The TNA Impact Breakdown 04.08.06

I’m all in and I’ve got a full house of Truth!

You know, I was perusing the forums as I often do and came across an important, thought-provoking discussion about whether or not TNA or the WWE was the best promotion. After all, fans almost certainly prefer a lot of action to little action. TNA has action all the time. It never stops. In fact, that’s its name — Total Non-stop Action. Yet the WWE continues to outdraw TNA in terms of ratings, buyrates, and merchandising. Therefore, it must be the better brand. Anyone who tries to argue otherwise would have to be sniffing something.

And that brings us to tonight’s word, which is…

…Coke.

In 1982, the Coca-Cola company found itself in an unfamiliar and untenable position. Rival Pepsi was quickly gaining on Coke in terms of market share and was threatening to pass the soft drink giant. Pepsi was the preferred drink in places where there was an open market. The only thing keeping Coke as the #1 soft drink in America was restricted selling areas like cafeterias and vending machines.

Pepsi had already proven that its taste was preferable to Coke’s with its “Pepsi Challenge” — a cross-country marketing campaign that provided soft drink lovers with a taste test. People from coast-to-coast said they preferred the taste of Pepsi.

But is the point of running a soft drink company to make a superior soft drink, or is it to sell more soft drinks than your opponent?

With Pepsi’s gaining market share, they would soon be able to boast about both being a better cola and having the numbers to prove it, and there wasn’t a damn thing Coke could do about it.

Or could they?

Coke went to work experimenting with new formulas. Because their popular Diet Coke tasted more like Pepsi, Coke realized that there was a flavor problem with their regular cola. Starting from scratch, Coke stripped away the artificial sweeteners and added high fructose corn syrup to make their product taste even more like Pepsi.

The result — taste tests from across the country confirmed that this new Coke was significantly better than Original Coke or Pepsi. In blind taste tests, respondents overwhelmingly preferred the taste of the new Coke formula to its competitors.

It should be an open and shut case, right?

Based on these unbiased, quantitative results, Coke discontinued their old formula in order to avoid splitting the market share and unveiled “New Coke” on April 23, 1985. Problem solved, right?

Well, not exactly.

You see, a brand name is so much more than just a product. It gives you a feeling of belonging, a sense of identity, and even a sense of security. Coke was with us through World War I, when America had yet to become a super power. It was the drink of choice for American GIs who stormed the beach at Normandy and saved the world from tyranny. It was sold in every sleepy little American town as our citizens watched in horror as the Cuban Missile Crisis unfolded. I’m sure John Dean probably stopped off for a frosty Coca-Cola before he went in to testify before the Watergate Commission.

Coke was American, and Americans were going to be damned before anyone screwed with it, even if they thought the result was better.

Suffice it to say, “New Coke” failed miserably and lasted only about three months before Coca-Cola announced it was bringing back “Coca-Cola Classic.”

The resulting publicity skyrocketed Coke’s sales, and they never looked back.

So if you need something to take away from this little excursion into the marketing world it’s that greatness isn’t always measured in star ratings or PPV buys. It’s not even measured in money. It’s measured in Americanness.

If you put TNA side by side with the WWE, fans who didn’t know the difference between the two would likely pick TNA’s brand of high-flying exciting action over a man performing anilingus. But the WWE is recognizable, and more importantly, it’s American.

As far as I’m concerned, there are two men that define what it is to be an American — George W. Bush and Hulk Hogan. And if there’s one thing I know, there’s something these two men have in common…they both love their coke.

And that’s the word.

The TNA Impact Réport — 04.08.06

From Orlando, Fla.

Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Don West.

A recap of some of the stuff I missed last week. Hey, Abyss and Shelley stalked Christian’s wife at home. It’s like that DDP/Undertaker thing compressed into a single episode.

Abyss (w/James Mitchell) vs. A.J. Styles
Remember when these guys used to kick the crap out of each other? Tenay does because he mentions AJ and Abyss at Lockdown last year, but I was actually thinking of 2004, Michael. Anyway, these two actually have pretty good chemistry, so this should be interesting. AJ sticks and moves and hits a dropkick. A rana sends Abyss to the apron. AJ avoids a press slam into the crowd and blocks a chokeslam. Abyss just punches him in the throat instead. AJ fights out of a smother but runs into a press as we go to break. We come back from break to find AJ avoiding a Black Hole Slam and hitting and enzuigiri. SPRINGBOARD FOREARM! It gets two. Abyss powers out of a Styles Clash and counters to the Argentine Backbreaker Drop for two. Abyss goes up and misses a frogsplash (!), so AJ hits the Pelé and goes up. Mitchell crotches AJ on the top, and Abyss grabs the bag of thumbtacks. Christian Cage arrives on the scene with tire iron and hits Abyss in the gut. Abyss and Mitchell run to the back as Slick Johnson disqualifies AJ at 10:03. They probably should have had Abyss pick up a win first, but this works okay too. Christian gets on the stick and accepts Mitchell’s challenge for Lockdown. Well, that’s about as surprising as Katie Couric leaving “Today.” **3/4

