411’s Instant Access 06.01.08: WWE One Night Stand 2008

Hey kids, I’m Scott, and this is 411’s Instant Access: WWE One Night Stand 2008. Instant Access is a new experiment here at 411 Wrestling that will feature immediate reaction to wrestling pay-per-views. The focus here is going to be on first thoughts and snap judgments instead of play-by-play with the goal of providing you with instant access to one two three FOUR writers’ thoughts on the show. That’s right, Instant Access will now feature multiple analysts for all WWE pay-per-views. Here’s the team for Judgment Day:

• Scott Slimmer, author of 411’s WWE Heat Report.
• Jeff Small, author of the Thursday Small-For-All News Report.
• Chris Lansdell, author of the all-new Lansdell’s Sunday Brunch News Report.
• Daniel Wilcox, author of Thoughts from the Top Rope.

Okay kids, enough with the explanations. Let’s get to the wrestling.

Falls Count Anywhere Match
Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
Match Result: Jeff Hardy defeats Umaga with a Swanton Bomb.
Match Length: 9:25
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: This match was a ton of fun, but at some point it seemed to become a bit predictable. Hardy and Umaga kept wandering from one area of the arena to another, and it soon became clear that they were just heading for the predetermined location of Hardy’s big dive. This match might not have any implications of future booking, especially if Umaga is headed to Smackdown within the next month, but it was definitely a fun and energetic way to open the show.
Small: Last month, we all criticized the WWE for having John Cena vs. JBL open the show as it was sluggish, slow, and failed to get the crowd into the show. Seems as if the WWE listened to everyone and picked the perfect match to open the show. The first few minutes were very hot in the ring thanks to Jeff’s ability to draw the crowd in and Umaga’s SICK black hole slam. Thankfully they left the ring and proceeded to fight all over the arena and even outside. The match was very reminiscent to 1999/2000 Hardcore matches full of random weapons, slamming heads into anything metal, and a few crazy spots (the clothesline off of the railing). While Hardy’s swanton off of the HD Truck was a great move in theory, by not showing any of it (probably due to some padding) it came off a lot less effective. That said, overall, it was a very good opener and a strong start to the show!
Lansdell: Jerk that curtain Jeff! his was pretty much exactly what we expected: Jeff jumping off a very high place and landing on a cushion, I mean Umaga, for the win. I’ll give some credit for the extremely innovative railside attack, but aside from that this was just Umaga ramming Jeff into various hard objects. It did what it needed to do, I guess, in that it puts Hardy back on track after the suspension and gives Umaga a reason to be off TV for a while until the draft.
Wilcox: Few things in pro wrestling irritate me more than when a stipulation is put on a match, and then there performers don’t take advantage of it; well this was certainly not the case here as Umaga and Hardy took full advantage of the rules they had to work with. The fact that WWE rarely does these kinds of brawls any more helped to make this even more enjoyable than it would be anyway. Umaga hit some brutal moves including that one stiff kick to the face, and Hardy in turn came up with some innovative stuff including that slide down the stair rail. Of course, it was all leading to that one big swanton, and that was an insane visual to say the very least. The crowd was very into this match and overall it was simply the perfect way to kick off the show.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***¼
Small: ***
Lansdell: **
Wilcox: ***¼
Average Match Rating: **¾

