411’s TNA Impact Report 1.05.17
Hello and welcome everyone to a new year of the best show in professional wrestling! Welcome to Total Nonstop Action Impact Wrestling! My name is Aaron from the 411, I am so glad to be back, let’s get the Official Report started shall we?
Join the TNAlisters and with your review in the comment section, as we begin a new era. Anthem, owner of the Fight Network, has officially purchased TNA. So their first presentation will see Eddie Edwards defend his TNA World Heavyweight Championship. The Broken Brilliance of Matt and Jeff Hardy will speak on Fact of Life with Eli Drake. Jeff Jarrett returns as Executive Consultant. Moose defends the TNA Grand Championship. All of this and so much more. But as a preview of things to come, here is Fight Network’s Match of the Month, James Storm vs Chris Harris. Texas Death.
Happy New Year with Eddie Edwards
Edwards does the cheap pop and works up the crowd! He declares he’s here to bring a surprise and
“Domination” kicks up over the PA as LASHLEY arrives. He says the only surprise is the fact that Eddie is still Champion. He says he will hand out beatings 365 days this year. He demands a rematch for the title belt!
“Trouble” booms over the PA System as EC3 makes his way out next, mugging for the Anthem logo. Carter works the crowd and begins antagonizing Lashley. He calls Eddie whitebread and says one year ago today he won the title. The fans chant “TNA” and Ethan makes them chant “EC3” which becomes an “Eddie” chant. Carter says he wants his rematch tonight.
Lashley gets in his face and Eddie says they both forget he’s the Champion. Eddie says let’s kick off the New Year with a Triple Threat Match tonight! He still has a surprise tonight. Will we have a main event triple threat for the title?
Moose vs The Miracle
Grand Championship Title Match
Moose and Bennett brawl, Moose outclassing his former boss at all sides, crashing into Mike with shoulders and more. Miracle avoids the Gamechanger with a kick.
Bennett manages a knee and a mount to attack. Sleeperhold applied.
Round 1: 10-9 Bennett, 10-9 Moose, 10-9 Bennett
Moose rolling Oklahoma up into a Deadlift POWERBOMB. Moose sends Bennett up POP UP POWERBOMB! SENTON!
MOOSEAULT off the second rope! Kickout at Moose!
Bennett manages a Cutter and almost gets the three!!
Bennett manages the short arm spin into the KO Punch! Again! A third time! 20 seconds to go! The Miracle fireman’s carry, no Moose is off GAME CHANGER!!
The bell rang before Moose could register the pin.
Round Two: 10-9 Moose, 10-9 Bennett, 10-9 Moose
AVALANCHE in the corner. Go to Hell on Bennett! The raised double choke to the sitout powerbomb did NOT do the damage.
Josh Matthews points out you never want to let the judges decide, make the submit or take a pin instead.
Maria is angry outside, slamming the apron in frustrated rage as she yells at her husband to put Moose away. Moose strikes Mike, they trade shots. Moose digs deep and strikes the right hook, series of forearms from Bennett!
MOOSE runs into a foot! A boot! KICK off the second to Moose! CLOTHESLINE from MOOSE!
16 seconds left,
It’s over, and will be left to the judges.
Who is the Grand Champion?
Round 3: 10-9 Moose, 10-9 Bennett, 10-9 MOOSE!
OFFICIAL RESULT: Moose at Round Three, Judges’ Decision
Backstage, Swoggle is messing with Vanguard 1. The Hardys come on in and thank Swoggle for joining Total Nonstop Deletion. Matt asks if his father sent him to spy on their event. Swoggle says it’s not real, he’s not really Meekmahahon’s son. The Hardys are delighted.
Rockstar Spud vs Swoggle
Spud calls Swoggle out for turning on him in Cameron. Swoggle nails a spear, a German Suplex and finishes with a Celtic Cross!!
OFFICIAL RESULT: Swoggle at 1:05, Celtic Cross
Rockstar Spud screams and yells about losing to Maxell, Swoggle, and Quits on Live TV!
