411’s TNA Impact Report 01.28.10

Welcome, TNA Galaxy Members, to 411’s TNA Impact Report. Despite covering this show for a few weeks, I have no clue when the next pay-per-view is, so we should get some hype for that. Kurt Angle “quit,” and Eric Bischoff fired Foley so that stuff should have some light shed on it too.

• Some UFC show finishes and we get a video promo that highlights the recently fired Mick Foley. Transitions to Ric Flair-AJ Styles hype. It then finishes with the ORLANDO SCREWJOB. For some reason, they replay the “I can go back to WWE” sound byte from Kurt Angle. Hey, screwjob…WWE. Isn’t Bret Hart coming back this Monday?

• “Screwed” is the title for tonight’s program.

• Someone has a sign that says they flew 6000 miles for TNA. Ouch.

• Taz lets us know there’s a tournament for something at Against All Odds. He doesn’t really give us much information on it.

• BUT WHO CARES because Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff are out to start the show. They get to the ring and Hogan says the Impact Zone is wide open. Things are moving so fast, brother. He calls Mick Foley out and, despite being fired last week, Foley is in the back.

Foley gets into the ring and Hogan thanks him for visiting. They are going to fix the situation between Mick Foley and Eric Bischoff…TONIGHT. Easy E says he took care of the situation last week with the firing but apparently Hogan is overturning that. Hogan says the Hogan-Bischoff duo can make an asset out of Cactus Jack. Foley says he wanted to take out Eric Bischoff last week. He said he didn’t and claims Bischoff’s blood was the work of some makeup. Foley says he looked too good. If Foley really beat him up, Bischoff would not have made it into the ring to fire him. Hogan doesn’t disbelieve Bischoff but gives Foley a chance to work out his problems with Bischoff or leave the company. Hogan’s music cuts Hogan off and awkwardly takes us to a break. Uhh, wasn’t this taped a week ago?

• We are back with Bubba the Love Sponge and Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett says Bubba can trust him. I wonder what’s going on.

• Ken Anderson and Christy Hemme are backstage. Anderson tells Hemme to call him Mr. Anderson. Anderson says he doesn’t have a match but will book himself. He issue an open challenge to anyone in the locker room. He says he’s begging Abyss come out and accept the challenge but it doesn’t matter because the only name remembered at the end of the night is Mr. Anderson.

• Taz and Tenay pimp the Against All Odds Pay-Per-View. There is something called an 8-Card Stud tournament. Winner will be made the number one contender for AJ Styles’ title. First match for the deal starts now with Desmond Wolfe’s intro. Taz lets us know Wolfe’s ladyfriend is named Chelsea. Sean Morley is Desmond’s opponent for the match. I wonder who is going to win….no really, I wonder who.

Match One
Sean Morley v. Desmond Wolfe.
8-Card Stud Qualifying Tournament

They grapple. Sean Morley applies an arm wrench to Wolfe. Hammerlock from Morley to Wolfe. Wolfe reverses but Morley gets to the ropes. Ref breaks them apart but Wolfe throws an attack before. In the corner, Wolfe attacks the throat of Sean Morley. Morley falls to the ground and Wolfe puts his boot into Morley’s throat. Wolfe pays attention to the ref for a bit and that lets Morley attack Wolfe with two clotheslines. He then throws a chop and shoves his knee into Wolfe’s stomach. Wolfe gathers himself and takes Morley out with a DDT. He attacks the wrist of Sean Morley and gets a cover. Two count.

Wolfe has some sort of submission hold on that involves the wrist and back but Morley gets out before it can take form. Morley attacks Wolfe in the abs with a punch. More punches and a kick follow that. He tries a DDT but Wolfe takes him down by the arm. Wolfe gathers some momentum but runs into a Morley boot He goes back but Morley puts up an elbow. Wolfe attacks Morley but another elbow gets fired by Sean Morley. Morley fires at Wolfe with a number of punches and then a neckbreaker. He covers but Wolfe is up after one.

Morley sends Wolfe into the corner and rushes towards him. Wolfe puts up a boot. Morley recovers and takes Wolfe to the mat. Morley goes upstairs but Wolfe hits the ropes causing Morley to be stunned on the turnbuckle. Tower of London gets the win for Desmond Wolfe. He advances.

