wrestling / TV Reports
The Great American Bash 2006 Breakdown — 07.23.06
July 23, 2006 | Posted by
The Great American Bash ’05
Good choice for the opener. Kash tries to ground a pummel London early, but the champs opt for a series of doubleteams on Noble. They even bust out a double dropkick and stereo topes. The champs go for the win early, but Kash yanks Kendrick off the top rope. Kendrick plays Ricky Morton for a brief spell before avoiding a Kash charge and tagging London. London cleans house but takes a sickening bump (just another one on the pile in his career) as he tries to skin the cat back in the ring and Noble dropkicks him in the gut, knocking him upside down to the floor. Back inside, Noble cuts him right down with a leg lariat, and the challengers cut off the corner. Kash mocks Kendrick by letting London crawl to his corner and then pulls him back at the last second. London shoves Kash into Noble and crawls…to…the…t-NO! Noble yanks Kendrick off the apron just before he can make the tag. Finally, London squirts out of trouble and gets the HOT TAG TO KENDRICK! Kendrick springboards in with a missile dropkick and hits a series of kicks before the numbers catch up with him. Noble goes for a Tigerbomb, but London EXPLODES with a spinning wheel kick to break it up. Noble falls to the floor, so Kendrick flies off the top rope onto him. Back in, Noble tries a suplex, but London blocks long enough for Kendrick to scale the ropes again and come off the top with a sunset flip a la Tully Blanchard. London adds a dropsault to keep Noble from blocking the move, and that’s enough for the win at 13:29. This was SOOOOO old-school NWA, and I loved it! If only these teams had some time on TV to put some heat on the match rather than playing mix and match. Clearly, these guys absorb everything they watch and add that to their matches as you could see specific touches from famous Rock ‘n’ Rolls, Midnights, Rockers & Brainbusters matches. Not really the MOTYC these guys are probably capable of, but a good, solid old-school tag match. ***1/4
Neither man wants the match, but they agree to it anyway. Regal puts the match on hold to check under the ring for the Little Bastard, so Finlay schoolboys him when he gets back in. Regal object and smacks him right upside the head. Funny spot as they lock up, fall out of the ring, march back up the stairs, and climb back in the ring all without breaking the tie up. They decide to go the comedy route this time, which is probably a good idea because they’re not going to top their 1996 classic. Regal tosses Finlay to the floor but gets attacked by the Little Bastard who chases Regal around the ring with a shillelagh. Back in, Finlay and Regal exchange stuff uppercut forearms until they fall to their knees, and then they trade forearms from their knees. Regal goes after the Little Bastard and damn near gets his fingers bitten off. They bore the crowd with some restholds before Regal hits an awkward dropkick. No wonder he never uses that move. The crowd chants “boring,” which Michael Cole actually acknowledges. I can’t say that I can really blame them because the fans aren’t really trained to appreciate wrestling like this when there isn’t anyone to root for. Anyone who’s ever seen a dark match where no one knows either guy knows what I’m talking about. Regal gets caught in the apron, and the Little Bastard steals his boot. Back in, Regal grabs the shillelagh, distracting Nick Patrick as the Little Bastard tosses Finlay Regal’s boot. Finlay wallops Regal with it behind Patrick’s back and pins him with his feet on the ropes at 13:49. These guys were really in an awkward position because they couldn’t make the match that interesting without one of them doing a full turn and to do so would derail the next two months of storylines for one throwaway match. In other words, they did the best they could with what they had, but that didn’t make the match any better. Slightly above average. **1/4
Matt is too heavy for the division, apparently. These two are actually longtime friends, and you might remember that the Hurricane was an MFer for about a week. Matt mocks the Hurripose early. Helms snaps Matt’s neck off the top rope and takes over with a series of neckbreakers. You know what’s silly about Helms’ offense, his offense basically consists of a series of neckbreakers but his finisher is a kick. They go through an okayish series of counters, and Helms hits (what else) a swinging neckbreaker off the top. That gets two, and Helms settles into a Butterfly Neckvise, which at least makes sense. Matt fights back and hits the Side Effect for two. Helms cuts him off with (what else) a swinging neckbreaker. The Shining Wizard misses, but a second attempt doesn’t. It only gets two, though. Matt gets two off a moonsault block and drops an elbow. Matt climbs up for the 10-punch pummel, but Helms drops him on the turnbuckle and schoolboys him with a handful of tights for the win at 11:44. Helms’ growth was really stunted by that Hurricane gimmick. This had some moments, but it wasn’t much more than an extended Smackdown match. **
It’s hard to take this match seriously. It sounds like a Peter North movie or something. I’ll try to give you an explanation. There are two cages surrounding the ring made of what looks like bamboo (or, more accurately, steel bars painted to look like bamboo from a distance). The inner ring is pretty much the same as the old blue WWF cages only…well, yellow. There are doors on each side that can be opened by the referees when someone wants to get out. The outer cage is a much taller octagon made from the same material. To win, you must escape. Oh, did I mention there are weapons all around the ring? Show attacks early, but Taker fires back with the usual. He’s the best striker in the history of sports entertainment, you know. Taker goes up first but there are wooden spikes on the top of the cage, keeping the competitors from going over the top. There are also leather straps tied to the bars. Christ, it’s like Charlie Sheen’s house. Show catches up with him and crotches Taker on one of the bars. Taker splashes Show against the bars and counters a chokeslam to a DDT. Taker signals for the door to be opened, but Show keeps him from