wrestling / Columns
WRestling’s 3R’s 4.27.07: RETRO Backlash, A Horsemen-Like Beat Down of Abyss, Cena and Michaels Deliver, ECW is Groundhog Day, Hot Euro-Smackdown Action and More!
The 3R’s of wRestling
Introduction~!
Welcome back kids for another edition of Wrestling’s 3R’s! As always I am Larry Csonka, along with me is my tag team partner “The Whole Geoffin Show” Geoff Eubanks. It is time again for that walk through the wild world of wrestling TV that we take each and every week. You like the snazzy new banner? The wife made it, she rules, send her love. Overall we had some greatness in the last week, and that makes the writing oh so easier let me tell you. Let’s get to work and breakdown the week that was in wrestling.
How the 3R’s of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 3 R’s. I will take the 5 main shows (6 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R’s all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come, unless you are TNA. They have a special R all of their own, the 6th R; the Russo-FN-Riffic~!
This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a “mark” column, nor a “smark” column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th, 5th or even a 6th R to the column, so beware of those~! I will not apologize for my opinions, they are as they are, whether very positive or negative.
iMpact 4.19.06:
The Right:
Jarrett/Angle/Sting – Impact kicked off last week with Mike Tenay in the ring, and calling out Jeff Jarrett for an interview. He started that he has been dealing with personal issues, and realized he needed to change. He said that he needed to give back, like Sting did. Step one was last Friday, step two was at Lockdown and step three is yet to come. This prompted Kurt Angle to come out, and he was in full whiner mode. Angle said that HE invited JJ back, took all of the gruff from his team and fans. No one trusted him, but Angle. He had everything to lose and this is the thanks he got. JJ said that Sting was in the right place at the right time, and that’s why he got the title shot. Angle says he is now in the wrong place at the wrong time, and this brought out Sting. One important thing to realize is that JJ disappeared when this happened, as they got the full attention of the crowd. Sting then said Angle has a problem with him, and not JJ. He was in a battle with Abyss for 6-months, and all the time he keeps hearing Angle talk like he is a leader. He reminded Angle that JJ and himself were in the business 20-years compared to Angle’s 10. He closed with, “If it wasn’t for us paving the way, you’d be a gold medal gym teacher! If you want a shot at Cage, then you and I will face next week and the winner gets the title shot.” Sting, after a time of coming off as un-likeable is now likeable again, while Angle comes off as a whiny bitch and JJ now has some sympathy. In the end, as long as they don’t use JJ’s wife ala WWE using Eddie Guerrero, I am ok with it as a quite motivation for him to “re-evaluate his life,” but that’s it. I liked the angle and confrontation, but hate that they are going to do Angle vs. Sting next week. People will use the argument that they need increased ratings in order to get more time. Let me enlighten you, SPIKE is happy, TNA is doing consistent ratings, while they need to do better, they are fine right now. Here is another fact, TV RATINGS MEAN JACK AND SHIT. TV Ratings to PPV buy rate conversion is what is KEY. TNA gets anywhere from 25,000-60,000 PPV buys, they are translating 2-5% of their audience to PPV viewers, and that is not cutting it. UFC is converting at times 48% of their audience to PPV buys, which is astronomical! TNA should be building compelling TV, leading up to first time matches like Sting vs. Angle. At this point in wrestling, the first time/dream match isn’t out there like apples on a tree, they are a rarity and they need to properly build to them, and giving them away on free TV is extremely stupid. For the longest time I mocked WWE for hating money, but I tell you, TNA is quickly taking that title over. This is a very bad move by TNA, and when you see what they actually do it is even worse. You can only do the first match one time, that’s why it is called the FIRST MATCH~!
3D vs. Cage and Abyss/The Coalition Channels the Horsemen – So we had the first title defense of Team 3D, and it was against Cage and Abyss. Long story short they had a 6-minute or so match, Cage and Abyss had communication issues and 3D retained. In the end, the tag team champions won, as they should because they are a TAG TEAM and the other guys aren’t, even if Christian is the champion, they did that shit RIGHT. Thank the Lord. But then the greatness happened. Cage got pissed and bad mouthed Abyss and they fought. Abyss fought him and Mitchell off, but the numbers would take over. Tomko has the chair and Abyss is busted open. Tomko absolutely kills him with the shot. Steiner has the chair and nails him as well. AJ has the chair and leaps and nails Abyss, who is now bleeding badly. Steiner and Cage with more chair shots and AJ has a barbed wire bat! Konnan loves it. Cage nails him in the arms with the bat and he is SLICED in the arms, damn! They lay him on the chair face down and put the bat under his face…CONCHAIRTO~! THAT was tremendous, Horsemen style and it worked big time. People care about Abyss now, less so then if they wouldn’t have teased previous face turns, but they care. Now it is all in the follow up. They have to keep him off TV, they have to keep replaying the beating and keep pushing the heels as complete assholes. If they do so, it will all work and I will be happy.