Team 3D gives a jingoistic promo about America being great and Canada sucking. Well, it’s true, but he really shouldn’t say it. I kid the Canadians!

Arm Wrestling Challenge: Bullet Bob Armstrong (BG James & Kip James) vs. Konnan (w/Homicide).
The ref tosses the James Gang and Homicide before the match. Finally, they get into the arm-wrestling with Bullet Bob looking like Burgess Meredith auditioning for Popeye and Konnan getting all “Mind of Mencia” on us. Suddenly, KURT ANGLE COMES OUT! Oh, no wait. That’s Hotstuff Hernandez. Sorry. He jacks Armstrong with the blackjack, allowing Konnan to pick up the dubious win. Hernandez is your new member of LAX.

Larry Zbyszko announces we’ll see Christopher Daniels take on Jushin Lyger and hypes Lockdown. Slick Johnson comes in and begs to get the choice ref assignments. Larry turns him down, so Johnson threatens to go to the “new guy.” Larry’s acid reflux is kicking in!

The Diamonds in the Rough (w/Simon Diamond) vs. Shark Boy & Norman Smiley.
The match doesn’t even get underway before Scott Steiner and America’s Most Wanted come out and destroy Sharky and D-Ray 1000. Jarrett stops to do commentary for the beatdown. See, I told you this is what Shark Boy is for. [NR]

Holy sh*t! “Sentinel” is like Jack Bauer: the Untold Story! “Put your weapons down! Where are the canisters! What did you do, Audrey! Mr. President, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to cut off your leg to save the nation.”

Apparently, Armstrong and Konnan will have another arm-wrestling match, are you ready for this, INSIDE A STEEL CAGE! Oh dear God! I don’t think I’ve ever seen an arm-wrestling match inside a steel cage! Your arm would have nowhere to run! Can you imagine the brutality! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING MEEEEEE!

X-Cup Qualifier Triple Threat: Alex Shelley vs. Roderick Strong vs. Chase Stevens.
Shelley and Strong are buddy-buddy, you might recall. Stevens’ partner Andy Douglas was injured by Steiner, so Stevens gets to focus on his singles career. Stevens dominates to start, getting two off a facebuster on Strong. Shelley catches him with a spinning heel kick, though. Strong and Shelley team up on Stevens, but Chase fights his way back. Shelley gets knocked to the floor, nearly taking out his Hi-8 camera. That’s like 150 bucks! Strong gets two off a single-leg jackknife. Stevens catches Strong with an Alabama Slam and gets two. Strong stops Stevens on the top and hits a superplex. He locks in a single leg crab, but Shelley turns on him and breaks it up with an enzuigiri. Shelley finishes with the Shiranui on Strong at 5:35. Shelley really needs more time to develop this character. I could have done without Stevens being in there. Strong vs. Shelley would have been a much better character builder for Shelley and would have given Strong the impetus for a face turn. **

Okay, explain this to me. This Converse (or whichever shoe company ponied up the money) commercial has Dwayne Wade getting knocked all around and shows him getting up with the tag line “Get knocked down seven times. Get up eight.” Think about it. Think about it. There you go. Yeah, doesn’t make sense to you either, right?

Sting returns to TNA…right….now! He explains that he came back to quell the pit of rage in his stomach that Jarrett stirred up. He also says he wants a Wargames match with the cage sealed off on top so Jarrett has nowhere to run. Oh, but he’s not going to announce his teammates because he’s a showman and all. He also challenges Jarrett to a singles match this Thursday night. Jarrett, Steiner & AMW answer the call, but a bunch of babyfaces run in to stare them down.

Final Thoughts: Hey, this was a really good sales pitch for the PPV. Sting and Steiner seem to be the main selling points, but TNA is wisely surrounding them with guys who can wrestle so as not to expose any problems that might arise, you know, when they actually wrestle. The one thing that continues to concern me is that Christian is still getting the “Benoit reign” where they give you the title and then keep the same people on top of the card so that the title is devalued by the reign.

J.D. Dunn