Csonka’s GCW (Joey Janela’s Spring Break!) Review 3.30.17

Csonka’s GCW (Joey Janela’s Spring Break!) iPPV Review 3.30.17

OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Sami Callahan defeated Kyle The Beast @ 9:45 via submission [***]
– Andy Williams & Penelope Ford vs. Braxton Sutter & Allie @ 8:15 via pin [**]
– GCW Championship ANYTHING GOES Match: Champion Matt Tremont defeated “The War King” Eddie Kingston @ 10:50 via pin [DUD]
– First Ever Spring Break ClusterF#%: Jimmy Lloyd won @ 35:30 [DUD]
– Lio Rush defeated Keith Lee @ 14:00 via pin [***]
– Joey Janela defeated Marty Jannetty @ 12:20 via pin [DUD]
– MMA SuperFight: Matt Riddle defeated Dan “The Beast” Severn @ 8:52 via submission [**¾]

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– The opening video showed Janela pan handling to raise funds to face Jannetty; he bought a magic lamp and Scott Hall appeared and granted his wish for the match.

Sami Callahan vs. Kyle The Beast: The Beast attacked before the bell, and they brawled with Sami fighting back with dives but The Beast just beat his ass all around the ringside area. Sami fought off the apron bomb and hit the PK. Sami celebrated and then laid in the chops. Sami is all fired up here, slamming The Beast to the barricades and then hitting a bicycle kick. Sami then ran around the ring but cut off by a kick. Back in and The Beast covers for 2. The Beast hit a rolling spear and followed with the slingshot senton for 2. The Beast worked the heat, but Sami started to fire up again and hit the face wash kicks, but The Beast fought back for a moment, but ran into the air raid crash. Sami ran into a bicycle kick, and The Beast hit a Samoan drop into a bridge for 2. They traded kicks, and then strikes center ring. Sami started to put some offense together, but The Beast hit a spear and then a jackhammer for the near fall. The Beast sets Sami up top, lays in strikes and follows up top. Sami fight him off, bites him and then follows with strikes. Sami looks for the sunset bomb, The Beast blocks it and then gets kicked in the face; sitout powerbomb by Sami and into the stretch muffler and The Beast taps. Sami Callahan defeated Kyle The Beast @ 9:45 via submission [***] Good opening match, nice hard hitting action worked in Sami’s sprint style, which is when he’s the best. This was my first time seeing the Beast and he impressed.

– Sami puts over his opponent post match.

Intergender Tag Match: Andy Williams & Penelope Ford vs. Braxton Sutter & Allie: Allie cut off the announcement of Williams so that she could introduce herself and Sutter. Allie got “Fuck That Owl” chants. Allie runs down Williams for bringing his sloppy ass into her ring. Williams then clotheslines Allie and the match begins with Williams and Sutter brawling to the floor. Allie and Ford also brawled. Williams grabbed a door to use as a weapon, but Sutter cut him of with chops but Williams suplexed him through the door. In the ring, Allie works over Ford and talks shit to her. She followed with a sliding clothesline for 2. Allie maintains control, but Ford starts to fight back with the back handspring elbow and broncobuster. Sutter returns and lays her out with a clothesline. Williams back in as well, but eats a sliced bread by Allie for 2. Allie and Sutter celebrate, and lay the boots to their opponents and then work over Williams. Williams and Sutter do a double down, as do the ladies. Sutter avoids a charge, superkick by Allie to Williams and then Ford hits hr with a stunner. Sutter goes after Ford, but Ford head scissors him into the corner. Ace crusher by Ford, chokeslam by Williams onto Sutter and then an assisted moonsault by Ford and that’s that. Andy Williams & Penelope Ford vs. Braxton Sutter & Allie @ 8:15 via pin [**] This was ok, but far from smooth; the live crowd loved it though, so they had that going for them.

GCW Championship ANYTHING GOES Match: Champion Matt Tremont vs. “The War King” Eddie Kingston: Tremont say sit will be “falls count anywhere in the fucking building.” Kingston attacked, using an eye poke early to take the advantage. Tremont then grabbed doors from under the ring, but Kingston followed him to the floor and posted Tremont. Tremont is already busted open 2-minutes in, that’s more restraint than I anticipated. They brawled back into the ring and Kingston sent Tremont through a door that was propped up in the corner. Christ Tremont tapped an artery as Kingston kept attacking the cut. Back to the floor they go, Tremont fought back with bamboo spikes and fought to the back and then up into the bleachers. They fought in the stands and you couldn’t see shit, commentary talked all over each other and largely entertained themselves (they were completely triggered by criticism on Twitter). Tremont is bleeding a lot now as he suplexes Kingston through a table. They then walked around aimlessly in the crowd and then to ringside. Tremont got another door, put it between the ring and barricade. Kingston returned, Tremont up top and Kingston pulled him off through the table. Kingston sets up another door in the corner. Pulled Tremont back in and but Tremont hit a DVD through the door in the corner for the win. Champion Matt Tremont defeated “The War King” Eddie Kingston @ 10:50 via pin [DUD] Mindless violence and blood for the sake of doing it with no set up or build to anything. Certainly not my cup of tea and I dig violent matches. They worked hard and I can respect that, but I didn’t find it to be any good on any level, and felt like it lasted an hour.