Harris and Storm/Roode and Young – They did some fine build for these two feuds on Impact this week. First of all Chris Harris battled Robert Roode, and he lost. I know a lot of people were pissed about it because Harris lost, but he lost via distraction and in “wrestling reality” is not 100% yet, still partially blind, hence he has a disadvantage. So he loses, after the match Young and Brooks argue and he shoves her down. Roode is pissed and says that his friend failed at Lockdown, so he’s screwed and Eric laughed. That wasn’t his friend. Roode says he had 7-days to reveal the friend or he is fired. Sure there are annoying things there, but it is leading somewhere and should lead to a match with Roode vs. the Friend. Hopefully they don’t do a useless Russo-esque swerve and have Eric turn on his friend at the PPV.
puRgatory:
Rhino vs. A.J. Styles vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Samoa Joe – This was a match on the last episode of Impact. I was only half excited though, as I just had that feeling that it wouldn’t last very long. Now while it didn’t last very long (4-minutes) it was a damn fine little match. AJ, Joe and Rhino all have issues from the Lethal Lockdown feud, while Daniels is now looking to get into that main event mix and feud with Sting. So they had this match, and I will contend that this bad boy, with a proper build, could main event a PPV as a #1 contender’s match. What they did in 4-minutes was great stuff, and in the end Daniels cheated and scored the win on Rhino, giving him some more momentum and he searches for Sting. But again it suffered from the normal “IMPACT SPECIAL” curse, which is a match with no time and a screwy finish because nobody can go over clean because we need to keep everyone on the same level. That really infuriates me, I mean, I appreciate them trying not to bury the stars and keeping a number of viable challengers, but there has to be stars, there has to be the mid-card and there has to be the job guys. You can’t elevate themed-card without the stars, and you can’t have stars when you constantly parity book.
12:05 – While they did drop back to “Impact Standard” I will admit that the show flowed very well, and over all I don’t have many complaints. I just want them to give the matches that deserve it, ala the 4-way, the time it really needs. That match was damn fun for 4-minutes, and yes I will say, again that this bad boy, with a proper build, could main event a PPV as a #1 contender’s match. It cried out for more time, but just didn’t get it. So I still feel that they need to offer up as close to as much wrestling time as there are commercials. There are 18-20 minutes of commercials per episode of Impact. So hence forth as I have said, I feel that there should be around 15-18-minutes of wrestling action per week, minimum on Impact. But since the show overall was paced so well, we go purgatory and hope for more wrestling in the future.
The wRong:
Gail and Jackie – I loved this feud. As I said over and over again it was simple. They started as second’s for their men. They got physically involved in the tag team matches. It escalated from there as they started to hate each other. Hate turned to physical confrontations. Then it turned to wild brawls through out the Impact zone. Finally it culminated at Lockdown in a CAGE, the way it should. And in the end, the face got the big win and celebration. Perfect. But apparently TNA doesn’t know when enough is enough. Jackie hasn’t had enough and attacked Gail again this week on Impact. I was happy, satisfied and thought it was concluded. A well build feud through simplicity that delivered I thought. But apparently I was wrong, this will go on and I don’t think anyone will care after the perceived blow off match at Lockdown.
The Ridiculous:
NADDA
By: “The Whole Geoffin Show” Geoff Eubanks
SmackDown 4.20.06
Hello again, friends. Hope everyone enjoyed the holiday last Friday as much as I did. I don’t know if the two correlate, but I got more sleep last weekend than LaFave gets in a month. I got a full night’s sleep Friday night/Saturday morning, was up for about five hours Saturday morning, then slept on the new chaise for about another 5.5 hours, then woke up, walked into my bedroom and zonked on my bed for another 3.5 hours! For me, this is absolutely unHEARD of! Granted, I got shit all done on Saturday (and there were a ton of calls from Larry on my voice mail…hahaha, sorry, poohbah!), but, man, did I need all that repose! I’m all full of piss and vinegar today! So let’s attack the R’s on a bit of an odd week of SD! action!
The Right:
Hot, Euro action! – There’s one of my favorite three-word phrases…heh! I’m breaking this up because, as I said, things were a bit odd this week. While I have a bucketful of questions and qualms with respect to where we’re going here in the post-WM dénouement/pre-Backlash build, it would be criminal to lump everything into puRgatory, downplaying and undercutting the absolutely superb in-ring performances to which we were treated this week, all the way from Milan (thus the hot, Euro action). Hell, even the Kane/Regal & Taylor match had its virtues in this vein, despite the utterly Ridiculous circumstances surrounding that situation (we’ll get to it). Although McMahonagement really played it quite safe in this regard, pairing up performers who have a long history of working with one another for the European tour (Matt Hardy and Gregory Helms, Chris Benoit and Chavo Guerrero, Batista and Finlay, The Undertaker and Kennedy), the quality of action this week (as well as the fantastic response from a GREAT crowd) was undeniable.
I was disappointed that Batista/Finlay didn’t go longer than what we had here tonight. I know they’ve clashed in the past, but Big Dave was truly on tonight, utilizing actual wrestling in the early going as opposed to his usual reliance upon power, a good sign if this trend can continue, making for a much more interesting contest against Finlay, who was as awesome as ever tonight, taking everything Batista had to offer and giving back plenty! If I have one complaint about some of the action we get on SD! these days, it’s that the matches will begin pregnant with promise, actually paced as if they might go full-length, but then the performers get the go-home signal and the door slams abruptly shut. This was one of those instances, and I could understand if these two were going to be the ones facing off at Backlash…but they’re not! Okay, not going to whine about this…I just wanted more! The post-match beat down of Batista following the Kennedy run-in was exquisite, as well. Particularly fucking awesome? Kennedy screaming into Dave’s conch of an ear, “Did that HURT?! Did that HURT?!” It’s the little things like that which make Kennedy SO amazing.
Although somewhat paint-by-numbers in theory, the six-man involving Chris Benoit & THE HARDYS versus Chavo Guerrero, Gregory Helms & MVP was exceptional in practice. As mentioned, the majority of these six men have a lot of experience with one another in the ring, so solid action was unquestionable. Shabbo and Helms saw the bulk of the ring time with MVP picking his spots (notice he didn’t tag in a single time unless his opponent in the ring was flat on his back). Meanwhile, it was Benoit who got the hot tag from Jeff and cleaned house big time, actually back dropping a charging MVP as he held Helms fast in The Sharpshooter until the tap out. While some may argue this was a little bit of overkill, the stronger Benoit looks going into Backlash, the stronger MVP will look once he lifts the UST.