Backstage, Moose and Bennett have a confrontation. Bennett says screw everything. He wants an Anything Goes LIVE on the Pay Per View tomorrow. Moose accepts.
Eli Drake pays tribute to Bob Dylan, announcing through cue cards he will speak for the first time in the New Year next on Fact of Life.
Eli Drake’s Facts of Life with The Broken Hardys
“Let me talk to ya!”
Drake says he has the undeniable kavorka and here we are and nothing’s changed. And guess what, this is the show that sets history. He tells EC3 it will never be over. But that’s another fight. Tonight, he brings out the Broken Hardys.
Queen Rebecca is playing the piano with King Maxell on her back, as Jeff sings the song. “OBSOLETE!”
Eli Drake says Total Nonstop Deletion was completely different. He said they invited every cross eyed halfwit and still came out with the World Tag Team Titles. It would have been great but they were missing one thing. You were missing E LI DRAKE.
Hardy mocks the New Day and Young Bucks for not showing. Drake says he needs a personal invitation. Jeff asks if he needs to be loved. He says the Hardy Violent Hospitality is Eternal.
Drake says maybe they were afraid and slams his button and mocks the Deities. Matt yells at him for questioning his magic. Drake says he doesn’t have time for that. Jeff says they are magic. Drake says put the titles on the line against him and a partner of his choosing. And the only thing that will be deleted is their tag team title reign.
Matt accepts. They start yelling their catchphrases at each other. Eli goes for a cheapshot and Matt bangs his head off the table before hitting the button. The Hardys head off in celebration.
Backstage Eddie Edwards says he chose to put the title on the line because tonight he wants to find out and prove that anything is possible. They ask about his surprise. Lashley enters. He tells Eddie to give him the title now or he’ll take it. Edwards tells him to try.
Helms Dynasty vs Decay
Both teams brawl and we have heel vs heel. The HD make it into a tag match and Steve fights his way from the corner. He slides under Everett and kicks him away. Lee tries a Deadlift German and Steve escapes and hits a Cannonball into Everett! Abyss runs over both!
GOOZLE! Double Goozle! They kick the man away he breaks the double clothesline and Abyss turns them inside out!
GS Helms looks for the Chokeslam! Abyss breaks it, and Rosemary spits mist into Gregory’s face!
Abyss nails Everett with a Chokeslam and this match is over.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Decay at 3:28, Chokeslam
The DCC attack Decay with beer bottles to the back of the head!! The Decay have been laid out by The DCC!!
Backstage, Maria shows Allie’s win over Laurel Van Ness, and says if she thinks she’s a wrestler, meet her in the ring.
Maria calls out Allie’s Stupid Ass
Maria, Sienna and Laurel are in the ring and she says how great her year was. She tells Allie to get her stupid ass down here. She runs down Allie and says she brought Earl Hebner, and Sienna is right here.
Allie says “BRING IT ON!!!”
Allie screams and runs at Sienna beating her into the corner! Sienna throws her away and boots her in the face! Sienna begins punching Allie, cover, no kickout.
Sienna tosses Allie into the corner and parades around showing off, Sienna misses the avalanche in the corner! Braxton Sutter rushes down to encourage his pupil, Allie hits the dropkick to Sienna!
Allie tries for a scoop slam but she can’t make it, and Sienna reverses into a Fallaway Slam. Cover, no.
Sienna throws down the kick and wraps the head, sending Allie into the buckles. Slams the shoulder into the back, pickupt and sidewalk slam. Cover, no.
Sienna misses the Legdrop, and Allie rolls her over, almost gets a win! Laurel tries to get a hug on Braxton distracting Allie as Sienna slams her with a lariat! Almost a pin!
Sienna piefaces Allie and spits on her! ALLIE SLAPS HER!
