Dark Pegasus Video Review: No Mercy ’99 (the UK Event)

No Mercy (the UK Event) by J.D. Dunn Just to catch you up on the goings-on: The Undertaker started stalking Stephanie McMahon, distracting Vince from his feud with Stone Cold Steve Austin. Shane stepped in and took over operations for his father, but he got drunk on power and actually merged the Corporation with the Undertaker’s Ministry. May 16, 1999 Live from Manchester, U.K.. Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. The Corporate Ministry comes out, and Shane announces they will have no mercy on their opponents. Shane even offers to defend his European Title against X-Pac. He also makes tonight’s title match a No DQ match. Opening Match: Tiger Ali Singh vs. Gillberg. Singh tells the Brits that he should be considered superior because he’s “more richer.” Gillberg, for those of you not around then, was WWF’s jab at WCW’s Goldberg. He’s longtime jobber Dwayne Gill, but I’m sure that doesn’t help you any. He was the light heavyweight champ at this point, but no one cared. In fact, the title was practically retired until Essa Rios won it about 10 months later. He actually gets in a spear here, but he stops to pose for the crowd, and Singh hits a reverse neckbreaker for the win at 1:03. Just how I like my Singh matches — short and on another continent. 1/4* Recap of the Brood defecting from the Ministry after Taker tried some tough love on Christian. Not nearly as erotic as it sounds. The Brood vs. Viscera & the Acolytes. Gangrel starts out with Viscera (the future Big Daddy V in his second incarnation after Mabel didn’t work out – literally, I don’t think he ever works out). Gangrel actually shows some spunk, hitting a series of elbows with Edge. Bradshaw hops in and sets up Edge for a powerbomb. Christian saves just long enough for Edge to recover and dropkick Bradshaw. The Suicide Blonds show some nice doubleteam moves. Faarooq tags in and spinebusters Edge to put an end to that. Christian gets the tag and fires off a few dropkicks before Faarooq tosses him into the railing. A big boot gets two for Bradshaw. Christian goes for a Crucifix (but he’s not even a Christian… oh, wait, yes he is), but Viscera counters to a Samoan Drop (but he’s not even Samoan!). Christian spikes Faarooq’s face into the mat, but he can’t make the tag. Shane McMahon and Mideon come out to find out why it’s taking so long to beat these scrubs. The ref gets distracted by Faarooq, enabling Edge to sneak in and yank Bradshaw off the ropes. Christian hits a Tornado DDT and FINALLY makes the tag to Gangrel. Gangrel gets caught in Bradshaw’s Fallaway Slam, but Edge dropkicks them over. A donnybrook erupts, and Christian hits Bradshaw with a frogsplash for two. He and Gangrel hit a double DDT, but Bradshaw *still* kicks out. Mideon runs down and DDTs Gangrel on the floor. That leads to Bradshaw hitting the Clothesline from Hell at 13:47. The Brood could not yet carry a match, and the heels definitely didn’t have enough interesting offense to fill nearly 14 minutes. ** Steve Blackman vs. Droz. Prince Albert is MIA. See, Droz liked piercings and tattoos, so he brought his personal tattoo artist Prince Albert (aka Albert, aka A-Train, aka the Hip Hop Hippo, aka the Giant Bernard) to the ring with him. Why? Because occupational gimmicks *always* work. Wait. No they don’t. In fact, they’ve *never* worked. Droz overpowers Blackman early but misses a flying clothesline. He comes back and pounds on Blackman. Droz was considered a can’t miss prospect before a spinal injury ended his career. He doesn’t really show much here, though. He misses a Stinger splash but avoids Blackman’s elbowdrop. Blackman schoolboys him and then hits a Northern Lights for two. Droz catches him with a powerslam, though. Ross and Lawler get bored. You can tell because they start musing on whether Lawler would be accepted in the UK or whether Droz has his penis pierced. Blackman blocks a dive off the top and finishes with a Triangle Hold at 8:01. Meh. Technically okay, but boring. *1/2 A Harry Beaver Cleavage video. Oh, what a can’t-miss prospect that was. See, his name was Harry “Beaver” Cleavage (Headbanger Mosh) and they ran a bunch of vignettes parodying Leave It to Beaver only with some muscle woman (Marianna Komlos) as the guy’s mom. Lots of double entendres followed. Apparently, someone threatened to sue – probably a viewer who thought the whole damned thing was stupid – and the whole thing was dropped before he even debuted. Mankind comes out to talk about calling the British Bulldog and the Bulldog giving him a special message: “Cactus, hang up the damn phone so I can get some sleep.” He promises to rearrange Billy Gunn’s face tonight. Kane vs. Mideon. Kane misses a charge early, otherwise there would be no believable way for Mideon to get in any offense. At least Mideon has a strategy, going after Kane’s arm. It doesn’t do much good, though, as Kane no-sells everything and comes back. JR says Kane may need a surgical procedure in order to be able to talk. May? Doesn’t anyone in this promotion do a physical or at least get a list of disabilities that might affect performance before someone starts wrestling? It would be good to have that kind of info on hand. Kane goes for the chokeslam, but the Corporate Ministry runs out and attacks him at 4:38 (about 4:30 too long). X-Pac makes the save… by himself. Yes, Viscera, Mideon, and the Acolytes were chased off by X-Pac. 1/4* Recap of Sable being stripped of her title and humiliated in public on her way out. She looked like she was in tears. Nicole Bass vs. Tori. Unfortunately, Sable can’t wrestle because the Manchester climate has given her a chest cold. And when Sable gets a chest cold, it’s almost fatal. She walks out and lets Bass destroy Tori with a chokeslam at 0:27. Sable would come slithering back four years later and is now married to Brock Lesnar in an effort by eugenicists to breed some super prima donna. 