wrestling / Video Reviews

Down With The Brown: WWF Free For All (1997)

November 10, 2004 | Posted by Sydney Brown

First of all, a thank you to those of you who purchased some of my tapes, it has been a big help in attaining my financial goal. Though I still have a LONG way to go. I’ve added about ten new titles to the list, most of them being masters, so for those of you interested, my sale is located at:

http://www.hometown.aol.com/sydneyeight/sale.html

Yeah, I know it’s not a really professional looking site, when I get some time and some funds, I’d like to be able to get my own real site going someday. (For non-wrestling stuff that is.) And I’ve had some requests for a Sydney Brown comp, which I have been pondering, but unsure if I’d have the time, but it is being considered…..

Well, I tell you, I claim to be a busy person, though not so busy to get a chance to play GTA: San Andreas and all I can say is, wow. The best PS2 game I have ever played, and when all is said and done, it may be the best game I have ever played. I purchased Smackdown vs. RAW and played it for a night, and now I’m back to GTA again.

And for those you who are fans of the Smackdown series, if you have Here Comes the Pain, I can’t say there is a huge incentive to purchase the new one. Less guys, the backstage areas are regulated to the Parking Lot Brawl only, no real new names, and a few changes in the controls that really irked me. (You can use either the D-Pad or the joystick but not both, and that’s REALLY frustrating.) The Create-a-Belt option rules it, and the Rumble match is much more like a real Rumble now, so it’s not without its pluses, but if the choice is $50 for the new one or $20 for the old one, I’d go with the old one.

Well, I gotta say I’m rather shocked to see some the names dropped from the roster this past week. Almost all them being homegrown WWE talent, I really expected if guys were getting canned, it’d be guys they didn’t make stars themselves like Steven Richards or Tommy Dreamer. But I guess after five pushes a piece, I guess they finally realized that Test and A-Train were never really going to amount to anything. And now Nidia has the distinct honor of being the only female NOT to hold the Women’s title at some point. (And I think you can consider the Women’s title just about history, there were only about ten women in the division to begin with, now there’s seven: Trish, Lita, Molly, Victoria, Ivory, Stacey, and Christy and two of those aren’t even real wrestlers.)

If I were Bob Holly or Val Venis, I’d be REAL nervous right about now. I know there are supposedly at least two more names, and if it were my call, I’d be picking Scotty 2 Hotty and Garrison Cade, Cade because when he came up on the Smackdown loading screen NONE of the people I was playing with knew who he was, and Scotty because, well, I didn’t even know he was still in the WWE.

And Mark Jindrak is one lucky guy. Of all the WCW “New Blood,” he’s the only one left standing. Who would have put money on him?

And this segues nicely into today’s review, the Coliseum tape of the Free-for-All, all those matches that aired for free during 1996 and 1997 as part of a way to convince you to order the WWF PPVs. Seemed like an odd tactic when you consider the free match was usually between two C-level guys, and that may be why it got dropped after a year of doing it. This is a collection of 8 matches from WMXII up to the 1997 Royal Rumble. And let’s see which of these guys are still around, and who got canned just this past week, shall we?

Match #1

The Bodydonnas vs. The Godwinns

Tag team wrestling in the WWF reached its lowest point in 1996. They were four teams, FOUR that existed at this time, the above two, The New Rockers, and The Smoking Gunns. It’s really sad when you realize the Gunns were far and away the best team in an organization. Host Dok Hendrix explains there was a tournament to determine the new champs, and man, I’d love to see the bracket for that. I know Savio and Austin had a team only so they could break up and feud, and there are the three above mentioned teams, who could the other teams have been? Oh God, here comes Sunny……….I believe our Lord does the right thing at all times, but man, how could He let Sunny do that to herself. The summer of 95 through the summer of 96 was Sunny at her absolute hottest as I don’t think the WWF realized just how insanely attractive she was. Once everybody else caught up, it just wasn’t as much fun (Kinda like watching Jennifer Love Hewitt on Party of Five before the rest of the world knew who she was. And before she wanted to sing.)

Okay, let’s run down the participants. You got The Bodydonnas (two Simon Deans), Skip (Chris Candido, Sunny’s real life boyfriend), and Zip (Dr. Tom Prichard) and on the other side you got The Godwinns (which if you believe the Democrats, represent 95% of the people who voted for Bush) Henry Godwinn and Phineas Godwinn (aka Mideon) managed by the nicest man on the planet Hillbilly Jim. Hillbilly’s one of the few wrestlers I have met, and he just comes off as just a great guy. I don’t think I’ve ever really heard a bad thing said about him, and that may explain why he lasted so long in the WWF without really wrestling that much. He may be the biggest name to never have any kind of major feud with anybody.