Aside from the heartbreak of watching Brain Kendrick & Paul London lose the WWETTTs to Deuce & Domino, if it had to happen, this was about the best possible manner in which to do it. JBL has described the former champions as “a car crash waiting to happen”, and that’s exactly what happened here tonight (and, for me, was the only way I could accept this exchange). Although we all know London can miss a (picture-perfect) moonsault from the apron to the floor (which was his undoing in this match tonight), get up and do a can-can up the aisle, in terms of kayfabe, it was this indiscretion that took him out of the match, forcing Kendrick to go it alone against two men who, for their “rough” style (and we’ll politely call it that for now…), work well together and greatly outsize him. The titles basically HAD to change hands in this situation, because, had Kendrick managed to pull it out on his own, it would have completely killed this team. I imagine we’ll see a rematch at Backlash, but I don’t expect Kendrick & London to regain the gold after this extended run, especially considering that D&D are such a new team. Mind you, the new champs aren’t really ALL bad…there were some pretty awesome moves along the way, the soaring fistdrop off the ropes, the charging boot to the head (a move waaaay too many people are utilizing these days) and the finishing leaping kick were all quite impressive. Kendrick’s face, when he finally got the moment to make the hot tag and realized he had no partner, was priceless…the quality of tacit storytelling of which we need more!
Also, kudos to JBL during this match in a number of instances: 1) describing Kendrick’s plight as “a bird when the earth is burning…there’s no place to land” was phenomenal!; 2) referencing Shaun & Steve Simpson from the old WCCW/GWF days…hadn’t thought about them in years (although they were WAAAAAY better than D&D, JBL!!!); 3) mentioning the “mental anguish/psychological trauma” of Kendrick’s after not only having to fly solo but with losing Ashley to injury a week before was a fantastic point many may have overlooked; 4) “Sonic’s lost its counter girl, because Sandy’s gonna be with the WWETTCs for awhile yet!” I love the fact that he calls Cherry “Sandy”, after Olivia Newton-John’s character in “Grease”, and that Cole is forever correcting him…just amuses me.
By the way, with the longer hair and scruff, is it just me or does Paul London greatly resemble Justin Long (the “I’m a mac” guy from the Apple ads)…?
And what can be said about Taker/Kennedy? These guys, as I mentioned above, have a lot of history, have cultivated great chemistry together and I personally feel better about Kennedy squaring off against Taker now that he’s managed to acquire a serious grip of credibility and doesn’t come off looking like a coward well out of his league, relying upon getting lucky to land a succession of moves on our World Champion. And maybe it’s me, but Taker looked HUGE and looming, like, more than usual tonight…? And is it just me, or the older Taker gets, does he wear more eyeliner?
No solo, PLEASE-O! – Fuck me, Jigglin Hall just splits my frickin sides. I LOVE this chick. Hot Bread…that’s SO funny. It appears as if Michelle McCool is making quite a splash upon her return to the blue & silver following her bout with staph…or scabies…or gonorrhea or whatever the hell she had that kept her out just as THE TEACHER’S PETS were starting to show signs of becoming, you know, a real team and were yanked off TV. Did she like take HOT pills or something, because I don’t recall her looking quite this good before. Her mic skills have greatly improved, as well. Considering Jigglin’s ability to carry a women’s match against a hump of a diva, if Michelle has any talent whatsoever, we could actually see a decent women’s match come of this, which we’d not have gotten out of my favorite hottie, Ashley, so it seems we may actually have traded up in the injury!
purgatory:
Hot, closed-mouth passion! – Thaddeus’ credit cards are maxed thanks to Kristal and not a single Euro spent in a hair salon. This is starting to get serious, now. It’s one thing to be a cock tease, but now Kristal’s playing with his wallet and his heart. I have a feeling things could get VERY hot once we all discover what Kristal and Vickie Guerrero are up to in Teddy Long’s regard.
The wRong:
And now to flip that coin – Okay, we got all that positive shit outta the way, now let’s talk a little head…hahaha!
I have to repeat myself from last week. Exactly what are Kennedy and Finlay doing together, again…? I mean, other than managing to be foils for both Taker and Batista (so we can carry on a program over the WT between them without actually having to turn either of them)? They have a TON of kinetic heat between them and stand to gain nothing from bowing up to champion and challenger, unless we’re headed for a fatal Fourway for the WT in May, but, still, if we had one thing proven in the last two weeks, it’s exactly where Kennedy and Finlay lie on the pecking order; that being, good enough to take down either Batista or Taker, but not when the odds are even. Perhaps they’ll end up involving themselves in the Last Man Standing match at Backlash, but what would that prove or accomplish?
I still don’t understand Finlay’s reasoning behind forgiving Kennedy and siding with him, when he KNOWS he can beat him. Why is he not challenging Mr. Money In The Bank to a one-on-one for the briefcase? For that matter, why, when SD!’s favorite bottle blonds had Taker laid the fuck OUT at the show’s end, didn’t Kennedy invoke the $ITB clause, pin him and take the WT, because it seems to be the same old story between Kennedy and Taker – as well as Kennedy dos for himself, Taker manages to stay that much farther ahead, and it seems as if this is the only sort of way Mr. Kennedy will manage to swipe the belt from Taker.
I’m still going to hold out for some kind of a match between these two, perhaps when The Little Bastard returns, presumably from nursing the wounds he suffered at the hands of Mr. Kennedy at WM, he’ll convince his big buddy to “unforgive” Mr. $ITB and we can finally get a program started between them!