1/4* European Title: Shane McMahon vs. X-Pac. Funny exchange between Ross and Lawler as Ross blasts Shane for orchestrating the kidnapping of his own sister. Lawler tries to defend Shane by saying maybe Stephanie was a spoiled brat who was shown favoritism her whole life. Ross is irate and calls her a “sweetheart” of a girl. Oh, how that would change. Shane charges and gets backdropped over the top. X-Pac does his DX pyro and backdrops Shane over again. Shane tries to run but gets blocked by Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco. They send Shane back in. Chyna comes out and takes out the Stooges. Shane uses the distraction to jump X-Pac from behind. Shane actually hits a suplex and an FU elbowdrop. X-Pac comes back with a backdrop suplex. The ref gets bumped, so Chyna sneaks in and nails X-Pac with the title belt. The recovers. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Triple H comes down as Shane misses the Broncobuster. X-Pac hits the X-Factor, but Chyna knocks out the referee. She goes up, but X-Pac crotches her. He tries the Broncobuster, but she gets her foot up to block. That leads to Hunter’s Pedigree. The ref recovers again, and Shane gets the win at 8:29. This was basically a replay of their Mania match. Still, match of the night so far. Kane saves X-Pac from a beating. The Corporate Ministry is 3-0, though. **3/4 Michael Cole asks Mankind if he thinks the Corporate Ministry will interfere in his match tonight. Right on cue (literally) the Ministry attacks and injures Mankind’s leg. Mick was legitimately hurt at the time, and he needed to be written out. He’d also get rushed back for Summerslam before finally recovering enough for one final (awesome) run in 1999-2000. Also, I should point out that Mick was the leader of the babyface stable “The Union,” which consisted of Mankind, Ken Shamrock, the Big Show and Test. It has to go down as one of the lamest and shortest-lived stables in history. Mankind vs. Billy Gunn. Mankind is a no show the first time the play his music, so Billy gets ready to accept a forfeit. Mankind finally does come out, and they brawl in the aisle. Mick really can’t do much, although he never really had the largest moveset in the world anyway. Gunn whips him over the railing. Back in, Billy goes after Mankind’s injured leg. He tries a ringpost figure-four and then gets pissed because a fan touches his ass. Hey, the guy just wanted to be close to greatness! Back in again, Billy applies a figure-four leglock. Mankind reverses and grabs a chair. Gunn kicks him to counter, though. Mankind hits a Kobashi Driver and pulls out Mr. Socko. MANDIBLE CLAW! For whatever reason, he drops that. Billy comes back with a piledriver on the chair that gets two. The timekeeper rings the bell early on that one. Gunn finally finishes with the Fameasser on the chair at 11:28. Mankind is literally the only person willing to job to Billy Gunn, and even then they have to shoot an injury angle and fly to another continent. It wasn’t a bad brawl outside of Mick’s immobility. **1/4 WWF Heavyweight Title: Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Triple H (w/Chyna). I’m starting to feel like Scott Evil questioning all this booking, but if they’re on the same side, why doesn’t Hunter just lay down for the Undertaker on the condition that he gets the first title shot? But then, from Helmsley’s point-of-view I’m sure he’d ask why the Undertaker wouldn’t just lay down for him, and then we’re right back where we started. They all brawl out in the aisle where Austin manages to hold his own in a two-on-one. More brawling. More brawling. Into the crowd. Back to ringside. Austin tries a piledriver on the Undertaker but gets backdropped on the floor. The heels pinball him back and forth. Hunter grabs a chair, but Earl Hebner takes it away from him. Austin grabs it and waffles both members of the Corporate Ministry. Back in, Austin gets two. Taker and Helmsley start arguing over who’s going to get Austin, prompting an argument between Paul Bearer and Chyna. Bearer threatens to fuck her up with some of his bad-ass ka-ra-te. By some strange alignment of the planets, Helmsley and Austin wind up working together to eliminate the Undertaker. HHH turns on him and goes for a pin, but Taker pulls him off. Taker sets up to Tombstone Austin, but Helmsley makes the save and goes for a Pedigree. Austin reverses and catapults Helmsley right into a chokeslam. Stunner to the Undertaker! ONE, TWO, TH-Helmsley makes the save but also eats a Stunner. Suddenly, the whole Corporate Ministry runs down to the ring for a big schmozz. In all the chaos, Austin nails Helmsley and gets the pin at 25:07. Typical Austin ’99 brawl, which was every Austin match he had until he came back in late 2000. **1/2

The 411: The UK events rarely get top effort, and when the 1999 roster dogs it, look the fuck out! There wasn't much that was actively bad outside of Sable walking out (although who cares, really). Most of it was boring and uneventful. If the show never existed -- and in WWF cannon, it barely did – no one would notice. Thumbs down.
Final Score:  4.0   [ Poor ]