UWF Power Pro Wrestling (1.31.1987) Review

-Another gap being filled in by Fish & Chips…

-Originally aired January 31, 1987.

-Your host is Jim Ross. We will have a very important statement regarding Hacksaw Jim Duggan and the Tag Team Title later in this hour.

THE MISSING LINK (with Dark Journey) vs. MIKE REED
-Reed attacks during the entrance, and the ring announcer is absolutely determined to do his duty, so there’s about a 20-second window between the sound of the bell and the ring introductions intending. Link makes the comeback without much sweat and finishes quickly with a diving headbutt. After the match, we get a glimpse of a kid who’s painted his face AND cut his hair Missing Link-style, and JR says that Link’s young fans are “Linksters.”

-We recap the Freebirds’ argument that they deserve the Tag Team Titles.

-This leads to an important statement from President Bill Watts. Hacksaw Jim Duggan lost a Loser-Leaves-Town match recently. These guys get emotional and make some bad decisions sometimes. They agree to stipulations that they shouldn’t agree to because they get fired up. Duggan will be gone from the UWF for “a minimum of 90 days,” and since the title has to be defended every 30 days, that causes a problem. Interestingly, Bill Watts has an opening for a burial here and really doesn’t take it, as he says he asked Hacksaw personally if he had a stance on how this should be handled, and Hacksaw took responsibility for agreeing to that stipulation and putting the UWF in this predicament, but rules are rules and the title needs to be defended every 30 days. So Hacksaw very calmly said he was surrendering the title without a protest because it was his own fault. And by the way, they don’t even show the match that Duggan lost or even say who his opponent was. I think giving him THIS kind of sendoff says a lot about what Bill Watts thought of him. Anyway, yada yada yada, we’re gonna have a tournament.

-The Fabulous Freebirds and the Angel of Death have two seeds in the tournament, so they pledge that if both teams make it to the finals, they won’t have a match and they’ll just defend the belts as a four-man unit.

-Dr. Death and Ted DiBiase have signed to meet the Freebirds in a “Badstreet match.” Steve Williams says he and Ted have had all kinds of brawls in bad parts of town, and “We’ve even walked in on some people, if you know what I mean.” So, I guess their finishing hold is Watching Your Girlfriend Masturbate, or…

ELI (with Wild Bill Irwin) vs. JEFF RAITZ
-Stomps, elbows, legdrop, tombstone. NASTY tombstone too, Raitz took it like he was going to go completely through the mat.

-Jim Ross is at the commentary table with a huge cake. OOOOOOH shit! Don Walton of the Dallas Times Herald says the cake was made by a local bakery where the owners are fans of the UWF. JR fusses over what a beautiful cake it is and thanks everyone for supporting the UWF and he’s looking forward to getting a piece of the cake!…

RICK STEINER vs. JOHNNY WEST
-….Wait, is that it? We’re just….did they seriously just present a cake, like, for real, and that’s all that’s happening? Hold on, we still have 25 minutes left in the show. Be patient.

-Steiner locks up as Jim Ross notices that Steiner is wearing mismatched boots, although we’re a long way off from “Rick’s a moron” being a thing. Steiner hammers away and clotheslines him down. West kicks out, but the belly-to-belly finishes for Steiner. Oh man, Steiner looks like he’s fixin’ to just keep beating up on West until some enemy of Eddie Gilbert comes out and rams Rick’s face in the…Steiner’s walking back to the locker room. Okay…

-We get a video reel listing the seed teams for the Tag Team Title tournament. For some reason, the voiceover guy seems to think that he’s recording a commercial for one of those touring groups of “We can’t legally call them Chippendale” male strippers, just doing this weird flirting mumble through the whole thing.

-We go to Ted DiBiase and Dr. Death. The good doctor reminds us that “We have hold on those belts, and we have hold a lot of titles.” Oklahoma doesn’t make the jocks take oral exams, to they?

NO-DQ BADSTREET MATCH: “Dr. Death” STEVE WILLIAMS & TED DIBIASE vs. FABULOUS FREEBIRDS (with Sunshine)
-It’s Michael Hayes and Terry Gordy this week, with Buddy Roberts nowhere around. They made a big deal out of how the stipulations mean you can wear whatever you want, so the Freebirds are in jeans, cowboy boots, and t-shirts, but the faces just show up in their regular boots and tights.

-Big crazy brawl right away, and the Freebirds get whipped together. They regroup and GORDY AND WILLIAMS STAND ON THE APRON AND WAIT TO BE TAGGED IN GODDAMN IT I ALREADY HATE THIS MATCH. I hope they get their faces rammed in the cake for standing on the apron and waiting in a no-DQ match. And you know what? Jim Ross hasn’t even mentioned the cake in this segment! I’m beginning to suspect it won’t come up.

-Williams and Gordy tag in and Williams clothesline Gordy while Hayes stands on the apron, utterly unable to help his partner because of the impenetrable forcefield that the ropes generate for matches like this one. Gordy escapes and tags in Hayes, and then Gordy leaves the ring and stands on the apron instead of staying in there because apparently this situation is specified in the Geneva convention and he absolutely cannot stay in the ring or else a lot of questions will be asked in Nuremberg about this match.

-Gordy and Williams are slugging it out and Williams wins the fist fight. Williams tags in DiBiase, and referee Tommy Gilbert makes absolutely sure that Williams goes out on the apron and stays out there until he’s tagged back in, so you know damn well that Tommy Gilbert was the kid who told the teacher on a Friday that she forgot to assign homework. Freebirds get the upper hand, and Williams desperately yells encouragement to his partner, which is by far the most useful thing Doc can do in this no-disqualification match.

-Back from commercial, Doc is bleeding and Hayes has taken off his boot and is hammering Doc in the face with it, because boots hurt worse on the hand than on the foot, due to science. Oriental spike by Gordy while Tommy Gilbert blocks Ted DiBiase from coming into the ring. Both men get wiped out and it’s hot tag Ted DiBiase. All four men are in the ring and we roll the credits, so we don’t get a winner! There’s the icing on the Bullshit No-DQ Tag Match Cake. And speaking of cake, I don’t see any of these guys getting rammed into one!

5.3

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

We had a damn cake on this show and no one got rammed into it face-first!