BTW, that wasn’t a Celtic Cross Finlay performed on Taker & Batista, was it? It was more of a Samoan Drop, wasn’t it? Just wanted to be proper.
And to the dimwit with the “Arrive. See Batista. Leave.” sign, I guess you made an early night of it, didn’t ya?
As for the six-man…I just don’t get it. It would seem to me that this match was designed to get Benoit and MVP in the ring with one another without giving away too much before Backlash. Fine, well and good. Except that they barely were in the ring at the same time, with THE HARDYS and Chavo & Helms carrying the match. Now, if we’re trying to stir interest in THE HARDYS’ upcoming WTTT defense against Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch, well, that’s nice, but this is SD! and we have our own tag champs, thanks (or at least we did before tonight…). And I STILL am royally pissed and upset about the fact that Helms & Chavo are tagging and not at war over the CWT!!! It makes NO SENSE whatsoever!
And, yes, as I’m sure you’re all aware, I am pissed that Deuce & Domino are the new WWETTCs. I mean, really. In a YEAR, THIS was the best pair to unseat London & Kendrick? Lame-ass gimmick aside, these noobs are so green they’re Al Gore’s favorite tag team. Case in point, there was a moment this evening when Kendrick charged the corner and was looking to pull one of his flashy neat-o moves, but flubbed the elevation, leaving…I dunno which one it was, the monkey-looking one (like that clears up anything, Right?), clearly momentarily stymied, visibly having to think on his feet before he can improvise something. Mind you, I’m not criticizing where he is in the development of his craft, rather the fact that he’s now a CHAMPION on the best WRESTLING show on television. Keep these dipthongs in OVW another year, the worst that would happen is their gimmick would still suck, but at least they’d have reached a level of competency such that they maybe deserved the gold they’re wearing.
The Ridiculous:
Harassed by the one-eyed monster! – Hey, Regal said it, not me. See, this is what bothers me so much. We have a world class team like Regal & Taylor wasting time week-in & week-out against Kane, looking like fools, then fucking Laverne & Shirley win the WWETTTs tonight. Oh, well, at least it can’t get much worse than wasting ten minutes on a handicap match, then having the TWO guys bail out and run away, Right? Oh, wait…next week…Kane & The Boogeyman versus William Regal & Dave Taylor. Wow, did Regal trash a hotel room or something…?
Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: [email protected]
Raw 4.23.07:
The Right:
BAH GAWD HBK WINZ~! – Let me start off with this, as most of you know I don’t hate Cena like a lot of people do. I will admit that there are times where he looks bad in the ring, but also John Cena has his nights, and those nights are becoming more regular now. Most of the time he holds up his end of the bargain, and without a doubt he did so here. The series of matches with Edge being a great example, the recent work with Umaga as well. He was on tonight, but memo to some of you assholes, John Cena did not carry Shawn Michaels. But he did a tremendous job doing what he is supposed to do. Now onto HBK himself, this man is amazing, let me say again, he is amazing. This man has a piece of shit back, his knees are shot, he needs time off and he went out there with John Cena and had a 56-minute match. Not only did they have a 56-minute match, but they had a 56-minute match without any blood, there were no run ins, there were no gimmicks used, this was a FUCKING wrestling match. And not only was it a wrestling match, but as mentioned, it was a 56-minute wrestling match! Let me tell you, I have been DYING for something like this for years! You see, I remember back watching the old NWA on Saturday’s. I remember seeing Flair and Windham go to a 45-minute time limit draw. I remember watching Flair vs. Garvin go the whole one hour show and Ronnie pulling it off just as the show went off the air. Now, these were not only great matches, but they were long ones that you had NO CLUE were going to go that long. It made it special. I remember seeing Ric Flair vs. Ricky Morton go 40-minutes at a HOUSE SHOW! Did I expect it? No, because I was young and Morton was a tag worker, but he took it to Flair and I thought Ricky was going to win, for moments I thought he could win. I love Iron Man Matches, I think Hart vs. HBK was great. I liked HHH vs. Rock and HHH vs. Benoit. But, if I really wanted to I could just wait until the last 10-minutes because I know I am guaranteed 60-minutes. The drama isn’t there, the art of going “Broadway” is almost dead. Almost. Ring of Honor has worked to bring this art back, with Samoa Joe and CM Punk and then recently (before injury) Bryan Danielson. ROH gave me that Broadway I had wanted, and NOW WWE has done it. I have been begging WWE and or TNA to do this for years now, I want to be surprised, I want to see a match go Broadway and I want to see something special, and damn if this wasn’t. They worked and built to the finish, and when HBK nailed the superkick and fell on him for the pin everything was great. Shawn Michaels is fucking great, John Cena was fucking great, this match was fucking great and in the end I was a happy man.
And just a little aside here, when you think about some of the greatest singles matches on Raw, you think of HBK.
-HBK vs. Marty Jannetty
-HBK vs. Shelton Benjamin
-HBK vs. HHH
-HBK vs. Cena
The man is still amazing kids, and we should love and appreciate him while he is around.
Edge vs. Orton – You know, I liked this tease because it was old school. Sure most of us knew that Orton was sent home for being a complete douche bag, but I loved what they did here. Back in the DIZZAY on the one-hour shows, the main event would most times start with 30-minutes left, as they would have the 30-minute time limit. Now most times they would finish the shows out with this match, but then there were times when they surprised you and ended early, when that happened they would have another match and the announcers would say, “Well fans, since the main event ended early we have this special stand by match for you.” So they sent Orton home, they had to cover for this since he is in the main event of the PPV so they went with this. The combination of the greatness of the HBK vs. Cena match, the throwback to old school there and then here with this was great, and I for one loved it. YAY WRESTLING~!
