Dark Pegasus Video Review: The Summerslam Anthology — Summerslam ’95

Summerslam ’95 by J.D. Dunn Twitter.com/jddunn411 Brightkite.com/jddunn411 Facebook.com/jddunn411 Yep. It’s this show. August 27, 1995 Live from Pittsburgh, Pa. Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler. Opening Match: The 1-2-3 Kid vs. Hakushi (w/Shinja). Hakushi is Japanese journeyman Jinsei Shinzaki, whose workrate seems to fluctuate wildly depending on his mood. This was long before Low Ki or AJ Styles, so it was good for the time but probably disappointing if you’re watching it today. Lots of cool moves, including the Space Flying Tiger Drop. That gets Hakushi over as a face, which he’s not. Hakushi finishes with a Nenbutsu Bomb (cradle slam) at 9:28. Sadly, Hakushi was wrapped up his U.S. stint just as he was starting to get over. **1/4 Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Bob “Spark Plug” Holly. ::sigh:: The creative department just didn’t have a clue in 1995, did they? Bob “Spark Plug” Holly is slightly better than “Sparky” Thurman Plugg, but not by much. Helmsley, on the other hand, at least got *some* heat as an aristocratic blueblood. He pales in comparison to Stephen Regal, though. Sparky takes a hard bump to the corner. Oooouch! Rope-assisted abdominal stretch from Helmsley burns some time. Bob makes the comeback with a dropkick (the best in the business at that time). He ducks his head for a backdrop, though, and that leads to the Pedigree at 7:12. Kind of clumsy, considering Helmsley was supposed to be some sort of technical marvel. Better things were ahead for both guys. *1/2 Jacob & Eli Blu (w/Uncle Zebekiah) vs. The Smoking Gunns. Screw it. I’m cutting and pasting. Vince says “you have to be a computer whiz to know which one (of the Blu Twins) is in the ring at one time.” How does that even…? Nevermind. Lawler makes a Windows 95 joke. Well, it *was* a pretty big deal at the time. Billy gets a Fameasser early, but the Blus isolate him. There is a small-but-vocal contingent of heel fans in the first few rows. Billy makes the hot tag to Bart, and they finish with the Sidewinder at 6:10. In a tragically funny moment, Billy Gunn reaches out to slap some fans’ hands, but everyone in the aisle leaves him hanging. *3/4 Bodydonna Skip (w/Sunny) vs. Barry Horowitz. Skip is the late Chris Candido. I think motivational speaker/fitness guru is second only to hillbilly in the number of times Vince has tried to get it over. Horowitz was one of the world’s most famous jobbers going back to the 1980s, but he got a fluke win over Skip to set this up. I believe this is actually his PPV debut. Barry is a house of fire early on, prompting Sunny to call for the bell. Earl Hebner isn’t having it, though. Sunny trips “Horriblewitz” from the outside, giving Skip the advantage. Diving headbutt from Skip, but he hauls Horowitz up instead of taking the pin. Oh, that’s just stupid. Sunny crotches Horowitz during a comeback, leading to a superplex, but Hakushi wanders down and springboards over everyone. That distracts Skip long enough for Barry to small package him at 11:22. The fans loved Barry, and he was a good worker. Too bad his mini-push didn’t last. **3/4 Dean Douglas defines “vivify” while explaining how Horowitz won the match. To show just how much Vince McMahon learns from failure, in 1995, he gave us teacher Dean Douglas, health guru Skip, and the big, lumbering Blu Twins. In 2006, he gave us teacher Matt Striker, heath guru Simon Dean, and the big, lumbering Gymini. WWF Women’s Title: Alundra Blayze vs. Bertha Faye (w/Harvey Whippleman). The joke is that Bertha is just too fat for any of Blayze’s offense to work against her. The other joke is that Whippleman thinks she’s adorable. Bertha knocks Blayze down with her gut. Blayze fires back, but Bertha “Samoa Joe’s” away from a missile dropkick and finishes with a sitout powerbomb at 4:38. Bertha is a poor substitute for Bull Nakano, and the freak show tenor of her push is a big step down from what the women’s division was doing. * Casket Match: The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Kama (w/Ted Dibiase). Kama would go on to fame as the Godfather, although how he ever survived the first few awful years to make something of himself is a mystery to me. This is yet another in the long line of “heel steals the urn” storylines, which probably had far more to do with 1997’s “financial peril” situation than anything WCW did. Taker tosses him into the casket early, but Kama freaks out and scrambles back out. See, Kama is “the Ultimate Fighting Machine,” which should not, in any way, be confused with ultimate fighting or machinery. Dibiase gets in a few shots on the Taker on the outside, making Paul Bearer nearly blow a gasket. Kama hits a powerslam, but he’s stupid and goes for a pin. Taker clotheslines them both into the casket, but they both crawl out. Taker chokeslams Kama, Tombstones him and tosses him into the casket for the win at 16:22. This was WAY too long as Kama had to try to carry the match with his offense, and he just didn’t have the skills to do it. It just kept dragging on and on, and most horrifically, they kept teasing that it would be over, and it wasn’t over. That’s just cruel. 