wrestling / TV Reports
Acero’s AEW Dynamite Review 12.22.21
Loading...MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!
LETS FUCKING GOOOOO!!!!
Match 1: Orange Cassidy vs Adam Cole
Cole makes a line in the sand for OC. He walks over with much vigor, walks AROUND the line, and makes his own line! Cole meets him in the middle of the ring as Orange removes his shades with GREAT INTENSITY! COLE DOES HIS BAYBAY THING but OC takes his hands and places them in his pocket. OC with a side headlock takedown and a devastating kiss to the forehead. Cole is upset, gets a side headlock, Cole turns this into a rollup, 1..2.NO!! Cole tries to trip Orange up but OC is too quick. Side headlock takedown and a thumbs up. Orange stands, gets another hold. Cole with a punch. Rope work, Orange ducks under a hit, side head lock takedown. Leg scissors to Orange. Orange bounces out of the hold then stands, and both men are up. Test of strength, but Cole kicks and works the wrist. Orange tries for a rope break, but Cole pulls him away. OC kips up out of the hold, gains wrist control. Crucifix from Cassidy for 1..2..NO!!! Snapmare from Cole. Cravat from behind. Orange escapes, gets a side headlock of his own, Cole shovesCassidy, floats over and a rollup for 1..2.NO!!! Backslide from Cassidy for 1..2..NO!!! Whip t othe corner, reversed, Cassidy tries to hop over, but Cole doesn’t run. Backstabber to Orange Cassidy!!
Whip to the corner and Cassidy hits it back first, hard. Kick from Orange. Cole with a right hand and OC is on the top rope, laid out. Cole climbs and locks the head. He tries for a superplex, but Cassidy holds the buckle. Cole breaks the hold, Orange just shoves Adam off te top rope! CROSSBODY!!! Hits the ropes, again, DDT to Cole! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Orange to the top rope in the corner, but here come The Young Bucks and Cutler. Orange sees Cutler and dives on him on the outside! Here comes Chuck and Trent and Wheeler!!! They attack!!
In the ring, Cassidy hits the ropes, ducks under a clothesline! SUICIDE DIVE FROM CASSIDY TO THE BUCKS!!! Cole leaves the ring and tosses Orange into the steps. Again, shoulder first. Cole tries for a knee, but Orange moves and Cole hits the steps with his exposed knee!!
WE are back and Orange hits a soft chop, Cole with a super hard one, frustrated at Orange’s games. Orange with a slap to the thigh. Orange stands, forearm to Orange, kick from Orange! Another1 Another! He winds up!!! Ducks under! Superkick! Cole kicks the knee, Orange counters, rolls him through, Superkick to the head! Locks the head, but COLE REVERSES WITH A BRAINBUSTER TO THE KNEE!!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Firemans to Orange, Orange elbows out, Cole shoves, HUGE PUMP KICK TO ORNAGE! Locks the head, STUNDOG MILLIONAIRE!!! Orange rushes the corner, floats over the top, to the top, Diving DDT!!! Cover for 1…2…..NO!!! Cole flips Orange onto his knee head first! Cole drags Orange to the corner and climbs to the top rope. Orange stares at him, on his knees, and crawls backwards slowly lol. Surprise rollup from Orange! 1…2..NO!!! MICHINOKU DRIVER FROM ORANGE!!!! 1…2….NO!!!! Orange with the shades!!! TOP ROPE! He falls off, and BAM! SUPERKICK TO ORANGE!! PANAMA SUNRISE! Cover! Cole puts his hands in his trunks! 1……2…….NO!!!!!!
Damn, I thought that was it. Cole grabs Orange by the hair, gets him to the knees. Cole exposes the knee. Hits the ropes, running knee, but Orange ducks!!! BEACH BREAK!!!! COVER!!! 1….2……NO!!!! Orange wants Orange Punch! Cole rolls to the outside!
Bobby Fish is here! He climbs to the apron, gets in the face of the ref.
KYLE O’REILLY IS HERE!!!!!! Rolling punch to Orange!!! Cole enters the ring!!! RUNNING KNEE TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!! Cover for 1..2….3!!!