Shane, Umaga and Vince Make a Statement – Shane McMahon came out to start off Raw this week. He was dressed for battle and said that he would give a fan a chance to slay the dragon that was Shane McMahon, in a no DQ fight. No one answered so he said that he scoured the area and found the toughest man in all the UK, a man that whopped 6 Chelski players in a bar the last night, UK Wrestler Robbie Brookside, who the crowd seemed not to know, assholes. Shane dominated the match, and even busted out the coast-to-coast Gimmick Infringement. But then Shane stopped things and informed young Mr. Brookside that the match was actually a handicap match, and his partner was UMAGA. UMAGA came in, ass bmp, top rope splash and Robbie was still dead. And again, Shane stopped things and enlightened young Robbie that this was actually a 3-1 handicap match, and then Vince McMahon’s DERBY came to the ring, and he was in his suit as well, hooked young Robbie and pinned him. This was great. In the end, this was them proving that three men can defeat one, which is what they want you to believe going into Backlash. It was good build, everyone involved came off as assholes, and that’s the point. We’re supposed to think that they’re assholes and that they can steal the ECW Title from Lashley. An overall well put together and fun opening segment.
puRgatory:
Matt vs. Murdoch – I will give them some credit, they are TRYING to re-establish the Redneck Whirling Dervish and make them into credible challengers. Last week Jeff and Cade had a match, and Cade got the big win. As expected, Matt and Murdoch had a battle and as expected Murdoch got the win. This is an attempt to rebuild them, and as well set for the Hardy’s to win at the PPV, overcoming their singles losses. Good deal, and the men seem to have some good chemistry. But there were problems. First of all, would it kill the announce team to remind us that the Redneck Whirling Dervish are former tag team champions? That’s something they should be hammering home, that these guys were champions and COULD do it again. Secondly, once again there was about zero reaction to the win by Murdoch. The fans should be pissed that the Hardy’s are losing, there should be heel heat for this, but there isn’t and again that goes back to the booking of the Redneck Whirling Dervish ever since they were buried when they lost the titles oh so long ago. Finally there was the finish. Trevor, brother, I appreciate you trying to be different, but you should not be trying Code Red/Canadian Destroyer Variations. It has disaster written all over it, and you looked like you killed Matt Hardy in a bad way. You’re an ugly and mean Texan, clotheslines, lariats, bulldogs, elbows, loaded cowbells, big boots, stick to shit that works brother.
The wRong:
Khali vs. Carlito – Young Carlito looked “well” this week, maybe someone is hitting the gym in an effort to please management, now if he can learn to run the ropes and thro punches, and not do that shitty springboard he’ll be good to go. But this match sucked, Khali sucks and if I could have, I would have fast forwarded through it. They have no plan for Khali at all, just letting him beat down the roster for no reason other then to get their money’s worth from him. It sucks. At least they played up the Flair and Carlito angle, but by the time they got to that my will to live was gone and I was off to get more beer.
The Ridiculous:
Melina vs. Maria – What the hell was that? I mean, seriously, what the fuck was that? This was a complete waste of time. They went out there, they had a one-minute match and that was that. They didn’t even try and push the women’s title match at the PPV, the barely mentioned it. Where was Mickie James, some promo time or after match beat down action would have been fun, but it was nothing. Really, they may as well not even have had this on the show. Come on WWE, you’re supposed to be better than this.
ECW on Sci-Fi!: 4.24.07:
The Right:
Punk, Elijah and the New Breed + New Breed vs. Originals – We kicked off the show with footage of last week’s main event, and Punk “accidentally” costing Young Elijah the match with RVD. He was there with the New Breed and apologized for being overzealous, but not for trying to be a leader. Thorn was cool, Striker was cool, Monty was cool (and noted THIS time) and then he left…and came back and told Young Elijah his was kidding around. Later on the New Breed was meeting without Punk, and Young Elijah was questioning if he tossed the chair a bit too hard. They didn’t seem to think so, and then Punk came into the picture like the new cool kid in school, as they all perked up and wanted to be his buddy. This was tremendously funny, and well played. So then we got to our main event of the evening, the New Breed vs. Originals in an 8-man elimination match. Young Elijah told the Originals that this would be a fair fight, and that it would be 4 on 4; and then he told Punk to SIT YO ASS DOWN~! Young Elijah started off helping the team as he pinned the Sandman early as he missed the rolling rock. RVD would then take out Striker to even things up, but that didn’t last for long as Monty KILLED Sabu with a sweet pounce into the ropes for the pin. Monty would get eliminated, via DQ, which is VERY smart as they should protect him. Dreamer seemed to be very motivated and managed to pin LOS VAMPIRE. But as soon as that happened Young Elijah got the Young Elijah Express for the pin, leaving he and RVD to battle things out. They battled until Young Elijah got knocked to the floor, and then Punk decided to kick the shit out of him and about knock him out. This allowed RVD to get the frog splash and the pin. Punk would then enter the ring, get a sloppy Go2Sleep and sarcastically say, “I’m sorry.” While they are going very quickly, it can work if they do it right. Maybe it is Punk that is in this shit for the power, and since the Breed was so easily manipulated, he will take them over, leaving Young Elijah to make his own newer group. Still damn interesting stuff, and I am enjoying it so far as they really are carrying the shows (Originals vs. New Breed.)
