411’s OVW TV Report 03.27.04

411’s OVW TV Report 3.27.04

Hello OVW fanatics. This is Mitch Foist, back on Microsoft Word!

I’d like to start out this week’s column by giving a little correction. “The Real Deal” Ron Steel is not really RON Steel, but rather ROD Steel. I was having quite the inner turmoil last week trying to decide which it was. I looked it up this week, turns out it is Rod Steel. Doesn’t matter, he’s still a 35 year old balding rookie who looks like Randy Savage.

Normally I do the intro all the way up to the YOUR Recapper stuff hours before I actually watch OVW. This week, I’m doing it right after the show. So as opposed to telling the results in third person, I will be telling them in third person omniscient.

Steven still sucks, but he likes good music. Opeth m/

LAST WEEK:

Dinsmore and Impact vs. Johnny Jeter and Sean O’Haire is made for this Monday’s WWE house show.

Rod Steel defeated Max Impact by DQ.

Matt Cappoteli brought out an ex girlfriend of JOHNNY SPADE’S and of course, she turned on him and joined up with JOHNNY SPADE.

The Disciples of Synn and Nova and Idol fought to a no contest.

THIS WEEK:

YOUR Commentators: Jim Cornette and Dean Hill

YOUR Venue: The Davis Arena

YOUR Recapper: Wasting away again in Margaritaville.

Match 1: Sean O’Haire vs. Elijah Burke.

Match Sequence: Uh oh. Unknown Jobber. This doesn’t end well. Turns out, I’m right, as I have already seen the show and you haven’t. O’Haire hits the Widowmaker for 3. THAT’S IT.

Match Rating: DUD.

Recap of Rod Steel’s debut as well as the weekly O’Haire and/or Jeter beat down by the Team Players that lead to a save by Adrenaline.
Commercial.

The Team Players come to the ring for a Cornette interview. Cornette says OVW is fighting back against the Team Players but Inspector Impact cuts him off. He says he was to address the midgets (Adrenaline). He says it took two of them to take him off his feet last week, but next week it will take four. Next week, Adrenaline will defend their OVW Southern Tag Team Titles against The Troubleshooters. Monday at the WWE house show Impact promises that Jeter won’t walk out of that building in condition enough to take on Dinsmore next week for the OVW title. He says if that doesn’t happen, Sean O’Haire won’t be in the condition to have his back. Impact says that one member of the team is missing tonight. He says that John Lauranitis took away Dinsmore’s gift, Venus. Impact says if Dinsmore loses the title match, he’ll take away Dinsmore’s WWE contract. Dinsmore reiterates Impact’s divide and conquer strategy. Rod Steel then comes to the ring. He says that Inspector Impact ruined his OVW debut. He challenges Impact to a match. Impact accepts, but Rod gets all heelish and takes out Nick Dinsmore when he was doing absolutely nothing. What a bully. Impact levels him with the clothesline and Brent Albright locks in the CROWBAR until Jeter, O’Haire, and Adrenaline save him.

Match 2: “The Real Deal” Rod Steel vs. Inspector Max Impact.

Match Sequence: Outlined Above.

Match Rating: DUD.

Commercial.

Cornette is in the audience, interviewing SHANIQUA (omniscient). Cornette asks why she’s been interrupting all these matches. Shaniqua says she doesn’t want to be called Linda Miles any more; she wants to be called Shaniqua (Told you). She says she did it because she doesn’t want to fight the women; she wants to fight the men. Cornette says she cannot because OVW has a strict no women vs. men violence. Shaniqua laughs and walks off. This is leading to something.

Match 3: Joey Matthews vs. Seth Skyfire.

Note: WOOOO.

Match Sequence: They start with a lockup. Skyfire gets a headlock out of it, turning it into a hammerlock. Matthews attempts an elbow to get out of it, but that gets reversed right back into a headlock. Joey cheap shots his way out of it, knocking Skyfire to the ground. Matthews stomps Skyfire and then gets an armlock. Seth Skyfire reverses the armlock into a monkeyflip and gets in an armbar. Matthews escapes and throws Skyfire out to the floor. Joey Matthews slams his head into the apron and rolls him back in. Once in the ring, Matthews drops Skyfire with a neckbreaker for the 2. Joey Matthews Irish whips him into the corner and gets a hard clothesline. Matthews snapmares Skyfire and hits a kneedrop for 2. Skyfire attempts to fight back, but gets another snapmare. This time, Matthews misses the kneedrop. Skyfire gets up, but gets Irish whipped in to the corner, and Joey Matthews doesn’t get the clothesline this time. Skyfire attempts a crossbody from the top rope and doesn’t get it. Joey Matthews hits a Northern Lights Suplex for 2. Skyfire gets up and hits a monkeyflip jawbreaker (Skyfire didn’t toss him, but instead head his feet on his jaw, dropping like a monkeyflip would before the actual flip). Skyfire gets an enzuguri for a 2. Seth Skyfire goes for a missile dropkick and connects. Joey Matthews is pleading for mercy when Shaniqua runs in and hits Skyfire with a Fireman’s Carry into a Diamond Cutter for the DQ (told you). Joey Matthews gets mad and yells at Shaniqua, causing him to get kicked in the balls. She then punches the ref, and the ref takes off his shirt and spears her. This ref is obviously a new wrestler, as he is built. Other refs separate them.