And some marketing genius has a giant Tyco Blimp floating around ringside which is to promote Tyco toys but also guarantee that somebody’s view will always be blocked at some time. And if I paid hundreds for a WM seat and some dumbass blimp was in the way, I’d be sure to never buy their product again.

Have you noticed I’m stalling to get to the match? Apparently Coliseum didn’t think much of it either as we are suddenly JIP. Bodydonnas double slingshot Henry for two, and Vince tells us how he can’t tell Skip and Zip apart. But then again, he had difficulty telling Ax and Smash apart too. Vince plugs the Huckster-Nacho Man match which oddly didn’t make the tape. That may be the only WM match that makes Goldberg-Lesnar look good. Zip rocketlaunches Skip but Henry moves and he makes the hot tag to a lukewarm reaction. Phineas goes for the slopdrop (reverse DDT) on Skip but Sunny shows him her panties and he gets distracted, which for once I’ll totally believe. Skip rolls him up, gets the three and we have new tag team champions as the crowd pops big, though I think it’s less for the tag team, but more for the manager.

Sunny gives us the line of the tape: “Not only am I the best manager but I have the best buns in the WWF!!!”

Match #2

The Bodydonnas vs. The New Rockers

This was from the preshow to the KOTR ‘96 and the Bodydonnas had lost Sunny who went to The Smoking Gunns, so Skip & Zip had a manager contest and ended up with the epitome of stupidity in the WWF in 1996 by hiring a guy in drag and calling him “Cloudy.” And while that was going on, you had the “New” Rockers consisting of Marty Jannetty and Al Snow (as Leif Cassidy). Snow had the honor of blowing two gimmicks in record time (Avatar and Shinobi) and he was on #3 in a matter of six months. I like Al Snow and all, but Tough Enough SAVED him. His humor was just too inside for me, it was cute, but not terribly hilarious, kind of in that Joel Gertner kind of way. Though I will admit, he was great as Leif Cassidy, the 70’s teen idol who jumped around like an idiot. Problem was, the original Rocker Shawn Michaels was the champion at the time, and it only made his ex-partner Marty Jannetty look even THAT much worse getting stuck in prelim matches. So basically it’s the battle of the dumped and the left-behinds.

JIP as Snow hits a VICIOUS modifed Tiger Driver on Candido. And that’s the thing. Snow and Candido could pump out a **** match. But with the angles given them here, there’s just no way they could under the circumstances. Skip returns the favor with a Northern Lights suplex. Marty tags in and hits the Rocker Dropper (aka the Chad Austin paralyzer) and he tries to imitate Snow’s enthusiasm with a less enthusiastic result. Jannetty crotches himself on the top rope and Skip tries a superpplex but Jannetty turns it into a top rope powerbomb which almost goes horribly wrong as Marty lets him go halfway in the air and Skip just crashes haphazardly halfway across from where Marty is. Zip and Snow tag in and the Bodydonnas take over with Zip backdropping Skip onto Marty on the floor. Snow hits a vicious LowDown (one damn great finisher, that got killed when D’Lo knocked Road Dogg out legit on a live RAW with it.) But Cloudy comes in and makes out with Snow. A disgusted Snow gets rolled up for the pin. Stupid ending, but Snow showed us he was too innovative for the WWF at this time, as half the moves he did wouldn’t be repeated for another two years.

Match #3

Savio Vega vs. Justin “Hawk” Bradshaw

Yep, here’s your future WWE champion slumming as the “new” Stan Hansen back in 1996. I never have figured out what Vince sees in him, though I will give him credit, Bradshaw is a horrible champion but yet a good one, because he’s horrible in the way that Honky Tonk Man was horrible. Terrible wrestler, but you couldn’t wait to see him get his ass kicked. I think keeping the belt on him for much longer is going to be a mistake though. What heat he has generated isn’t going to last.

Savio Vega was another guy Vince liked to cram down our throats as he kept trying to make him the new Pedro Morales or something.