Allie hits shot after shot and goes for a whip no! Allie stomps her leg and sends Sienna into no Allie reversed and leaps on her with a kick to the face! Allie goes and hits the Slam!
Laurel Van Ness wraps up Braxton and Allie is distracted- SIENNA nails Allie with the Silencer!
OFFICIAL RESULT: Sienna at 5:00, Silencer
Eddie Edwards vs Lashley vs Ethan Carter III
World Title Match
Ladies and gentlemen…
Tornado Style, all three in the ring, one fall to a finish. Lashley goes for broke on Eddie and right into Ethan Carter III. He runs through Edwards as well. Lashley charges and rushes into the corner, and EC3 hits the flying Avalanche! Carter and Edwards do a double team supl- no, LASHLEY SUPLEXES THEM BOTH!!
Lashley rushes and both pull the top rope down!
They decide to attack Lashley! EC3 and Edwards trade off chops on Lashley, and the fans chant “Over here!” as Ethan pulls Lashley to the fans on the other side and Edwards unleashes a wild chop! “One More Time!” as Edwards hauls up Lashley and EC3 strikes him hard!
The Champ throws Lashley in who hits a kneelift! EC3 slides in to pickup and drop Lashley with a Pancake!
Eddie Edwards and EC3 stare each other down.
They both beat on Lashley until he nails them with a German Suplex. A Double German Suplex. Lashley goes around slamming people, taking umbrage at being thrown around thusly so.
DELAYED… VERTICAL… SUPLEX!
Headband secured, Lashley rips the turnbuckle pad off a corner, he catches EC3 in a swinging hangman’s neckbreaker, ala Anderson Style.
Lashley removes another buckle from the same said corner. EDWARDS lands the jawbreaker, Lashley locks the leg off a kick, spinning back elbow to the jaw of the Champ.
Eddie thrown into a slide and up leaping enzugiri!
Ethan Carter III and Eddie Edwards into the air. DELAYED Vertical from the duo as well! Tit for Tat and such.
Ethan and Eddie challenging each other with a knife edge battle and they both slam into Lashley! Ethan for the 1 Percenter, Eddie avoids and atomic drop, chops into Ethan! Irish whip runs into the boot, ETHAN off the second missile dropkick!
“EC3” chant! German no Eddie landed on his feet, BLUE THUNDER BOMB on Ethan and LASHLEY breaks it up!
DEADLIFT GUTWRENCH around and DOMINATOR!
Lashley with the head of Ethan, EC3 plants him! STINGER SPLASH into Eddie! Ethan sets the man up top, strike to the chest, scaling up the side to go after, no Lashley has him and INFLICTS THE TOWER OF DOOM.
Lashley is in the corne,r runs and Ethan with the elbow, EDDIE OFF THE SIDE, LUNGBLOWER! EC3 High Knee into Eddie! EC3 hits the Exploder on Lashley!
Carter calls for the 1 Percenter, backdrops Eddie, Lashley no, Ethan has him on top and TK3!
All three trying to rise, mouths hanging open, Ethan misses the Splash, set up top, Eddie with the kick, Chinchecker no! Ethan has the Million Dollar Dream and LASHLEY SPEARS EDDIE HARD! ETHAN SENT INTO THE EXPOSED TURNBUCKLES!
Lashley sans headband runs and SPEARS Ethan on the floor!
Lashley to the crowd, EDDIE THROUGH THE ROPES SUICIDE DIVE!!!
Lashley sent inside as Eddie immediate with the rise to the top! Off the top to miss no! Eddie HIT WITH A SPEAR!!
Eddie Edwards rolls to the outside, Lashley out to send him back in! He has the World Title!
Brian Hebner yells and yanks the belt away, Lashley shoves him down! DAVEY RICHARDS rushes down and yanks the title!
BOsTON KNEE PARTY!
Edwards with the cover!!!
OFFICIAL RESULT: Eddie Edwards at 19:45, Boston Knee Party
Eddie Edwards is still champ, goodnight everybody!