411’s TNA Impact Report 11.26.09

Hey yo, happy Turkey Day! Lucky for me Canadian Thanksgiving was last month, so I don’t have to give up a holiday evening watching this. Our wacky title tonight?

Is Mick the turkey?

HAJIME!

Championship Series 1st Rd: Bobby Lashley(w/ Kristal) vs Abyss

Oh good, she’s his valet now. Interesting first-time match here, not really a money match that should have been saved for PPV but fresh.

Lashley tries a couple of clotheslines but Abyss goes nowhere. Lashley jumps CLEAN over Abyss’s head but gets levelled by the Monster. Abyss misses a charge in the corner and Lashley goes to work. Abyss comes out of the corner with a clothesline and applies a chinlock. Lashley elbows out but gets caught in a bear hug by Abyss. Llashley again fights out and dodges a charge, getting a drop toehold and sending Abyss’s injured neck into the ropes. A pair of clotheslines by Lashley is followed by a big spinebuster. Another clothesline sends Abyss to the floor but he lands on his feet and drags Lashley out. Abyss inadvertently knocks Kristal over and she seems to have hurt her ankle. Abyss notices and feels bad, but Bobby makes him feel much worse with a spear! Dragon sleeper locked in and Abyss…taps?

Winner: Bobby Lashley via submission (Dragon sleeper)
Rating: **

Post-match Kristal is jumping up and down with glee, apparently the sonic waves caused by Abyss tapping were enough to vibrate her ankle bones back into place. Or something.

JB is with Foley and is trying to convince him that Hogan coming to TNA is not a bad thing. Foley says he’s biased because he’s a Hulkamaniac. Foley wants to know why it was so secret if the signing is a good thing. Foley’s mad that Hogan was on the radio before he was informed about the signing. He’s obviously displeased with Hogan’s arrival. Foley wants to talk to Kurt Angle, because he’s familiar with the seedy underbelly of the business.

Championship Series 1st Rd: Suicide vs Desmond Wolfe

This should be fairly short. Wolfe takes Suicide down by his arm and goes straight to work with an armbar. Japanese arm drag by Wolfe. Suicide flips out of an arm wringer and gets an armdrag but Wolfe goes right back to the arm. Running European in the corner gets 2 for Wolfe. Variation of the Million Dollar Dream applied by Wolfe now. He misses a clothesline and gets caught with a flying back elbow and a dropkick. Finlay roll by Suicide followed by a slingshot legdrop for 2. Suicide misses a charge and Wolfe kicks him in the back before clubbing him down with a forearm. Tower of London is countered by Suicide, Wolfe charges right into a dropkick. Whip reversed but Wolfe misses another charge, Suicide goes up top but gets caught! Tower of London! 1…2…3!

Winner: Desmond Wolfe via pinfall (Tower of London)
Rating: **½

Championship Series 1st Rd: D’Angelo Dinero vs Kurt Angle

Wow, we’re really motoring through the matches tonight. Angle gets caught with an arm drag but quickly gets to his feet. He reverses the arm wringer but Burke gets a pair of kicks and a GORGEOUS flying shoulder tackle for 2. Unfortunately he runs right into a belly to belly suplex by Angle on the next exchange. Vertical suplex gets 2 for Angle. Chinlock applied by Angle, Burke elbows free and catches a charging Kurt with a back elbow. A pair of clotheslines by Dinero but he then drops his head and gets caught with a German! Second German! Dinero blocks the third and gets the standing switch! GERMAN! Angle blocks the second but gets taken down with an STO for 2. He hits the Boss Man Attack then a Vader Bomb-style elbow drop. He sets for the Dinero Express but Angle picks the leg and goes for the Ankle Lock! Dinero is able to kick him off but Angle hits the Angle Slam for the win.

Winner: Kurt Angle via pinfall (Angle Slam)
Rating: **¼

Homicide is shown trying to talk the pyro guy into giving him some, well, pyro. What else would one ask for from a pyro guy?

Foley asks Angle where Booker and Scotty are. Angle tells him to get straight. He tells Foley that Hogan will make the company better. Foley is worried about his spot, Angle tells him he’s nuts.

Championship Series 1st Rd: Homicide vs Robert Roode

Well, no pyro. Now he’s going to have to cut a bitch.