First Ever Spring Break ClusterF#%:: You can win by pin, submission or death. Flip Gordon is out first and then Façade. They grappled, did some athletic counters and Gordon did like 10 kip ups. Façade avoided kicks and we got the indie stand off. #3 was John Silver. Silver was all fired up, tossing fools around and kicking ass. #4 was Veda Scott. Scott attacked Silver right away and laid in chops to everyone until Gordon and Silver hit superkicks. #5 was Bryan Idol. He tossed Silver to the floor, and then Gordon. He and Façade worked an unintentional slow motion segment; Façade tossed him and hit a step up 450 to the floor to wipe out the pile. Façade’s manager chick then hit a dive off the top onto the pile. #6 is the masked Crazy Boy. He and Façade worked back and forth, and Crazy Boy rolled him up for 2. They exchanged near falls, Crazy Boy cut off Façade and covered for a near fall; this is the definition of a cluster fuck. Crazy boy hit a DVD and #7 was Jervis Cottonbelly. He gave out hugs before tickling Silver and then Scott. He even tickled the ref. He then sent Façade to the floor, and hugged ref Bryce Remsberg. #8 is The Invisible Man, who got one of the biggest pops on the show. He worked over Jervis and then Idol. The Invisible man has cleaner work than Façade does. The Invisible Man hit Scott with a German, brawled with Façade and then hit him with a lariat. DDT to Façade by the Invisible man. #9 is Jimmy Lloyd. He runs wild with kicks, hits a Michinoku driver to eliminate Gordon. Scott hit him with a superkick, but Silver cut her off and hit the brain buster. Silver hits Idol with a powerbomb for 2. Silver and Jervis hugged and Silver grabbed his ass. Jervis fainted and then fired up, hit a belly to belly for 2. Jervis fought off he powerbomb, but ate a superkick and rolled to the floor. #10 is Arik Cannon. Cannon and Silver drank beers; stunner by Cannon and Silver is eliminated. #11 is Glacier. Glacier strolled wildly, taking everyone down and then pinned Crazy Boy after a kick. Glacier looks blown up already. Façade is back, and #12 is Evil Dink the Clown. Glacier and Dink looked to battle, but Glacier took out Jervis and followed him to the floor. Scott & Dink battled, he bit her ass. Cannon and Scott brawled, as Dink just left the match and is eliminated. #13 is Ethan Page. He hit Scott with the spinning Dwayne and eliminated her. The Invisible Man is still in and he battles Page, I cannot believe I am typing so much for this thing, but here we are at 1:30 AM ET. Page powerbombs The Invisible Man to the floor onto the pile. Page then pinned the Invisible Man. Page hits Lloyd with a chair several times. Façade totally fucked up a destroyer and still eliminated Jervis, he almost died. Cannon eliminates Façade with a draping neck breaker. Powerbomb to Idol and then the brainbuster finishes Idol. Glacier then eliminates Cannon. Page returns, AND THEY HIT THE MORTAL KOMBAT MUSIC. Most entertaining thing in hours. Page rolls up Glacier after a distraction. Page is announced as the winner, but Lloyd returned and brawled with Page as the Keepers tossed part of a door into the ring and page beat down Lloyd, The Keepers came in the ring and tossed Lloyd through a door but kicked out. The Keepers slam Lloyd through another door and keeps kicking out, and for some reason this match keeps going. Page then put Lloyd through a door via iconoclasm, Lloyd kicks out again, because reasons. Lloyd then fought back as my feed died, just like this match did two hours ago. Lloyd then ended up winning. Jimmy Lloyd won @ 35:30 [DUD] I like fun, I LOVE the New Japan Rambo, but this was a horrible example of professional wrestling that went way too long with the joke overstaying its welcome. You get to a point where it stops being fun, it keeps going and going, and then you stop caring. That was this match. I am sure that Jimmy Lloyd is a nice guy, and means something to GCW, but commentary did nothing to explain why we should care. Clusterfuck was a proper name for this, and was 35:30 of my life I will never get back.