WINNER: Desmond Wolfe
Good to see the right person going over. Both men looked decent in the small amount of time given and nothing was bad. A perfectly average match.

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• Jeff Jarrett meets with Hulk Hogan and Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett apologizes for his actions two weeks ago and discusses his mini-feud with Bubba the Love Sponge. Bubba changed Jeff’s state of mind and Jeff is ready to repair problems and start anew. Hogan says he wants Jarrett in the company. Jarrett says actions speak louder than words and he is willing to fight. Eric Bischoff says he has an idea. Bischoff says Ken Anderson v. Jeff Jarrett would make a fine main event. Jarrett seems reluctant but Hogan says it’s best for TNA. Jarrett is good to go and says he’s game.

• Tenay welcomes us back from commercial and we get a review of the Kurt Angle-AJ Styles mess from last week. Taz calls it highway robbery as we see Kurt Angle spitting on Hulk Hogan. Tenay lets us know Angle has been in Hogan’s office all day.

• We’re now in the back with AJ Styles, Ric Flair, a lady and a bunch of suits. Styles is admiring the suits which are apparently custom made and Armani. Styles says he’s going to take a vacation.

• We get another qualifier match. Christopher Daniels is one of the participants. Tenay discusses Daniels’ recent title endeavors. TNA Tag Champion Hernandez is Daniels’ opponent.

Match Two
Hernandez v. Christopher Daniels
8-Card Stud Qualifying Tournament

Daniels attacks him from behind. He sends Hernandez’s head into the turnbuckle and slaps his head. Daniels sends Hernandez into another corner and kicks Hernandez in the stomach. Daniels tries to whip Hernandez but Super-Mex stands his ground. Hernandez throws a knee and then picks Daniels up for a stalling vertical suplex. Thing lasts for a good 20 seconds before he brings him down. Daniels is up and avoids a Hernandez clothesline. He tries a sunset flip but Hernandez lifts him and throws him across the ring. Daniels attacks the eyes of Hernandez and attacks him with an enziguri. He covers Hernandez and gets a two count.

Daniels applies a chinlock and then slaps the back of Hernandez’s head. He re-applies the hold until Hernandez gets to his feet. Hernandez throws some elbows but Daniels is there with a jawbreaker. STO Take down and then a springboard moonsault for a pin. Two count.

Daniels attacks the back of Hernandez. He sets him up for an attack but Hernandez avoids. Daniels throws Hernandez out of the ring. Ref keeps Daniels from going out. Daniels tries to attack Hernandez but Hernandez is there with a springboard shoulderblock. Hernandez gets some offense in and ends that with a corner splash. He tosses Daniels across the ring. He charges him in the corner but Daniels moves. Daniels throws a forearm. He rushes towards Hernandez but Hernandez throws a boot and climbs the turnbuckle. Daniels meets him up there and tries a superplex. Hernandez throws him off and comes down with a splash. Misses. Daniels rolls Hernandez up and uses the ropes. Only a two count.

Daniels attacks the chest of Hernandez and then bounces off the ropes. Hernandez is there with a shoulderblock. He lifts Daniels above his head and brings him down with a Dominator. Pinfall and that’s the match.

WINNER: Hernandez
Another solid match. They made it seems like Daniels actually had a chance which is a plus considering the guy lost to Sean Morley clean a little while ago.

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• Graphic for Jarrett-Anderson.

• Before commercial break, we get a split screen of the Dudleys and the Nasty Boys walking to the ring. Oh boy.

• Commercial cut-in with the Beautiful People warming up. They are taking on the Knockouts Champion and the Knockout Tag Team Champions later in the evening.

• We’re back with Mike Tenay in the ring. He calls the Nasty Boys one of the most famous tag teams ever. He welcomes them into the Impact Zone. He then introduces us to the Nasty Boys’ opponents at Against All Odds: Team 3D.