1/2* Bret Hart vs. Isaac Yankem, DDS Yankem is Glenn Jacobs, aka Diesel II, aka Kane, aka Jacob Goodnight. In this case, he’s playing Jerry Lawler’s evil dentist, hell-bent on revenge for Bret Hart humiliating Lawler. By the way, ‘punny names’ fall under the same category mentioned above with ‘urn stealing.’ Yankem is actually pretty spry here, doing his best with what he has and looking a lot more motivated than he would over the past few years as Kane. Bret does his best to bump around, making Yankem look better than he actually was at this point. Bret locks in the Sharpshooter, prompting Lawler to help Yankem out of it and try to strangle Bret in between the ropes. That draws the DQ at 16:08. Bret was ON during this period, and Yankem was motivated. Tack on an extra 1/4* for the beatdown and call it ***1/4. Intercontinental Title, Ladder Match: Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon. Yes, this is, of course, the rematch to their legendary WrestleMania X ladder match that made both men big (bigger) stars. Both men are coming in as babyfaces, but even as a face, Shawn was kind of a jerk, so the crowd slightly leans toward Razor. Winner gets Sid Vicious, who was supposed to get a title shot, but they needed to pad the card, so Sid would have to wait. They avoid each other’s finishers early, and Shawn goes over the top off a corner whip. He tracks Razor down but pays for it when Razor suplexes him off the apron, and Shawn bangs his ankle on the crowd railing. Is it any wonder why this guy was the most over wrestler on the roster from 1995-1996? Razor hits a fallaway slam and goes up, but Shawn tips over the ladder. Razor pulls Shawn’s pants down as Shawn is going up, thus fulfilling Shawn’s contractual obligations to show his ass at least twice a year. Shawn takes a SICKENING bump as he gets his leg tied up in the ladder on his way down. Razor sandwiches Shawn’s leg in the ladder and starts stomping on it. Nice. Shawn has the audacity, the unmitigated GALL, to try and defend himself, so Ramon gives him a kneebreaker on the ladder. Shawn fires away with desperation punches, but Ramon locks in an Indian Deathlock. PSYCHOLOGY~! Razor goes up, but Shawn DIVES to make the save. Ramon is clearly playing the heel role here, getting Shawn even more over with the crowd at large and earning himself a small, vocal cult in the first few rows. Shawn whips Razor into the ladder and hits a moonsault bodyblock. Shawn climbs the ladder, but the splash that he hit a year earlier MISSES! They both go up the ladder, and both men get crotched on the top rope. Razor pulls out the backup ladder but decides to give Shawn the Razor’s Edge instead. They set up both ladders and go up. Ramon stretches out for the belt, so Shawn kicks him away but falls over and nearly brains himself on the other ladder. They improvise with Razor going for another Razor’s Edge and Shawn backdropping him over the top. Shawn misses ANOTHER attempt, throws a tantrum, and finally goes up to get the belt to retain at 25:05. The botched ending did hurt the impact of the match, but it shouldn’t overshadow the other 25 minutes of great wrestling. The more I watch this match, the more I prefer this to the Mania match. The psychology was better, and the storyline was tighter. Great, great match. ****3/4 Dean Douglas tries to critique Ramon’s performance, so Razor Ramon storms his classroom and knocks him on his ass with a punch. That, of course, would lead to Douglas’ departure and general bitterness. WWF Heavyweight Title: Diesel vs. King Mabel (w/Sir Mo). Why yes, Viscera *did* main event a PPV. Why do you ask? See above, re: ‘punny names’ and ‘urn stealing.’ Diesel reverses a corner whip and hits a pair of clotheslines. Mabel is staggered, so Diesel shoulderblocks him to the floor and hits a tope! Seriously. Can I just point out the stupidity of having a man named Mabel main-eventing the second-biggest show of the year? Not a whole lot going on to recap. Lots of punching. That’s something, I guess. Having this match follow the ladder match was a big mistake because it exposed these guys as…well, sucky. Mabel hits a sideslam and squats down on Diesel’s back. Mabel knocks the ref out, and Mo runs in to help doubleteam Diesel. Lex Luger runs in to help out, but Diesel thinks he’s there to attack him because Luger and the British Bulldog are chummy, so he clotheslines him over the top. Mabel hits the legdrop on the outside, but Luger recovers and chases Mo to the back. Back in, Mabel hits a belly-to-belly for two. Diesel avoids a splash and hits a flying clothesline for the win at 9:14. This was whatever the opposite “epic” is. 1/2*

The 411: 1995 was such a horrible year for mainstream wrestling, and this PPV was no exception. Vince refused to listen to the fans like some obnoxious uncle at a family reunion. You tell him that you don't like the mashed potatoes, but he just laughs and says, "Sure you do! Everybody likes mashed potatoes!" and heaps more onto your plate. WELL WE DON'T LIKE MASHED POTATOES, VINCE! Okay, I got a little carried away. I didn't mean to drag mashed potatoes into this. I really like mashed potatoes. I just don't like Mabel main-eventing, and I don't like this PPV. Get Shawn vs. Razor on DVD, and feel free to avoid the rest. Thumbs down for Summerslam '95.

Final Score:  4.5   [ Poor ]