Singapore Cane Match
CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. John Morrison vs. The Big Show
Match Result: Big Show defeats Tommy Dreamer with a Singapore Cane shot to the head.
Match Length: 8:33
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: So I’m a bit torn here. On the one hand, I rather enjoyed most of the action that involved the ECW guys. But on the other hand, there was also action that involved a random football player, and that’s when I broke out in a cold sweat and started having terrifying Pacman Jones flashbacks. What, was five men in one match not enough? The other problem I had with this match was that Punk, Guerrero, Dreamer, and Morrison all climbed the poles and grabbed the Singapore canes, but later in the match we learned that there was a HUGE CAN FULL OF CANES right next to the ring. What was the point of putting four canes on poles when there was a plethora of them sitting right next to the ring. But that being said, Big Show was probably the right choice to get the win, and having him defeat Dreamer is a nice throwback to ECW history. I would have LOVED for the finish to have involved Big Show caning Dreamer on the back only to have Dreamer as for another, but I suppose that’s just the dreams of a die-hard ECW fan. Anyway, Big Show seems to have momentum, and the crowd is digging him, so he should breath some life back into the ECW Championship scene.
Small: Two matches in and this PPV is a lot more fun than Judgment Day. I was hesitant at first with having the giant Show along with four smaller men but the booking proved me wrong. The beatdown of Show at the beginning foreshadowed the ending but that did not let up the fun. Shawne Merriman of the San Diego Chargers (and my alma mater, the University of Maryland)’s caning of Chavo Guerrero had me marking out! The random acts of caning was pure awesome. As for Tommy Dreamer’s pants… well, we won’t talk about them.
Lansdell: I’m probably going to catch a ton of heat for this, but I loved this match. There were some nice spots, some more innovation, and Psycho Show. I laughed my ass off the whole time Show was going nuts with the Can O Canes. Shame he had to win, but watching him snap was tremendous. I’m not sure where they’re going with the involvement of Merriman, perhaps a match at SummerSlam? It might have been a one-off too. And now I have my popcorn match for Night of Champions.
Wilcox: This may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but for me, this match was simply the epitome of awesome. The spot where four men were hammering Show was great stuff, and the sub plot involving that Merriman guy was also a nice addition to the match and a lot of fun. Show walking around the ring covered in blood and looking pissed was another great visual, and I loved him taking out all of his opponents with the canes. Morrison getting caught mid-plancha was a terrific spot and I was very much marking out for it. Nobody really looked bad in getting their asses kicked, we got some amazingly stuff shots, the fans were incredibly hot and Show looked like a million bucks, so I’ve got no complaints here.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***
Small: ***½
Lansdell: ***¼
Wilcox: ***½
Average Match Rating: ***¼

First Blood Match
John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield
Match Result: John Cena defeats John “Bradshaw” Layfield due to internal bleeding.
Match Length: 14:23
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: Maybe I expect too much from John Cena and JBL, but this match left me a bit under-whelmed. At times it seemed to be a bit slow and plodding, and unfortunately that seems to be a recurring trend when Cena and JBL step into the ring together. The intensity started to pick back up at the end, and I really began to get excited when Cena was caught in the ropes and JBL was about to go all Indiana Jones on his ass, but the finish was extremely anti-climactic after that. There’s certainly room for this feud to continue, but I hope that it doesn’t. Cena and JBL are capable of much better, but I’m concerned that they’ll never reach it when working with each other.
Small: While I did not see the entire match at Judgment Day, I think it’s safe to say that the rematch was better. Even though this was not up to their “I Quit” masterpiece (largely having to do with NOT being the main event this time around), it was still an enjoyable match. The ending did hurt it a tad as Cena needed to lock on the STFU for more than a few seconds in order to draw blood. Regardless, the hot crowd helped better the spots and overall, I was happy with it.
Lansdell: BULLSHIT. I wasn’t enjoying the match anyway, but it was just starting to get interesting and they go with that bullshit finish. And why wasn’t the ref wearing gloves? It’s the small things, people! They did nothing new here, nothing even slightly different, it was dull and formulaic, they have no chemistry, and the ending was bullshit. JBL had no time to be busted up internally from that hold, even a few more seconds in it would have been better. Cena-HHH is on the cards, I guess. Did I mention that ending was bullshit?
Wilcox: These matches are generally hit or miss, and I think these guys did a good job of making a limiting stipulation work fairly well. Both men are great brawlers and JBL gave the match some nice psychology. Cena mixed up his moveset a little bit to suit the stipulation (the bulldog onto the chair was swank) and they introduce some nice weapons and spots into the somewhat slow brawling styling that dominated the majority of the match. I liked how they played on the finish of their last match with Cena hitting the FU out of nowhere, but it not doing him any good. The introduction of the bullwhip was ridiculous in a good way, and Cena’s facial expression there was awesome. The finish was smart and the only thing I didn’t like was the speed with which JBL began bleeding. Having said that, this was a really good outing from these two and a really fun encounter.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***
Small: ***
Lansdell: *
Wilcox: ***
Average Match Rating: **½

