wrestling / Video Reviews
Universal Wrestling Federation (12.5.1987) Review
Image Credit: UWF
Loading...-Cold open: Ron Garvin chops Ric Flair’s chest at Starrcade.
-Originally aired December 5, 1987.
-So at this point, they’re not even doing dedicated UWF tapings. This is an episode of NWA Pro Wrestling that has the UWF logo and music pasted onto the opening.
-Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Jim Ross. Goof to start the show, they roll tape too early and we start the show with the ring announcer going a countdown to cue the fans to cheer, and the commentators wait until they have the appropriate ambience to start talking. No need to edit that out, guys.
-We watch the final minutes of your Starrcade main event. Oh come on, you guys haven’t even figured out that you make them buy the official home video cassette for that?
-Ric Flair cuts a promo where he whips out “unequivocably” and calls out every babyface in the NWA for 1988. “PUT YOUR NAME ON THE DOTTED CONTRACT!” He also promise that the NWA will rise higher than ever in 1988, which is true in terms of accruing debt.
“Dr. Death” STEVE WILLIAMS (UWF Heavyweight Champion) vs. TUG TAYLOR
-The jobber makes this match look like Dr. Death fighting his own internal impulse to eat lots of fast food and watch TV. Football tackle and the Stampede make short work of the Tugster.
-Dr. Death cuts a total babyface promo, graciously thanking Barry Windham for giving him such tough competition at Starrcade and offering him a rematch, so we’re instantly forgetting that the finish was teasing a heel turn.
-We get the ridiculous commercial for that Danger Zone video with the NWA swimsuit calendar.
-Dusty Rhodes captured the US Title at Starrcade, after which we see the emotional post-match press conference interview with Dusty. He puts over Lex Luger to tease the impending face turn. He says that he’s going to go home to do a lot of thinking and teases retiring in 1988, then abruptly ends the press conference. Apparently a “Dusty Rhodes farewell tour” was something that he really wanted to do in the NWA and the WWF, and he never got any bites for it.
MICHAEL P.S. HAYES vs. DR. SPANDEX
-That’s a placeholder. The masked guy can have a name if he wins the match.
-Hayes works the arm while JJ Dillon complains that Michael Hayes and Jimmy Garvin are turning into a thorn in the Horsemen’s side, and Arn & Tully are ready for them. Bulldog finishes things for Hayes. Hayes goes after JJ after the match and takes a beating from Arn & Tully.
-Tony Schiavone talks to Arn & Tully. Tully brags that the Four Horsemen had a perfect night at Starrcade, winning every one of their matches, and Tony does a picture-perfect skeptical eyebrow raise at that. Honestly, that’s been the highlight of the show so far.
LARRY ZBYSZKO (with Baby Doll) vs. RON ELLIS
-Larry works Ellis’ leg as the commentators explain that Larry has never won a major wrestling title, and he’s challenging Barry Windham to another match for the Western States Heritage Title. If he wins that, he will still have never held a major wrestling title.
-Suplex by Larry gets a one-count, and Larry argues with the referee from that. Neckbreaker gets the win. Crowd gives Larry NO reaction.
-We get a local commercial for the Bunkhouse Stampede Finals at the Nassau Coliseum in Long Island. Bell time 7:00 pm. It’s right there on the ad. 7:00 pm. So for anyone who doesn’t know the shitstorm brewing here, the bell time for the show is actually 6:30 pm, but they ran this ad on local New York television for WEEKS announcing a 7:00 pm start time, AND the tickets had “7:30 pm” printed on them, which meant, #1, the pay-per-view went on the air with a damn-near empty building, and #2, with a card advertised as six matches, but whittled down to four matches because of people quitting before show day, fans who showed up “on time” for the event missed HALF THE CARD, which led to the crowd that did show up chanting “Refund” during Dusty Rhodes’ victory celebration.
ROAD WARRIORS (with Paul Ellering) vs. CHAN TORRES & TERRY HAYES
-Jobbers attack before the bell and pay for it. Doomsday Device lays out the jobber named Terry, who quite conspicuously has male pattern baldness, blonde hair, a mustache, yellow tights, and red kneepads. SUBTLE.
-Road Warriors cut a promo where they kinda blow past “Oh, yeah, we lost at Starrcade but WE TAKE ON ALL COMERS, SO BRING IT ON, LIST OF HEEL NAMES!”
-Lex Luger TALKS A LOT…with a lot of ABRUPT CHANGES…in the VOLUME OF HIS VOICE…while drawing AN INVISIBLE LINE…with his hand. Lex gives Dusty Rhodes his props for being the best competition he could expect. JJ has a look on his face like he’s expecting something so go really, really wrong. Lex walks off and leaves it at that, but JJ looks really distressed about something.
-Jim Crockett is here. Michael Hayes & Jimmy Garvin want Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard, right here, TONIGHT.
ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS vs. JERRY NEWTON & CRAIG WHITFORD
-Ricky Morton takes down…Jerry or Craig. Robert Gibson tags in and sneaks up for a roll-up to get to. The one who’s apparently Craig tags in and the Express works the leg. Double dropkick wraps this one up.
JIMMY GARVIN & MICHAEL P.S. HAYES vs. ARN ANDERSON & TULLY BLANCHARD (World Tag Team Champions, with JJ Dillon)
-My spidey-sense is tingling here because they’re conspicuously not explaining if this is a title match, which leads me to believe that it’s NOT and the faces are going to get the win here.
-We start with a brawl on the floor with all four guys. Jim Ross declares that this is going to be a slobberknocker while Jimmy beats on Tully in the ring to make them the official men in the ring. They duke it out for a bit until Tully ends up in the wrong corner and gets double-teamed. Tully scurries away after a blown spot where Michael Hayes…like…forgets to fall out of the ring…and Arn tags in and ends up in a figure four. Tully gets caught in a concurrent figure four.
-Garvin clamps a chinlock on Tully and we pause for a break.
-We come back to a pier sixer. Jimmy Garvin gets flung over the top and onto the concrete behind the referee’s back. Horsemen double-team Garvin and Arn applies a chinlock now. And so it seems that the person who was initially applying a chinlock has now been caught in the very type of lock that he himself applied earlier. How ironic.
-Hot tag to Michael Hayes. Bulldog looks like it’s going to finish, but Tully attacks with JJ Dillon’s shoe, although I know my rules of wrestling weaponry logic and he’s damn lucky that Tully used JJ’s shoe instead of taking off his boot and holding it in his hand as a weapon, because Hayes would be dead. But that’s a DQ. Nothing particularly special, even though JR was working hard at giving it the GREATEST MATCH EVER delivery for the seven minutes that it aired.