Winner: Orange Cassidy
They didn’t have to give us this match, y’all get that, right? They coulda just did a quick eight to ten minute average match and call it a day since KOR was debuting. But instead, they gave us this banger. Like holy shit man. Merry Christmas to me!
Total Rating: *****
Match Time: 17:04
KOR ATTACKS ORANGE!!!!! HE BEATS HIM DOWN OVER AND OVER! COLE GRABS THE SHIRT OF KOR AND PULLS HIM UP!
They lock eyes.
Here come Trent and Chuck! They attack KOR and Cole!!! Fish is here to attack!!!! He gets Trent in the corner, stomp from Cole and here comes Fish and KOR holding Chuck! SUPERKICK FROM Cole!
UNDISPUTED CHANT!!!
KOR with a choke hold to Trent, Fish hits the ropes, they double team Chuck with a High-Low!
The three stand in the middle of the ring staring at hard cam….pause…..
But here are The Bucks!!! They’re heading to the ring. Cole looks over to The Bucks, Cole shows some hesitation, looking to make a decision, unsure. Fish and KOR stare at the crowd, but Cole leaves the ring. KOR and Fish hug, then they leave with Cole.
We return with the news that Page and Danielson will get a rematch in two weeks to start off the TBS era of AEW. Page is introduced by Tony in the ring.
Schiavone asks Page about his rematch, saying the match they already had was one of the greats. So close, Page was, to winning the match. Tony’s opinion is that he would have won, had he one to two more minutes.
Page wants to stop him early, because after 60 minutes, the arm barely hanging on, all air gone, after 60 minutes, he was handed back the title. As we went to commercial, he managed to walk his way back up the ramp and looked at the title. He could see his face in it. In his 3 years of being in AEW, last week, he had never felt less of a champion. So the feeling from last week, the only feeling he has, is disappointment.
BRYAN IS HERE! Hahaha.
He tells us all to wait. He calls Page “Entitled Millennial Cowboy,” lol. Poor cowboy, says Bryan, disappointed yet still has the title. The fans should be disappointed, says Bryan, because he kicked Page’s ass for sixty minutes, and if anyone should be champion, it should be Bryan. But he wont come out and cry or tell everyone how sad he is. They’ve got a rematch, and he’ll kick Page’s ass again. Bryan says the only reason why Page lasted as long as he did was because Bryan hurt himself during the Silver match, but he wont make the same mistake – he will not be wrestling until January 5th. Here’s the thing he doesn’t want to happen, though – if Page stalls and wastes another 60 minutes, they end up in the same position they are at now, with this piece of Cowboy Shit holding the title. Bryan has a solution. January 5th, he wants judges, so if Page stalls again, everyone will know the true Champion is Bryan Danielson.
Page calls this creative, wonders if it took Bryan all week to come up with that. Page thought of everything: Iron Man, Inferno, Ladder Match. Last week, Bryan tried to drown him, but in the final seconds, he swam, and had he just three more seconds, he would have drowned Bryan. If Bryan wants judges, that’s fine, let’s get some old guys some pay days, but make sure Bryan pays them well in advance because they will not earn it. Page has come way too far for the title, spilled too much blood for the title, given way too much of himself for this to have some old prick sit ringside and tell him he’s not good enough, or tell him he’s a B+ Player – that’s horse shit. So if the question is can Hangman Adam Page beat Bryan in less than one hour, in two weeks – the answer will be…YES!
MJF and The Pinnacle are backstage. He says he diddnt want the camera here, but fuck it. He thnks Spears for being his accountability buddy. He brings up Darby and Sting, and wonders where Wardlow was. He pays Wardlow a lot of money to protect him, right? Right.
MJF says this isn’t them. Nevermind, this is Punk’s fault. He and FTR (he calls them MJFTR) are not loners, and Sting/Darby/Punk will not be able to co-exist. Punk came out last week because everything’s gotta be about him, and when it’s not, that’s when the real Punk comes out to play. In the ring, Punk is rustier than the knife Darby uses to skin animals. Lol. Nice. When Punk walked away from MJF, he chose early retirement.
