Universal Wrestling Federation (11.7.1987) Review

-Cold open: The Lightning Express battles the Sheepherders! Woah, wait, those are UWF guys on the UWF show! Was Jim Crockett looking the other way?

-Originally aired November 7, 1987.

-Your hosts are Magnum TA and Missy Hyatt.

-We start right off with the closing moments of Lightning Express vs. Sheepherders, and I honest to god could not tell you which team is the defending champions at this point. Ref gets bumped, flagpole chicanery transpires, and the Sheepherders get the win to capture the titles.

-Jim Ross is at ringside with Michael Hayes and Jimmy Garvin. Michael Hayes says EVERYBODY is talking about Starrcade ’87 and the big house show at Nassau Coliseum. Michael Hayes warns “Arn and Tully Anderson” that he wants their belts.

THE SHEEPHERDERS (UWF Tag Team Champions, with Johnny Ace) vs. KEITH STEINBORN & GARY PHELPS
-Jobbers get mauled as JR and Jack Gregory run down the list of absolutely every tag team they can think of as they look ahead to what’s in store for the UWF in 1988. My guess is a lot of boarded-up windows.

-Elbow and a knee by Luke Williams gets two, and JR weirdly says “Luke could have got the pin there, but he didn’t want it to.” Phelps kicked out! Battering ram-type maneuver by the Sheepherders–a battering ram, to be specific–and the double-stomachbreaker finishes.

-Missy Hyatt congratulates the new champs, and Butch grabs her head and plants a huge kiss on her, which gets a pop. Missy giggles, then takes a step backwards, looking sincerely ill-at-ease with this gig.

STARRCADE 87: CHI-TOWN HEAT: GLORY BOUND: CONTROL ROOM
-Dusty Rhodes has agreed to put HIS CAREER (for 90 days) on the line for a shot at the U.S. Title. Dusty must retire (for 90 days) if he loses. This was allegedly supposed to kick off the Midnight Rider angle before Dusty decided he’d rather just win the match.

-Jim Ross is at ringside with the World Heavyweight Champion, Ron Garvin, and man, that belt is NOT made for slinging over your shoulder.

BARRY WINDHAM (Western States Heritage Champion for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence) vs. CLEMENT FIELDS
-JR talks about Windham’s impending Starrcade bout, and calls Steve Williams “one of the greatest World Champions that is recognized today” which is shockingly backhanded for a Jim Ross compliment toward Steve Williams. Flying clothesline by Barry ends this one pretty quickly.

TERRY TAYLOR & EDDIE GILBERT vs. ALAN MARTIN & TERRY JONES
-Powerslam by Eddie, followed by an atomic drop. Jim Ross says that the TV Title match at Starrcade will be “the first title unification match in wrestling history,” which is a crock but does it have a claim for being the first one where the titles were actually unified? Hot shot finishes while I ponder that.

-Terry Taylor cuts a promo on Nikita Koloff, who “only thinks he’s something special because he’s Dusty Rhodes’ partner.”

TV TITLE: NIKITA KOLOFF (Champion, with Dusty Rhodes) vs. ERIC LONG
-We have a pretty obvious edit fairly early on, and when we come out on the other end of it, JR sounds really confused by something. That bums me out, we missed a really GOOD fuck-up. Sickle by Nikita finishes. Dusty says stuff afterward.

STING vs. THE ENFORCER
-Just a random masked guy, not Arn. Suplex and a Stinger splash for another quick and easy one.

-JR is at ringside with Ron Simmons. JR starts off by showing us recent footage of JR at ringside with Ron Simmons. Oh my god, I hope the next thing that happens is that JR throws it to footage of a third interview with Ron Simmons and we just watch both guys age backwards like that Mr. Show sketch about the pre-taped call-in show. So in the previous interview where JR was at ringside with Ron Simmons, the Jive Tones show up and attack Ron Simmons with a fancy cane. Ron Simmons warns us that a big black stick of dynamite is about to blow. Oooooooh myyyyyyy…

THE CANADIAN KODIAKS & BLACK BART vs. STEVE COX, DAVEY HASKINS, & DALE LAPEYROUSE
-So I have absolutely never heard of the Canadian Kodiaks, and the internet doesn’t seem to know who these guys are either, other than the names “Bear” and “Claw.” (Snort) The jobber tandem includes the guy who was getting the next-big-thing push six months ago. It still blows my mind that with the UWF included, Jim Crockett had six hours of TV a week and still managed to have guys get squeezed out.

-Kodiaks finish in seconds with a slingshot/lariat combo.

RIC FLAIR & LEX LUGER (with JJ Dillon) vs. SHANE DOUGLAS & RON SIMMONS
-JR throws me at the start by saying that Flair is a four-time NWA World Champion, so either JR is jumping the gun a bit or he’s acknowledging the “secret” title switch with Harley Race.

-Simmons clotheslines Flair from the second rope right away for a two-count with Lex coming to the rescue. Shane Douglas tags in and backdrops Flair. Right hand sends Flair tumbling over the top and onto the floor.

-Back from commercial, Shane SAILS off the top for a bodypress on Flair for two. Sleeper by Shane. Lex tags in and turns the tide as JR promises that Lex will be considered a legend IF he beats Dusty Rhodes. The match plays out pretty unexpectedly from here, as Shane is just instantly reduced to “jobber” after his first mistake, and they dismantle him for a bit before Lex puts him away with the torture rack.

4.9

The final score: review Poor

The 411

Less terrible than it's been, but still...