The two are feuding so they don’t even wait for the bell. Bradshaw is managed by Uncle Zebekiah (aka Dutch Mantel, a guy who just did NOT have the look for the WWF.) Standard punch and kick match, until a nifty Savio drokick sends Bradshaw to the floor. Bradshaw strikes the ringpost trying to hit Savio, and Savio goes to work on it. Bradshaw gives Savio a vicious boot to the face and to his credit, keeps selling his hand injury. Savio recovers and hits that cool spinning heel kick where he lands on the floor. Back in, and Savio hits a bodypress, but Bradshaw catches him, slams him, and puts his feet on the ropes for the LAAAAAAME pin. But Bradshaw is kind enough to hit the clothesline from hell for us and the two “brand” Savio with the dreaded hot fiery blank ink.

Match #4

Yokozuna vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

And here’s the man that saved the WWF. I remember a promo he cut about this match that I haven’t seen in eight years and I STILL remember it. Basically the point of it being “Hey, I’m the King of the Ring winner. What the hell am I doing on the damn Free-For-All?” People like to think he was an overnight sensation, but he became Stone Cold in March of 96, won the KOTR only because the original winner HHH got demoted (oh, the irony), and was still a cult figure two months later. It wouldn’t be until January of 1997 when they really pulled the trigger on him. So it’s August 1996 and Stone Cold is curtain jerking the second biggest show of the year.

Yokozuna is nearing the end of his WWF tenure here, and he’s getting near the 700 lb mark here. Vince tried for years to get him to lose weight but Yoko ended up gaining even more, before he was finally let go, and became the punchline to one too many Al Isaacs joke (who proclaimed Yokozuna was joining the nWo or The Hart Foundation or The Nation or just about every clique there was at the time.)

This match is ruined as the box cover kindly shows us the finish. Austin jumps Yoko and the fans react in kind. Yoko fights back so Austin pops him in the eye. Two clotheslines won’t drop Yoko, so Austin flashes a doublebird and goes for the Stunner but Yoko reverses it and hits a Samoan drop followed by a huge legdrop. He goes for the Banzai drop, but the top rope breaks and Yoko falls off the rope (which considering he’s standing on the bottom rope, he falls about six inches), and Austin pins him. Crappy match, but a clever finish, and it gave the fans what they wanted. An Austin victory.

Match #5

Savio Vega vs. Marty Jannetty

And here’s a match the fans DON’T want. But it’s got a nice little “WTF?” moment as eagle-eyed viewers will notice Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman sitting in the front row. This was Mind Games from Philadelphia, and what most of us didn’t know was that Vince was so desperate to get ANYTHING going ratingswise, he hooked up with the biggest underground wrestling sensation ever, Paul Heyman’s Extreme Championship Wrestling, and what followed was a nice little semi-shoot where the two made their presence known, but it doesn’t happen during the match, so it’s not really worth mentioning so much here. But just look, they’re on the camera side. Marty’s about out of the WWF permanently at this point as he’s pretty clear he’s in no mood to even be wrestling. Al Snow makes up for it by wearing Savio’s jacket and dancing around.

Savio controls and we get a Bradshaw interview, and he complains about how he has yet to be in anything but the Free for All. Marty takes over with a headlock, and in the corner, you can see Tommy Dreamer get an ECW chant going. THIS is how you fake a shoot. Because Vince and JR completely ignore what’s going on. Well, I say that, and then JR mentions a “small contigious base sitting at front row causing a stir.” But that’s all he says. Jannetty hits a second rope bodypress but Savio reverses it for the three. Savio celebrates but it’s shortlived as Bradshaw attacks and he and Zebekiah brutalize Savio.

Match #6

Bart Gunn, Jesse Jammes, Bob Holly, & Aldo Montoya vs. Billy Gunn, Justin Bradshaw, Sal Sincere, & The Sultan

Okay, for those of you who don’t consider Vince a genius, look at these eight names. NONE of these guys had any right to make it big, and at least half of them did. Let’s review:

Bart Gunn became the legit shootfighter who came within inches of losing his head at WMXV at the hands of Butterbean (which may be the wrestling moment I have watched more times than any other), Jesse Jammes who would go on to become the Road Dogg, Bob Holly who would get to be Hardcore and the #1 asshole in the WWF, and Aldo Montoya whose lack of drawing power helped sink ECW when he became Justin Credible.

On the heel side, you got the future Mr. Ass, the future JBL, Sal Sincere (the former Johnny Gunn, and the future Patriot, though not the Del Wilkes one), and the future Rikishi. Really, only Bart and Sal sunk lower after this match, unlike pretty much everyone else on this tape.