puRgatory:
Lashley vs. Umaga/Lashley sends a message – ECW kicked off this week with Umaga vs. Lashley, again. This was all right though as it played off of the angle from Raw, and them trying to soften up Lashley. Lashley was gaining control and AEE charged in with the ECW Title and beat down Lashley, kind of. More than anything he really pissed him off and got the ass beating of a lifetime. Vince’s Derby came out and held back Umaga, which is smart because he needs him Sunday for the match. Lashley looked strong here, they have the numbers game and it looks as if he maybe doomed come Sunday, we’ll just have to see. The only thing I really didn’t like was the beat down on Estrada. I mean, that’s what he is there for as Umaga’s manager, but I mean that I didn’t like this in a larger scope. While I don’t think he is the best, AEE has done a great job as the manager for Umaga, but ever since the McEgos have got into things, he role has been all but killed to a background yes man who nods and smiles, and of course takes the ass kicking. I think it sucks that he has basically been phased out of his role, and right now there is no sign of him getting it back.
The wRong:
ECW: Groundhog Day – While I liked the New Breed vs. Originals match, it is becoming more clear as the weeks go on that ECW is resembling Groundhog Day. It is feeling like the same old shit week in and week out. We discussed this a bit before WrestleMania, actually all the way back before the new-year, but it isn’t improving. They have such a limited roster, and are only focusing on 2-3 things, and it is getting boring. Hardcore Holly went down and is gone and it feels like they lost 4 men from the roster, and that’s a bad thing. They really need to do something about that. Introduce some new talent, shift a man or 2 over that isn’t doing anything on Smackdown and or Raw and attempt to freshen things up. Every week it is New Breed vs. Originals, Lashley vs. Vince and Snitsky squashing someone. Some of it is good, and that’s fine, but one can only take so much of the same thing, and something needs to change because I don’t know how much longer I can take this. We really need something to mix it all up, the things that they are doing are good right now, but they just have to do more I feel.
The Ridiculous:
Snitsky – He killed Balls, I didn’t care and won’t ever care.
*Breath*
“I do not now, nor will I ever give a flying fuck about Snitsky. I appreciate the attempted make over, but no about of squashes will make me consider him a threat, or even a good wrestler, and I am not talking about in ring technique per say, the overall package is what I mean. As I wrote last week, maybe if they would have started with him doing squashes at the beginning I could have gotten into this. Or maybe if he had never been brought up to the main roster when he was and he debuted now I could get into the character, but I just can’t do it. He doesn’t look scary really, just ugly with bad steroid acne. I am not buying him as a threat, I am not buying the character. He is there because he is big, Afa trained him and Vince has his fetish. I expect a world title run for him, joy.”
Match Results:
Carlito defeated Chris Masters via pin @ 10:00 *¼
Umaga defeated Ric Flair via pin @ 3:00 *
WWE Women’s Title Match: Trish Stratus defeated Mickie James via DQ @ 4:25 (N-R)
Money in the Bank vs. IC Title Match: RVD defeated Shelton Benjamin © via pin @ 19:00 to win the IC Title ***½
Kane vs. The Big Show went to a no contest @ 10:00 (WMOTYC)
Vince and Shane McMahon defeated HBK via pin @ 20:00 ***
WWE Title Match: John Cena © defeated HHH and Edge via pin @ 20:00 ****¼ MATCH of the Night!
Notes: First of all I will not punish the Women’s match at all. Trish was hurt in a freak accident. Some people are bitching that it was a horrible match, but I do not see how you can punish them for what happened. They were working hard and the accident happened. Trish did her best and they went to the DQ finish, which was totally fine I thought. Trish even tried to no sell the arm after the match as she acted pissed about the DQ, but her arm was just dangling there. I commend her for doing her best with that injury, because if you have ever dislocated a shoulder the pain is very intense and you either want to cry like a baby or pass out. I thought I’d put that here for those of you that might question why I didn’t include it below.
The Right:
Triple Threat Greatness – To me this was without doubt the best match of the show. They all busted their asses and delivered BIG TIME so to speak and helped save the show from being a shit storm. I dug the beginning of the match as Edge played the outside and made HHH and Cena fight. The crowd was all into this to the point where they were doing the “booo” and Yaaaay” stuff for HHH and Cena’s punch back and forth fest. Eventually Cena and HHH brought him in and the three-way melee began. They played a lot of the triple threat formula, and eventually Edge and HHH went to the outside where HHH hit a FN ARTERY and bled a pool of blood. Edge then got an Implant DDT on the Spanish Announce Table, which did not break. Eventually Cena got the STFU on Edge, but HHH stopped that. Edge would also take a NASTY chair shot, and it was down to HHH and Cena. After another STFU Edge was back and we saw some more great action, including a tower of doom spot. A ref bump occurred, and HHH got his trusty sledge hammer but ate a spear from Edge. Cena would toss him and HHH went for the pedigree, but Cena jackknife rolled him up for the pin. A great match to close the show, and I cannot stress how this delivered for this show.
In the end all three guys were firmly established in their roles. Edge is the chicken shit heel with no doubt. Cena is in the odd tweener role, where people will pay to see him wrestle and see him win while others will pay to see him finally lose; which is a win, win situation there kids. HHH looks to be the new babyface, possibly ala Steve Austin, which could be a very good thing
Mr. Monday Night, Mr. Money in the Bank, The Whole FN Show and the NEW IC Champion! Oh yeah, that Shelton guy was there too – Oh yes, this match had equal chances of being great or being shitty. Thankfully both men were on their game and we got a really good match, almost a great one. The start of the match was very low, a good slow though and right away I knew that they had committed to giving these guys a lot of time, which I was thankful for because it was for the IC title ad the MITB. I always worry about time on matches like these as a lot of the time you don’t seem to get enough, but they did here. They did a ton of great things, counters, spots ad about everything good that you could expect from these guys. RVD was able to stop Shelton from using the MITB briefcase by giving him the Van Damninator and then the frog splash for the win. A really good match, it lacked something to make it great, but a rally damn good match that helped pull this PPV from total shit to almost passable.