Homicide jumps roode from behind and goes to work. Big rights by Homicide, he whips Roode to the corner but Roode comes out with a clothesline and Homicide bails to the floor. He drags Roode out with him and goes back to the stiff rights. Back rake by Homicide. He rolls Roode back in and stays on him with a hard whip. Evil Heel Nerve Hold! Roode starts to stand so Homicide knees him in the temple and hits a flying back elbow for 2. Roodes counters a cutter attempt and gets a clothesline followed by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. Homicide tries a Gringo Killa but it’s blocked, Roode tries the Pay Off and that’s blocked too. They counter a couple of moves and Roode catches a sweet spinebuster for the win.

Winner: Robert Roode via pinfall ( spinebuster)
Rating: **

Now JB is with Angle and wants to know about his second round match with Roode. Angle says he has a lot of respect for Roode, but he wants the title shot.

Knockouts Battle Royal: Hamada vs Daffney vs Alissa Flash vs Traci vs Lacey vs Velvet Sky vs Madison Rayne vs Taylor Wilde vs Sarita vs Tara (ODB guest referee)

DAT AZZ CUBED! I love you cameraman. There is a lot of female in this ring. Hamada chucks Daffney out in a hurry. Flash is working on Traci but doesn’t go for the arm. She drops her on the apron , Traci pulls Alissa out with her and Sarita and Taylor dropkick them to the floor. Down to 7 already. We head to commercial and halfway through we pop back to the action to see Tara eliminate Lacey. Back from commercial to see The Beautiful People hit a double Russian leg sweep on Sarita, who they then eliminate. Hamada charges into Taylor’s boot, Taylor grabs a headscissors and eliminates Hamada…but takes herself out in the process. Tara, Rayne and Sky are left. Tara is in control briefly before Sky attacks her from behind and gains control. Whip, Tara elevates a charging Madison Rayne onto the apron and then avoids a charging Velvet, who knockes her partner to the floor. Tara tees off with a right but Sky whips her to the corner and clotheslines her. Tara counters an elimination attempt and gets Sky to the apron. Sky catches Tara with a shoulder and tries to slingshot in…to a boot. Sky goes to the floor!

Winner: Tara (Last eliminating Velvet Sky)

ODB does not look happy.

JB is with Eirc Young and a very Diesel-looking Kevin Nash. JB asks Nash where the Global title is. Nash tells him to ask the champ, and EY goes off on another respect rant. Then he turns it into an anti-American rant.

Hulk Hogan clip. Yawn.

Foley is on the phone talking to someone about Hogan. He hears Steiner shouting at someone and asks him about Hogan. Steiner takes time out of berating the seamstress about not making MEM gear and says that Hogan is smart. He asks Foley who’s the smartest guy he knows. Foley’s answer is bleeped out. Whoever he said, he goes on to say that the person came up with Ron Simmons’ “What” gimmick. Ummm…huh?

Commercial!

Now Foley is with Nash. Nash wants to know about the two week suspension and Foley says he can’t afford it. Nash says he’ll give Foley one name: Virgil. No, he’s not coming. It’s The Disciple. Naw, not him either. Foley thinks that Scott Hall makes sense, but Nash thinks it’s more likely to be Brian Knobbs.

Championship Series 2nd Round: Desmond Wolfe vs Bobby Lashley

Lashley is staring Wolfe down for a long time before jumping to the apron.

Wolfe tries a full nelson which Lashley breaks with ease. Duh. Lashley tries a full nelson which is far more successful. Wolfe gets to the ropes. Wolfe tries to go to the arm but Lashley overpowers him and works the arm himself. Wolfe tries to use some mat wrestling to counter but Bobby is too big. Wolfe backs Lashley to the ropes and nails a back elbow to take control. He quickly applies the modified Million Dollar Dream but Lashley ducks into it and turns it into a hammerlock. Wolfe counters, Lashley gets to the ropes and Wolfe kicks the top rope into the shoulder of Lashley. Ow. He misses the charging European and gets flattened in the corner with a spear. Shoulder gutbuster by Lashley. Full nelson slam gets 2. Wolfe quickly snaps the arm of Lashley and then sets for the Tower, countered to the Dragon Sleeper!!! Wolfe grabs the rope to break, and from the apron he snaps Lashley’s neck over the second rope. He locks in the London Dungeon in the ropes! Hebner counts to 5 and DQs Wolfe!

Winner: Bobby Lashley via disqualification (Wolfe failure to break on 5)
Rating: **½

Lauren is with the Lashleys. Kristal says he’s going to win the tournament and dictate his own future.

