding “The Final Four” in his hotel suite last night, and for the record, he declares Miss Indiana the winner. Woo! Flair declares Arn & Tully to be the best tag team in the world, making him officially the first one to notice what would be irrefutable fact. David Crockett has repeatedly said on TV that because of other title match contracts, Ric Flair might not even make it to New Orleans with the NWA Title, so Flair bets him $100,000 that he’s still champ when the Crockett Cup rolls around.
ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs ART PRITTS & KENT GLOVER
-Express’ entrance is mostly edited out, but from what’s left in, you can tell damn near the entire audience left their seats and absolutely ambushed them on their way into the ring, and the show picks up with the Express finally escaping into the ring while Teddy Long rushes over to get everybody seated.
-Robert Gibson hiptosses Glover and tags in Ricky Morton. Frequent tags to work over Glover’s arm while Ric Flair suddenly returns to address the war of words he’s had with the Express these last few weeks. Adult women love Ric Flair, but teenyboppers in training underwear love the Express, and it’s pathetic the way that the Express has to pander to little girls because they’re the only ones who still care about the Express now that they’ve lost their gold.
-Pritts is in the ring and now the Express switch from arm working to leg working. Ric Flair says he has a gift for the Express. He veers into a story about going to McDonald’s and David is trying to hang on, but Tony has just totally lost it at this point and can’t say a damn thing.
-Rock & Roll are still just working over the leg as they clearly know that The Ric Flair Show has everyone’s attention at this point and they’re not even trying to fight it. Flair begins doing his impression of women screaming “CHAMP!” in bed while a “Rock and Roll” chant starts in the crowd.
-Gibson with a chinlock on Glover, and the double dropkick finishes. Flair says that he refuses to acknowledge their skills as wrestlers because if Ric Flair says anything complimentary, it gives them a rub that they truly don’t deserve.
-Express comes over to greet Ric Flair, and holy crap, there are like 30 other people who couldn’t get seats who are standing to watch this show. Flair says “a girl with a full sweater” gave him a gift to pass along to Ricky Morton. It’s a training bra for Ricky Morton to give to the only girls he could get. Morton plays the hypocrite card, pointing out that a year ago, he’d suck up to the fans whenever he was on the mic. Flair says Morton doesn’t want to mess with the best. Morton decides that he does, in fact, want to mess with the best, so he slowly slides Flair’s sunglasses right off his face, lays them on the floor, and stomps on them.
-Slaps are traded, and Morton DECIDEDLY wins that, knocking Flair on his ass with one shot. The fight goes in the ring, and this audience just comes unglued. As it turns out, the “fight” is nothing even close to a fight, as Ricky just knocks the bejeezus out of the champ, and Flair doesn’t even get one move or one shot on him. GREAT angle!
TV TITLE: ARN ANDERSON (champion) vs DAVID DELLINGER
-Arn works the arm on Dellinger while David Crockett talks about the previous segment and sounds like he honest to God needs a cigarette after watching that.
-Arn works the arm over on Dellinger some more, and then finishes him with a Gourdbuster, easy peasy.
-Breaking news: I’m sick of hearing about the Six-Man Tag Team Title. They mention it every week and we are in our fifth consecutive month of “It never comes up.” Segment’s not a total loss, as they announce that Magnum T.A. has finally signed a contract that everyone can agree with. It’s going to be Magnum defending against Nikita in a Russian chain match, Nikita’s specialty.
-Wahoo is back. When a woman does something that a man is supposed to do, then that woman doesn’t know her place, so she’s no longer a woman.
ROAD WARRIORS (with Paul Ellering) vs LARRY CLARKE & PAUL GARNER
-Garner gets dumped from the ring instantly. Animal presses Clarke. Hawk gives him a chop that draws a horrified “Ooooo” from people in the audience. Animal tops him with a NASTY clothesline, and I’m pretty sure Clarke’s head is still tumbling on the concrete floor as the referee counts his shoulders to the mat.
-Nothing motivates the Road Warriors like revenge, says Paul Ellering. They’re leaving the Crockett Cup tournament with, well, the Crockett Cup, and they’re gonna shut up every crybaby that tries to stop them.
