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Cook’s ROH TV Review 4.2.21
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Loading...Hey kids! This week’s episode of ROH television is also avoiding whatever happened at the Anniversary Show, but we’ve still got some top talent on tap. Including Danhausen! Let’s get it started!
Cook’s ROH TV Review 4.2.21
Quinn McKay welcomes us to Ring of Honor Wrestling! Two very special matches we won’t want to miss, including a main event pitting Eli Isom against LSG. Eli beat Rey Horus, & LSG has been moving up the rankings himself. Last week, we saw Fred Yehi win the Pure Wrestling Gauntlet. We see a clip of that, then Fred talks about being punched in the mouth and moving on ahead. He’s in the business of breaking people! Coming up next, Danhausen vs. Mecca III!
Brian Johnson says we can spend an entire week of ROH television talking about how much he loves pro wrestling, or spend a whole month talking about how much he hates Danhausen. He’s here to talk about the only thing that matters: their matchup! He’s no bozo! He’s not a student, he’s a teacher that should have a PHD in pro wrestling. He’s taking Danhausen to private detention. He’s an Equal Opportunity Asskicker that’s sick of the mockery Danhausen has made of pro wrestling.
I can’t do Danhausen promos justice, so watch the video below. Skip to 2:27 for the goodness.
Yeah, I know I’m skirting responsibility here, but it’s just too good for words. Danhausen is a man of integrity with a sack of money. Brian Johnstone will rue the day! Love that Danhausen.
Ian & Caprice are on commentary, Mark Briscoe joins them for the first match! Ol’ Chicken will surely have some expertise to drop on us.
Brian Johnson vs. Danhausen: Johnson is the only person banned from the ROH Strong Podcast, presumably because he yelled too much. Danhausen is now twice as nice & thrice as evil since he’s on TV. I do have to question that weight Bobby Cruise announces Danhausen at. I also find it hard to believe he made his pro debut in 1993. Danhausen hands Todd Sinclair the jar of teeth. The towel has also been removed from the ring. THE CODE OF HONOR IS FOLLOWED! Mark wants to know where the teeth come from. Apparently Brian is big in Philadelphia, and he dominates early with a headscissor. Danhausen gets out, grapevines the legs, into a front facelock. Shoulderblock by Johnson. Hip toss by Danhausen blocked, there’s a shoulderblock & hiptoss from Danhausen. Stun gun by Johnson & now he puts the boothausen to Danhausen. Tower of London gets a two count! Johnson introduces Danhausen to the middle ropehausen. Big clotheslinehausen off the top rope, another regular one for a two count. Johnson claims to own Danhausen’s ass, but he gets rolled up for two. Big Germanhausen by Danhausen as we go to commercial.
The two men trade shots as we return. Northern lightshausen by Danhausen! A bridging Germanhausen gets two! Johnson evades a move, then gets tossed over the top ropehausen by Danhausen. Hurricanranhausen on the floor by Danhausen! Sets Johnson up for the Good Night Hausen, but he swings Johnson’s legs into the face of Referee Sinclair! Todd, as usual, in the wrong place at the wrong time. Danhausen hits the move, but Sinclair is unable to make the count, as he looks like he spent a long night at the Denny’s buffet. Johnson snaps Danhausen’s neck on the top rope, uses the ropes to make a cover, but Sinclair actually sees it! Johnson is irate, but manages to hit the mule kick on Danhausen while Sinclair cowers in the corner. The Trust the Process neckbreaker ends it in the favor of Brian Johnson.
Winner: Brian Johnson (9:23 via pinfall)
Match Rating: ***
Perfectly entertaining TV match there. Danhausen’s groinhausen seems to be in pain. Get the man some ice packs! Somebody made the mistake of putting a microphone in the ring, so Johnson tells us it’s about damn time that we enter a meccade of excellence for Brian Johnson. He’s putting the whole roster on notice! Brian yells at Mark, which doesn’t seem like the best of ideas.
Jonathan Gresham announces he’ll defend the Pure Championship against Jay Lethal on the 500th episode of ROH TV in two weeks. Lethal is pretty excited about it.
LSG talks about how the TV Championship is a launching pad, and he reminds Eli Isom of who he is. He wonders where the hell Eli has been. They faced off before, but this is a new opportunity for both of them. He knows Eli’s strengths & weaknesses, and knows that Eli doesn’t have the killer instinct. Anybody that wants to make a name for himself in ROH has to go through LSG.
Eli says this is an interesting matchup. LSG has grown up! They know each other’s game. Eli isn’t the same kid LSG wrestled before. He’s here to wear gold! LSG is willing to go through anybody & see who the better man is.
Eli Isom vs. LSG: Eli was held off of early ROH bubble cards due to contact tracing, in case you were wondering. I know I was! Code of Honor is adhered to. Mat exchange to start leads to a stalemate. LSG slaps at Eli in the corner, so Eli slaps back. Some arm drags from Isom after some fancy evasion tactics. Isom wants to go up top, but LSG kicks him to the floor. Back in the ring, exchange of chops. Sholuderblock from LSG gets a 1. CRAVATE! Eli rolls out, but LSG fights back. Swinging neckbreaker gets two as we go to commercial.
We return, and Eli is trying to fight back but it’s going nowhere. Back suplex by LSG gets two. Back to the cravate. Eli powers out, but LSG kicks him down. Eli with a neckbreaker and both men are down. Eli with the big suplex. Facebuster, sidewinder suplex & LSG rolls outside. Springboard moonsault from Isom, brings LSG in the ring. Straitjacket German gets two. Eli goes for the brainbuster, LSG blocks it and sends Isom into the corner. LSG misses in the corner, but hits the Rocket Bye Baby. Springboard clothesline, then St. Explosion gets a two count.
We return from commercial & LSG heads up top. Eli cuts him off. They’re both on the turnbuckle. Eli gets knocked off, LSG with the crossbody, but Eli powers out and hits him with an F-U variation for two. Spear off the apron to the floor by Eli, shades of Big E! Todd Sinclair counts, LSG back in, Eli struggles to make the count, and he does! Forearm exchange! Backslide by Eli gets two. LSG blocks the brainbuster, goes for the Starjammer, blocked, Eli hits the brainbustaaaaaaaa. The Promise gets three.
Winner: Eli Isom (15:15 via pinfall)
Match Rating: ***
Another big win for Isom, who has been getting quite the push since arriving in the bubble. Handshake and some words exchanged. Decent little match, but nothing all that memorable or extraordinary here.
Mark Briscoe talks about how long he’s worked for ROH. 500 episodes of TV. He’s facing off against his brother Jay! Mark hopes he’s ready, because it’s time to get down! Jay looks like he’s ready. It might get a little nasty, but he’ll be happy to shake Mark’s hand after he whips his ass.
Happy wrestling!