I Quit Match
Melina Perez vs. Beth Phoenix
Match Result: Beth Phoenix defeats Melina with a modified straight jacket hold.
Match Length: 9:07
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: I would venture to say that the reason Finlay wasn’t booked on this show is because he spent every waking hour for the last few weeks getting Melina and Beth ready for this match, and if that’s the case, then his efforts were definitely worth it. I absolutely loved this match, plain and simple. Sure, it’s not a five-star instant classic, but it is one of the most intense, technical, and compelling WWE Divas matches in quite some time. I whole-heartedly applaud WWE for giving a Divas match this much time and allowing it to be taken seriously. It was also nice to have a technical match in the middle of the card to break up the hardcore insanity on either side of it. My only minor complaint is that I would have like a great Divas match to have involved the WWE Women’s Champion, but a match this good can only serve to make the Women’s Division, and hence the WWE Women’s Champion, look that much more credible.
Small: Wow, this show is 4 for 4. This might not be the most entertaining WWE Diva match I have seen (that would be Steph vs. Trish from 2001) but this might have been the best wrestled. Kudos to both women for going out there, winning the crowd over, and showing off some nice submission holds.
Lansdell: (Slimmer’s Note: Lansdell missed this match due to technical difficulties. However, he is quite sure that Gina Carano would have demolished both of these Divas. And I totally agree.)
Wilcox: I really didn’t think that this was going to be a good match for reasons I talked about in the roundtable, but credit where credit’s due, this was a tremendous Divas match and rivals anything TNA’s Knockout’s have produced. Melina had a great showing here and this was easily her best performance in a WWE ring. The psychology here was solid and there was sufficient drama going on to keep the fans into it. I liked the fact that they worked in a massive variety of submission holds and that Beth had to put an extra twist on her new submission move to make Melina quit. This was a great showcase for the women’s division and if they are serious about building a legit division, it should be around these two, Mickie and Michelle McCool.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***½
Small: ***¼
Lansdell: N/A
Wilcox: ***¼
Average Match Rating: ***¼

Stretcher Match
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista
Match Result: Batista defeats Shawn Michaels after a spinebuster on the steel steps.
Match Length: 16:58
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: This is a tough match to evaluate. The storytelling definitely took precedence over the action in this match, and that alone isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, the storytelling became a bit convoluted when Chris Jericho became involved, and the entire situation left me a bit confused. However, Batista’s intensity throughout, coupled with Michaels’ characteristically impeccable selling, made this a workable match at the very least. And the best part is that this story is far from over. Why was Jericho pulling for Michaels after damn near beating him senseless on Raw? Is Jericho in cahoots with Michaels? Or is there a more subtle Jericho / Batista alliance in the works? And will any of these guys ever actually turn heel? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
Small: Another very good match. The story told through the match was very well done and effectively ended the Batista/HBK feud while extending the Jericho/HBK matter. While Jericho’s first round of interference came off odd, after the awful Sweet Chin Music and second Batista Bomb, it became very apparent that Jericho only wanted to have Batista punish HBK even more. Batista’s “I don’t love you and I’m not sorry” line was a nice touch before that beasty second powerbomb. Match of the night, so far.
Lansdell: He doesn’t love him, and he’s not sorry. That part was great, Batista’s brutality was great, we got the right result…but what on earth was the purpose of having Jericho out there? Was he really trying to amp Shawn up, or was he hoping that Batista would just hurt him more? And why didn’t Batista wipe him out when Jericho stopped Batista from winning? Lots of unanswered questions. My biggest problem with this was that it was a standard HBK match until the superkick attempt. Not that that’s bad, but you’d expect some variance given the stipulation.
Wilcox: I’m really not sure how much I liked this. On the one hand, for a stretcher match it was technically very good. But it’s the story line developments I’m not so keen on. It came off as a half-assed heel turn for Batista with Chris Jericho coming off as a bit of an idiot after the aggression we saw from him directed towards Shawn on Raw last week. Batista’s harsh words for Shawn during the match were a nice touch but it just didn’t have that epic feel that I think they were going for. All that being said, it certainly was a fairly good match, albeit not as good as their Backlash one. I’ll give them credit for keeping me interesting in the angle, but I feel like they didn’t really set out what they wanted to accomplish with this match.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ***
Small: ***¾
Lansdell: ***
Wilcox: ***
Average Match Rating: ***¼

Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship
Triple H vs. Randy Orton
Match Result: Triple H defeats Randy Orton with a sledgehammer shot to the head. (Note: Randy Orton seems to have broken his collar bone moments earlier.)
Match Length: 16:15
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: I was really digging this match until Orton’s injury, and I’m not going to detract points because the match had to be shortened. In fact, while I honestly never like to see anyone injured like this, the fact that Orton was injured did serve to underscore the real danger in matches such as were presented on this card. And while I’m sure that Orton’s post-match reactions were fueled by true emotion and not intended to further his character, I also think that the interaction between him and the crowd under these circumstances will make him that much more effective as a heel when he does eventually return. However, in the meantime Triple H is still the WWE Champion, so who will challenge him at Night of Champions? Raw is a bit devoid of upper-tier heels, but the forthcoming Draft Lottery could solve that problem quite easily…
Small: This is a really hard match to rate due to Orton’s injury. Last Man Standing matches are defined by the drama created through the spots and the counting. With the injury, the match ended probably ten minutes earlier than either man wanted. Because of that we were given only a handful of spots (the DDT off of the announce table and Triple H’s RKO counter) before the injury. This very well could have been a four star match; unfortunately, it never had a chance of getting there.
Lansdell: Oh for crying out loud. Another routine match, this time with bad pacing, the same old spots, and a possible legit injury for Orton. HHH didn’t even look happy with his win. Orton fell heavily on his shoulder and it didn’t look good. I wish I could get into these matches, but there’s been nothing compelling so far. It’s a sad statement when the only match I really enjoyed was the Singapore cane match, and that was because I found it funny. The finish to this match was weird, Orton was down and out at 9, HHH helped him up and then knocked him down again? Huh? If the injury is not legit, Orton sold it masterfully, and he’ll get some time off like he wanted.
Wilcox: I’m going to make no attempt to critique this match because it was obviously cut short due to Orton’s injury, and that’s a damn shame. This really didn’t look good and I just hope that Orton isn’t too badly hurt and will make a speedy recovery.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ****
Small: **¾
Lansdell: **½
Wilcox: N/A
Average Match Rating: ***

TLC Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
The Undertaker vs. Edge
Match Result: Edge defeats The Undertaker.
Match Length: 23:28
Match Analysis:
Slimmer: WWE, and Edge in particular, have set a rather high standard for TLC matches, and this one certainly lived up to expectations. There were a number of big spots, and I have to give a special nod to Curt Hawkins for the phenomenal table spot from the top turnbuckle. You could see a couple of the spots coming from a mile away, especially the finishing four table spot, but in some ways the anticipation also made them more exciting. In terms of booking, La Familia is once again firmly in control of Smackdown, but the real story here is the fate of The Undertaker. Was this really his last ride in WWE? Or will the Dead Man rise again? It’s hard for me to believe that we’ll never see The Undertaker return to a WWE ring, but it may be quite some time before we see him again.
Small: What a spectacle! If Rey Mysterio had cost Edge the match after that last ladder spot, I probably would have given this match the full
monty. Sure some of the spots have been repeated in the past, but as far as entertainment goes, I would rank this as high as the Ric Flair/HBK match from Wrestlemania. If this is Taker’s final match (which it’s not), it’s quite the way to go out on.
Lansdell: It’s like they saved all the awesome for the last match. Sure there was something of a cluster, but with all the sick bumps this didn’t feel like a spotfest to me, and the story was there. I never thought I’d see Taker take a bump like that, and it was tremendous. Then to watch him try the zombie situp several times, and fail, surrounded by wreckage, the crowd DEAD silent, before giving him one last ovation as he limped off. Is he done? I doubt it, Taker has meant too much to the WWE to leave at a throwaway PPV like ONS with minor fanfare. Especially with Mania being in Texas next year. But if the “time off” rumours are true, this was a good way to send him off. Edge looks more smart than strong in the win, which fits his character nicely. All in all, easily the match of the night.
Wilcox: When has a Tables, Ladders and Chairs Match ever been bad? Never. And this was no different. Taker and Edge have brought it every time they’ve fought and this was absolutely no exception. This was a fantastic match where they managed to build up suspense by doing bigger and bigger stuff on every exchange. These guys put everything they had into this match and Taker was even taking some sick chair shots that were very much unprotected and some might even say unnecessary; I began to get the feeling that they were trying to make up for a the Last Man Standing let down. I liked how they worked around the problem of having to have one man stall after a big spot by letting Ryder and Hawkins take a couple of big spots, and once the table action kicked in, things went from great to awesome. The chokeslam through the ladder was also swank as hell, and the Last Ride through two tables was just incredible. After we got the most amazing spot, especially considering it was Undertaker who took it, Edge won and I marked out. Quite simply, this was a phenomenal match with practically no flaws. Astounding effort from both men here.
Match Rating:
Slimmer: ****¼
Small: ****½
Lansdell: ****
Wilcox: ****½
Average Match Rating: ****¼