Bubba gets the mic and berates the Nasty Boys for their recent actions. He then talks about the beatdown him and D-Von did to the Nasties last week. He asks the Nasty Boys where they’ve been for the last ten years. Bubba tries to get into the ring but security stops him. Jerry Sags gets the mic, calls Bubba fat and calls himself Nasty. D-Von says him and his brother have been winning tag team titles while the Nasties were inactive. Sags tells D-Von to shut up but he continues. He says there will never be a team as successful as Team 3D. Brian Knobbs get a mic and namedrops The Warriors, Steiner Brothers and a bunch of other tag teams. Those tag teams all lost to the Nasty Boys. Team 3D are the next team on the list. They will beat them down at the PPV, which is apparently on Valentine’s Day. Bubba says people all over the world want to see the Nasty Boys and Team 3D fight…okay. He gets the crowd to chant Team 3D and that ends the segment.

• Christy Hemme lets us know about the match between the Beautiful People and Tara/Awesome Kong and Hamada. She asks the Beautiful People about Angelina Love’s return. Madison Rayne says Love is “so 2009,” and they have moved on to bigger things. They’re going to show the world the TNA Knockout Titles belong around their waists.

• Jeff Jarrett is prepping backstage for his in-ring return.

• Bobby Lashley and Eric Bischoff are talking in Easy E’s office. Bischoff thanks Lashley for his apology and then fires him. Security ushers Lashley out of the office and Bischoff smugly says “taking out the trash.” Taz approves of the firing.

• The Beautiful People are out for the next match. IT’S TIME TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT KONG EATS FEMALE DOGS OR SOMETHING because she’s out for the next match. Hamada and the Knockout titles are with them. Tara, a spider and the TNA Knockouts Title join them shortly after and we’re ready for the next match.

Match Three
Tara, Awesome Kong and Hamada v. The Beautiful People

Hamada and Madison Rayne start us off. Rayne throws a taunt but Hamada kicks her. Hamada throws a headbutt, a chop, a headbutt and another chop. She picks Rayne up and throws another headbutt-chop combination. Hamada wrenches Rayne’s arm and attacks that with her elbow. She repeats the process again. She has Rayne’s arm and goes OLD SCHOOL. She comes down and turns that into an arm drag. Hamada wrenches Rayne’s arm again, this time Rayne reverses and tags in Velvet Sky. Sky keeps the arm wrench in for a while and then tags in Lacey Von Erich. Von Erich keeps the wrench on and then tags in Madison Rayne, who continues the hold. Rayne throws a punch and Hamada rolls out of the wrench. She breaks the grip and tags in Tara. Tara comes in with multiple slaps to Madison Rayne. She lifts her and takes her down with a body slam. Standing moonsault from Tara. Pinfall gets a two from the ref.

Both women up. Tara takes Rayne into the ropes and chops her. Tara gets sent against the ropes and Sky puts her boot to the back. Rayne takes her out with a clothesline and a quick pin two count.

Rayne tags in Sky and Sky beats Tara down in the corner. Ref stops her and Rayne chokes Tara during. Sky whips Tara against the ropes and both women take each other down with a hair pull. Awesome Kong gets tagged in. Madison Rayne tagged in. Madison and Lacey try to double team Kong but she takes them both down. Kong tags in Hamada who dropkicks Rayne to the ground. Hamada tries to send Rayne into the corner but momentum reversed. Hamada takes all three members of the Beautiful People out with kicks. Tara comes in and slams Lacey to the ground. Hamada goes upstairs and comes down with a moonsault. She tries a pin but the ref is distracted. Madison Rayne hits Hamada with the ugly stick and covers. Three count.

WINNERS: The Beautiful People
The string of decent matches continue. This was probably the best woman’s match I’ve seen since I started covering the show.

• After the match, Madison Rayne and Lacey Von Erich attack Tara. Angelina Love runs in and makes the save. She single handily takes out Lacey Von Erich and Madison Rayne. I’m guessing Velvet Sky was chased to the back by Kong.

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• We’re backstage with Hulk Hogan and Earl Hebner. Hogan wants to know why the decision was made. Earl Hebner claims a submission was made when Angle’s arm came down after AJ reversed the ankle lock. Hogan wants to know the truth. Hebner says Shawn, Brett and Vince didn’t screw Brett. Earl did. He screwed Kurt because Flair wrote a big check. Hogan is disgusted. He suspends Earl Hebner and tells him to leave.

• Commercials get interrupted with Kurt Angle walking backstage. He’s going to talk to us after the rest of the commercials.

• AJ Styles and Ric Flair are talking backstage. They’re joined by a bunch of women and Ric Flair is stunned by their beauty. It’s party time for the group.