Dax says they had no problem with Punk, but when he threatened him, his position, and his family – and these men are his family – that’s when things change. They are the three kings of professional wrestling. They are the best unit in this world.
Three Kings. Christmas. I see you, Dax. I see you well.
Match 2: Wardlow vs Shawn Dean
Lockup and Wardlow drops Shawn hard, then sets up for a powerbomb. Wardlow with one! Another! A third! Flips Dean over into another one! FOUR! Cover with the boot to the chest. 1…2…3!!!!
Winner: Wardlow
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:12
Spears with the chair! He smacks Dean one hard then holds Wardlow’s hand up. Wardlow snatches his hand back, then leaves the ring.
A video package for Sammy vs Cody on Christmas.
Lambert is here to quote Shakespeare! He and Sky and Page are in a sky box. Lambert talks about justie. He doesn’t expect us to understand him, because all we are worried about is downloading the latest update on the cell or turn off the light in our mother’s basement. He runs the largest and most successful gym on this planet, and every decision he makes is as a leader. Khan represents the opposite. He uses the buddy system – if you’re Tony’s buddy, you become an EVP and get a chance to sign. If not, you get an opener, and backstage vignettes. Scorpio was the first tag team champ, has pinned Jericho twice. Page has dressed, wrestled, and won better than anyone – but they will be sitting on the sidelines on Christmas, watching Cody get another title shot against Sammy. This proves his point, but here’s another example: look how Khan is treating Lambert. He wants Lambert to get us to cheer for Cody Rhodes.
Hahahaha.
Lambert says how the hell is he going to do that when Cody is a bigger dick than Lambert is?! Newsflash: Lambert doesn’t give a damn who we cheer for. Cody? Sammy? He doesn’t care, his only concern is that one of these two get the next title match.
Backstage, Britt is with Tony, Jamie, and Reba. She says she is bigge and stronger than Riho, and she has Hayter by her side. Tony says Jamie lost though. Britt wants to talk about the past, then. The Era of The DMD. She didn’t slide in and take someone’s spot, not an heir to a throne – she built her own, built this division, and was a pillar of the entire company. The pulse of AEW, and if you think 2022 is going to start with Riho, ha! Riho should have stayed under that bottom rope at All Out. Riho is out of her league. She’ll shoot her eye out. Merry Christmas.
Match 3: Ruby Soho vs Nyla Rose
Nyla attacks as Ruby is making her entrance. Nyla continues to beat Ruby down while she tries to remove the jacket. It’s stuck on her hand, Nyla rips it off. Ruby with some shots to the chest, kick, stomp, another kick, hits the ropes, comes flying back. Ruby works the ark, elbow strike, another, another, Nyla punches, but Ruby ducks and tries for an STO, Nyla stops her, hooks, and hits a huge Rock Bottom. Nyla sets up for a powerbomb, Ruby escapes, but Nyla hits a clothesline.
They end up outside and Ruby hits a headbutt, another, another, over and over again. Ruby rushes Nyla, but Vickie pulls Nyla out of the way and Ruby. Crashes into the steps!
WE are back from a break and Ruby is in control in the ring. She rushes the ropes, hops up, Nyla catches her, bounces her off the ropes, and A DDT from Ruby knocks Nyla down! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Nyla rolls to the outside. Nyla looks under the ring and grabs a chair. Ruby on the apron, runs and dropkicks Ruby off the apron! OUCH! That had to have hurt Ruby, too. Jesus! Ruby walks over to Nyla and sends her into the ring. Ruby to the top rope! Vickie shoves her off! She gets hung up on the top rope! Nyla to the top rope! She flies with a knee to the side of the head! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!!! Ruby gets sent into the corner! Chop from Ruby! Nyla chops her! Nyla lifts Ruby, Ruby slinks out and gets a Dragon Sleeper!!!!! Nyla calls for Vickie, it looks like a tap. Ref goes to Vickie, Ruby kicks Vickie!!!