Final Thoughts

Match of the Night:
Slimmer: The Undertaker vs. Edge (****¼)
WWE really build a solid card tonight. All of the matches were solid, but the best of the best was certainly the main event. TLC always seems to deliver, and the post-match farewell to The Undertaker was an eerie contrast to Flair’s tearful farewell two months ago. It would take a great match to serve as a fitting main event to this card, and that’s exactly what The Undertaker and Edge delivered.
Small: The Undertaker vs. Edge (****½)
An epic encounter to close out a very enjoyable evening.
Lansdell: The Undertaker vs. Edge (****)
The opposite of Cena-JBL. It had good spots, it had a story, it had emotion, pacing, psychology…best match I’ve seen in a while.
Wilcox: The Undertaker vs. Edge (****1/2)
TLC, hands down. Everything as good to great, and the Last Man Standing would have been stiff competition if it wasn’t for the injury, but this match was simply incredible. And the irony is, no one wanted to see these men go at it again.

Trash of the Night:
Slimmer: NONE
Yeah, I’m totally taking the cheap way out here, but seriously, there’s just no way that I can call anything on this card “trash.” Sure, some matches were better than others, but I gave everything at least three stars, and that puts it all far above what I consider to be “trash.”
Small: John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield (***)
Internal bleeding in the First Blood Match. How hard is it to be cut the hardway?
Lansdell: John Cena vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield (*)
It was just nothing, and that’s almost criminal. They had the worst stipulation of the bunch, and a terrible, TERRIBLE ending. These two could have had a great Texas Death Match, but I don’t think we’ll ever see that match in WWE again. It was bland,it was just there, and it annoyed me.
Wilcox: Shawn Michaels vs. Batista (***)
This just left me feeling a little disappointed and let down, and I wasn’t into the story they were trying to tell. I still feel bad for calling it trash though, considering the effort both guys put in was solid.

Final Analysis:
Slimmer: We’re almost half way through 2008, and as far as I’m concerned One Night Stand is certainly the best WWE pay-per-view to this point. There wasn’t a bad match on the card, and each match found a way to feel unique and not blend in to the hardcore background of the night. The WWE One Night Stand shows may never live up to the insanity of the ECW versions in 2005 and 2006, but this was a fun detour into the land of the extreme.
Small: While Wrestlemania 24 is my PPV of the year (mainly because I attended the show), I would have no problem giving runner-up status to One Night Stand. It’s better than any other WWE and TNA show so far (I was
at Lockdown). When only an injury stops every match from hitting three stars, you know you have a winner here! Buy the replay or even better, buy the DVD in July!
Lansdell: I really can’t go any higher, despite 3 matches at *** or over. Cena-JBL really hurt my enjoyment of the entire PPV, and unfortunately I missed the women’s match, which might just have ramped it to ***. There was too much here that didn’t feel extreme at all, and only one match that really blew me away. The booking from here is fairly straightforward – Cena-HHH, Kane-Big Show, and probably one more Batista-Michaels, with Jericho inserted. Edge might be stuck for dance partners for now. I had hopes for this PPV doing something, going somewhere, and reviving interest. It didn’t.
Wilcox: Everything was good here, and overall it was a fantastic show. Had Orton not got injured, it would likely have been PPV of the Year. Still, there’s nothing bad on this show, no screwy endings, and everyone should feel like they got there money’s worth.

Verdict:
Slimmer: ****¼
Small: ****
Lansdell: **¾
Wilcox: ****¼
Average Verdict: ***¾