• Bubba the Love Sponge finds Mick Foley backstage. Bubba is worried for Foley. Foley says he and Bischoff will come out of their meeting with a smile on their faces.

• Kurt Angle is out to address last week’s occurrences. Taz lets us know Kurt Angle has a qualifying match for the 8-Card Stud Tournament. Kurt Angle speaks and says he’s confused, disappointed and angered by AJ Styles’ actions. He’s angry because they had an agreement that the match at Genesis was to determine who the best wrestler in the world was. Angle then discusses the Earl Hebner screwjob. Angle says Flair is just using AJ Styles. Flair wants to strip Styles of his innocence, according the Angle. Angle reminds us he has a qualifying match for the 8-Card Stud Tournament. He vows to win and take the title from AJ Styles. He motions as if he’s going to leave the ring but Hulk Hogan is out to RIGHT SOME WRONGS.

Hulk Hogan is angry Kurt Angle accused him of being behind the screwjob. Hogan says he functions on a different level as a TNA business partner. Spitting on Hogan was unacceptable. If Angle ever crosses that line again, he will be fired. Kurt Angle apologizes for spitting. Angle says Hogan should be held accountable for everything in the ring but will still apologize. He shakes Hogan’s hand and Hogan leaves. RESPECT.

Syxx Pac and Scott Hall attack Kurt Angle from behind. I have to say, Hall doesn’t look too fat. Get him in the ring. That is the last thing we see before a commercial break.

• We return seeing a recap of the Kurt Angle beatdown. Security is then shown taking Hall and Waltman out of the Impact Zone. Tenay wants to know if there is a worse way to earn TNA contracts.

• Brian Kendrick and some awful music are out for the next match. The Motor City Machine Guns are his tag team partners. Generation Me: Max and Jeremy (if I remember correctly) and Amazing Red are the opponents.

Match Four
Amazing Red and Generation Me v. Brian Kendrick and the Motor City Machine Guns.

Kendrick attacks Red from behind. He beats Red down with a bunch of kicks. He attacks Red in the corner and charges, Red moves out of the way and sends Kendrick into another corner. Dropkick from Red. In the center of the ring another kick is delivered. Kendrick tags in one of the Guns and both come in for the double team. Red avoids and tags in one of Generation Me. Both of them double team Alex Shelley. That ends with a dropkick to Alex Shelley. Max covers Chris Sabin and we’ve got our legal men. Two count.

Sabin takes Max into the corner. He slams his head against the turnbuckle. He sends Max into the other corner and the Guns try a double team move. Max avoids and tags in Jeremy. The Guns double team Jeremy and that ends with a boot to Jeremy’s face. Pinfall gets a two.

Sabin tries to pick up Jeremy but Jeremy elbows and tags in Red. Hurricanrana by Red. He dropkicks Sabin and then tries an attack. Shelley interrupts with a superkick. He delivers a dropkick to Max and then the Guns double team Amazing Red. Kendrick tags himself in and runs in with a boot to Red’s face. Cradle pin and that ends the match.

WINNERS: Brian Kendrick and the Motor City Machine Guns
A lot of stuff happened. Seemed kind of crammed in but that’s how a lot of things feel on Impact.

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• Big Rob is in with his briefcase. The British Invasion attack Amazing Red in the ring. Rob Terry chokeslams Amazing Red and grabs the case. Brutus Magnus suggests they give the briefcase to Doug Williams. We get sent to a break with the three men arguing.

Match Five
Amazing Red © v. Doug Williams
X-Division Championship

We return from commercial with Red pinning Doug Williams. We get a recap of the break where the British Invasion granted Doug Williams the briefcase. Chaos Theory from Williams to Amazing Red ends the match shortly after.

WINNER: Doug Williams
Simply done to advance some stuff, I guess. Unfair to give an awful rating but impossible to grant it anything else

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• Jeff Jarrett is prepping backstage for his match with Ken Anderson.

• We are in Eric Bischoff’s office for the meeting between him and Mick Foley. Foley is wondering how Bischoff got so beat up last week. Bischoff says they have to work their problems out and Foley wants to take a trip down memory lane. He tells a story of his child defecating in Chuck E. Cheese and a janitor cleaning it up. Foley said he would rather be that guy than work with Eric Bischoff. Bischoff says he has the careers of Abyss and Jeremy Borash in his hands. If Foley walks out, something may happen. Eric Bischoff commands the camera man to follow him and he walks down the hallway.