Shawn Michaels = One Man Show – I cannot express how much Shawn Michaels was once again a one man show this evening. HBK has been getting flack from a lot of people as of late, but when push comes to shove and it’s time for the big match the dude brings it like no other. After all of the God stuff, HBK was on fire from the get go. They started by brawling up the ramp in the beginning. HBK fought back, rammed Shane HELLA hard into the steel set, and then got a cross body to Vince, which took them from the stage to the floor below where tables and such awaited. This was a relatively safe deal that looked really good and got Vince out of the match for a while. This left Shane to just about KILL HBK with a chair shot. HBK gigged like a freak while Shane checked on daddy. They went back to the ring where Shane did his thing, which was fine. He missed a top rope elbow but fought back to keep HBK down. Vince eventually tagged in, some stupid shit happens, which we will talk about later and HBK would make the big comeback. He did everything to make the match enjoyable, including some glimpses of old HBK again. He set up Vince and Shane on tables and pulled out the “Jeff Hardy Approved Ladder™” and looked to splash onto them, but flew to the floor. The Spirit Squad was awaiting him and he took them all out. They would eventually lay him out, save Vince and Shane and then delivered the “upsy-daisy” to HBK through the table allowing Vince to make the cover for the win. HBK worked for about 9-men here, which was perfect since he had to face 7. The man can still make magic when he has to and deserves the props for it.
The wRong:
Flair Squashed – I think that this was a bit questionable. In all honesty I have no problem with Umaga defeating Flair. They are obviously pushing him, Flair let’s face it is old and should be used to put over younger talent. But did they have to totally job Flair in 3-minutes? I mean let’s face facts, Umaga is no Vader kids. To me Umaga isn’t over enough to deserve a squash of this magnitude, in my opinion. Overall I don’t have a lot of issues with it, but it is just the premise of it. I will say that it was good in the aspect that people are conditioned to matches getting “X” number of minutes, so a match like this can help break them of that. But what do the do with Flair now? Honestly? I had joked with my wife about it and we scarily enough had a very similar idea to Bryan Alvarez from F4Wonline. What they need to do is have Flair cut a promo about how he lost his way and needs to go on a journey to discover the inner warrior inside him so he can get his revenge on Umaga. Wacky skits can ensue with Flair in a Samoan Village where the natives are dressing him up and painting him up like one of them so that he can know how Umaga thinks. He can be dancing around the fire with them and “wooooooooooooo-ing” and the natives can woo along with him as he Flair flops onto hot coals or some shit. It would be glorious!
The Ridiculous:
Eugene and Striker – Wow was this a steaming pile of shit or what? I understand the need to kill some time on PPV, especially after an injury happened earlier. But this was planned to take place, why else would they have the teacher’s set so handy and ready to be put up in the ring? Seriously, who thought that this shit ass segment with a retard picking his nose and making poop jokes would make for a good PPV segment? I don’t want to see this shit on Raw let alone a PPV I paid $35 FN DOLLARS for! JR afterwards looked as if he was crying this was so bad. I hated this segment about as much as someone possibly can hate something. I feel stupider for having watched it.
No Explanation – This involves the whole Joey Styles and Jim Ross and the announcing situation. When the pre-show came on and they went to the arena for the pre-show match, King and Joey Styles were at the announce table. They called the Heat match between Rob “Wellness” Conway and Goldust. Fun pre-show match, Goldy looked motivated and it was fine. So we are all good correct? Well the PPV started and Joey MAGICALLY disappeared and Jim Ross was there to call the PPV. Now I understand this is all part of a greater plan and it makes total sense. But the fact of the mater is that they did not bother to explain this at all. That’s a problem for me. It just shows a great lack of continuity here, which is often a problem with wrestling programming. They easily could have explained this with something like Vince demanded it because he wanted the “great Jim Ross” to call his match with “God.” But we got nothing, hence why it is here. I will say that JR rocked all kinds of ass on commentary, but the above point stands.
Vince Ego and his God Stuff – Ok here we go. Once again, Vince’s ego was on full display here tonight during this PPV. First we had the backstage stuff. Vince did some more mocking of the lord by “walking on water, making more fish and bread and even turning water into wine.” Holy mackerel was this bad. But it got worse. Before the match he was backstage and she said she needed healed; because she had a “chest cold.” Vince eventually felt her up and she fell to the floor and had an orgasmic experience and was apparently healed. So he and Shane go to the ring and Vince announces “God.” We got a cloudy titan tron, Godly music and a “spotlight” that was supposed to be God coming to the ring. This was just ridiculous , some think it was funny and to each their own, but I have thought that this whole thing was bad from day one. Later in the match Vince got on the mic and challenged God to come into the ring, but God “forsaken” HBK and left. Yeah. I am so over this shit. Finally there was the match, and while HBK was a one man show, Vince’s ego was so on display here. This was another 20-minute match from Vince who has no right out there for 20-minutes. I just wish that they could have done this in a better way, and Jim Ross summed this up perfectly after the pin as he exclaimed, “This is Bullshit.” Fuckin A JR!