Match Rating: *** I was digging the whole Matthews attempting and missing everything the second time psychology.

Commercial.

Jillian Hall collects for the Crusade for Children.

Recap of last week’s main event.

Nova (w/ bald cap, electrical tape tattoos, and an electrical tape goatee), Idol (w/ bright red wig and a garbage bag t-shirt that says 7 on it), and Trudy DeNucci (w/ pale makeup and a riding crop) come to the ring, impersonating the Disciples of Synn. Good stuff. Nova says he’s not afraid of the Disciples of Synn. Nova asks Idol if he’s afraid, and he says, “Is Synn on a lowcarb diet? No.” Great. Nova says he is from the Jersey Shore, the toughest place in America. So they challenge The Disciples of Synn to a Jersey Shore Streetfight. Nova asks Trudy if the DOS have a chance in beating Nova and the Idol. She, of course, says “Fughettaboutit.”

Commercial.

Recap of Melina’s turn on Cappoteli and joining with JOHNNY SPADE.

Cornette says because of his unprofessional conduct, JOHNNY SPADE was suspended for a week. JOHNNY SPADE will be here next week.

Recap of what made the Standing Thunder and Alexis Laree vs. Mark Magnus and Nikita match.

Main Event: “The First Nation Sensation” Standing Thunder and Alexis Laree vs. Mark Magnus and Nikita. Loser of the fall leaves OVW. I’m all for nicknames, but there is a point when they just get offensive. Not to me, but to the people being depicted.

Match Sequence: Lockup between Magnus and Thunder to start. Thunder attempts an early pin and gets a 2. Magnus attempts a pin as well, and gets 2. Backslide by Thunder for 2. Magnus gets a cheap shot and Thunder gets locked in a headlock takedown. Thunder stands up, still in the headlock and pushes Magnus in to the ropes. Magnus gets the shoulder tackle and then Magnus gets backdropped. Nikita is angry with Magnus for getting her into this match, and won’t accept a tag. Standing Thunder gets Magnus in a headlock on the ground and Magnus rolls it into a pin for 2. Thunder shoulder tackles Mark Magnus. Magnus attempts to get a tag, but is dragged back. Standing Thunder goes for a pin and gets 1. Thunder gets a headlock and gets thrown into the ropes where Magnus hits him with an elbow. Magnus tries to slam Standing Thunder’s head into the turnbuckle it gets reversed and Magnus gets his head into the turnbuckle. Thunder goes to the top, but Nikita shakes the ropes. Mark Magnus slams Thunder off the ropes, getting a 2 count. Magnus tries to pin again, still getting a 2. Magnus gets a headlock, but Thunder fights back, causing Magnus to begin choking him. Mark gets a vertical suplex for 2. Magnus chokes him again, and then locks in a chinlock. Thunder reverses and gets a punch to the back. Mark Magnus scoop slams The First Nation Sensation (I love that) and misses an elbow. Thunder tags in Alexis Laree. Alexis gets a top rope crossbody on Magnus for 2. Laree dropkicks Magnus for 2. Alexis attempts a standing crossbody, but Magnus catches it. Thunder dropkicks Magnus, causing him to fall backward and Alexis to get her crossbody she wanted. Magnus stands, going to punch Alexis, but she ducks and Nikita gets hit. Nikita gets pinned by Alexis. Afterwards, Nikita pushes Magnus and then slaps him.

Match Rating: ***1/2 Magnus did very well at selling all of the face offense. I also enjoyed the wearing down of each other with the headlocks and chinlocks and choking.

Fin.

NEXT WEEK:

Nick Dinsmore (champion) vs. Johnny Jeter for the OVW Title.

Adrenaline (champions) vs. The Troubleshooters for the OVW Southern Tag Team Titles.

Nova and The Idol vs. The Disciples of Synn in a Jersey Shore Streetfight.

Till next week, please send feedback.