Lio Rush vs. Keith Lee: Rush tried to man up to Lee here, which while respectable, looks to be a poor gameplan. Rush then smartly used his speed, and made Lee miss before sending him to the floor. Lee then caught the suicide dive and killed Rush with an apron bomb. Back in the ring and Rush laid in kicks and looked to pick up the pace, but Lee cut him off and slammed him to the mat with ease. Rush then slapped Lee, so Lee slammed him to the corner and to the floor. Lee was very dismissive of Rush’s attempts at offense, but Rush kept firing back. Lee hit a one handed press slam for the near fall. Lee up to the second rope, Rush cuts him off but Lee then pulls him up and looks for a suplex, but Rush hits knees but Lee hits a clubbing strike to send him back to the mat. Rush then hit an enziguri, grabbed Lee off the ropes and hit a DVD, followed with the frog splash but lee kicked out at 1, sending Rush into the air. Rush followed with kicks, but Lee is getting angry and catches a kick but we get a ref bump. UGH. Lee hits the pop up powerbomb, but no ref. Bryce recovers, and Le covers for 2. Lee up top now looking for the moonsault, but Rush cuts him off with kicks. Rush up top with Lee, tries the sunset flip bomb and fails as Lee fights him off. Rush fights back and finally gets the powerbomb for 2. Rush lays in strikes, kicks follow and then chops. Lee then connects with Tenzan like chops, pulls Rush up on the ropes with him and Rush counters into a super RANA. Rush up top, frog splash and then another and then hits a third for the win. Lio Rush defeated Keith Lee @ 14:00 via pin [***] This was a good match, which the show desperately needed. The ref bump was not needed; this felt like an inferior version of Lee vs. Ricochet. I desperately want Keith Lee to get a G1 run this year, dude is great.

Joey Janela vs. Marty Jannetty: Jannetty came out to the old Rockers music. Commentary questioned how many drugs Jannetty was on, seriously. They stalled and played to the crowd to begin. Janela attacked with cheap shots as commentary continues to make jokes about Jannetty drinking. They fought to the floor, Janela kept control and hit a running boot. Commentary once again was simply entertaining themselves, making fun of WWE commentary. Janela did laps around the ring, but Jannetty caught him with a hip toss onto a chair. Commentary then makes jokes about Jannetty possibly blacking out during the match as Janela attacked the ankle of Jannetty, using a chair. Jannetty avoided the superkick and hit the ref of the second ref bump of the evening. Janela worked a sharp shooter, we got a new ref, ref bump. A new ref in, ref bump. Another ref in, piledriver for him and another ref bump. Earl Hebner does his run in and teases ringing the bell as Janela works a sharp shooter. Hebner shoves Janela down and checks on Jannetty. Janela take shim out for another ref bump. A masked man arrives, and it’s Virgil. Janela takes him out, and Jannetty hits a very assisted destroyer for 2. Janela hits a top rope splash but Jannetty kicks out. They brawled back and forth, Jannetty hit the rocker dropper onto some chairs but Janela survived. More slow brawling followed, superkick by Janela thankfully ends it. Joey Janela defeated Marty Jannetty @ 12:20 via pin [DUD] I realize that it’s 2017 and you can only do so much with Jannetty, but between atrocious commentary and the complete overbooking that only served to make the match go unnecessarily long. This was bad on a show with some truly bad stuff.

– Post match, Janela cut a promo and thanked the fans; Jannetty then put over Janela.

MMA SuperFight: Matt Riddle vs. Dan “The Beast” Severn: Severn is sporting the MMA gloves, and they grappled early. Severn worked his power game, working to ground the younger and faster Riddle. Severn blocks the kick and drops down for a knee bar, but Riddle escapes. Severn then mixes in some throws, and celebrates. Riddle takes a powder, and when he returns they trade strikes. Riddle fires up, but Severn hits another throw and then delivers knee strikes and a gut wrench suplex. Riddle works for a triangle, but Severn powers out. Riddle hits a throw, works some ground and pound and then fishes for the arm bar. Severn fights and gets the ropes. They trade strikes, Severn stumbles a bit and Riddle connects with strikes to the ribs. Severn hits a German but Riddle pops right back up. Another German by Severn but Rile pope up and hits a German of his own. Severn works knee strikes, locks in the dragon sleeper and drops to the mat. Riddle floats over and works elbows and locks in the bromission and Severn has to tap. Matt Riddle defeated Dan “The Beast” Severn @ 8:52 via submission [**¾] I get that Marty Jannetty is 57, has a really bad ankle and has had a hard life due to substance abuse; Dan Severn is 58, has a ton of miles on his body and the big difference here was that this match was booked to accentuate the strengths of the performers. They grappled, they beat the shit out of each other (Riddle’s post match words) and stayed in their lane. This was fun and entertaining, and you could tell it meant a lot to Riddle.

– Riddle puts over Severn and thanks him for taking the match and they hug.

– End scene.

– Thanks for reading.

“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”

2.0

The final score: review Very Bad

The 411

I wasn’t sure what to expect from this show, I felt that it could either be a fun show or a disaster. I appreciate that GCW (Joey Janela’s Spring Break!) was supposed to be different, but a lot of the wrestling, comedy and gags simply missed the mark for me. This was not a good show, in any way, and I really can’t recommend anything from it. Better luck next time.