Kane vs. Big Show – This match was ass on so many levels after about the first 15-seconds. In that first 15-seconds Show press slammed Kane, which was cool and then…it was the definition of all down hill from there. There was a blown spot here, where Kane I suspect tried to counter a chokeslam into a DDT, which looked like the drizzling shits. It was so slow and boring, and well, I just can’t fully explain how bad this was. I thought that it “could” be decent, but man oh man was I wrong. Eventually we got to see red lights and hear KANE’S VOICES~! The crowd was silent, the announcers were silent ad Kane kicked his own ass. Show then got a chair and killed Kane with it. Then he looked like he was going to cry because he beat down his buddy. Then after all of this shit we got NO FINISH…so this feud…MUST continue! This match is the definition of ASS. Do not watch this match, do not watch this at all please for your own safety, please for your own good! WORST…MATCH…OF…THE…YEAR!
Closing thoughts: Well, the bad was very bad but the good was really good. The God stuff still was a huge turn off, so after a re-watch and doing the column, I go 5 of 10 and a real thumbs in the middle.
READER RANTS~!
From Dan on Impact and Smackdown –
This was a great show, with a great psycho beat down at the end as Abyss is just frigging insane to blade like that. Sacrifice is building up nicely as we will most likely have Cage/Sting/Angle for the NWA Title, 3D/LAX for the tag titles (ONE MORE TIME), Sabin/Dutt/Lethal for the X-Title, Rhino/Daniels, AJ/Steiner/Tomko vs. Abyss/Joe, Jarrett/Roode, and Harris/Storm. This show only had about 12 minutes of wrestling but the tag title match was straight without commercials which was a pleasant surprise, the Roode/Harris match set up 2 good angles, and the 4-way was a teaser to set up Rhino/Daniels (which I assume will be Daniels time filler until the Sting feud is ready). This was a very good post ppv Impact.
In typical WWE fashion, they build up London and Kendrick as longest tag champs in however many years and then without building up a decent feud, or even a decent challenging team, they have them drop the belts on FREE TV just a week or so before a ppv. Simply astonishing!!! Why not move TWGTT over to Smackdown and have them battle all summer with London/Kendrick over the titles. They seem committed to rebuilding the tag ranks with Cade/Murdoch, the Hardys, Regal/Taylor, TWGTT, Cryme Tyme, and D&D. Why rush the tag title switch onto those two goofs and give away a ppv match? Typical WWE booking.
From Chris on Impact –
Thought that I would give impact a review since it was a fairly decent episode.
The Right: Jarrett interview- Crowd was reacting well and I honestly thought JJ would get some major heat since he pretty much dominated the title and managed to piss of the entire TNA audience. I like how this story is playing out as instead of another JJ and Sting feud we get a feud with great potential, Angle and Sting. Overall good segment that got the point across.
Abyss beat down- Great way to end the show. Defiantly saw Abyss take some nasty shots and he got some offense in before Cages Coalition took over. Abyss looked strong and so did Cages team. Abyss looked messed up and I was on the edge of my seat wondering of Abyss would fight back and beat them down or if the attack would continue. Nice job by Russo….. wow I can’t believe I just said that, maybe Cornette booked that.
The Purgatory: 4 way between Joe, Daniels, Rhino, and Styles- When I read that this match was going to be on impact I was expect Russo bullshit and it to maybe last a minute. Turns out I was about half right as the match only lasted about 4 minutes, but hey its an improvement. Pretty much just Joe kicking heel ass. I really want to see a feud between A.J. and Joe as if they have some time they can have some great matches. Daniels is getting ready for Sting and Rhino is lost in the shuffle. Not bad but could have been much better.
Harris vs. Roode- I’ve always liked Chris Harris and if AMW ever did break up I thought he would be the one to have the best singles career. I may be wrong as Storm has been a great heel thus far. The sad thing is I cant get into this feud due to Russo bullshit blindfold match. This match wasn’t anything special just Roode winning through heelish tactics and it was about 3 minutes or 2 and a half so it was there to advance storylines more than entertain as a match. O and this Eric Young storyline hasn’t been rushed like most Russo storylines, which is good. Only downside is Petey getting buried down the card as usual.
NWA Tag Team Title Match- I hate to sound like a Smark but The Dudleys are getting pretty stale and just them losing to LAX so much throughout the feud diminished them as a threat. Also that electrified cage match was such bullshit I wanted to give up on TNA all together. Damnit Russo! You’ve ruined another company! 3D got the win in a decent match with Abyss taking the 3D and setting him up for that great beat down.
The Wrong: Jackie and Gail Kim: Not so much a segment but I just wanted to say that TNA really doesn’t know when a feud is getting stale. If there serious about a women’s division then they should build up Gail Kim but if not then this is a waste of time. How does the Eric Young feud get time when the X-Division Champ Chris Sabin isn’t even on the show? Again Russo ruining the X-Division like he ruined the cruiserweights.
Kevin Nash and the gang-Giving Jay Lethal a push and some personality is good. But I think that a better solution would have been giving him an original gimmick. I think that Sonjay Dutt and Jay could be a great tag team. Alex Shelley is a great talent and TNA is missing the boat with him. Dutt getting some sort of recognition is good.
Austin Starr and his suspension-Wow. TNA is so damn stubborn and they just get me so mad sometimes. Starr is a guy that has gotten over as a heel. Him getting suspended is a such bullshit. He is an absolutely phenomenal talent. This also leaves Senshi out to dry. Senshi has been with them forever. He’s got a good feud and what happens they leave him out to dry. At least wait until sacrifice to let Starr job to Low ki.
For more interesting information on wrestling, check out Bryan Alvarez and Figure Four Weekly Online, Mike Campbell over at SPLASH MOUNTAIN and Dr. Keith Lipinski over at f4w~!
Thanks for joining us, PEACE!