It’s a Survivor Series elimination match, and I forget what caused the Smoking Gunns to break up, but I know it caused a large number of WWFers to breathe a sigh of relief. Road Dogg is nice enough to sing us a song. Sadly it’s the same one he always sings. The faces are getting ZERO pops, and it’s a tribute to Vince that these guys could be salvaged. Apparantly the Gunn feud is pretty fresh as both guys have the same music, but Billy has a black hat on, so we know he’s the heel.

Sultan and Aldo start. Aldo controls with a plancha and dropkick but Sultan hits a piledriver, and he hits it so poorly, Vince has to cover for it. It becomes moot as Aldo submits to the camel clutch moments later. We get a nice glimpse of a fan reaching out to high-five Aldo as he walks back to the dressing room. Aldo looks at the hand and snubs it. Nice.

Holly in but we clip ahead, and unlike the usual Coliseum stuff, nobody has mysteriously disappeared. Sal succumbs to a Bart Gunn sideslam moments later. Two minutes later a clothesline from hell eliminates Bob Holly. Hell, if Bob Holly couldn’t beat JBL eight years ago when Bradshaw REALLY sucked, what chance did he have now? Jammes quickly rolls up Bradshaw who kicks out when he’s not supposed to, and the ref counts three anyway. So it’s two on two.

After a minute of sloppy action, Jammes small packages The Sultan. Sultan would be rewarded for this loss with a title shot at WM13. This leaves Billy Gunn all by himself, so he pounces on his future teammate and gets a quick Rocker dropper and pins him in about twelve seconds. So it’s the Gunns one on one, and the arena is pretty pumped about it to my surprise. Billy ties Bart up in the arms and slaps him around. Bart misses a splash in the corner, and one forearm later, Bart becomes the sole survivor.

Match #7

Rocky Maivia vs. Sal Sincere

It’s funny, if you watch Rocky’s mannerisms during his initial face days, it’s Maven. Literally, Maven does the exact same things Rocky was doing back in the day. But I think Maven has a tad more sincerity in it, which is why he isn’t booed off the show like Rocky would. Well, that, and the WWF isn’t blowing Maven like they were Maivia. Seriously, NOBODY could have gotten over the way they hyped Rocky initially. It was just too much.

Here he gets a match with Sal Sincere, one of the group of five or so guys that came in in 1996 and left in 1996 and nobody noticed (Sal, T.L. Hopper, Alex Porteau, Who, and The Goon). Seriously, the WWF was the Charlotte Bobcats in 1996. They’d take anybody who didn’t have a contract.

Sal is “guest managed” by Jim Cornette. And you know, I STILL have a hard time realizing that Vince and Cornette have worked together for over 11 years now. Cornette is so UN-WWF, and yet here he is, farming all the future stars down in OVW. Sal and Rocky trade bitch-slaps, and Sal ends up on the floor. Rocky goes to work on the arm, but Sal takes over hitting a nice second rope clothesline for two. We break for a Mankind-Executioner promo (aka Mick Foley and Terry Gordy.) You can add Gordy to the in and out in three months list too, but I think Gordy was brought in more as a favor then as someone who could really make an impact. Rocky hits a shoulderbreaker but Cornette runs in with the racket and Rocky gets the DQ victory. Come on, it was freakin’ Johnny Gunn. I think Rocky could have gotten a pin over him.

Match #8

Max Mini & La Parkita vs. Mini-Vader and Mini-Mankind

Mark 1997 down on your calendar as it was the only year the WWF took little people with a degree of seriousness. For about a six month gap, the midgets of Mexico got some TV time, all to help push Max Mini (aka Mascarita Sagrada Jr.), but that would all come to an end when Mick Foley offered to rent Mini because “My kids will love him!” You know, why is La Parkita a feminine name? Shouldn’t it be El Parkito? Better yet, why the hell is it LA Parka? Shouldn’t he be El Parko? Is this the first tribute of a wrestler that was in another organization? (I say tribute, not flat-out copy.)

The WWF shows the proper respect of the minis by cutting to an interview with Todd Pettengil and the official WWF dumbasses George and Adam. We cut back in time for Sagrada getting a crucifix on Mini-Vader for the pin.

End of tape.

Decent stuff if only to see how terribly wrong the WWF had gone in 1996. WCW was number one, not only thanks to the nWo angle, but because the WWF just absolutely SUCKED at this point. If you weren’t Shawn Michaels, you weren’t doing much, and it really wasn’t until the Hart-Austin feud kicked in that things began to change. What can you say when the best match is a 90 second Steve Austin match? Or that the most entertaining guy is Leif Cassidy? As little as possible.

Thumbs down, not recommended, C.

-Sydney Brown

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