Nyla with a surprise powerbomb! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! Nyla to the top rope! RUBY WITH NO FUTURE OUT OF NOWHERE!!! Cover for 1…2…..3!!!!
Winner: Ruby Soho
A little bit of a rough start, but they found their footing and ended up kicking some ass near the end there.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 10:27
Deeb gets a quick promo saying this is far from over. Next time her and Hikaru are in the ring together, Shida will be begging Tony to keep Deeb away from her for good.
Match 4: Malakai Black vs Griff Garrison
BIG BOOT from Black to Griff as he runs towards him. Black drops down to the face of Griff, hits the ropes, stops, decides to drop down and leave the ring to stare down Pillman. Brian is down. Griff flies out of the ring with a suicide dive that nearly misses! He rolls Black back in the ring, hits some uppercut body shots. Running p—no! Black with a low kick, another, he locks the legs and gets a knee bar. Black corners Griff, hits a right, elbow from Griff, Griff sends Black into the second rope neck first! Rolling elbow from Griff! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Elbow to the head, kick to the thigh! HIGH KNEE TO THE HEAD!! Black lifts
Griff by the chin, using his boot, instead of kicking, he picks the ankle! Single leg crab! Griff quits!
Winner: Malakai Black
Lotta fire from Griff here, but we knew where this was going.
Total Rating: *
Match Time:3:14
Black won’t release the hold. Pillman goes in to shove Black off. He checks on Griff. SWINGING FUCKING KICK TO THE FACE OF PILLMAN! Damn…..
Sting is wearing some punk inspired paint. Darby comes out thinking he’s MGK.
I swear to God, if Punk comes out in facepaint…
OMG HE DOES!!! It’s a red/blue/white Warrior like job! He screams like Sting, has some scorpions on his trunks, and here we go….
I am informed that this is Sting makeup from his old WCW days when he was surfer Sting. The More You Know.
Match 5: Sting, Darby Allin and CM Punk vs MJFTR
MJF and Punk to start! But of course, we ain’t getting that, because MJF tags in Dax. Punk corners Dax, lockup in the corner. Punk shoves Dax, then slaps him hard. Dax falls to his ass. Cash and MJF look to enter, but ref holds them back. Dax with a shoulder tackle. Hip toss from Punk, arm drag from Punk. He works the left arm, Dax turns into it. Hits a right. Tag to Cash. Cash runs in and gets body slammed.
Tag to Darby, and Cash hits a back elobw to the running Darby. Hard right to Darby. Darby slides under a right, dropkick from Darby. Arm drag to Cash. Works the arm, tries to tag in Sting, but Cash escapes and rolls back to his corner. Tag to MJF. Darby tags in Punk, MJF runs out of the ring and circles it as Punk chases. Tag to Cash, Punk is in the ring now. Cash works the wrist, Pun reverses and tags in Sting, much to the love of the crowd! Sting is in, works the arm, pulls it down hard, another tug, a third, kick from Cash whip to the corner. Sting kicks the back of the leg!!! He wants the Scorpion Deathlock! Cash scurries to the outside! Team MJFTR regroup. Tag to MJF. He comes in to chop Sting, Sting no-sells it. Sting pulls on the arm, MJF tries to tag. Sting pulls MJF into a short-arm clothesline. Tag to Punk. Punk is in, but MJF rolls out of the ring again! Punk follows, and MJF heads to the crowd! MJF RUNS ALL THE WAY UP THE STEPS!! Punk follows!! They leave the camera, MJF is shown running back down the steps, Punk is still following. MJF back to ringside, enters the ring, tags in Dax, and Punk runs into then out of the ring.
DARBY FLIES OUT OF NOWHERE INTO ALL THREE OF THEM!!!! Punk is entertained! Lol.