going out before the door’s time limit (60 seconds). Show chokes Taker out with one of those straps, but Taker comes back with what can kindly be called a Thesz Press. Show tries to go through the door, but Taker boots his head into the cage. They take turns trying to go out, but the cage door slams on Show’s hand. Long, boring beatdown by Show before he goes up. Taker catches him with a low blow and superplexes him back in the ring. The crowd gets a bit generous with a “holy shit” chant. They both escape to the second level where Show sets up a wooden table and tosses Taker through it. Show wisely tosses Taker back in the first cage just before the door locks, so now Show has a free reign. Now all he has to do is get his 500-pound frame up the 20-foot cage. Taker gets all fired up and scales the little cage, steps over to the bigger structure, and knocks Show to the floor. I realize they want to get as much bang for their buck as they can out of the cage, but did these two really need to go 20+? Show is busted open. Khali and Daivari walk out to cageside. Then, in an odd moment, Taker scales the smaller cage and dives off with a crossbody that sends them both through the second cage. Even though Show goes through first, it’s ruled that he didn’t fall all the way out, so Taker gets the dubious win at 21:35. Too much “hit a move, wander around looking for something to do” to be any good. With the right opponent, Taker could probably have a good match in this environment, but neither Show nor Khali are it. *
Winner gets to keep her last name. Cole gets in a funny dig on JBL, who has been touting all his famous matches, asking him if he ever had a bra-and-panties match with Dick Murdoch. Kristal is starting to look like Eve, which is fine by me. They don’t even bother to try wrestling here, which is also fine by me. Ashley and Jillian each get their tops taken off. The faces whip the heels together and take off their skirts. Michelle, whose school-teacher gimmick has apparently cooled, is smart enough to wear a second skirt underneath the first one. Kristal goes after Ashley, enabling Jillian to give her a BBBBBRUMSKI! I think Ed Carpentier did the same thing to Thesz. Ashley sneaks in and tears off Kristal’s top for the win at 5:18. Jillian thinks she’s been double-crossed, but she makes up with Ashley and they take each other’s clothes off. Titillating. 1/2*
Batista draws boos by jumping Kennedy before his pre-match promo. Slugfest to start, and Kennedy gets busted open inside of two minutes. Kennedy objects and walks out but then tries to attack from behind but gets speared. Maybe it’s just the bright opposing colors they’re wearing, but these two seem made to feud. Kennedy pulls the ref in the way and gets in a cheapshot to take over. He’s really gushing now. Some of it is even spilling on Batista, making it hard to tell if Batista is cut open too. Kennedy busts out a FACEWASH~! and goes after Batista’s injured arm. Kennedy works the arm a little more inside and slaps Batista around. Well, that’s just foolish. Batista roars back with a series of shoulderblocks (which isn’t good psychology, but he’s the Animal, so no one cares). He tosses Kennedy hard into the post and starts choking him out with his foot. He refuses to heed Referee Charles Robinson’s pleas to break it, so Robinson disqualifies him at 8:37. KENNEDY WINS! That’s a disappointing conclusion to the match, but it’s good long-term booking because when Batista comes out of Summerslam with the title (one assumes), they’ll be able to build a feud around this match. Plus, it puts over Batista’s rage at being caged up for all those months. Kennedy looked like a solid pro yet again, tapping a gusher and nicely targeting an injured body part. **1/2
JBL recounts breaking in to the business with Booker T and how Paul Boesch presented Booker T with one of his rings. Tentative start, and Booker hits a back elbow to take over. Rey gives him a sloppy snapmare into a dropkick and follows up with a headscissors. Booker misses a charge and rams his own shoulder into the post. Rey follows him off the top with a vertical senton. Back in, Booker ducks a quebrada and hits a thrust kick to take over again. Cole points out that Rey’s first match was in this arena as was Eddy Guerrero’s last match. Booker busts out the triple verticals for some cheap heat. Great sequence as Rey avoids an Ax Kick, sets up the 619, misses, and then hits a roundhouse kick to the back of Booker’s head. Rey goes for another 619 and gets tripped up by Sharmell. Nick Patrick catches her, though, and tosses her to the back. That provides Booker enough of a breather, though, and he counters Rey’s wheelbarrow to a backdrop suplex. Rey gets two off a surprise springboard crossbody and counters a spinebuster to a Tornado DDT for two. He tries a headscissors, but Booker tosses him right into Nick Patrick. 619! FROGSPLASH! No ref, though. Booker goes low and grabs a chair, but it gets kicked right back into him. Now, here comes Chavo Guerrero. Gee, I wonder what’s going to happen. He grabs the chair and delivers an admittedly wicked shot on Rey. The ref recovers sees Booker on top. ONE, TWO, THREE! Booker picks up his sixth World Title and wears the belt for the first time in five years. (16:48) This was a good match with a clichéd turn tacked on at the end that they now need to retrofit into the storyline. Booker’s teary-eyed celebration almost makes up for it, though. Almost. Good WWE main-event style match. ***
Final Thoughts: Although the snowflakes may not spell out an obvious recommendation, this was a fairly entertaining PPV – easily the best Great American Bash since the WWE revived it two years ago. The Tag and World Title matches were very good bookends, while the filler was a little less than average. However, the Punjabi Prison Match was certainly interesting, if not a good match, and Finlay vs. Regal may give fans of stiff matches a mild thrill. Kennedy and Batista looked good together, and I’m looking forward to their feud. All in all, they did enough good stuff so that the bad stuff didn’t completely wipe it out.
Very mild recommendation for “The Great American Bash 2006.”
J.D. Dunn
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