Championship Series 2nd Round: Bobby Roode vs Kurt Angle

The two exchange shoulder blocks early on. Angle refuses to break clean in the corner and takes control with right hands. Roode comes back with some of his own but drops his head and gets kicked. Roode ducks a clothesline and hits a neckbreaker for 2. Scoop slam and a knee drop by Roode get 2 more. A pair of chops to the chest of Angle are followed by a snap mare and the Mr Perfect neck snap. Angle uses Rodde’s momentum to send him to the floor, then follows and takes Roode head-first to the steps. Back inside and Angle gets a 2 count. Snap suplex gets 2 more. Waistlock applied by Angle, Roode elbows out but gets trapped and thrown with the overhead belly to belly for 2. Angle now locks in a body scissors, then transitions to a chinlock. Again Roode elbows out, catches Anfle with a pair of elbows and comes off the second with a Blockbuster. The two trade blows mid-ring (SHUT UP PERVS), Roode ducks a clothesline and gets a flying forearm for 2. Angle picks the ankle out of nowhere but Roode kicks him off and connects with the spinebuster! 1…2…2.897! Roode tries the Pay Off but Angle gets out the back and hits a German. He stalks Roode for the Angle Slam but Roode counters with an arm drag. Roode misses a charge, ANGLE SLAM! 1…2…2.937! That was SO close. Wolfe is out and SPITS on Angle! Angl goes after him and tattoos Wolfe who is clearly not trying to fight back. He keeps looking at the ref and saying “C’mon Angle!” Angle realises too late what the plan is and he’s been counted out!

Winner: Robert Roode via countout
Rating: **½

AJ Styles is out with a mic. He starts off by calling out to Sting and asks him to call. Before he gets any further, Daniels is out. He’s thrilled that AJ and Sting are such good friends, but he wonders if Sting knows that his friendship costs more than it’s worth. So did those sunglasses Daniels. He wants to know where AJ’s friendship got him. When he lost his job, where was AJ? AJ says he called every day, but Daniels said he did nothing to get his job back for him. He then says that Daniels had Samoa Joe beaten at the PPV, but AJ stabbed him in the back. Hmmm, sounds familiar. Daniels thinks AJ did it because he knew that Daniels was the better wrestler. Daniels tells him to go home and tell his wife and kids that Uncle Chris is sorry, but someone has to put daddy in his place. AJ says when his kids grow up, they’ll find out what Uncle Chris is all about. And at Final Resolution…yeah, you know what comes next. Clichéd PPV threat time!

Lauren is with Beer! Money! Roode is intense as he talks about having respect for Lashley, but saying that he is getting the shot at the tag titles for his team.

Next week we’re getting an interview with Dixie Carter. Yay.

Championship Series Final: Bobby Lashley vs Robert Roode

I’m glad they didn’t pull the trigger on Lashley-Angle here. That WOULD have been wasted on free TV with no hype. I just had a terrible nightmare that they might use this tournament to break up Beer Money. Please God no.

This isn’t a match I ever would have expected to see. They exchange go-behinds and Lashley gets the waistlock takedown. He locks in the Dragon Sleeper early but Roode scrambles to the ropes. Back elbow by Lashley, a scoop slam and an elbow drop by Lashley get 2. Roode escapes out the back of a powerslam and snaps the injured arm of Lashley down to the mat. We go to commercial.

Back from commercial and Roode is still in charge with chops in the corner. Roode charges into an elbow but counters a clothesline to a Fujiwara armbar! Roode is looking really good here. Lashley makes the ropes. Roode with an ellbow to the back of lashley’s head, he comes off the ropes for a clothesline but Lashley gets the full nelson slam! A pair of clotheslines by Lashley and a chokeslam get 2. Lashley goes for Shock Treatment but Roode slips off his shoulders and hits an armbar DDT! 1…2…no. Roode tries the Pay Off but Lashley counters with a back drop. Roode avoids the charge and FINALLY connects with the Pay Off! 1…2…No! Whip is reversed, Lashley charges into a boot but then ducks under the Blockbuster. HUGE Spear!!! 1…2…3!

Winner: Bobby Lashley via pinfall (Spear)
Rating: **½

Wow, that was a really solid show. Nothing dragged, nothing was bad, and all the booking made sense. Shame about the Foley stuff, but the match quality was right up there. I knew there was a reason I loved tournaments!