We are back and MJF sends Darby into the ring hard. Tag to Dax from Cash, and he enters to drop a leg on the neck of Darby. Headbutt. Tag to Cash. Double underhook. MJF spits water at CM Punk. Lol. He then runs back to the heel corner. MJF with a snapmare into a rear chin lock. Tag to Dax. Dax with a chop. He hits a body slam to Darby, all near the corner. Tag to Cash. Cash scrapes the forehead. Body slam from Cash, as he yells that he is partial to body slams. Haha. Tag to Dax. Dax lifts Darby and hits a body slam of his own. Tag to Cash. Cash grbs the head, Darby with a surprise rollup! Cash misses a splash, hits the corner, Darby with a scoop and a body slam!! Tag to Dax. Tag to Sting. He makes short work of Dax and Cash. Sting sends Dax headfirst into. The buckle over and over .Back body drop to Cash. Spinebuster to the incoming MJF! Splash in the corner to Cash! One for Dax! Cash runs with a back elbow, but sSting moves! Darby in! Splash to FTR! Punk with a rising knee strike to Cash! Da is left in the corner so Sting hits him with a Stinger Splash! He grabs the legs! Scorpion Deathlock!!!In comes MJF with a facebuster as Cash is the distraction! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!!
We are back, and Sting has Cash in the ring. Actually, Cash has an abdominal stretch until Sting hits a sloppy hip toss. Tag to Dax. Dax corners Sting. Whip to Sting, Dax hits the corner, mocks Sting, rushes the corner, and Sting catches him and hits a body slam!!!! Sting falls to the mat. He is TIRED. Lol. Tag to MJF who comes in to stop Sting from tagging. FAcebuster from Sting. STING FAINTS, WITH HIS HEAD HITTING THE DICK OF MJF! Classic spot. Tag to Punk. Tag to Cash. Kick to Cash, elbow to Dax, elbow to Cash, high kick to Cash, leg lariat to Dax! Running high knee in the corner! One for Dax! Running bulldog/clothesline combo!!! Punk with a suicide dive to the outside!!! He rushes back in. To the top rope! Punk flies! Crossbody to Cash! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Punk calls for the G2S! Sets up, Dax grabs the boot. Tag to Dax. Punk with punches to both, high kick to Cash, neckbreaker to Dax! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Punk to the top rope! Cash grabs the boot! Punk stands for the elbow! Dax is up! He clips the leg! Chop from Dax. He hooks the head, grabs the tights, Punk punches him away. Punk boxes the ears! Dax with a punch. Punk hits one back. Another to the face, Dax falls back on his ass. Dax rushes up, tag from Cash, Dax with a superplex! Splash from Cash! Cover for 1….2…….NO!!!!
Darby in the ring to take out Cash! Punk rolls up Dax! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! WE MIS A TABLE SPOT!!! Punk with a roundhouse kick to the side of the head! Both men down! Ref starts the count. Punk and Dax are on their knees now, exchanging elbow strikes. They stand, back and forth still, Dax hits the ropes, goes for Go2Sleep! But Cash is here! Counter! BIG RIG TO PUNK!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Sting there to stop it! MJF in to kick Sting! He locks he head and hits a DDT to Sting! Sting no sells it!!!! MJF turns, Sting is there! He grabs the rope and crotches MJF!!! Sting with a right hand to MJF! Sting grabs MJF and fucking shoots his ass over the top rope!!!! MJF DAMN NEAR BREAKS HIS NECK!!!! DEEEEEYUM!!!!
Sting to the top fucking rope!!! STING WITH A CROSSBODY TO MJFTR!!!
Sting grabs MJF and sends him into the ring! Punk is waiting for him! MJF pulls himself up in the corner. Punk calls for Go 2 Sleep! MJF turns! DAX SHOVES MJF OUT OF THE RING!!!
Go2Sleep to Dax!!!! Sting with the Scorpion Death Drop! COFFIN DROP ALL THE FUCKING WAY ACROSS THE FUCKING RING!!! HOLY FUCK BALLS! Punk with the cover! 1…2….3!!!!
Winners: Sting, Darby Allin, and CM Punk
This match, just like the entire episode, was more fun than it had any right to be. Son of a bitch!
Total Rating: ****
Match Time: 25:55
Crazy to see Punk in damn near tears at the reality that he just wrestled a match with Sting.
Amazing.
End Show
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