He walks into AJ Styles’ locker room and we see Flair teaching Styles how to strut or something. Flair says they’re off for thirty days. Bischoff says Ric Flair is still in TNA only because of some brilliant legal maneuvering by Flair’s lawyers. Eric Bischoff says AJ Styles should be on hand for Against All Odds.

• Split-screen of Ken Anderson and Jeff Jarrett walking backstage. Their match is next.

• We’re welcomed back from commercial with Mr. Anderson’s entrance. He does the whole mic thing. Jeff Jarrett is out after with no music, no pyro and just the fans cheering. I miss his music.

Match Six
Jeff Jarrett v. Mr. Anderson

They grapple. Anderson takes Jarrett into the corner but the ref separates the two. Anderson tries to strike but Jarrett ducks and hits Anderson with two punches. He tries to go back but the ref stops him. They go back to the grapple. Anderson locks in a chinlock but Jarrett reverses into one of his own. Multiple shoulderblocks from Jarrett to Anderson. He motions for a punch but Anderson falls to the ground to avoid. Anderson gets up and knees Jarrett. He then attacks him in the back. He attacks Jarrett in the face and then goes back to the back. He throws Jarrett’s face into the turnbuckle and then kicks the lower leg. Anderson whips Jarrett but the momentum is reversed Hiptoss by Jarrett. Another one. Jarrett whips Anderson into the ropes and takes him down with a dropkick. He clotheslines Anderson out of the ring and does the Jarrett strut to send us to a break.

We return to see Ken Anderson send Jarrett’s shoulder into the turnbuckle post. He trash talks Jarrett and then throws a punch to the head. He follows that up with more strikes to the head. Anderson slams the wrist of Jeff Jarrett into the steel steps. He rolls back in to reset the strike and goes back out to attack Jarrett. Or not, he just sends him back into the ring. Anderson applies a hammerlock. He lifts Jarrett and drops him to the mat. Pinfall gets a one count.

Anderson works over the arm of Jarrett, Jarrett gets to his feet and strikes Anderson in the gut. He sends Anderson into the corner but charges into an Anderson boot. DDT from Anderson to Jarrett. Two count. Punch from Anderson to Jarrett. Anderson whips Jarrett and Jarrett avoids two Anderson strikes. Mr. Anderson tries a sleeper but Jarrett avoids that too. Anderson applies a wrist lock. Jarrett gets to his feet and attacks Anderson. He tries to attack but Anderson is there with a shoulderblock. Pinfall gets two.

Anderson positions Jarrett for a top rope move. He tries a senton bomb but Jarrett moves out of the way. Jarrett gets to his feet and blocks an Anderson punch. He throws a series of punches to Anderson but Anderson catches him for the Mic Check. Jarrett counters out of it and sets Anderson up for the Stoke. Low blow to get out by Mr. Anderson. He goes for the pin and gets the win.

WINNER: Mr. Anderson
Fun match. Anderson worked over the arm for the majority and Jarrett sold it well. You would like to see something better than a low blow put Jarrett out but it is what it is. This also goes a long way in making Anderson look like a legitimate main eventer. b

• After announcing himself as the winner, Anderson attacks Jeff Jarrett on the outside. He sends Jarrett back inside and delivers the Mic Check.

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• A stark contrast between this program and last week’s. Nothing was offensive and while some people may disagree with me rating nearly all of the matches as average, I think that’s what TNA brought this week. It was a solid show and looks like perfection after last week. They worked Jarrett back into the fold and we didn’t get anything stupid. Decent show.

Quick Results
» Desmond Wolfe def. Sean Morley [Pinfall, Tower of London]
» Hernandez def. Christopher Daniels [Pinfall, Dominator]
» The Beautiful People def. Awesome Kong, Tara and Hamada [Pinfall, Rayne on Hamada]
» Brian Kendrick and the Motor City Machine Guns def. Amazing Red and Generation Me [Pinfall, Kendrick on Red]
» Doug Williams def. Amazing Red [Pinfall, Chaos Theory]
» Mr. Anderson def. Jeff Jarrett [Pinfall, Low blow]